“Is that why your parents no longer speak of her?”
“They poured their hearts and their money into trying to help her. She used their love to feed her habit for years, begging for money, stealing things from our home to sell for drugs. When she was arrested for selling drugs to other Amish girls Bishop Stoltzfus told my parents that she was lost to them. He forbade us to have any contact with her. If we did, we would be placed under the ban, too. It was a terrible time for them. I could have prevented it all.”
“You can’t blame yourself for her choices.”
“You don’t understand. The night of the party, I saw her boyfriend buying drugs. I overheard him telling his friends that he and Grace were going to get high, but I didn’t warn her. She knew I didn’t like him. I didn’t think she would believe me, but I should have told her. I should have made her listen me.”
“Rebecca, taking drugs was still her decision.”
“No, it wasn’t. She told me later that he put them in her drink. She didn’t know what she was taking. It wasn’t just at that party although that was the start. She sneaked out to see him almost every night that summer. She was hooked on the drugs before she knew what was happening to her.”
“Rebecca, you don’t know that Grace would have listened to you even if you had warned her.”
“She blames me. She told me so. I was older. It was my responsibility to watch out for her. I turned a blind eye to her when she was in danger and God punished me because of that. How right she was.”
“And you think that is why you lost your sight?”
“It was a just punishment. Grace lost her soul because of me. I don’t want to go into surgery until I know for certain if she has forgiven me.”
He was silent for a long moment. Rebecca could hear the cheers of the crowd spike then die down. Someone had won. Others had lost.
Gideon asked, “Do you know where she lives? Can you reach out to her?”
He didn’t tell her she was being foolish. She could have kissed him for that. His understanding gave her the courage to make her next request. If he refused, she didn’t know where else to turn. She squeezed his hand. “I don’t know where she is. Will you help me find her?”
Chapter Eleven
Gideon hadn’t expected this. Rebecca was asking him to help her find her runaway sister, a sister she was forbidden to contact. What if her family or Bishop Stoltzfus found out about it?
The bishop would jump at the chance to excommunicate Gideon again. He had accepted Gideon’s confession, but he made it clear he wouldn’t tolerate any transgressions against the Ordnung. His attitude was the reason Gideon’s family had arranged for him to stay with Adam. While Gideon had been attending church services in Hope Springs, he wasn’t an official member of Bishop Zook’s congregation. He belonged to Bishop Stoltzfus’s church, as did Rebecca’s parents.
Gideon knew his actions could have serious repercussions. If it were discovered that he helped Rebecca against the bishop’s express wishes, he would forfeit his ability to see his family. It was a lot to risk after all he’d given up to return to the fold.
He looked down at the woman holding his hand. That she trusted him enough to ask such a favor was heady knowledge. He was only beginning to understand the extent of the suffering she endured in silence during the years he was gone.
He had sought her forgiveness to make a fresh start in his life. How could he deny her the same blessing?
Many of the skaters were leaving the ice and coming their way. Rebecca tugged her hand from his. He let go reluctantly. Part of the reason he’d given up his career and everything he’d worked for was simply for the right to reenter her life. How could he refuse her request?
He asked, “What if you can’t find her before your surgery date? It’s only ten days away.”
“I will go to New York because so many people have worked to make it possible. I am not ungrateful, but I know the chances of recovering my vision are slim.”
“Slim because the surgery is difficult, or because you feel you don’t deserve to see?”
“You are as astute as an English fellow I met recently. Or perhaps my face is easier to read than I think.”
“Rebecca, forgiveness begins in our own hearts.”
“I know that.”
“So you profess, but you have not forgiven yourself for the mistakes of your past. Your guilt is a useless burden.”
She turned her face away from him. “I expected you to understand. You sought the forgiveness of your family, my forgiveness. How is what I seek any different?”
He pressed his lips into a tight line. She was right about that. He carried his own share of guilt. “I do understand. I will see what I can find out.”
