"No, Imzadi...," he began only to be cut off.
"Don't," she stopped him. "Let me finish. Yes, we made mistakes. All parents do. But I'm not going to let you blame yourself for what's going on now. Lucas is going to have to deal with his hero complex sooner or later, or he's going to lose his wife, just like you did. And Kyle is going to have to work through his anger if he ever wants to have a relationship with Melanie, just like you did. You can't tell them how to do it, Will. They have to figure it out for themselves. Just. Like. You. Did. And that's what this is really all about, isn't it?"
He rubbed his hand over his face with a heavy sigh. "I just don't want them to hurt like I did. I never have. I thought I was a better parent than my father. I thought I could prevent it from happening."
"They're Rikers, my love. You could no more stop them from being who they are than your father could stop you."
*****
Kyle viciously kicked one of the smaller rocks that had "washed up" on the beach during the last tide. He watched with cold detachment as it disappeared beneath waves. If the holodeck beach had been real it probably would have taken that rock ten thousand years to find it's way to land, and with one action, he'd have condemned it to making the trek all over again. He smiled with grim satisfaction. At least then he wouldn't have been the only one beating against the tide.
It was his fault, of course. All of it. He should never had made love to her without dealing with her past. But, he'd been weak. He'd known it was the wrong time. He'd known it was too soon. He'd known it would complicated things impossibly. Hell! He'd known it was just plain stupid from the first kiss, but stopping just hadn't been an option. Not with her. He'd wanted her for too long. Loved her for too long
Now what? Did he keep his distance? Let her come to him? He shook his head with a bitter chuckle. She wouldn't come to him. She would close herself off again and try to forget what happened between them. It was easier that way.
He couldn't let her do that. Even if she never spoke to him again, he had to push the issue and get it out there.
Damn. He didn't want to do this. He didn't want her to hurt anymore. What he wouldn't give for five minutes alone with the bastard that did this to her. His fist clenched at the thought. Just five minutes.
"It won't help," Lucas said from behind him.
Kyle turned slowly. "I know, but, damn. It sure would feel good."
Lucas smiled. "Yeah."
It was as close to an apology either of them would ever get.
"She's in the Mess Hall," Lucas told him. "She's alone."
"I know."
His brother's eyes narrowed thoughtfully. "How are you doing with that? Are you able to control it? I can help...."
Kyle smiled. "I'm okay. It's not bad. I'm sure it's nothing like what you have. It's just me and Melanie. I can sorta block it if I have to."
Lucas nodded. "Good."
Kyle grimaced, gave his brother a small salute and headed back up to the holodeck exit.
Melanie was curled up in one of the large sofas in the Mess Hall next to the view port, reading a PADD. She had on her nightgown and robe. Kyle was shocked when he realized just how late it had gotten. He'd been wandering around that stupid holodeck for hours.
She was aware of his presence immediately, but refused to look up and acknowledge him. Maybe if she ignored him long enough he'd leave.
"If you really think that, you don't know me very well, Imzadi," he replied to her unguarded thought out loud, knowing it would upset her.
She snapped the PADD off, tossed it down on the small table next to her and glared at him, crossing her arms in front of herself.
"I didn't give you permission to read my thoughts, Kyle," she hissed angrily. "Go away!"
Her eyes narrowed with menace when he firmed his stance, letting her know silently that he wasn't moving an inch until they'd settled this.
"Fine." She flung herself upright and headed for the door. "I'm going to bed, you can stay here all night for all I care."
He caught her by the arm before she took three steps.
"No."
She raised a disbelieving eyebrow at his audacity. "Let go."
Kyle shook his head and loosed his grip, but still kept hold of her arm.
"We need to talk."
"No." She could give as good as she got. Dammit, he wasn't going to win this. She didn't owe him anything.
"Dammit, Melanie! We have to talk about this! I have the right to know!"
She spun out of his grasp in fury. "The right?! You have the *right*? Who the hell do you think you are?!"
Kyle reached for her again but she shrugged off his hand violently. "What about my rights?! Don't I have the right to keep this to myself?! It's my life. My body. My mind. You don't have the right to any of it! Do you understand?! No right!"
His jaw clenched. "You gave me that right when you told me you loved me. It may be your life, but your life is part of mine! It's your body, but it's also our relationship. If you don't tell me, Melanie, we have no future. It'll always be there between us. Dark and evil. Eroding away at the very foundation of our relationship."
He dragged a weary hand though his hair. "I won't let you throw away the best thing that's ever happened to either of us because you're scared. You might as well tell me now, because I will be at you about this day and night until you do. People wait their whole lives for what we've found with each other. I'm not about to walk away from it."
