Adam stepped forward. “Calm down, she won’t post anything.” He looked at Louisa, who was also stunned silent. “Right, babe?” She shook her head, and then nodded. Clearly, she was as shocked as we all were. “Noah, go get a drink and relax.”
Noah ran his free hand along his stubbled jaw and around the back of his neck, glaring at Brett. Poor guy just stood there, an unwilling observer. “Three fingers of Macallan.” Noah’s voice was low, stern, and full of anger.
It looked like Brett was going to say something, but all he did was give Noah a nod and me a sad expression before he went to the bar dedicated for this party.
Tears pricked my eyes. Noah’s reaction hurt me on several levels. There was no way he could think that I told Haley we were engaged. And as far as feeling left out? Was he even kidding? My saliva felt like thick syrup lodged in my throat.
Adam pulled me toward him and out of Noah’s grasp. “Come on.” We walked away—no questions, not one word from Noah, he just let me go. Maybe that was a sign. Leaving Noah and Cade behind, Adam led me to a table in the far corner, away from the party.
“Are you okay?”
“I don’t know.” My lips turned down, the skin on my chin puckered. “What was that all about? I never told Haley we were engaged. Do you know why Noah reacted that way?”
Adam let out a frustrated breath. “Have you two ever discussed the future? I know you haven’t been together long, but I have never seen him behave the way he does around you or vice versa.”
“No, there was never a reason to. That’s why his reaction caught me so off guard. What aren’t you telling me?” Brett found us in the corner and gave me my martini and Adam a fresh one of whatever he was having before going to deliver the others.
After Adam took a sip, he clarified, or tried to, “Noah isn’t really a traditional guy. You two should talk.”
“Okay.” What the hell did that even mean, not traditional? “Are you saying he doesn’t want all the pomp and circumstance or just doesn’t want to ever get married?”
“The latter.” Noah’s voice boomed over the club’s music.
Adam stood in big brother defender mode. “Noah, this isn’t the time or place.”
My head turned, spotting Noah standing behind me with a stiff spine. Surprised I could get the words out, I said, “No, tell me, I want to know.” Although I was now standing, the floor beneath my feet may as well have been a cloud.
Noah handed his empty glass to a passing waitress. “I’m never getting married.”
Chapter 24
Honesty is the best policy.
If you would have taken a dagger to my heart it would have hurt less than seeing the sadness in Margo’s eyes. Meanwhile, her brother, my best friend, looked as though he wanted to strangle me. It was the first time since I’d known Adam that he looked at me with utter disgust.
“Margo, let’s get back to Haley’s party and talk about this later.”
Before she answered me, she turned to her brother, “Can you excuse us, please?”
Adam ran his tongue over his teeth. “If you need me, I’ll be with Cade and Louisa.” He kissed the top of Margo’s head, glared at me, and walked away.
I pulled out the chair she had just risen from. “Let’s sit down.”
Margo cut her eyes to the chair. “No, thank you, I think I’ll stand.”
My eyes never left hers. When I reached for her, she tilted her body away from me. Fucking fantastic. “Do you really want to do this here?” Please say no.
“That depends what are we doing exactly? I’m not sure what is going on, Noah. For the record, I never, ever said we were engaged. Nor would it be some ploy that I’d use. The thought that you’d even think I’d do something like that makes me ill.” Just like when she told off my mother, her resolve was strong. “I’m sure that was just Haley being Haley. She just wants everyone as happy as she is, that’s all.” She shrugged. “I’m sorry if that upset you, but seeing your reaction, maybe it was a good thing she did it.” Margo’s chest heaved as she took in a deep breath; on her exhale, she crossed her arms. “You never want to get married?”
Honesty is the best policy, right? “No, I don’t. That doesn’t mean we still can’t be together.”
Tears blurred the prettiest green eyes I had ever seen. “I’m sorry, but yes it does. You might not believe in marriage or feel it ruins things, but to me it does the opposite.”