Her head came up. “You will?”
“Where was she the last you knew?”
“Millersburg.”
“I’ll make a few calls. If she was arrested, the sheriff should have a last known address for her. I can use the computer at the public library to search for her online.”
“Thank you, Gideon. You know the English ways and how they live. If anyone can find her, I’m sure it is you. Each day I find new reasons to be grateful God has returned you to us.”
Daniel Hershberger walked up to them. “Rebecca, would you take a turn around the pond with me?”
She nodded. “Of course.”
Gideon watched her skate away with Daniel. Under his breath Gideon said, “It’s not your gratitude that I want, Rebecca. It’s your love.”
Three days after the skating party, Vera dropped Rebecca in front of the doctor’s office for her treatment. As Rebecca unfolded her cane, she said, “Don’t wait on me today. I have some errands I’d like to run and then I’m meeting a friend for supper so I will be late coming home.”
“A date for supper? Can I hope this friend is Daniel Hershberger?”
Rebecca forced herself to smile, but she couldn’t lie. “I would rather not say.”
Gideon had stopped by their farm that morning. Luckily, Vera had been outside feeding the chickens and gathering eggs. Gideon had an address and he was willing to go with her today.
“Oh, a secret, is it?” Vera chuckled. “That is the way courtships should be. I will not wait up.” With a slap of the reins, she set her buggy in motion.
Inside the clinic building, Rebecca waited her turn to see the doctor. When his nurse, Amber, called Rebecca’s name, Rebecca followed her to the exam room. When the door was closed behind them, Rebecca said, “I have heard there is a new woman in town that offers rides to the Amish. I think her name is Miriam Kauffman?”
“Yes, I met her at church last Sunday. She was raised Amish but didn’t join the Amish faith and moved away. She came back to help her mother when her father became ill. He passed away not long ago.”
“Would you call her and see if she is free today? I have a trip I’d like to make.”
“Of course. I’ll have our receptionist give her a call. Mrs. Nolan keeps a list of everyone who can help with transportation. Do you want me to check if Samson Carter is free, too?”
“Nee.” Samson was a gossip. Rebecca didn’t want news of her visit getting back to her family.
After her lab tests and the infusion of her chemo, Rebecca returned to the waiting room. Wilma Nolan, the doctor’s elderly receptionist, said, “I called Miss Kauffman. She is free today and can provide you with taxi services. Shall I call her back and tell her you’re ready to go?”
“That will be fine. Danki.”
“Just have a seat, and I’ll let you know when she arrives.”
Rebecca sat and waited with growing dread. Was this the right thing to do? Would Miriam be discreet, or would she spread gossip about who and where she drove folks?
Rebecca didn’t have long to fret. A few minutes later, she heard the door to the clinic open. A woman’s voice asked quietly, “Are you Rebecca Beachy?”
Rebecca rose to her feet. “I am.”
“Where can I
take you?”
Unaware of who might be listening, Rebecca decided against giving out the address. Instead, she said, “I have directions in my purse. I’ll find them for you when we are in the car.”
“Okay, fine. How do we do this?”
Rebecca held out her hand. “If I take your arm, it’s easy for me to follow you.”
Outside, Miriam asked, “Do you want to sit in the front seat or the back?”
“The back. Someone will be joining me.” Once she was seated, Rebecca waited until Miriam got in on the driver’s side. When she heard the door close, she held out a slip of paper. “We need to pick up another passenger at the Wadler Inn, then I’d like you to take us to this address.”
“375 North Broadway in New Philadelphia, is that right?”
“Ja.” If Grace lived there, Rebecca wasn’t sure what she would say to her sister. No, she knew what she would say. What she was afraid of was her sister’s answer. What if Grace couldn’t forgive? What then?
The drive to the Wadler Inn took only a few minutes. When the car stopped, the door beside Rebecca opened and she heard Gideon get in.
Miriam asked, “Are we waiting on anyone else?”
