“I was thinking we should head into town and go to the English Market, see what new food they're selling, hopefully buy something delicious for dinner.”
“Oh, yeah, that sounds like good fun, auntie,” Simon piped up, managing to distract himself from cartoons for two minutes.
****
“Do you have enough change for the bus?” Holly asked Rachel as they all clambered on board the bus into Cork city, which was only ten minutes away.
“I sure do,” she replied, handing her money to the driver, while struggling to maintain her balance as the bus went lurching down the road.
Simon climbed into the seat which was especially reserved for the elderly; it was his favourite spot on the bus. Mia was parked in her buggy at the front and Holly and Rachel squashed in beside each other. Mia spent her time on the bus waving and smiling at everyone and yelling rather exuberant “hiyas” at anyone who didn't make direct eye contact with her.
She was so cute and hilariously funny.
“She won't have any problems making friends anyway,” Rachel laughed.
“That's for sure,” Holly grinned, “she'll just bully them into being her friend, whether they want to or not, she'll just “hiya” them into submission, won't you goose?”
Mia reached over to hold her mom's hand. Rachel felt a pang at the close bond mother and daughter had with each other. She wondered if she'd ever find anyone with whom she'd ever want to have children. She hoped so, some day. She was shaken out of her maudlin episode when the bus screeched to an abrupt halt in the city centre.
“We're here, auntie,” Simon announced from the front of the bus.
“Thanks Simon,” Rachel smiled at her nephew, as she helped her sister put the buggy on the footpath.
The city was busy with Saturday morning shoppers. Several shops had sale discounts in their windows, but all Rachel could focus on was making her way to the food heaven that is the English Market. It's a foodie’s paradise. She could smell it before she could see it. A veritable medley of aroma and colour greeted her as she made her way inside. She breathed in deeply, savouring the heady atmosphere. Whenever she went travelling, the first thing she always did whenever she returned to Cork was to go and visit the English Market, then she truly knew she was home.
The English Market is one of the oldest markets in the world, trading began there in 1788. It has survived The Famine, wars and fires to serve the people of Cork. There is stall after stall of the very best local and international produce, catering for a wide and eclectic taste. The market has adapted over the years to cater for the diverse tastes of the city's citizens and visitors alike. The range of stalls is almost mind-boggling to the visitor, but not to Rachel, who spent many happy hours strolling through the market, tasting and sampling all that the stalls had to offer. There are stuffed olives from “The Real Olive Company” as well as chillies, feta cheese, pickles, sun-dried tomatoes, vine leaves, olive oil and dried fruits. She remembered encountering her first olive in 1993, when the stall initially set up. She remembered wondering what those peculiar looking grapes tasted like. The olives were an interesting awakening to her taste buds and she soon became addicted to their unique flavour.
“The Chocolate Shop” was one of Rachel's favourite stalls, and of course was Simon's favourite too. It has over one hundred different types of chocolate to choose from, ranging from Belgian pralines, truffles to chocolate liqueurs and the classics of milk, white and dark chocolate. Rachel was developing a taste for their chocolate ginger and Simon adored their chocolate marzipan. Holly wasn't a big fan of chocolate, preferring instead cakes, and she was spoilt for choice in The English Market.
“The Old Mill” cake and confectionery stall provides a mouth-watering array of cakes and pastries. The apple turnovers were Holly's favourite, bursting with the freshest cream and the juiciest apple sauce. She was known to not being able to resist enjoying up to three of these little bites of heaven in one sitting. She often said that looking at them caused her to gain a few pounds, of course the eating had nothing to do with it, her sister would tease.
They made their way upstairs to the renowned “Farmgate Café” which sold a luscious array of food and hot drinks. The sisters couldn't last long without a cuppa before they started to experience withdrawal symptoms. It wasn't long until they were all seated in the balcony area with their mugs of tea and cakes in front of them. They had a superb view over the whole of the market below. Rachel loved people-watching. She could sit for hours watching the world go by.
She found people very interesting, all the different shapes and sizes, hairstyles and colours. She picked up some good fashion tips observing people, both on how to dress and also on how not to dress. She wondered sometimes what people were thinking as they walked by. Some people looked deep in thought, like they had the weight of the world on their shoulders, others were full of joy. It was amazing what you could observe from people simply by how they carried themselves.
“So, what’s your plan then, Rach?” Holly asked her sister, “I hope you're going to spend some decent time with us. We haven't seen you in ages.”
“Oh, definitely,” Rachel replied, “I'd like to stay for a few weeks at least, if that's OK with you?”
“Of course, you can move in forever if you'd like.”
“Well, I dunno about forever, but a while would be lovely.”
“So, do you have any idea what you might do next, job-wise, life-wise?” Holly continued her interrogation.
“No idea whatsoever, girl,” Rachel said. “All I know is that I need to recharge my batteries.” “Yeah, you look a bit peaky alright,” Holly agreed.