"You can't force me to tell you, Kyle."
"I shouldn't have to! You should want to! I care about you more than any other person in the universe. I love you! I'm part of you and you're part of me. There should be no secrets, Melanie."
The impassioned plea cut into her like a disruptor blast, burning everything in it's path with it's white-hot energy. She struggled to take a breath, wrapping her arms tightly around her body as if to ward off yet another unseen blow.
"I can't, Kyle." Her voice caught on a sob. "I can't! Don't you see? I can't bear to see the disgust in your eyes. Or the anger. I can't do it, please don't make me."
Kyle caught himself and took a deep breath. This was getting them nowhere. Again. His stance relaxed as he smiled sadly.
"Come here." He held out his hand, beckoning her.
"Kyle, please...."
"Just...." He sighed heavily. "Just come here. We don't have to talk about it right now, okay? I just want to hold you. I don't like seeing you this upset. Just... let me hold you."
Melanie looked up at him, wanting so desperately to do as he asked, but unable to make her body take that step toward him. Instead, she turned away with a shake of her head, staring with unseeing eyes out the glass viewport into the vast darkness of space.
She caught his reflection as he came closer.
"Don't shut me out, Melanie," he said when he finally stopped right behind her. She could feel the heat of his body through her thin nightgown. How she wanted to sink back into his arms. Let him hold her. Comfort her. Just be there for her. Why couldn't she do it? Why was she fighting him? God, she was so screwed up. He deserved better. A silent tear slipped down her cheek.
His arms, warm and solid, slid around her from behind. Her breath hitched on a sob when he pulled her into his embrace.
"You're not alone anymore!" he whispered fiercely against the back of her neck. "You can tell me. Nothing will change the way I feel about you. Nothing!" He hauled in a ragged breath. "Trust me."
Then lifted her into his arms, striding over to the small sofa and sat down with her in his lap, tucking her head into the hollow of his shoulder.
Melanie sat there just listening to his heartbeat, battling her inner demons. With each trembling breath she desperately tried to work up the courage to tell him.
It was an agonizing long while before she noticed the steady stroke of his hand over her back comforting her. Soothing her. His strength seemed to seep into her. Slowly a gentle calm slowly settled over them.
A shared bre
ath....
A linked thought....
A single heartbeat....
And this time it didn't frighten her. Even as he surrounded her, became part of her--she became part of him.
This wasn't an invasion. It was a joining.
Now she understood.
<
Kyle's strong hands cupped her face and brought her gaze to his as he replied, <
"I'm so sor...."
"Shh," he hushed her, placing a fingertip over her parted lips. "No apologies." His mouth brushed softly over hers for a moment before pulling her back down into his arms.
Melanie snuggled more securely against the warm, smooth skin of his chest....
And told him.
Told him of the pain and fear. The self-disgust and loathing. Told him how she blamed herself for years for even being in a situation where it could have happened. Told him how, at a party her first year at the academy, she'd drunk too much, flirted too much... trusted too much. How she ended up separated from her group of friends. Alone with a forth year cadet she didn't know. How she told him 'No' and how he didn't care. How she fought and how it didn't matter. How scared she was and how he liked that. How badly he hurt her and how he liked that even more. How she barely made it back to her dorm room. How she sat in the shower all night long with the water so hot it burned her skin red. How she never went to the authorities or the Medical Center because she was so ashamed. How no one knew until she had taken Commander Troi's Introduction to Psychology a year later and Deanna had picked up on it. How hard it was just to date. How she had tried to be normal again, but hadn't been able to.
Until he had come along.
"That was the hardest part," she revealed quietly. "How he was there. Every day. Haunting me. Controlling me. Taking my life from me. The life I should have had. He didn't just rape me. He killed the girl I was that night."
Kyle stiffened under her, his arms pulling her closer as he fought to stay in control of his emotions. This was harder than he imagined it would be. The tenuous grip he had on his anger was slipping more and more as each second passed. To relive this with her, share these painful memories so intimately...it was almost too much. He wasn't a trained telepath like Lucas. He didn't know how to deal with the sheer force of the imagery he was receiving from Melanie. He was caught a storm of emotion that he had no way of controlling.
"God! I would have given anything to have been normal again! To not live in fear. To just be able to trust again!" She stopped to wipe the tears from her face. When she glanced up at him, she froze.
Agony. There was no other word to describe his expression. She cried out in pain as well, then reached up to wipe away the moisture that had gathered at the corners of his eyes.
"Kyle...."
He shook his head. "Don't stop. We need to get through this."
She gave a watery shrug. "There isn't anymore. That's pretty much it." A great sense of relief filled her. It was finally over.