“No,” Gideon answered.
“Okay, then, we’re off.”
The first few miles of the trip were spent in silence. Rebecca was too nervous to engage in chitchat. Finally, it was Gideon who spoke. “I understand you are ex-Amish, Miss Kauffman?”
“I chose not to be baptized. It wasn’t the life for me. I grew up near Millersburg. My family was Swartzentruber Amish.”
The Swartzentruber Amish were a strict Old Order sect. They lived austere lives even by Amish standards. They had no indoor plumbing. They didn’t allow cushions on their furniture. Nor did they allow lights or the reflective orange triangles on their buggies that warned they were slow-moving vehicles in spite of the dangers. Their teenagers did not enjoy a rumspringa, but were expected to join the faith without question.
Gideon said, “I’ve heard Swartzentruber young people who don’t choose baptism are shunned by their families.”
“They are. My family had a falling-out with the bishop in their church district after I left. They moved to Hope Springs a few years ago and joined a more liberal church. When my father became ill, my mother asked me to return.”
“Not all bishops are created equal. I can vouch for that.” Gideon’s voice held a hint of bitterness.
Rebecca thought of all he had gone through to make the transition back the Amish life and still the bishop of his former congregation did not welcome him.
Gideon leaned close to Rebecca. “You look nervous.”
“I shouldn’t be. I’m only going to visit my sister. Are you sure we will find her in New Philadelphia?”
“This is the only address the sheriff had for her. It’s more than a year old. She might not be there, but at least she hasn’t been in trouble with the law in the last thirteen months.”
“Gideon, I appreciate your help with this. I would not have known where to start.”
“I guess my time in the outside world wasn’t a complete waste. I was able to use the computer at the public library. I’m glad I could help, Rebecca. I’m glad you asked me.”
His last words, spoken so softly against her ear, sent shivers down her spine and filled her with excitement. If she turned her face a little their lips would meet. He wanted to kiss her. She knew it. What surprised her was how much she wanted to be kissed by him.
She faced straight ahead. After a moment, he moved away but she wasn’t able to relax. The ride seemed to take forever. Gideon tried to put her at ease by relating things he saw along the roadside. Any other time, she would have appreciated his kindness. Today, she was too keyed up.
At long last, Miriam said, “This is New Philadelphia.”
Rebecca sat up straight. “Is it a big city? How will we find her address?”
“GPS,” Miriam and Gideon said at the same time. Then they both laughed.
Rebecca had no idea what they were talking about or why it was funny. Gideon had much more in common with their English driver than she did.
He said, “This is a nice midsize. How’s the gas mileage?”
“Thirty-two highway. Not bad.”
“That’s better than my Audi SS got.”
“You drove an SS? I’ve always wanted one. Do they handle as well as people say?”
“Better. It’s a sweet machine. Zero to sixty in nothing flat. I was sorry to sell it.”
“I can imagine. Still, it would have looked funny being pulled by a horse, even in Amish country.”
“I might have gotten by with it. It was black.” He was joking, but Rebecca sensed how much he missed the vehicle he once owned. How could he be content with a horse and buggy after driving fast cars and flying planes?
Miriam made several turns and finally came to a stop. She said, “I believe this is it.”
Rebecca reached for Gideon’s hand and squeezed his fingers tightly. “What do you see? What kind of house is it?”
“It’s a nice neighborhood. The house is an older home with a porch that wraps around it on two sides. It’s two stories tall and painted blue with white trim. There are white shutters on the windows. And…”
“And what?” she insisted.
“It doesn’t look like the kind of place a drug addict would hang out.”
“That is goot, isn’t it?”
“Maybe. Or maybe we have the wrong address. I guess there is only one way to find out.” He pushed open the car door.
Rebecca wanted to follow him but her body wouldn’t move.
Please Lord, give me the courage I need.
Gideon said, “You didn’t come this far to sit in a car.”
