by Tiya Rayne
He walked out of the bathroom after that. When he came back he had a pair of scissors in his hands and a grocery bag. He was no longer on the phone.
Jackson pulled up a chair behind me in the tub and started to part my hair.
“Talk to me, Char. What happened?”
His fingers in my hair was so relaxing. I pulled my knees to my chest and closed my eyes.
“Did you know that my mama didn’t want me?” I asked, but I didn’t expect to get a response and he didn’t give it. “She was only fifteen when I was born and she wanted to abort me, but Grams and Papa wouldn’t let her. Can you imagine that? She hated me so much that she wanted to get rid of me before she even met me. She didn’t even name me. She had nine months to come up with a name and she didn’t even care enough to do that. Papa had to name me. When the nurse put me in his arms he came up with the name Charlice Rose. Charlice after him and Rose for my Grams.” I fought the sob that tried to come up. I was tired of crying. “There aren’t any pictures of her holding me. All the pictures I have of my childhood was either Grams or Papa holding me. Bernita told me often how much she didn’t want me. I still tried to be the perfect daughter. I thought if I was good enough, she would love me, but it didn’t work.
I asked her one time, why she let him hurt me? I asked her why she couldn’t love me enough to make him stop. You know what she said?” Another question I didn’t expect him to answer. “She told me that she was molested when she was eleven by my grandfather’s best friend and when she finally built up enough strength to tell, Grams told her to never mention it again. Nita said nobody cared about her, so why should she care about me. And it was my fault anyway, I was seducing him.” At this I gave a dry laugh.
I could feel Jackson’s nimble fingers removing the braids Devin placed in under my weave. It felt so good that I kept talking.
“I’ve always thought that maybe, some way, she was right. Somehow I was seducing him. I mean, half of my family hated me and I didn’t even know why. I had to obviously be doing something to make my aunts dislike me, and my mother not want me. So maybe I was doing something to turn him on. Do you know what it’s like to grow up in a family where you felt unwanted? I always had my grandparents and Eli, but when you’re young, you don’t focus on those that do care, all you see are the ones that don’t. That’s why I’ve always kept their secrets. I just wanted to fit in with them. I’d do anything for my family. I’ve cleaned up their messes without ever bringing it up or throwing it in their faces. When Aunt Jo and Uncle Kenny was about to lose their house, I’m the one that paid the back taxes so they could keep it. When Uncle Walter was diagnosed with prostate Cancer two years ago, I paid to get him in the early medical trial that saved his life. I pay medical bills, school tuition, I provide jobs, homes, and anything they need, all they’ve ever had to do was ask. And I’ve done it all without any notion of ever being paid back, because all I wanted from them was to not feel unwanted.”
I hated the tears that fell down my face. I hated that at thirty-three I was still feeling the pains of that six year old little girl lying in her own blood wondering why her uncle made her hurt. Why no one took the time to look at me and tell I was hurting, or that I needed help.
I let the sobs shake my body as I continued to cry. Jackson never spoke a word. He bathed my body and washed my hair. Devin must have given him some really great advice because he even separated it in four uneven parts and plaited it. I was looking extremely unattractive at the moment. My eyes were puffy and dark from alcohol and crying. My hair had me looking like an extra in The Color Purple, and my skin was dry from sitting in the bathtub too long.
Jackson pulled back the covers to help me climb into my bed. Once he got me settled, he slid in bed beside me and wrapped me in his arms. My head laid on his chest as I curled my body into his side, my leg thrown across his thigh.
“Your grandfather is doing fine. The doctors said it wasn’t a heart attack, that it was most likely an anxiety attack.”
I sighed. “God, I’m the worse granddaughter ever. I didn’t even think to check on him.”
Jackson chuckled. “A lot happened today. Besides, Devin has been keeping me informed.”
“Devin?” I said looking up at him. “How did she get your number anyway?”
“From Kylie.” Jackson laughed. “When they were staying here, Kylie was watching YouTube on my phone and apparently sent Devin a text.”
I laughed, that sneaky little girl. Once the laughter died down I could tell Jackson wanted to say something else. It was crazy how much I could read him now. I could tell by the way he was aimlessly rubbing my back that he had something on his mind.
I finally asked, “What?”
“I want to see the pictures.”
“No!” I said rolling away from him.
He grabbed me and pulled me back down, before climbing on top of me sinking between my legs.
“I know you have a past. It does not intimidate me, I just want to check something.”
“Check what?”
“Let me see them, Char?”
I stared into his eyes for a moment, trying to see if this was a good idea or not. I was pretty sure it wasn’t, but the day couldn’t get any worse.
“Nightstand, top drawer. Brown envelope.”
Jackson placed a kiss on my lips and lifted from the bed. He sat on the side of the bed and fetched the pictures out of the drawer. I lied on my back and covered my face with the pillow, he was not going to like them.
“Damn, you weren’t kidding when you said you didn’t date white guys.”
I groaned. “Can we not talk about my lack of variety…..”
“Hold on!” Jackson said climbing from the bed.
I lifted the pillow and stared up at him, that tone in his voice startled me.
