Becky shook her head. “An out-of-state car.”
“Okay. We do get those around here, Becky.”
“In this weather? Who would be traveling in a snowstorm?”
“People do all sorts of narrisch things.”
“It’s them.”
“Nee, Becky. Every stranger is not out to get you. I know you were badly frightened in New York, but you’re safe here.” Lena tugged on Becky’s arm. “Kumm get warm. You’re shivering.”
“It’s n-not from the c-cold. Atlee’s out there with them. Ach, Lena, what have I done? I’ve brought d-danger here. If they hurt Atlee . . .” Becky hurried to the door and pulled it open a few scant inches to try to hear. She positioned herself to the side and leaned ever so slightly toward the door. She peeked out the crack and strained to listen. Her heart pounded so hard she nearly got sick. She couldn’t hear any of the conversation, but the passenger had opened his door and stepped out to talk to Atlee. Even though Atlee towered over the man, Becky knew he would never do anything to defend himself if need be. Becky wanted to scream, she wanted to cry, she wanted to throw up.
* * *
Atlee fumbled with unhitching the horse, a task he could generally perform with his eyes closed and one hand tied behind his back. Only as he watched the men depart did the realization hit him. Even though he hadn’t thought the men were after Becky, something had taken over inside of him as if they had been. He knew, without a doubt, he would have done whatever he had to in order to keep Becky from harm.
May the Lord Gott forgive him, but if he’d had to fight for her, he might very well have done so. Now he knew how completely he loved Rebecca Zook. He would give his life for her and her boppli if need be. He’d known that he cared for Becky for quite some time, but now he was certain how very much he loved her.
Atlee watched the jeep turn around and spin its wheels as it drove back down the driveway. Just before it turned onto the paved road, the passenger stuck his hand out the window to wave at him. Atlee raised a hand to return the gesture. He quickly finished unhitching the horse. He needed to get inside and make sure Becky was okay. She’d been so frightened.
He led the horse into Lena’s barn to give him some feed and a chance to warm up before making the jaunt home. Atlee needed to warm up, himself. The adrenaline pumping through his body had kept him warm before, but now the cold had begun to seep into his bones. His breath huffed out in little puffs of steam as he followed the path he’d cleared earlier to the farmhouse.
The door creaked open before he grasped the knob. Becky’s pale face peeked out. A tendril of honey gold hair fluttered about her check, but she didn’t seem to notice. Her big green eyes, as round as dinner plates, showed fear and concern. “Ach, Atlee! Are you all right?” Her hands trembled uncontrollably when she reached to grasp his arms. Atlee’s heart thumped in double time. Was she worried about him? He couldn’t help himself. He pulled her into a hug, wrapping his arms tightly around her and holding her close. He sighed. He could stay like this forever.
* * *
Becky pressed her cheek into Atlee’s cold coat. He smelled of spice and outdoors. Lena had practically dragged her to the stove, telling her that her boppli needed to warm up, so Becky hadn’t been able to see what had transpired outside. She only knew that the incessant ticking of the clock and the wait for Atlee to appear made her want to scream. She didn’t know if the men had hurt Atlee, if he was lying in the snow bleeding. It took all of her willpower not to race out in search of him.
Now Atlee’s strong arms enfolded her, comforting her and protecting her. Her arms hugged him back hard. She could stay in the cocoon of his arms forever. Ach! What was she doing? She had to pull away. She couldn’t let Atlee think . . . what? That she cared? That she died a thousand deaths imagining something awful had happened to him? That if she could have she would have willingly risked herself to protect him? She couldn’t reveal any of those things to the man whose arms cradled her. She shuddered, sniffed, and unsuccessfully willed tears not to flow.
“Shhh, Becky. I’m all right. Everything is all right. Those men weren’t even from New York. They were from Kansas. Maybe their tags are the same color. They were looking for one of the Englisch neighbors’ houses. They had already lost time due to the weather and decided to continue their journey today. They didn’t think that the landmarks they’d been told to look for would be covered by the snow. I pointed them in the right direction and they went on their way. They weren’t the same fellows you feared. Those men are not looking for you, lieb. Are you and the boppli okay?”