Kyle smiled, framing her face with his hands. He dropped a soft kiss on her tear streaked cheeks, first one, then the other. Finally, his mouth brushed hers. "I love you," he whispered against her trembling lips.
"I love you too," she whispered back. God! It felt so good to say that!
Kyle pulled her to her feet and tucked her protectively against his body then led her to his quarters. They were asleep within minutes, completely exhausted, but totally secure in the knowledge that they had the rest of their lives together.
*****
Tessa looked at her husband in shocked disbelief. Then, around Voyager's mess hall table, past the breakfast food sitting untouched, to K'Leena and Lucas.
"You can't!" she exclaimed in horror.
"Try and stop me." There was steel in Mike's voice.
She shook her head. "No. If I'm not meant to be here, then I'm not." Tessa was amazed she managed to say that without her voice breaking. It was stunning to know she was nothing more than a paradox. That she didn't really exist.
It must be killing her mother. Tessa understood so much more now. No wonder her mother had been so overprotective and controlling. She'd known all along it was going to end someday.
Tears gathered in her eyes. She hastily wiped them away.
"We are *not* going to violate the Temporal Prime Directive," she told them all.
"How do you know we're not supposed to do this?" Lucas asked quietly. "If this wasn't they way time wanted it, how come we're here?"
"It doesn't work that way," K'Leena told him. "This alternate time line was created when we went back into time and changed the outcome of a single event. If we don't do it again, the timeline will revert back to it's proper destiny."
"But it's Gellis who's changed history," Mike insisted. "If we go back to try and stop *that* aren't we preserving the correct timeline?"
Tessa's breath hitched. She looked at K'Leena. "You're the expert. Is there a chance we're supposed to do this?"
K'Leena paused. Her eyes met Lucas' in a haunting gaze. What if....
"He's right, K'Leena," Lucas said quietly. "It's *Gellis* that created the paradox. Not us. We have to stop him."
"We can't know that for sure," she wavered. K'Leena wanted to believe them. She didn't want Tessa to cease to exist, but she knew the dangers of time travel more than most. "Paradoxes destroy lives, Lucas."
"I know, that's why we have to stop this."
K'Leena nodded. "Yeah, I think we do."
*****
Tom Paris lay on the bed he and B'Elanna shared on Voyager, staring blankly at the flat gray metal of the ceiling above him. A dull headache thudded mercilessly at his temples. If he stopped them from going back, was he preventing it from happening? Or would it be worse if Gellis was allowed to follow through with his plan. What was his plan? Was he after Enterprise? Or the Breen? Would this save lives or destroy more?
Damn! He hated this. Temporal mechanics baffled him in the best of circumstances. How could he make life and death decisions when he didn't understand what was going on? What right did he have to do this?
What right did he have not to?
If they could just catch up to Gellis before it was too late. If they could stop him from ever leaving their time and altering the past, then the paradox would cease to exist.
Then, it would finally be over.
*****
In the Shuttle Bay, K'Leena boarded the Delta Flyer and nodded to Mike, who was already taking the weapons offline to route power to the warp core. They'd need every bit of it to convert over to Temporal Drive.
"I don't like taking this thing back without any way to defend ourselves," Mike grumbled. It didn't seem to matter how long he'd been in command, at heart, he was still a Tactical Officer.
"Sorry." K'Leena pulled out a hyperspanner and crawled under the helm to adjust the controls. "Can't afford the power drain. This thing's thirty years old, it'll barely get us there as it is."
"I still don't like it," he groused again.
K'Leena rolled her eyes with a barely repressed snort. "Just shut up and finish rerouting that power conduit. We're due on the bridge in twenty minutes. Sherise and Lucas need this done so they can install the Temporal Drive components she's replicating in Engineering.
"And just how is she doing that, by the way, with your mother down there?"
"Robbie's going to distract her. She can't see the upper replicating unit from her office. He's going to say he needs her advice about Sherise."
"And she's supposed to buy that? Robbie's not exactly known for his heart to heart talks, K'Leena. Your mother will be suspicious."
"Maybe, but I don't think Mom's the one who's going to have a problem with what we're doing. It's Dad I'm worried about. Since when did Admiral Riker take orders from him anyway? Why isn't he running the show? He outranks Dad by a good ten years."
"I don't know for sure, but in Alpha Team it's not always the highest rankin
g officer that commands the team. It's the officer with the most knowledge and experience or special training to handle the situation. There have been times that Lucas has been under my command."
K'Leena grinned wickedly. "I bet he loves that."
"He knows it's for the safety of the team and the mission success."
Klingon Hearts 11 Controlled - Limitations of the Mind Page 9