“What’s wrong?” Jackson stared down at the pictures and then over the bed. He moved around the bed and faced me.
“These pictures are all from your bedroom.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“Did you take them?”
“What? No, why the hell would I take these pictures?
Jackson walked to my wall where my sorority wall art was hanging. He turned to look at the bed and down at the pictures in his hand again, then he turned back to the framed picture on the wall. He took the picture down and flipped it over.
“Jackson, what are you…”
When Jackson pulled up the small black device from the back of my picture I was shocked. A muthafuckin camera. Ok, this shit was out of control.
“Grab your stuff.” Jackson said stuffing the camera in his pocket.
I didn’t argue, I jumped off the bed and grabbed a Louis travel bag out of my closet and started tossing things in the bag. I loved my house, but I was at the point where I was ready to sell this goddamn house and call it a day. I thought when Cliff wrecked my house, I would never feel comfortable here again. But this took the cake. I was shaking while I packed my bag. When I finally had enough stuff to last me, Jackson grabbed my hands and ushered me out of the room.
“I have a friend from the military that specializes in this type of stuff. I’ll get him here to sweep the house before you can come back.”
When we made it to the front door he turned to look at me cupping my face in his hands. My body was still shaking.
“I’m done waiting on the police to fix this shit, Char. I’m not taking any more risk with you. You don’t stay anywhere without me, do you understand?”
I nodded my head vigorously. He led me out to his truck and we sped away from my house.
TWENTY-SIX
This was the longest I’d ever gone without seeing my family. It’s been two weeks since that incident in the hospital. Despite my phone ringing off the hook, I refused to speak to anyone. I really was done.
Eli sent me one text since that day that simply said, “I’m here when you’re ready.” That had me crying again because it was Eli, and he has always known what I needed. D
evin has not got the memo, and she has resorted to calling Jackson. He informed her that I was alright and that I just needed time.
In the meantime, I’d been spending all my time with him.
“Woman, why the hell are you cleaning again?” He asked the question as I walked in front of his television with my broom and dustpan.
“I think I’m going to bake a cake.” I replied instead of answering his question.
I haven’t been back to my house since we found the cameras. Jackson’s friend came three days ago and did a sweep of the house but found nothing. He told Jackson that Cliff most likely knew that we had one of the cameras and came back to collect the others. They took the camera we found to get information off of it, but Cliff wiped the information. Only thing they could tell us was that it was working, and someone had been servicing it. I was given the ok to go back home, but I didn’t want to. I liked being here with Jackson. I didn’t know I would enjoy it so much. I’d never really shared space with anyone since I got my own place in college.
Lately, I’d been constantly moving, trying to stay busy. Grams use to say idle hands were the devil’s workshop. So I figured, if I stayed busy, I didn’t have time to think about all the shit I had going on.
Jackson looked up at me from his position on the couch. I was wearing nothing but one of his shirts and some rubber gloves. My hair was still in its natural form because I obviously hadn’t been to Devin’s to get it done, so right now it was in a large afro puff at the top of my head.
“You.” Jackson paused to make a point. “The person that almost burnt the house down three days ago while boiling an egg, is going to bake a cake?”
I place my hands on my hips. “Hey, you are the one that wanted to fuck me against the kitchen counter, it’s your fault the water boiled out.”
Jackson laughed and climbed to his feet placing his beer bottle down on the table in front of him. He stepped in front of me, took the broom and dustpan out of my hands and leaned it on the wall behind me. He then pulled me into his lips for a kiss.
“You know I love you right?” He said as I wrapped my arms around his neck and pushed up on my tiptoes to get another kiss.
“Yes, I know, Mr. Keller.”
He chuckled. “So you know it’s from love that I say, please don’t make me eat your cake.”
I laughed and smacked his chest.
“Shut up! I have been doing a lot better with cooking.”
We’d continued the cooking classes and I could officially make a full breakfast without anything burning, with the exception of the boiled egg situation. However, in my defense, when you’re getting the dick as good as Jackson was giving it, you didn’t mind a little house fire.
“Yeah baby, you’re doing better, but not bake a cake better.”
I tossed my head back and laughed, when I’m done Jackson was smiling at me.
“What?” I asked.
“I love your laugh.”
“You love everything about me.”
He smiled showing me those dimples. “I do. I especially love your tasty pussy, and the face you make when I sink my dick inside those tight wet walls.” He said the words like a stroke against my nipples.
“Is that all you love about me, Mr. Keller? Just my pussy?”
Another flash of dimples. “No! I love the faces you make in the morning while you’re putting on your make-up. I love that you sing every song that comes on the radio. I love the way your nose scrunches up when you’re angry and the way you curl into a ball when you sleep. I even love your little snore.”
I rolled my eyes and laughed.
Jackson kept going. “I love how you ask me a million questions while we watch something for the first time, as if I’ll have the answer. I even love your inability to correctly place a roll of toilet paper on the holder.” I burst out laughing and he did too.
We finally calmed down and Jackson just stared in my eyes. “Charlice Rose, I love so many things about you. Things I find new every day. Your strength, your heart, your giving nature, and your ability to keep going. I love you, Char.”