She nodded into his coat, which was now wet with her tears. Atlee cared about her boppli. He cared about her. How many men would have faced danger for a woman they were not married to or even courting? Atlee was such a gut man. Too gut for her. She tried to extract herself from his arms but couldn’t. He held her as though he’d never let her go. She had never been held like this before. She didn’t want to move, but she needed to. What was that gentle pressure on top of her head? Had Atlee kissed her? Now his head rested on top of hers.
Becky would have to be strong and tear herself from Atlee’s arms. She needed to apologize for this behavior, this lapse in judgment. But she really wasn’t one bit sorry. This felt like home to her, but it shouldn’t. It couldn’t.
“I was so worried about you,” Atlee mumbled into her kapp.
“Me? You were the one who could have been in danger.”
“I didn’t really think I was in any danger. Besides, I would do anything for you, Becky. I love you and the boppli.”
Chapter Thirty-Five
The words had been whispered but Becky heard them as if they had been shouted from the rooftop. They were the sweetest words she’d ever heard, because she knew, without a doubt, they came from Atlee’s heart. Ach! How she wanted to say such words back to him! A lump the size of the largest snowdrift outside lodged in her throat, choking off her air and her voice. She looked into Atlee’s beautiful, sincere eyes. She opened her mouth to speak, but no sound came forth. Tears flooded her eyes.
Atlee pressed her head to his chest, where she heard the pounding of his heart even through his heavy winter coat. He kissed the top of her head. This time she was sure of it. If she moved her head, she knew his lips would find hers. She couldn’t let that happen, no matter how badly she wanted to.
“Are you two . . .” Lena’s voice trailed off and her footsteps stopped abruptly.
Becky jumped from Atlee’s arms and swiped a hand across her eyes to gather the leftover tears.
“Oops! Am I interrupting?” Lena parked her fists on her hips and stared at the couple in front of her.
“Of course not.” Becky found her voice before Atlee could croak out a word. Her cheeks flamed. She’d been caught in a compromising position yet again.
Lena dropped her hands and laughed. “Well, you could have fooled me!”
“Mamm, are we ever going to have cocoa and cookies?”
“Leave it to Mary to remember food!” Lena directed her smile at Becky and Atlee instead of at Mary. “You’ll stay and get warmed up, won’t you, Atlee?”
“For a few minutes. Then I’ll see if they need help at the dairy today.” He shrugged out of his coat.
Becky kept her gaze from Atlee. She was pretty sure his face was as crimson as her own must be. She hurried to help Lena prepare their snack. She’d have to apologize to Atlee for her behavior and remind him they couldn’t be more than freinden. But she wanted to cherish those last sweet moments for a little while longer.
Lena had coaxed the girls and even Atlee into having a bowl of soup before indulging in the cookies and cocoa. Their outside adventure had taken up more time than they’d anticipated, so something more substantial than cookies had been called for. Atlee had kept the girls entertained and then had to leave as soon as he’d drained his last drop of cocoa. Becky had had no time for a private conversation with him. Maybe she could savor her memories and her dreams for a few m
ore days.
After hot soup, hot cocoa, and washing dishes in hot water, Becky finally felt warm again. Of course, sitting in the rocking chair next to the woodstove in the living room with her lap covered by the heavy afghan she was knitting added a great deal to her comfort. Lena rocked and mended on the other side of the stove. Mary and Eliza, worn out from the romp in the cold and playing with Atlee, put up no fuss when Lena announced it was nap time. Even cranky Matthew had settled into a peaceful sleep. Only the creaking of the two wooden rocking chairs, the soft clacking of Becky’s knitting needles, and wood crackling in the stove broke the silence in the room.
Becky knitted in time with her rocking, the clicking needles harmonizing with the squeaks of the chair. She had already completed a multicolored, striped afghan for the boppli, as well as a white and a yellow sweater. How thankful she was for Vivian Holbrook, her seatmate on the bus out of New York. Someday she’d like to thank Vivian for teaching her to knit and for helping her on her faith journey. The woman had truly been a blessing sent by the Lord Gott just when she needed her.