“Nee. I did not.” Forcing her trembling muscles to move, Rebecca scooted out of the car and stood.
“I will be right beside you,” he said quietly. Taking her hand, he tucked it in the crook of his elbow and started forward. Rebecca had no choice but to follow him.
He said, “We’re at the front steps. There are five of them. There is a handrail on your left side.”
Grasping the rail, she walked up the steps. The boards of the porch creaked as Gideon led her across them. “We are at the front door. Do you want me to ring the bell?”
Her body was shaking, but she managed to nod. “I did not come all this way just to stand on the porch.”
“That’s my girl.”
She wasn’t his girl, but she liked the sound of that.
Gideon rang the bell. Inside the house, the chime played a brief tune.
When the door opened, Rebecca braced herself. Only it wasn’t her sister’s voice she heard. A man asked, “Can I help you?”
Rebecca spoke up. “We are looking for Grace Beachy. Does she live here?”
“Beachy was my wife’s maiden name. May I ask who you are?”
“I am her sister.”
“Really? My wife never mentioned she had a sister. Are you sure you have the right house?” His voice grew suspicious.
Grace was married. Perhaps she had found happiness far from her past. Rebecca prayed it was so.
“Who is it, dear?” It was Grace’s voice. Rebecca heard footsteps approaching and then a sudden, harsh intake of breath.
She said, “Hello, Grace.”
“Rebecca? Is it really you?”
“Ja. I’m so glad I found you.”
“Why did you come here? Why?” There was such pain in her sister’s voice. She wanted to reach out and gather Grace into her arms.
Grace’s husband said, “Honey, what’s going on?”
“Clearly, a blast from my past. It’s all right, Randy. I’ll explain everything later.”
He lowered his voice, but confusion colored his tone. “You told me your family was dead.”
“I’m dead to them. They are dead to me.”
Gideon spoke up. “We’ll only take a few minutes of your time. May we come in?”
Rebecca said, “This is my friend Gideon Troyer.”
“It’s been a long time, Grace. You may not remember me.”
“You’re Levi Troyer’s older brother.”
“That’s right.”
“I never thought you’d return to the Plain folk.”
Grace sounded so bitter. Rebecca saw her chances of making amends with her sister slipping away.
“Life has a way of changing what we see as important. May we come in?” Gideon asked again.
“I guess.” The door creaked slightly as Grace opened it wider.
Rebecca was grateful for Gideon’s solid presence beside her as she entered the house. They took a seat on a sofa. The room simmered with tension. Rebecca prayed for wisdom. She wanted her sister’s forgiveness. She needed it.
Grace’s husband asked, “Can I get you anything? Something to drink?”
Rebecca shook her head. “No, danki…thank you.”
Grace said, “Randy, why don’t you take Mr. Troyer outside and show him your greenhouse? I’d like to speak to Rebecca alone.”
“Are you sure, hon?”
“Yes.”
After the two men left the room, Grace said, “Randy has ten green thumbs. He would have made a good farmer. Fortunately for me, he’s a banker.”
Rebecca took a deep breath. “The reason I have come is to beg your forgiveness, sister, for the way I failed you when we were young.”
“You’re asking for my forgiveness? Wow. That’s not the way I thought this conversation would go if it ever happened.”
Rebecca sensed that she was entering an emotional quagmire. One false step and all would be lost. “I, too, have thought about this day. Many times. I have missed you.”
“You miss a naive sixteen-year-old Amish girl. I haven’t been that person in a long time.”
“I miss my sister.”
“But not enough to look for me in last eight years.”
“You know the reason I could not seek you out.”
“Sure. So what has changed? Are Mom and Dad okay?”
Rebecca realized the tension in her sister’s voice wasn’t anger. It was fear. She thought Rebecca had come to deliver bad news. “Mamm and Daed are the same as always. She complains that he spends too much time gossiping with neighbors. He complains that she enjoys bossing him around.”
The Christmas Quilt Page 13
