“You know what they’re like. They’ll insist.”
She threw her hand in the air as though swatting away a fly, “I wouldn’t worry about it. He’ll be fine.”
Why do people keep telling me that? Maybe they are right; people come and go all the time, why should this be any different? She soon changed the topic of conversation, making sure I had no time to brood.
The rest of the lessons flew by. Just before the last one I made my way to the back of the school. I was halfway out the door when I felt a hand on my shoulder.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Jonny twisted me around. “I knew you’d do something stupid.”
“I’ve tried to tell myself you’ll be okay, but I can’t sit here and do nothing.”
“I’m walking to Hayton. There is nothing else to say.”
Shrugging my shoulders I took a step back. “I know it sounds crazy and I’m going over the top, but I hate the idea of you travelling out there alone.”
“Who said I would be on my own?”
A new twist in my stomach accompanied the quizzical look on my face. “You’re going as a group?”
“I am still classed as a minor, and besides, there’s safety in numbers right? Come on, since you were going to skip the last class anyway, why don’t we grab a drink and talk?”
The cafe was quiet. No doubt once school finished and shifts changed, it would be packed. The seat felt flimsy under me, the white plastic groaning under my light frame.
“Here.” Jonny handed me a large mug of coffee.
My fingers grabbed it eagerly, seeking anything to steady my nerves. I felt like a little child stomping my feet, demanding to be heard. “I’m sorry for overreacting.”
“You’d think I was your lover going off to war the way you carry on.” It was a good thing that I could hear the playfulness in his voice or he may have found my coffee all over his head. “Where were you going just now?”
My fingers traced the edge of the mug as I knew he wouldn’t approve of my plan. “I’m not sure, I wasn’t thinking.”
“Don’t lie.” He was quiet for a moment and I knew it would click, he had known me long enough to know what I would do. “My dad. You were going to speak to dad?”
That didn’t take long. “I thought he should know what he was doing.”
His fingers dug into my chin as he forced me to look at him. “You don’t go to him. Promise me,” he added, seeing something in my eyes.
With a mixture of fear and anger I could feel myself losing control. Fighting back the tears, I pulled my face from his grip. “He keeps messing up your family. When are you going to chuck him out?” The traitor of a tear ran down my cheek. It took no more than a second for him to be next to me holding me in his arms.
“It’s not that bad.”
“But it’s getting worse, you can’t deny it.” I leaned into him. “I hate to see you unhappy.”
“You know, you have a flare for the dramatic. He fell down the stairs and can’t walk for a while. I am going to complete a job that has already been paid for and will be back in three days.”
“Three days?” I wouldn’t sleep as I worried about him. “Maybe I should go with you.”
“Your mum and dad would be overjoyed at the idea of me whisking you away for a dirty weekend.” He pushed away and stared into my now dry eyes. “Or is that what’s on your mind? Are we going to have another go, see if there is a spark between us?”
“What, by jumping into bed together?” I couldn’t help asking.
“At least we would know definitely. How about it blue eyes, fancy a little hanky panky with an old friend?” His fingers glanced off my cheek.
For a moment I thought he was actually going to kiss me. It had been about a year since we last broached the subject. Things had not changed for me, but I wasn’t sure I could say the same for him. “I never know when you’re being serious.”
“And if I was?”
Where is this coming from? One minute we’re talking about his family and the next he wants to try again. “I’m not sure what to say. It’s not as though I have thought about this.”
“No you haven’t, have you? You want to keep everything the same, but things change. You are one of my best friends. I know every little quirk, what makes you angry, what makes you happy and you know the same about me.”
“So why change things? It’s great the way it is.” I detangled myself from his grasp, suddenly needing to put some space between us.
“We’re growing up fast. I can’t wait around for you to change your mind.”
“Has someone asked you out?” My voice was one of shock. It was the only explanation I could find for this sudden change of heart.
“Yes.”
That one word sent a shiver up my spine. The idea of him being with someone else made me feel sick to my stomach. Had I grown feelings for him other than friendship without me realising? “Who?” I blurted out.
“Does it matter?”
“Of course it does.” Rising to my feet, all I could do was stare down at him. “I can’t do this right now.”
My feet hit the concrete before my brain had caught up. Is there something he isn’t telling me? He was pushing for an answer before he left, as if he thought he wasn’t going to make it back. He was pinning me into a corner, letting guilt force me into a decision. I should have known I wouldn’t get far. Running in front of me, he forced me to stop. With his hand on my chest, he didn’t once take his eyes from mine. I, on the other hand, had to look anywhere other than at him, eventually concentrating on my hands that were knotted together.
“You have to let me think about this. Let’s talk about it once you get back.”
“Is it that hard to make a decision? You can’t just tell me now?” He moved his hand away, and I refused to look up at him for fear of seeing pain in his eyes.