Atlee had been a blessing, too. He was the first to seek her out and treat her as a freind. He believed in her before anyone else in the community did. He trusted her when others were wary. He had become a strong man, but a gentle one. He’d grown into a dependable, responsible man, but had held on to many of his fun-loving ways. A perfect combination, as far as Becky was concerned. He would make a great husband and daed. For someone.
“Was ist letz?”
Becky gave herself a little shake. “What makes you think something is wrong?”
“You stopped rocking and you stopped knitting.”
“I did?” Becky glanced at the unmoving needles in her lap. “I guess I did.” She set the chair in motion again and wrapped the strand of yarn around the needle.
“Do you want to talk about it while we have some peace and quiet?”
“Talk about what?”
“Talk about why the little smile on your lips and the pink splotches on your cheeks suddenly faded away when you stopped rocking.”
Becky pressed a hand to her still-warm cheek. “Just thinking, I suppose.”
“About a certain fellow who just left here a while ago?”
“Why would I be thinking about him?”
“You can be so exasperating, Rebecca Zook!”
Becky jumped at Lena’s outburst and halted the chair in mid-rock. She stared at Lena with her mouth open.
“And stubborn, too!” Lena dropped the little blue dress with the ripped hem that she had been working on into the basket at her feet.
“Do I have any other qualities you’d like to mention?”
“I have to think a moment. I’m just getting warmed up.”
“Maybe I’m not fit to live with you and your kinner.” Becky started to poke her knitting back into the big canvas bag she kept it in.
Lena scooted her chair over and reached a long, thin arm across the space that separated them so she could grasp Becky’s arm. “Don’t go getting all riled up. I’m not on a fault-finding mission.”
“You could have fooled me.”
“Becky, I love you like a schweschder. That’s why I can’t just stand by and watch you throw your happiness away.”
“I’m not doing anything of the kind. I’m happy here with you and your little ones and anxious for my own boppli to arrive.”
“That’s well and gut, but I’m talking about Atlee Stauffer. I know you aren’t blind. You have to see how much he cares. It’s written all over his face as plain as day.”
“Atlee is a gut freind.”
“A gut freind?”
“Um, a very gut freind. There, is that better?”
Lena blew out a huge exasperated sigh. “What am I going to do with you, girl?”
“Leave me alone?” Becky mumbled, only half under her breath.
“And let you make the biggest mistake of your life?”
“Nee, I’ve already done that.”
“Are you going to carry that cross with you forever? You know, our Lord and Savior said to give Him your burdens.”
“I know. Some burdens are hard to unload, and I don’t want to thrust them onto someone else’s shoulders.”
“When you give them to Jesus, they’re lifted from you. You don’t have them to give to anyone else.”
Becky rocked in silence, mulling over Lena’s words. Was Lena right? If Jesus bore her burdens, did that mean nobody else had to bear them? Still, she couldn’t bring any shame on Atlee or his family.
“I don’t know what that fellow said to you before I so rudely interrupted, but the whole rest of the time he was here, he had an expectant look on his face. Sure, he was attentive to the girls and polite to me, but his eyes followed your every move. He looked like he was waiting for something or for some word from you. Was he?”
“Um, probably.” Becky stopped rocking again. She threw her hands up to cover her cheeks. “Ach, Lena! I’m so confused.”
Lena slid from her chair and knelt beside Becky’s. She pulled the younger woman into her arms and patted her back. “Can you tell me? Maybe I can help you sort things out.”
“Y-you probably already know.”
“Tell me anyway.”
Becky sniffed and forced words past the clog in her throat. “Atlee said h-he l-loved me and the boppli and would d-do anything for us.”
Lena continued patting Becky’s back. “You believed him, didn’t you?”
Becky shrugged. Her nose burned from the effort of holding back out-and-out sobs.
“I think he’s proved that, Becky. He would have protected you with every ounce of his being if he’d needed to.”