“I was thinking of travelling for a few months, just around Ireland mostly, drive along the coast, total change of scene.”
“Wow, that
sounds cool, auntie,” Simon piped up with his face covered in chocolate cake, “can I come?” “You can come travelling with me for sure Simon,” Rachel smiled at her nephew.
“Sounds like fun,” Holly agreed, “are you thinking of staying in various bed and breakfasts around the country?”
“Yeah, I'll pack the mini with my clothes etc. and if you don't mind I'll store the rest at your house.”
“No worries at all, girl. So when are you thinking of starting your trip?”
“I want to hang out with you guys for a while, and spend some time with mom, then I'll probably set off.”
Their conversation was suddenly and rudely interrupted by little Mia throwing her half-eaten chocolate cake at her aunt, and promptly dissolving into giggles. Rachel wiped the cake remnants from her face and gently scolded her niece.
“Hey, munchkin woman, we'll have no more cake-throwing at your old auntie, OK?”
Mia looked at her and kept giggling.
“She's a cheeky little monster,” her mother said.
“Just like her mom,” Rachel said, grinning.
They spent the rest of the afternoon wandering happily around the shops. The sisters checked out all the clothes and book shops and when Simon and Mia had had enough of shopping they took them to the toy shop. “The biggest toy shop in the world,” as Simon called it.
Rachel declared herself cook for the evening, wanting to treat Holly to a night off. She decided to cook a chicken curry followed by a delicious lemon cheesecake, all produce bought in The English Market. It was rare that Rachel cooked anything these days; it wasn't the same cooking for one. She usually just had beans on toast or grabbed a takeaway. She was enjoying her time in the kitchen that evening, savouring the smells and taking her time chopping and mixing and stirring. It was therapeutic. She loved the simple pleasure of cooking, especially for people she loved. It was such a reward to see their faces as they tasted the food she'd cooked for them. Simon rewarded her efforts with “you're the best cooker in the world, auntie”.
He promptly got a loud “excuse me” from his mother, which made him amend his statement to “the best cooker in the world after my mom”.
He munched down a big plateful of chicken curry and lay down on the couch with a big, round belly. Mia seemed to enjoy her dinner too, most of it was all over her face, but she made lots of “yummy” noises, so she must have liked it.
Rachel really enjoyed spending time with her niece and nephew. She loved to watch them playing and talking to each other. They were so consumed with what they were doing, completely absorbed in the moment. She was amazed at their utter focus and deep concentration at the task in hand. Mia was consumed with trying to stuff bricks into her mother's handbag. She was having a great time investigating all the nooks and crannies.
“We could all learn a lot from children,” Holly said, noticing Rachel observing the children. “They are so happy and accepting.”
“I know,” Rachel agreed, “even the simplest thing makes them happy.”
Chapter 19
Rachel was slowly starting to get to know herself. It was a daunting but fascinating journey in self-discovery, from the very fundamental to the noblest heights of principle and dreams. She was starting at her very foundations and gradually working her way up and out. At the moment she was trying to discover her basics. She realised that she hardly knew herself at all. She wondered if she would even recognise herself in a line-up, she sincerely doubted it, and that thought was quite unnerving.
What was it people said? Admitting you had a problem was the first step to recovery. She bought herself a large mirror, into which she found herself talking quite frequently.
“Hello, I'm Rachel, and my problem is that I don't know myself at all.”
She looked deep into her own eyes in the reflection as she said it. The enormity of what she had just revealed to herself in the mirror shocked her deeply. All she had ever wanted was someone to tell her everything was going to be OK, that she was OK, that they loved her just as she was and ever would be.
She'd never found anyone who she believed completely when they told her she was OK, not even Tony, who used to compliment her all the time. Something always niggled at her, wondering if he truly meant it. She realised that the problem was that she didn't believe she was OK She didn't accept herself. So, how could I possibly expect or believe acceptance from anyone else, she thought. She was starting to realise, gradually, that the only acceptance and approval she would ever need was her own.
She needed to stop searching for the approval of others and start approving and accepting herself, and therein lay her epiphany. She knew she had a long journey ahead of her, possibly a life time's journey but she was determined and committed to discover herself and uncover the life she truly wanted. It was several days before she felt brave enough to face her own reflection in the mirror again. She felt a bit of a mentalist talking to her own reflection, but it was the only way she was able to connect honestly with herself.
Chapter 20
Rachel sat in the campervan, looking out the window, admiring the beautiful view before her. She had taken the plunge and put all her belongings in storage at her sister's house and decided to travel around Ireland in a lovely campervan that Liz's father had sold her for a reasonable price. It was a 1995 CI Riviera campervan, coach built Fiat Ducato drive train, to be precise, in very good condition. Rachel liked its layout, because it had seating at both ends and could sleep up to five people. She needed the extra space for when her family and friends came to visit and she didn't want to feel too claustrophobic when she was there by herself. The campervan had two double beds and one bunk bed. She knew her nephew, Simon, would love sleeping in the bunk.