“Awww, I love you too!”
“Then marry me!”
If this were a movie or a tv show, this was where the record would scratch. It’s where the sappy love music would stop and reality would step in. However, this isn’t a movie. There wasn’t going to be a cut scene where we left the audience with the unanswered question. No, in this reality, hazel eyes were watching me with so much intensity I couldn’t look away from him.
“Jackson. Whoa!” I said stepping away from him. “We’ve only known each other for a few months.”
“So,” He said with a shrug. “I’ve dated girls for years, and I’ve never felt the way I feel about you. From the moment you stepped out of your car that day I knew you were meant to be mine. I thought about you all day long. I won’t say it was love at first sight, but I will say I knew there was something about you. After that robbery, I promised myself to never sit by and let life run over me. I realized as I sat in that court house waiting for them to either give me prison or send me on my way, that I would never allow life to go by without living it to its fullest. That’s why I chased you, that’s why I fought so hard for your heart, because I knew you were always meant to be mine. I don’t need a certain amount of time to tell me you are it for me. I just want to marry you.”
Damn it, now I was on the verge of crying again. Jackson didn’t need beautiful sonnets or poems to make me melt for him. It was the realness it his voice, the truth in his eyes that made whatever he said so much more.
I’d never wanted to get married. Not even when I was a little girl before my life was ruined and love became a nightmare. I knew I wanted kids, but never did those fantasies include a husband. Then after that started, I didn’t think any of this was possible. Not for me. It really did feel good to know what love felt like. Jackson was able to take something so tainted for me, and turn it into something beautiful. He was able to love me so good, it erased the pain in my past. I no longer feared love or thought I didn’t deserve it. He rescued me from myself and taught me that I deserved him.
“OK.” I find myself saying the word.
Jackson’s eyes widen. “Ok as in?” he asked again as if he needed to make sure I said it.
I laughed through my tears. “Yes!”
He picked me up and spun me around.
This wasn’t one of those romantic proposals that are recorded and liked on YouTube. No dance number with surprised guest or singers. It was just us, but it was perfect. Two broken and damaged people finding love where love was once lost for them.
Jackson finally planted me on my feet. I raised up on my toes and kiss him with all my heart. I poured into Jackson everything he had made me feel over the last seven months. Safe, happy, sexy, special, adored, and loved, I wrapped it all in this one kiss and gave it back to him. His heavy hands slid up the side of my thighs, pushing up my shirt. He pulled away from the kiss just enough to yank the shirt over my head, my rubber gloves came off with it. Jackson took a second to stare down at me. My dark brown skin on full display for him. He shook his head in awe as he backed me up to the side of the couch, sitting me down on the arm. He got to his knees and opened my thighs placing them on his shoulder. Jackson was never slow when it came to eating my pussy, he dived in as if he was afraid someone would snatch it from him. He sucked my folds into his mouth and slid his tongue inside me.
“Jackson!” I moaned his name as I buried my fingers in his short hair.
His tongue worked my clit and I rode his face. He ate me out until my legs quivered and I was screaming his name. After planting wet kisses on my thighs, he stood to his feet. His hardened dick was standing at full mast in his baller shorts. He pushed his shorts and boxers down kicking out of them and yanked his shirt up. I got to my knees in front of him and wrapped my lips around his dick. I loved giving Jackson head. I enjoyed it so much because he loved it. He was so verbal when I was sucking his dick to
the back of my throat.
“Fuck, Char! That shits so fucking good.” He groaned and threw his head back as I took him to the back of my throat.
I moaned around him when I tasted his salty precum on my tongue. The vibrations caused Jackson to curse under his breath, his fisted hands lifted to his head. I used my hands to pump him a few times as I slurped on his dick. Jackson, grunted and slid out of my mouth with a pop.
“Fuck that, I need to be in your pussy, baby.”
I laughed as he pulled me to my feet then leaned me back against the arm of the couch, spreading my legs in a wide V. He bent his knees slightly and surged into me.
“Ahhhhhh!” I yelled at his abrupt entrance. He stretched my walls so good every time.
“No Condom?” I breathlessly asked. He was riding me hard and fast, I sounded like I had been running a marathon and we had just started.
He shook his head. “Nothing between us anymore. This shit is mine. I want to feel your walls wrapped around my dick from here on out.”
Shit that made me wetter.
Jackson must had realized it too, because he sped up. Pushing into me like he was on a mission. My back was on the seat cushion of the couch and my ass was on the arm, at this angle he was diving straight to the back of my pussy and it felt so amazing. I screamed for Jackson to keep going, to fuck me harder.
He was up for the challenge. Jackson placed an arm under my back lifting me up. With my thighs over his forearms, he stood straight up. I wrapped my arms around his neck while he bounced me up and down on his dick. His large work hardened hands gripped my ass cheeks as he powered into me from below. My moans and wet pussy serenaded the room.
Damn, I didn’t think he could get any deeper inside me. And to think, he was going to be my husband. The man I would get to do this with for the rest of my life. Just the thought had me coming. I tossed my head back and cried out as my orgasm rocked me. My pussy squirted my essence all down Jackson’s shaft.