“You spring this on me and expect me not to think about this? I hate the thought of you with someone in that way, and I do care about you, but I don’t know what to say.” Finally glancing up, I saw the pain right where I knew it would be. I couldn’t believe that he thought I would jump into his arms. A throb developed behind my temple and I automatically started to massage it with my fingers.
“How about you stay here and we can talk about it? They can find someone else to go.”
“I can’t do that. Stop worrying.” Grabbing my arms he pulled me close. “Okay, we talk when I get back. There will be no excuses and I want to know what you think.”
“Yeah, yeah, like that’ll happen.” I smiled playfully. “When have you ever known me to tell you everything?”
“I didn’t say I wanted to hear everything, just the one thing.” There was a mischievous look in his eyes. One I had seen numerous times, but this time there was something behind it. Haven’t I seen that look before and chose to ignore it?
“Fine, have it your way. We talk when you get back, so you better get back and fast.” Moving his hand I slid my arm through his and we headed home.
Chapter Three
Darkness surrounded me as I woke. The candles were nothing more than a whisper in the morning air. With sweat dripping down my back, I shoved a few things in my backpack and silently washed and dressed. I knew what I said last night, but I couldn’t sit and wait to see if he came back. Knowing they would be off at first light, I slipped out of the house and into the deserted street. I could still feel the lingering danger of the dark on the edges of my vision, and with each step it dissolved until there was nothing other than the tingling sensation running down my spine.
When I turned onto the main road out of town, his face was one I had expected. At first his mouth fell open, then a scowl twisted his lips. His eyes were dark as he practically ran toward me.
“No.” He turned me around and attempted to shove me in the direction of home.
“You were the one telling me that it’s nothing, just a trip to the next town and back.” I pulled my a
rm free and refused to move.
“What did your mum say? She can’t be happy about this.”
My head dropped. He could always read me so easily. If he saw my eyes, he would know what I’d done.
“Great. So not only are you putting yourself at unnecessary risk but you didn’t bother telling your parents either.” His hand cupped my chin and I found myself staring into his brown eyes. “You can’t come. It’s not much of a risk, but there is still one and you should not be travelling out with me. Do you think any of the men,” he threw his hand behind him. “Will agree to it?”
“They don’t care.” I looked over his shoulder and saw the impatience in their eyes. The men only cared that they arrived in Hayton before the light faded. “I’m coming.” There was conviction in my words as I pulled my shoulders back.
“I guess I have my answer then.” A smile flashed across his features before quickly disappearing.
“Meaning?” My train of thought couldn’t pull the answer from my head.
“Meaning that there must be something more between us if you are stupid enough to want to come with me, even when the darkness scares you so much.” With that he grabbed my hand and we headed back to the group. “Yes I know she isn’t supposed to be going, but do you really want to waste any more time on this? One of us would have to go to her house. Otherwise she’d just follow us.” Turning slightly he threw me a cheeky smile.
“Fine, but she is your responsibility.” The older man started to walk down the road muttering about the youth.
The sky was clear, the weak sun doing its best to warm the earth below it. It felt good to get out of town, and I felt a jolt of excitement. Other than a small number of individuals, everyone tended to stay in town for life. The dangers far outweighed the need to move on, and those that did try to leave never came back. I know that a few of them had settled in the towns we traded with, but the majority had disappeared never to be seen again. Whether on purpose, or because they encountered trouble, nobody could say, though I assumed the latter.
Though abandoned a long time ago, there were all manner of buildings lining the road. With the population decimated, people had left their homes and made a permanent residence close to one another. After decades, the houses were showing signs of decay. I could see gaping holes where glass once helped contain the families within.
Peeking inside I could see the destruction, the furniture unrecognisable, and walls crumbling with very little of a ceiling left at all. From the debris inside it was obvious that everything too heavy to carry had been left, though I couldn’t identify most of the items.
“Come on, you’re lagging behind.” Jonny pulled me away from the scene and rushed me to the others. Conversation in the group veered toward general complaints about their heavy workload and the lack of food. The subject was familiar to me as I had heard my parents talk of the same things on many occasions. A smile grew on my face, my body relaxed, and I began to enjoy the company.
Having spent yesterday worrying about the trip, I had to admit to myself that I could have had this all wrong. While walking through the abandoned town, there seemed to be nothing unusual other than the silence. Stories were told of animals, creatures that once roamed the land but they were only tales told by those that had lived in the time before mine. Of course there were still some insects, those that had survived the initial madness, and if rumours were to be believed there were wild things out in the hills. I didn’t understand how that could be true, how they could survive the night. Before I could stop the thought creeping into my mind, my body began shaking, my heart began racing and my hands clenched into fists.
“Are you cold?” Jonny hadn’t been more than a few steps away from me all morning.
Shaking my head, I leaned into him. “I’m fine. How much further do you think?”
“Not sure but it can only be a mile or so. We’ll be in Hayton in no time, so you can relax, take it easy and enjoy.”
“Where do you sleep when you stay in town?” The question had only just reached my mind. With me as an unexpected guest, where was I going to rest?