Cheers were heard in the background; when we both looked to see what was going on, Haley was in a passionate kiss with Seth. When they broke apart, they both beamed. Happiness radiated off the couple we were here to celebrate with.
When my eyes cut back to Margo, she swiped away the tears I caused to spill down her face. “I think you should go. This night is a celebration for Haley and Seth. With you here, it feels like the opposite.”
My head dropped back and I exhaled. “Can I come over later?”
“Suit yourself; you usually do.” Margo’s lips formed a tight grin. “Bye, Noah.”
As I watched her walk away, my entire body felt as though it was shutting down. My heartbeat slowed, my chest ached, and my brain felt fuzzy. Every ounce of my being wanted to go after her, but first I needed to understand what just happened.
Brett said something to Margo before heading my way.
“Can I get you anything?”
“Just my tab. Please put Margo’s on mine as well.”
Brett led me to the bar. I sat down and waited for my check; when he set it in front of me, his bartender slash therapist instinct must have kicked into gear. “I overheard what happened, can I give you a piece of advice?”
I reached into my wallet and tossed two hundred dollar bills down, “Use the balance for the rest of her night, and your tip.” Brett nodded, but didn’t back away. “Just get it off your chest, but you don’t know me, so I have no idea what you think talking will do.”
He rested his hands on the edge of the mahogany. “That’s where you’re wrong. It wasn’t long ago, I was just like you. My girlfriend’s best friend was getting married. Having gone through it once myself, I knew I’d never want to do it again. One divorce was bad enough. Then I declared that I’d never do it again.”
Not sure why I even cared, but I asked, “What happened, or don’t I want to know?”
“I lost my girl. She wanted what Margo did, and when she heard I didn’t, we said and did things that could never be taken back.” The pain in his eyes was real and mirrored mine. I felt bad for the guy, but he should understand where I was coming from. “It made me realize that life with Julie—that’s her name—was better than life without her. Ask yourself how you’ll feel in a couple of years when Margo is wearing a wedding band and has a different last name that isn’t yours. Don’t wait until it is too late to come to that conclusion. Even though I don’t know her very well, I do know she’s not like most women. Any man would be lucky to have her; just remember that man might not be you. If you can live with that, then forget everything else I just said.”
Brett picked up the cash I’d set down. “I’ll let her know the rest of her drinks are taken care of.”
That was my cue. I stood and shook his hand. Before I left, I turned back to him, “Did you ever get her back?” When he paused, I put my palm up. “Never mind, forget I asked.”
When I walked outside, Cade and Adam were waiting for me.
“Took you long enough to get out here.” Cade gave me a nudge.
“I was paying my tab.”
Adam nodded. “Are you okay?”
“No, I’m not. For once in my goddamn life, I can say that with all certainty.”
The patterned carpet lining the hallway outside Margo’s apartment had nine hundred and sixty-four blue triangles and eight hundred and seventy-two burgundy ones. It took me eleven steps to get from the elevator to her door and seventy-five steps from one end of the hallway to the other. The ceiling had eight water stains, and the elevator doors opened and closed at an average rate of 6.29 sec
onds.
I leaned up against the wall, staring at those silver doors, wishing for Margo to step out of them. Not only to see her, but to have her run into my arms and say everything was okay between us. That what transpired tonight was just a setback, and just like any other merger, we’d talk out the logistics, come to an amicable decision, and move on.
“Noah?” Margo’s voice. Finally.
“You took the stairs.”
Her brows furrowed. “What are you doing here?”
All right, she didn’t run into my arms, nor did she seem happy to see me. “I asked if I could come over, remember?”
She slid her key in the keyhole. “Right.” The door swung open. “Come on in.”
As soon as my body crossed the threshold, I inhaled. Ginger. God, I loved that smell. Margo set her purse down on the sofa. Her shoulders sagged, she frowned, and her eyes lacked the sparkle to which I had become accustomed to.
Not being able to wait one more moment, I went to her and pulled her into my arms. Every part of her body felt perfect against mine. The muscles in her back tensed under my touch, but I just couldn’t let go. I mouthed, “I love you,” into her hair but I knew she didn’t hear me.
