by Anson Barber
“You got up to take these?”
It wasn’t a big deal.
“Thanks.” She flipped through the rest of the pictures with a smile on her face, then smiled at me.
She was beautiful when she smiled like that. Like I’d just handed her the sun itself. Even with the pale skin and the black eyes. There was a warmness about her that penetrated all that.
Without thinking, I leaned in closer to kiss her. Nothing had ever felt so easy. I wasn’t expecting her to gasp and jump away from me.
“What are you doing?” she demanded, her brows creased.
“I was going to kiss you.” I thought it was pretty obvious.
“Why?”
“Why? Because…I thought we had a moment there. Besides, it feels nice to kiss someone.” I’d never had to answer this question before. “Sometimes it leads to other things that feel nice.” I shouldn’t have said that. That wasn’t smart.
Her eyes narrowed in anger.
“You’re pathetic! First you act like a boy scout, all noble and caring, now you’re trying to make the moves on me? How desperate are you?”
She stormed off angrily toward the edge of the parking lot.
I was angry too. I didn’t appreciate being called pathetic or desperate. I stupidly went after her.
“Hey!” I yelled as I caught up to her. She was facing away from me looking out over the highway. “An ‘I’m sorry, I’m not interested’ would have been enough, you know. I misread your signals, but don’t make me out to be some kind of freak just because I find you attractive. It’s perfectly natural.”
“Natural?” She spun on me. In the dim light I could see her eyes glistening with dark tears. “I survive on blood, Dillon! My insides are full of black slime! There is nothing natural about me!” She covered her face with her hands. “I’m disgusting.”
With an exasperated sigh, I realized what was really going on. A pity party. Surely she deserved one, but I just couldn’t play along.
I tugged her hands away gently and looked at her face. I put one hand on her pale cheek and smiled. She shook my hand away.
She was an amazing person. I’d known that since we first talked. She’d gone through the worst a person could endure and had not been broken by it. She was strong and brave, not to mention funny, and…
“You’re beautiful,” I told her honestly.
“My eyes—”
“Sparkle when you laugh,” I cut her off. “I can still see every human emotion behind them.”
She looked at me doubtfully, but she wouldn’t see a lie, no matter how intently she studied my face. She was beautiful. That was the truth. She didn’t look like the girl in the picture anymore, but she still was a beautiful person.
I smiled wider. “You are a beautiful person. Inside and out. And I’m sorry if I came on too strong just now.”
After a long moment while she finished examining my expression she slowly smiled back. It was an approval.
When she didn’t pull away, I decided to try again. One hand on her cool face, letting my thumb trace along her jawline. Her eyes held mine as I leaned down to kiss her. This time, she let me.
My arms wrapped around her, pulling her closer as our lips moved together. I backed off before I got carried away.
“How was that? Did you feel human?” I asked with a grin.
“Very.”
“Good.” I winked, happy to finally prove my point in the most pleasant way. “We should get going.”
“Okay.” She nodded and got in the van.
After I turned the ignition she leaned across her seat and kissed me on the cheek. “Thank you for the pictures and for…seeing me inside all this.”
“That’s all I see, Em.”
She looked out the window as we headed into the darkness. We would be in California in two more nights. I worried silently about what would happen then.
I should have been worrying about what would happen before that.
Chapter Ten
When we stopped the next day we were in the middle of nowhere New Mexico. There wasn’t much choice as far as places to stay went.
I pulled into a flat motel called the Cactus Castle, which had one plastic cactus outside and in no way resembled a castle.
The only choice for rooms were a single double bed or a single king bed. I took the king and reluctantly went back out to the van to explain.
I put my hands up. “This is going to sound completely made up, but I swear it’s the truth. There is only one bed.”
She raised her eyebrow exactly like I expected her to.
“Look, I can sleep on the floor or in the van if it makes you feel better. I’m not trying anything. Honest.” Even I thought I sounded like I was making it all up.
She didn’t say anything as she got out of the van and carried her own bag inside, though I offered.
The inside of the room was hideous—gold carpet, gold tacky drapes and purple bedspread.
“It’s like we’re inside a genie’s lamp,” she said.
“They didn’t have two rooms side by side, and for security reasons it’s better if I’m close by so—”
“It’s okay, Dillon. I believe you. This bed is big enough. We can share.”
“You’re sure?” I felt guilty though I hadn’t done this intentionally.
She shrugged it off. “Yeah. I’ll be sleeping. I’m going to call my dad first.” She looked at the clock by the bed and frowned. Not much time.
“Okay.” I handed her my phone and refrained from asking her not to mention the one bed situation to her father. Like the other times I could only hear her side of the conversation.
“Hi, Daddy,” she sounded happier. “We’re fine. We’re in New Mexico at the crappiest hotel you could imagine. No, sharing a room. It’s fine. I won’t care once I’m asleep. Daddy! He’s not like that. He saved my life tonight. He’s a good guy.”