“I thought I would share my bed with you.”
I had no idea what I had plastered on my face, but whatever it was made Jonny throw his head back and fill the air with his laughter. The others turned their attention to us as he continued to laugh. When he finally regained his composure, he pulled me into a tight embrace. “From that look I should be offended.”
“You caught me by surprise.”
“That’s an understatement.” Stepping back he placed his hand in mine and we followed the group. I felt safe in his company. All this time, has he felt only platonic feelings? Is there more and he just played the friend card in order to protect my feelings?
“Are you okay?” Squeezing my hand, Jonny drew me back to my surroundings. It was obvious we were getting close. I could see life up ahead. Noise, it was amazing the difference it made. Maybe staying in large groups actually drew in the darkness. Has anyone tried to live in smaller communities or on their own? As long as the fires burn at night, I don’t see a problem.
“Well?” Stopping me dead, he demanded all my attention.
“I’m fine, I was just thinking.”
“About what?” His hand brushed against my cheek.
“Nothing. I was wondering if you could live out there, in the countryside on your own.”
“I thought there was safety in numbers.”
I could tell the way he tilted his head away from me that my conversation caught his interest. Squeezing his arm, I disturbed his musings. “Interesting idea isn’t it?”
“One that I don’t want to try anytime soon.” A thoughtful smile played at his lips, his thoughts anywhere but with me.
The second we walked into the main square, we had been given rooms for the night and set to work, myself included. That night the lights didn’t feel as bright as my own at home, and the darkness seemed to creep a little closer than it should. I couldn’t escape the all-consuming hate that surrounded me and clung to my very skin.
“Issy.” It took me a moment to pull myself from my nightmare. “Issy, it’s okay. Hey there, are you with me?”
Opening my eyes, I realized that Jonny was staring down at me. He placed my hand in his and I saw the pity on his face as the unkempt hair fell into his eyes. “Sorry,” sleep robbed me of any volume.
“Are you okay?”
“I didn’t mean to wake you. Did everyone hear me?”
“I think everyone else is still sleeping. My room is next to yours and you were screaming.” Wiping away my hair from my eyes, I felt his cold skin against mine. “Does this happen often?”
I shook my head in response. “It’s a little darker than I’m used to.” Even without looking, I knew he would be scanning the room and seeing all the candles burning brightly.
“All this time and I didn’t realize how badly it affects you. Nobody likes the darkness, but this is more than that.”
“I don’t need your pity.” Finally sitting up, I pushed his hand away. “It was a dream, nothing else. You don’t need to freak out on me.”
“No, because you’re doing enough of that for the both of us.” His tone was light, though his eyes still looked dark, concerned that I might jump up and run yelling from the room. “I’ve got a couple of spare candles.” Raising his hand he stopped me from arguing. “It’s no bother. The sun will be up in a few hours any way.” He disappeared before I had a chance to add anything.
Standing up, I paced the room as I attempted to calm down. I knew it was irrational, the fear was unjustified, but it didn’t stop my terror. With my heart finally slowing to its normal pace, I took a couple of deep breaths. It had only been a few moments, but I could feel myself relax as Jonny came back in the room.
“There, much better.” Taking a step back, he admired his addition before turning to me. “Why don’t you settle down? I’ll stay for a while until you fall asleep.”
/>
“You don’t have to do that.”
“Nevertheless I will.”
The care in his eyes reminded me of someone much older. Then again, with the father he had, there hadn’t been a choice about growing up faster. I knew he helped out at home with his sister. In spite of myself, I reached up and pulled him closer.
The kiss was slow and careful as our minds and bodies drank in the sensation. Leaning in further, I could feel his chest against mine and became conscious that I had nothing more than a t-shirt to cover my body. I felt his warm breath on my cheek as he placed a kiss, then another slowly down my neck. Movement from the stairs had me shoving him away.
“What was that for?”
“Someone’s still awake,” I whispered whilst pointing to the door. In that moment my sense returned. “We can’t do this here, now. I’m confused enough without putting this in the mix.” Throwing my hand in his direction, my eyes wandered to his t-shirt and boxers. Only fine hair clung to his muscular legs and I had the urge to rip off his shirt and drink in his toned body that I knew lay beneath.
“You have to go.” I couldn’t have him in the room when my body yearned for more. I needed to use my head. What surprised me was he didn’t argue. His shoulders held tension as though he was holding himself back.
Rising to my feet, I closed the gap. As I placed my hand on his chest, I felt his heart race. “It’s not that I don’t want this, but can we just slow down a little.”
The smile I received was one of relief. “So you still want to try?”
“I kissed you remember?”
Wrapping his arms around me I felt my hair stir with his words, “that you did.” With one last chaste kiss he disappeared. The darkness had nothing on the situation as my mind refused to let go of the image of Jonny leaning his body against mine.
After Tomorrow: A CHBB Anthology Page 10