Her arms hung at her sides, but I couldn’t bring myself to lose contact. The need to feel her skin against mine wouldn’t allow me to release her. I framed her face with my hands. “Tell me we’re okay.”
When she didn’t say anything, I knew we were anything but. “Margo, please talk to me.”
She moved her head to the side and out of my reach. “I’m not exactly sure what you want me to say. In a way I feel this is all nonsense.” She must have caught my bewildered expression, because she elaborated. “I’m not saying we’re nonsense, but this argument or whatever you want to call it. All I know is that I’m glad I know how you see the future panning out before we get in too deep.”
“Before?” I had never been in a long-term relationship or had even wanted to until Margo. “Deep is an understatement. You mean more to me than anyone else in my life. Do you know how often I think of you? How many nights I dream of you? I even daydream about you. I wonder what you’re doing, if you’re having a good day, or if you’re hungry for gingerbread cookies. Fuck, I can’t walk by a bakery without thinking of you. And you don’t think I’m in this deep? Just because I don’t believe in the institution of marriage doesn’t mean I want us to end. There’s no reason why it has to.”
“Actually, there is a reason. You can think I’m a dreamer, a typical girl, or a hopeless romantic, and that’s fine. But what it comes down to is this, I do want to get married. I want to build a home, have a family, and do it with a man who will love me unconditionally forever. Ever since I was little, I’d dreamed of it, prayed for it, and promised myself I’d never settle.” Her words were confident. They never wavered, and that didn’t bode well for us.
I raked my hands through my hair. “It will only ruin things. I can give you almost everything you just listed and more; I want to. You’re the only woman for me, Margo. Please don’t let a label come between us.”
Her voice cracked and her eyes softened. “Do you not believe in marriage because of your parents?”
“Ruins everything. Did you know my parents dated for years? High school sweethearts, in fact. My grandfather told me they were the happiest couple and so in love. But, I didn’t see that. Maybe when I was a little kid, but it didn’t last long. It was all a façade to keep up appearances. Then it turned into, ‘this is yours, that is mine, and you can have our son every other weekend and alternating holidays.’ Who wants to live that way?” Margo’s expression remained stoic. “Love and marriage are two separate entities. You can have one and not the other and still live happily ever after.”
Margo stepped toward me, took my hands in hers, lifted them up to her lips, and kissed my knuckles. “I’m sorry, but just like you can’t compromise your convictions, I can’t either.” Margo let out a nervous laugh. “It’s so insane that we’re at this place right now. This crossroad we stumbled upon when we haven’t even been together very long. Life has a funny way of throwing curveballs. Not only did the man of my dreams ask me out and want to date me, but he became my lover and my friend, and I let him become a part of my soul.”
Her lips tilted up at the corners, and she shrugged. The volume of her voice remained steady. She didn’t yell or snap at me. No, she was a woman who knew what she wanted and was smart enough to know we weren’t on the same page. The only problem was that I wasn’t willing to give up on us. “I’ll never forget you, and because you’re Adam’s best friend, I’m sure I’ll see you around.”
Pain hit me square in the chest. “See me around? Are you breaking up with me?”
Relief washed over me when she shook her head, but that feeling was short-lived. “No, I’m not, because to break something, it needs to be whole, and we never really were. I was living a fantasy, a great one, but one that I allowed myself to get wrapped up in. You,” she choked back tears but still managed a kind grin, “gave me what you could, for which I’ll always be grateful. And right now, it’s enough, it truly is. But the reason people are in a relationship is for it to grow into a life spent loving each other, and that’s what I want.” Her eyes met mine. “You’ll always be my Harry.” She rolled up on the balls of her feet and kissed my cheek before walking to her door and opening it.
Margo dismissed me. With purposeful strides, I walked toward her. “I’m sorry you feel that way. You might think that I don’t care enough, but what I do know is I fell in love with you.” Her eyes widened. “That’s right, can you believe it? Love. And you know what, I never thought I’d tell someone that. I most certainly didn’t think I’d be saying it during a breakup or whatever you want to call what’s happening here.