There was a side bathroom with cassette toilet and shower as well as a cooker and three way refrigerator with freezer. Liz's dad had even fitted black-out blinds and fly screens for her, for which Rachel was very grateful as she had a morbid fear of insects, particularly the flying variety, and she didn't look forward to the thought of being eaten alive by midges. The campervan had hot and cold water which was handy as she didn't really relish the prospect of having cold showers in the freezing winter mornings.
Jen and Liz had bought her an awning as a house/campervan warming present, which would come in handy if she wanted to travel abroad in the summer and needed some shade, not really a necessity in Ireland, considering most of the summers were a wash-out. It even had a bike rack on the back; all she needed now was a bicycle. Liz's dad sold her the campervan for a discount price. He'd had it on the market for €15,200 but sold it to Rachel for an even €14,000 which, when combined with the sale of her mini and savings she could just about afford.
Rachel was absolutely thrilled with her new home on wheels and the freedom it gave her. She'd considered travelling around Ireland in her car and staying in cheap guest houses or hostels, but she settled on buying a campervan instead, because she didn't want to feel restricted in any way. She'd felt restricted and confined for too long and all she wanted now was the freedom of her campervan and the open road.
Buying the campervan had meant selling her beloved mini, but it was a compromise she was willing if a little sad to make. She'd even given her motor home a name, “Navigator” and designed a special sticker for it. The design was a compass with a map of the world underneath it, and “Navigator” emblazoned across the front in Italics. Her little campervan would hopefully navigate her to a new part of her life, at least that was the thinking behind the name and she believed it would inspire her to adventure and exploration.
Sometimes, Rachel couldn't believe that she had swapped her previously luxurious, safe life and modern apartment with all its modern conveniences for a life of unpredictability and a mobile home. She'd been living in the campervan for two weeks and was loving every minute of it, well most of it. Occasionally she longed for the creature comforts of her apartment, the ease of flicking a switch and having a roaring (electric) fire, the pleasure of being able to flush the toilet and not having to constantly make do with a public toilet and not having to wonder where she could empty her rubbish bin. There were very few public rubbish bins in some parts of Ireland and Rachel often had to store her rubbish until she found one on her route. Water was readily available at service stations, for which she was grateful, and the water quality in Ireland was of high quality, which was one less hassle. Sometimes she treated herself to bottled water, but it wasn't a necessity as she could barely tell the difference between tap and bottled water anyway.
She had made some simple finishing touches to the campervan to make it feel more homely. She had framed photos of her niece and nephew nailed to the walls and her mother bought her a television with a combined DVD player which her brother had fixed to hang from the ceiling. She had her internet and laptop as well as her mobile phone so she felt connected to the world, as connected as she wanted to be for now anyway. Her brother had bought her a solar panel and a wind turbine which were excellent for recharging the batteries and he'd even installed an inverter so she could recharge the batteries whilst driving.
Her solar panel used ultra violet light from the sun and the wind turbine used the power of the wind for electricity. So if she used up all the battery power watching television at night, she'd wake up to a full battery in the morning from the wind turbine turning and charging all night. So she had full battery power at all times.
She was very proud of her eco-friendly lifestyle in the campervan. Her friends teased her and called her a hippy, but she preferred the term “new age traveller”. Her new, simpler life made her aware of how much she used to take for granted and she was developing a sense of gratitude for the smallest things.
The best part of life in her campervan was the fact that she could have a different view to wake up to every morning if she wanted. One day she might decide to park overlooking the ocean, the next she might settle down by a lake, surrounded by trees and mountains. It was refreshing and rejuvenating and was helping to mend her weary heart and mind.
She was enjoying life on her own without any distractions. There was no work or friends or family or shops, just herself and the open road. She was be
ginning to appreciate nature and becoming aware of nature and the seasons. Her life was so much more peaceful away from the hustle and bustle of the city. She was glad to be out of the rat race, and the tedium of office life. The pace of her life had slowed down dramatically. She found herself breathing deeply for the first time in a very long time. The quality of air in the countryside and by the sea was so much fresher than in the city. She'd decided to take a coastal/country route on her trip around Ireland. She was tired of cities.
She went walking in the forest and parks which were abundant in Ireland. It was Autumn, her favourite season and the leaves were starting to change colour. Gorgeous shades of crimson, green and gold dotted the landscape, interspersed with the brown and black of the tree bark. She loved crunching the fallen leaves underfoot; there was something so satisfying about the noise they made.
Even the rain didn't bother her. She loved shutting her campervan door to the outside world, turning on her gas fire to warm the place and cosying up on her sofa with a glass of wine, looking out the window at the ever-changing nature scenes outside. She rarely watched television anymore these days; Mother Nature was far more entertaining. The cold, fresh air of late Autumn was helping to clear the cobwebs from her mind and reminded her that it would soon be Christmas.
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