She looked over at me sheepishly. It wasn’t difficult to figure out they were talking about me. “I’m sure. Not tomorrow night, but the next, I think. Yes, I’ll see you soon. I love you too.”
She turned to me and held out the phone. “He wants to talk to you.”
I swallowed and took the phone.
“Yes, Mr. Mitchell?”
“I assume you’re conducting yourself to the utmost levels of professionalism?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Good. In case you did have any ideas I’d like to remind you that my daughter is engaged. Do you understand?”
“Yes, of course, sir.” I frowned and hung up after he did. I hadn’t known the engagement was still on. I had sort of assumed it was over when the guy suggested she go to OBX. Maybe she forgave him.
Although, she had kissed me. But that was just giving into biology, right? What could ever happen between us, really? Nothing.
This was a job.
Emery changed and slid into the bed, hovering at the very edge.
I checked the windows a second time and locked the deadbolt on the door before going to bed. I turned off the light and lay there looking at the ceiling in the dim light coming through the heavy drapes.
“Em?”
“Yeah?”
“When you were at the Outer Banks did anyone ever sneak into your room when you were asleep?” I had been too afraid to ask her about this before, but her initial fears about me had me worried something had happened to her.
“Yes. But I don’t think he got into the bathroom. The darts had been triggered. Nothing in the bathroom was disturbed. They were after the drugs, I think. Not that they would do them any good. But you hear things, you know? I guess it made me paranoid.”
I took a deep breath. “I don’t like to think of someone hurting you like that. Hurting anyone. What’s happening to that place?”
Emery sighed.
“Nihilism, I guess. Once you think everything is pointless, it’s easy to give into it. Stop thinking that things matter. That we matter.”
She was lying in the same bed only a few feet away. My hand twitched, wanting to reach out to touch her. Not just touch her, but pull her closer so I could hold her while we slept.
“Are you afraid of my father?” she asked, changing the subject.
“Not as much as I’m afraid of you,” I answered.
“What do you mean by that?” I looked at the clock, she didn’t have much time before sleep claimed her.
“Can I hold you?” I asked, unwilling to answer her question. “Just hold.”
She slid over against me and rested her head on my chest.
I kissed her forehead and wrapped my arms around her. A second later she was out.
No doubt she would pick up where she left off when she woke up. I needed to come up with an answer.
How could I tell her I was attracted, but afraid of getting attached? She had called me pathetic and desperate. Maybe I was.
When I woke she was still in my arms. Cool and still. I slid away from her and went to shower.
I debated between going to find some coffee and a pastry or climbing back in bed. Emery won out over my stomach and caffeine addiction.
I went back to my comfortable position with her head on my chest.
Emery woke suddenly, jumping away when she felt me next to her.
“It’s okay. It’s just me,” I assured her as quickly as I could.
She sighed and relaxed back against me.
“Are you okay?” I asked when she didn’t speak.
“For a second I honestly thought it would be morning when I woke up, but…”
“Someday it will be. I have faith in you.”
“Why?”
“You’re smart and stubborn and don’t take no for an answer. And apparently you have more PhDs than cars I’ve repaired,” I reasoned with a laugh.
I rolled over with her in my arms so I was above her.
I looked into her eyes and ran my fingers through her hair as I smiled and bent to kiss her.
This one king size bed had not been my intention, but at the moment I was feeling very grateful for it. She responded to my kiss more intensely than I had expected. I was having to keep up as she grasped my hair and ran her hand up my chest.
As she placed kisses down my neck she made a low guttural sound that at first I thought was an expression of enjoyment. Then she gasped and pushed me away.
Her eyes were wide with shock and panic.
“I’m hungry. Please get me something. Quickly, before…” She was wincing with pain and after a few blinks and a second for the words to make sense, I was out of bed and running for the van.
I grabbed a bag from the cooler and sprinted back to our room. I held it out to her as soon as I was inside and pulled the door shut.
She snatched the bag from me and went to a corner where she ripped it open and drank it down noisily.
I opened the curtains when it was safe and stood there watching the traffic on the highway. With a snap, the automatic light in the parking lot came on, replacing the natural light with a harsh man made orange glare.
Emery was still drinking. She’d let herself get too hungry. She wasn’t really Emery at the moment. She was in that feral state where the only thing that mattered was blood. The only time they actually did seem less than human. I knew this wasn’t going to be good. I could hear her sob when she’d finished off the bag.
She was upset. Embarrassed by her reaction and lack of control. It was natural. I knew she couldn’t help it, but I also knew I would never convince her. I stayed back. She wouldn’t want me to touch her.
I waited patiently on the edge of the bed where moments ago I thought something else entirely was going to happen.
She threw the drained bag in the trash and went in the bathroom pulling the door closed behind her.
Ten minutes later, I was still waiting for her to come out. I didn’t know what to do, or what to say to fix this. She hated herself and I wasn’t going to be able to change that.
