Over the next several months and years I had journeyed far both physically and spiritually. I was sent to an Air Force hospital initially for treatment and then eventually home to the VA hospital for recovery and therapy. I spent much of that time regaining my physical strength and well-being, and my emotional and spiritual as well-being. Much of the ongoing healing process was greatly aided by my wife and children and especially my brother Ray. He lived close by to us and was always a welcome sight and good company on a regular basis. I was finally able to put all of my wounds and injuries into perspective and release them. No longer was I carrying the pain that festered into anger, an unforgiving spirit, and fear. The Lord set me free!
In a span of another two years I was medically retired from active service having received the Purple Heart medal for my physical wounds and a healed spirit as well. It was during that time of rehabilitation that my VA therapist was helping me get a handle on my Post-traumatic stress. The combination of three combat tours had left me with a number of unsettled issues centered on regret and guilt, the burden carried by many combat soldiers. I initially resisted anything deeper than surface cooperation, just going through the motions. I had become very good at knowing what to share and what not to, I would not become vulnerable to anyone again.
One exercise that I agreed to participate in was a group session with other soldiers. I did not expect to be in a room with veterans from previous wars. One of the most powerful stories was shared by a World War II veteran. His experience during that conflict was so similar to mine in the realm of fear, guilt, regret and anger. Although that war was different on so many levels his experience as a combat soldier was painfully similar. The turning point for me was when he talked of how many decades he had kept his pain to himself which eventually led him to alcoholism and two failed marriages.
I was filled with fear and determination that I would not allow my family to suffer through my self-destruction. Nor did I want to be looking in the mirror decades from now with more regret than I currently carried. From that point forward I became my strongest advocate in search of an inner peace that would lead to a life worth living. I wanted to see the past in perspective, build upon it and move forward without becoming lost in a wilderness of darkness.
The next and most productive step was the counsel I received to write out my experiences on pen and paper. To physically see it and read it out loud, this helped me to minimize those demons that haunted me. The more I did that the less overwhelming the past became; I broke those chains one link at a time. This exercise is what has led me to write out my entire story. It was not just for me but to help my family to understand where I had been. It was also for other veterans as well. My prayer was that this might help veterans suffering from similar burdens. I hope they use my story as a place to begin their own journey of healing. I look forward to many more years of helping veterans heal their wounds and off load their burdens. The road before me will be difficult, yet worthy of all I have, God willing.
Epilogue
IT HAS BEEN OVER FOURTEEN YEARS since the 9/11 attack, over eleven years since my first tour overseas and seven years since my last. One of the most important discoveries of my journey is the realization that this is not just my journey. This story belongs to everyone, not just the veterans who deployed to combat zones but also the families they left behind. Those same families supported their deployed soldiers and kept their homes together. Those same families, friends and neighbors welcomed us home, not knowing how to help us transition, yet stepping up anyway.
My last tour ended in 2008 yet my family did not close down Mooremart. It started with me in 2004 but it had grown into so much more. The family and friends who make Mooremart work are dedicated to supporting any troops we have deployed for as long as they are deployed. To put their sacrifice into perspective, for the last six years they have been supporting the troops knowing that I would not deploy again, which is the heart of why they do what they do.
During my three tours I was obviously not the only soldier to return home dealing with PTSD, regret for having not done enough and guilt for what I had done. Some soldiers I knew returned home to self-destruct through addictions, failed marriages and eventually suicide. Yet others who experienced traumatic physical injuries and witnessed horrific acts of violence, returned to make each day count as best they could, regardless of the limitations they had both physically and emotionally. These soldiers are an inspiration to me as they should be to us all.
A great example of overcoming adversity is SGT Beck. He was a young soldier who was wounded during the same attack that I was and suffered the loss of both of his legs. Six years later I was honored to attend the ground-breaking ceremony for his new home. The organization Homes for our Troops along with other local businesses had come together to build a home for SGT Beck and his young family. To see this young man standing on prosthetic legs, holding his little girl in his arms with so many friends and family around him was moving and inspiring. SGT Beck is a good example of what we can overcome with the help of those who care enough to step up.
Soldiers who served with SGT Beck at the groundbreaking for his new home. (L to R) Brian Moore, Michael Beck, Melvin Kearney, and Ron Valenzuela.
During his farewell speech at West Point, General Douglas MacArthur uttered an eternal truth in regards to veterans, “Old soldiers never die, they just fade away.” His words were timeless, poetic and yet painfully true. It seems that when a nation is at war all honor goes to the men and women who sacrifice so much for the defense of their country. It does not take long however for that honor to fade away when that grateful nation now views those veterans as a burden.
While flying home from Iraq for my father’s funeral, still in my desert uniform, I overheard a passenger comment that he wished he could “kick my ass off the plane” so he would not have to be in my company. Fortunately the flight attendant responded quickly by suggesting, “Let’s wait until we are at thirty thousand feet and we can kick your ass off the plane.” He was silent for the remainder of the flight.