“Unlike you, I believed we were whole. I’m sorry we don’t want the same things for our future.” An unfamiliar pressure formed behind my eyes; a sting grew beneath my skin. One last time, my lips met hers in a gentle kiss. And for the first time, in a very long time, tears rolled down my face. “I’ll never forget you.”
Chapter 25
Be careful what you wish for.
“Things will look better in the morning” didn’t apply to the start of my day. Every cell in my body ached with the feeling of loss. Noah Winston told me he loved me. How ironic, after all the times I had prayed to hear those words from him, that when I did, it hurt my heart rather than fill it with happiness.
Even the sun hid behind dark clouds, echoing how I felt. How did I end up here? This was not my intention when I moved back to New York. My life was perfectly fine before Noah and I reconnected, then it was great, now . . . well, now I didn’t know what it was.
My phone buzzed, and deep down I wished it was Noah telling me last night was just a bad dream, but it was Adam telling me he was at my apartment.
When I pulled the door open, he was dressed in his workout clothes, balancing two cups of coffee and a bakery bag in his hands. “I thought you could use this.”
He handed me a cup of coffee.
“Thank you.”
Adam lifted the bag up. “I also got you a blueberry scone and a bag of chocolate-covered coffee beans.”
“Thank you.”
He sat down on my sofa. “Is that all you’re going to say today?”
“I’m sorry; I didn’t sleep well.” I grabbed two plates and set them on the coffee table along with the breakfast treats. “Help yourself.”
“Thanks, but I just went to the gym. It defeats the purpose.” He brought his cup to his lips and took a small sip.
“Did you have a good workout?” I sipped my coffee and sat down. “Was the gym crowded?”
Adam let out a small laugh. “Do you mean, was Noah there?”
“No, just making conversation.”
“You suck at lying. But if you must know, he wasn’t there. Cade said when he called him, Noah told him he wanted to go for a run through the park. Something about needing to
clear his head.” I nodded in complete understanding. If I had the stamina to run, I’d run to Staten Island. “Cade also said that Noah sounded like he hadn’t slept.”
I shook my head. “Oh.”
He set his coffee on the side table next to the sofa. “Sis, I know we don’t talk about our love lives, but two people who I love are miserable. What can I do to help?”
“Nothing. No one can help. Noah and I want different things in life. The only thing to do was end it before we got in deeper.”
Adam studied me for a bit. “Do you mean deeper than being in love with each other?”
I wasn’t sure if it was the caffeine or that comment that woke me up. “I never said I was in love with him.”
He chuckled. “I hate to break it to you, but it’s pretty obvious. If it makes you feel any better, he sucked at hiding it, too. As soon as Cade mentioned the name Sally that night at the bar, the night you two were outed,” I smiled at the memory, “Noah’s face morphed into something I’d never seen before. He was truly happy, and I felt the same for him.” Once again, my eyes started to sting. “But when he saw you, he went from content to beaming. The man loves you, there’s no doubt in my mind. When you thought I wouldn’t want you with Noah because of our friendship, that wasn’t the reason.” He waved his hand toward me. “This was.”
“Can we please talk about something else?” I reached into the bag and pulled out a scone. “Are you sure you don’t want a bite?”
“No, thanks. I’m really worried about you. Maybe in time, things will get better and you two will work it out.”
The corners of my lips turned upward into a tight grin, but it wasn’t sincere. “I doubt it.” A tear trickled down my cheek. “I just miss him, that’s all. In the beginning, he was so determined to be with me. It didn’t matter if I told him I didn’t want to go out with him; he’d show up here at my apartment.” Memories of our movie night flashed in my head. “For so long, Adam. All those years I wished and prayed he’d notice me, then when he did, it surpassed any childhood fantasy I had. He was real . . . we were real. And I knew it. I just had a feeling we would end.” I lifted my right shoulder to my ear. “I should have listened to my gut.”
Hard Love Page 18