Finally she emerged. Her dark eyes empty.
“Are you ready to go?” I asked as compassionately as I could.
“Yes,” she whispered.
Against my better judgment I tried to console her.
“Em, you did the right thing. You backed off and asked for food when you felt it coming. Most people can’t.”
“Stop calling us people! We’re not people, Dillon.”
“I don’t believe that.” I shook my head.
“That’s because you’re pathetic and looking to give a pity fuck so you can feel like a big damn hero! What the hell is wrong with you? How can you act like this is normal? Like there is any way I could be with you?” She stormed out of the hotel room and got in the van.
I checked out of the crappy motel and got in the driver’s seat. I wasn’t going to say anything. She was trying to provoke me into a fight and I wasn’t biting.
She was quiet the entire night’s drive. We were in a desolate part of Arizona, but I made sure we had two beds at the next stop. Not that it mattered.
“Can you lock me in the van please?” she asked.
“Emery, you can stay in the room. There are two beds this time.”
“Please just let me call my dad and stay out here.”
I handed her my phone, hoping she would change her mind after speaking with him.
She paced in the parking lot while I carried our bags to the room. I left the door open so I could keep an eye on her. That was my job after all.
“It’s me.” I heard her say sadly. Like before I could only hear her side of their conversation.
“I—I can’t do this.” She was crying into the phone. “I almost attacked Dillon. I know I couldn’t have killed him! That’s not the point! Raccoons don’t kill anyone when they bite either, but when they do bite a human they’re put down. I can’t find a cure when I can’t even stop—” She paused as he took over the conversation for a while.
“You’re expecting too much. I can’t! You shouldn’t have done this. You should have just left me there. No. He’s not mad. He’s…very understanding. That just pisses me off more.”
Another pause before she continued. “Yes. I’m going to! When I get off the phone. I don’t know where we are. He said we should be there tomorrow night. Look, Daddy, when I get there. When you see me—I know, but it’s still going to be a shock. I just want you to be— Yes. He’s right here.”
She turned and handed me the phone.
“Yes, Mr. Mitchell.”
“Can you please call me Adam?”
“Right. Sorry.”
“It sounds like you’re having some trouble.”
“We had an incident but she’s fine. Everything’s fine. She handled it perfectly.” I looked over to see her roll her eyes at my praises.
“You’re a good kid, Dillon. I know she can be trying. I’m sure it’s even worse now. She’s going to apologize when we get off the phone.”
“There’s nothing—”
“Just let her do it. It will make her feel better.”
“She did call me pathetic. Twice,” I murmured so she couldn’t hear.
“Just don’t be too understanding. Apparently it annoys her.”
“I don’t know what I can do about that.”
He chuckled. “Well, good luck anyway. I’ll see you tomorrow night?”
“Yes. As long as we stay on schedule we should be there just after two.”
“I have all the arrangements made. Have a safe trip.”
“Thanks. Good-bye.” I disconnected the call and turned toward Emery.
“Dillon…”
“Yeah?”
“I’m sorry I s
napped at you. I was frustrated at myself, not you. You’re not pathetic. You’re kind and understanding. That’s not a bad thing.”
I was glad to hear I wasn’t pathetic after all.
“It’s okay. I accept.” I stepped toward her and put my hand up to touch her face but she backed away.
“The thing is, I think things are getting confusing between us. You were hired to take me to my father. We’ll only be together one more night, so let’s just stop…” She didn’t have a name for what this was, but she repeated, “Let’s stop.”
She didn’t know I was going to be living with her for the next few months after we arrived. Her father was as much of a coward as I was.
“Emery,” I moved toward her again and she put her hand up.
“Please, don’t. Just let me stay in the van.” She jumped inside and with a deep determined breath she crawled inside the box.
“I can stay until you fall asleep.”
“Just go, Dillon.” She reached up and flipped the lid shut. Right now her claustrophobia wasn’t scarier than what she was running away from.
“Okay. Good night, Emery.” She didn’t answer.
I ran the second padlock through the loops and locked it with a sigh before I went to the room to get some sleep.
It was difficult to fall asleep, knowing that Emery was out there in the van. But eventually sleep took over, and I was out like a Haunt.
I woke earlier than normal, not even needing the wakeup call. I had the nightmare again.
With my heart pounding, I darted out to the parking lot in my boxers and looked in the back of the van to find the locks were still secure. She was fine.
After my so-called workout and a shower, I walked across the street to an all-night diner to find coffee and a bite to eat. I took a seat at the counter, making sure I could still see the van. I ordered another coffee to go.
When it was time, I opened the hatch and waited with her silently until it was safe for her to go outside to clean up and change.
“Did you want some food?”
She shook her head.
She didn’t say much as we got ready to leave. In the van, she rested her head against the window and closed her eyes. If I didn’t know better I would have thought she was taking a nap.