If history has taught us anything it is that human nature does not change. Veterans come in all forms, men and women, young and old with wounds of varying degrees. We do not look for trouble, but would rather it come to us than our children. Like the first patriots, we are men and women of ordinary courage who subjected themselves to unbelievable hardship and unspeakable horrors. We sought neither glory nor accolades, simply to return home in peace. The peace that comes from knowing we served honorably and that our families and friends will not face those same horrors.
I am home for good now but my journey continues. My journey through war, faith and forgiveness did not end my last day in Iraq; in fact it had barely begun. I would no longer carry my burdens alone for I finally saw that my God was with me all along. I have been asked by some “If you are a Christian then why did God let you to get injured?” My answer is that He allowed me to be injured so that he could save my life. It is my hope that those who read my story would begin their journey as well. Know that if you walk with God there is no place too evil or dark that His love cannot show you the way home.
Acronyms, Abbreviations, and Military Jargon
11B: Infantry MOS designation
1st SGT: “TOP” / E-8 / highest ranking NCO in a Company or Battery
ANA: Afghan National Army
ARNG: Army National Guard
ASAP: As Soon As Possible
A-top: Afghan Commander that was my counterpart
CAB: Combat Action Badge
CIB: Combat Infantry badge
Chinook: A large dual prop Army used to transport several men and their equipment.
CoC: Chain of Command
Coms: Communication
Crew Chief: The NCO in charge of the operation of a military aircraft other than flying.
CSM: Command Sergeant Major / E-9 / highest ranking NCO in a Battalion, Brigade or Division
C-wire: Constantina Wire, razor wire st
rung out like a horizontal slinky.
DeMOB: the process of mobilizing back from the war zone to eventual reunification with family.
DFAC: Dining facility
EOD: Explosive Ordnance Disposal
Flag Pole: Command HQ
FOB: Forward Operating Base
HQ: Head Quarters
ICT: Irrelevant Command Types
IED: Improvised Explosive Device
Intel: Intelligence
JFK: John F. Kennedy
K: Kilometer or Klick
Land Nav: Land Navigation
Latrine: Most versions of a military bathroom, from an actual building down to a hole in the ground.
LU: Line Units, A term used for standard Army groups of soldiers who worked under standard Army SOPs.
LW: Long Walks
LZ: Landing Zone, a “Hot LZ” is one under fire.
M.Ed.: Master’s degree in Education
MOB: Mobilization
MOS: Military Occupational Specialty
MP: Military Police
MRE: Meals Ready to Eat
MSG: Master SGT / E-8
NCO: Non-Commissioned Officer
NG: National Guard
NH: New Hampshire
Outside the Wire: going outside of the FOB on a mission
Pak: Pakistan
PC: Politically Correct
PJ: Porta John
PL: Platoon Leader, usually a Lieutenant
Poop Soup: term for mixture of human waste and diesel fuel, stirred then burned
PP: Permanent Party
PR: Propaganda
PS: Platoon Sergeant
PTSD: Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
PX/BX: Post Exchange/Base exchange
SF: Special Forces / Green Beret
SFC: Sergeant First Class / E-7 / Platoon SGT
SGT: Sergeant / E-5 / team leader
SL: Squad Leader
SOP: Standard Operating procedure
SSG: Staff Sergeant / E-6 / Squad Leader
Terps: Interpreters
TL: Team Leader
UK: United Kingdom
U.S.: United States
U.S.CG: United States Coast Guard
VA: Veterans Administration
VT: Vermont
YD: Yellow Dog
References
Bay, Michael. Dir. 2001. Pearl Harbor. Touchstone Pictures.
Gibson. Michael. Dir. 1995. Braveheart. Paramount Pictures.
Martin, James Kirby, ed. 2008 Ordinary Courage: The revolutionary war adventures of Joseph Plumb Martin. Malden, MA: Blackwell
Scott, R. Dir. 2001. Black Hawk Down. Sony Pictures.
Spielberg, Steven. Dir. 1998. Saving Private Ryan. Paramount Pictures.
Stone, Oliver. Dir. 1986. Platoon. Orion.
About the Author
Since recuperating from his wounds incurred during his last tour, Brian Moore was medically retired from the United States Army. He and his wife currently run a small farm in central Virginia, while he is an inspirational speaker at churches, colleges and veteran organizations. He holds a master’s degree in education.
Table of Contents
Cover
Title Page
Praise for Purple Hearts & Wounded Spirits
Copyright Information
Dedication
Acknowledgment
Foreword
Author’s Note
Introduction
Section I
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Section II
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Section III
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Epilogue
Acronyms, Abbreviations, and Military Jargon
References
About the Author
Purple Hearts & Wounded Spirits Page 14