“I guess that’s what freinden do. You are pretty protective yourself. You probably would have tried to protect me, too.”
“Because I love you, you silly girl, just not the same way that poor lovesick bu does.”
Lena’s chuckle made Becky smile. “I’m grateful for you both.”
“I doubt it’s your gratitude Atlee wants.”
“Probably not.”
“What did you say when he declared his feelings?”
“N-nothing. You came into the room.”
“Me and my lousy timing.”
“You spared me.”
“Spared you from what exactly?”
“You spared me from hurting Atlee and squashing his dreams.”
“Why would you need to do either of those things?”
“Atlee needs to find someone better, someone worthy of him.”
Lena gave Becky such a hard shake Becky feared her teeth had been loosened from the gums. She wrenched free to stare at her freind.
“You stop that right now! Do you hear me?” Lena’s voice rose briefly. She brought it under control before continuing. “You are a gut person. Don’t you ever think otherwise.”
“I don’t think I’m a really bad person. I’m just not right for Atlee.”
“Why not?”
“I’ve made too many mistakes.” Becky rubbed the tears from her eyes. She stared at the floor, unable to meet Lena’s gaze.
“And do you think Atlee Stauffer is perfect, that he has never made a mistake in his entire life?”
“Of course not. None of us is perfect. Only the Lord Jesus was perfect.”
“Exactly. Do you expect Atlee to be perfect?”
“Nee. He can’t be.”
“Right again. Atlee can’t be perfect. I can’t be perfect. You can’t be perfect. Atlee doesn’t expect you to be perfect, either. He knows about the horribly wicked life you’ve led, ain’t so?”
Becky giggled. “Atlee knows about my past, for sure and for certain.”
“And the silly man still loves you, jah?”
“He said he did.”
“He obviously holds nothing against you, so you need to forgive yourself.”
“That’s easier said than done.”
“You know, when I was young and naughty, I’d cr
y to my mamm in regret. She used to quote a Bible verse. I looked it up last night. Listen, Becky. This is from the book of Titus. If I remember it correctly, it says ‘Jesus gave himself for us, that he might redeem us from all iniquity, and purify unto himself a peculiar people, zealous of gut works’.”
Becky felt her forehead wrinkle as she raised her eyebrows. Her thoughts spun so fast she couldn’t get a handle on the Bible verse. She felt like she was sitting atop one of those painted horses going up and down and round and round on the carousel she’d seen at the Fireman’s Carnival a few years ago.
Lena took one of Becky’s hands in both of hers. “This is what I believe the verse means. Jesus died on the cross to save us, ain’t so?”
Becky nodded.
“Then he redeemed us. He saved us from our sins or iniquity. He cleansed us so we can do gut works for Him.”
Becky remained silent, her brain whirring even faster.
“Do you see, Becky?” Lena gave Becky’s hand a squeeze. “He forgives me. He forgives you. He forgives all of us who ask for forgiveness. We are redeemed. Our slates are wiped clean so we can begin again, fresh and new to do gut works.”
Becky nodded again. She smiled as realization seeped into her mind and joy flooded her heart. “I’m free of the past? I’m a new person?”
“For sure and for certain. Accept Gott’s grace.”
“I-I will. I do.” Tears, this time of joy and relief, coursed down Becky’s cheeks.
Lena squeezed Becky’s hand again. “And accept Atlee’s love.”
Chapter Thirty-Six
As soon as they awoke from their naps the next afternoon, Mary and Eliza begged to play in the rapidly melting snow. The sun had put forth its best effort to shrink the drifts to half their original size.
“If there can be a gut thing about a late snow, it’s that it usually melts faster.” Lena glanced out the window over the kitchen sink. Water from the melting snow dripped from the roof. It would probably refreeze into long icicles when the sun disappeared and darkness settled.
Becky straightened after shoving a meatloaf into the oven. “Jah, we’ll be down to slush and mud soon. Let me get ready and I’ll take the girls out to play for a bit.”
The Reconciliation Page 25
