by Tiya Rayne
I could hear everyone talking around me, but it sounded like they were miles away. I knew someone was calling my name and someone was touching me, but I couldn’t make out anything. It wasn’t until I felt his arms wrap around me that I was able to get any semblance of control. Jackson spun me around in his arms. His hands cupped my face, while those hazel eyes flashed back and forth between my brown ones.
“Talk to me, Char. What’s going on?”
I just needed to go. That’s all I wanted to do. I couldn’t stand breathing the same air as Uncle Martin.
“I…..I….. I.” I couldn’t get a reasonable sentence out.
I wasn’t making any sense.
Martin walked down the stairs at that moment, that fucking grin still on his face.
“What’s going on?” He asked.
The moment I heard his voice my body started to shake uncontrollable.
“Duck is having an episode.”
“Is baby girl going to be alright?”
“It will pass. She use to have them when she was younger. You can go on and eat Martin. I know you had a long flight.” Grams said as her hand continued to stroke my back the same way it did when I was younger.
I knew the exact moment it all clicked for Jackson. I saw the realization dawn in his eyes. I also knew that nothing I could have did would have stopped him from doing what he did next. Faster than he’d ever moved before, Jackson nudged me to my Grams arms, rushed over to Martin and nailed him in the face so hard he might have broken his jaw. The cracking sound echoed around the room.
The first blow took everyone by surprise. The second one landed Martin on his ass and had everyone running to Martin and Jackson. It took Kenny Jr, Royce, and Uncle Kenny to pull Jackson off of Martin. I’d never seen Jackson that out of control. I thought he was bad that night he slammed Miles into the wall, but he beat Martin like a demon possessed him. Once they were able to break Jackson and Martin apart, Papa stood in between them with his hands out. Aunt Vivica and Uncle Walter attended to Martin.
“What’s going on?” Grams shouted.
“You need to get that crazy man out of this house?” Vivica yelled.
Everyone was yelling, either threatening Jackson or trying to figure out what would make him attack Martin.
Uncle Walter helped a bloody face Martin get to his feet. He looked bad. One eye was swollen shut and the other was blood shot. Blood ran from his nose and split lip. Aunt Vivica tried to look at his face, but he snatched away from her.
“What is wrong with him?” Martin yelled at Jackson. “He’s insane! Get him out of here. He shouldn’t even be allowed around, Baby girl.”
Jackson broke away from the hold Kenny Jr, Royce, and Uncle Kenny had on him and charged at Martin. Martin ran behind Aunt Vivica. That was the only thing that kept Jackson back. The shouting started back. Jackson was being called a trouble maker, a racist, and a loose cannon. Someone even threatened to call the police.
“SHUT UP!” this time it was Eli’s voice that cut through the room.
When I turned to Eli he was watching me in that uncomfortable way that let me know he was seeing more than what was going on in front of us.
“What’s going on, Duck?” Eli demanded.
I had this sinking feeling that Eli already knew the truth, he just wanted me to admit it. I could tell by the way those light brown eyes stared back at me. I also knew that Eli was a loose cannon and that telling him the truth could set him off. If I thought Jackson was bad, Eli would be worse.
I shook my head no, ready to tell him that it was nothing. The glare in his eye cuts my lie off.
“Not this time.”
He wasn’t going to let me get out of this.
I looked away from Eli to find Jackson’s eyes on me. It was then, as I fought to breathe, that I realized how much I loved him, and how much of an impact that he’d had on me. I also realized how strong he had made me. I had my shit together on the outside, but on the inside I was a mess before Jackson. Too afraid to admit out loud what I endured as a child, because part of me really feared that I might actually had been at fault. That maybe Nita was right and I was leading him on. I feared that my family would blame me too.
But, finding the kind of love Jackson had for me, assured me that despite the outcome of the truth, I would be ok. I knew what real love was, and because of that, I didn’t need to be loved by my family. I was no longer desperate for their acceptance. I also knew that I was a child and I did nothing to encouraged him hurt me the way he did. It was not my fault.
Jackson nodded at me, giving me the encouragement I needed.
“He raped me.” The words came out without any further thought.
“Who raped you?” Devin asked the question that I knew everyone was wondering.
Instead of answering her, I turned to Eli. I noticed his eyes were watering, despite the angry flames I saw dancing in them.
I continued to speak, looking only at Eli. “From the time I was six years old to the day I moved back in with Grams. The nightmares were all about him. The panic attacks, the horrible stomach pain, they were all caused by him.” I turn to a wide eyed Grams. “Sorry you won’t get any great-grands from me Grams. They made sure of that. Nita cleaned up after his mess every time. So, no, Grams. I don’t want a relationship with her. I don’t even want to be in the same room with her, and I damn sure won’t pray for either of them.”
It happened so fast that I barely had time to register it. Eli reached in the back of his pants, and pulled out a gun. In four steps the barrel of the gun was held directly in the middle of Martin’s head. Everyone in the room screamed.
“Ellis Jr, put the gun down.” Papa demanded taking a step towards Eli and Martin.
Jackson stepped in front of me, blocking me from a stray bullet or the sight I feared could come next.
Eli cocked the hammer of his gun back making a clicking sound.
“Tell me why I shouldn’t put a fucking bullet in your head.”
“Wait a minute! Just wait!” Uncle Martin cried out. “She’s lying. Mama, you know I wouldn’t do that. Tell them, Nita.”
Nita’s mouth dropped open, I was pretty sure to collaborate with his lie in order to save herself.
Grams held up her hand and turned to me. “I told you once before, Duck. A mother knows her children. She knows when they are hurting, when they are lying, and when they are telling the truth.”
My heart dropped. She believed him. I knew there was a chance that this could be the outcome, I even prepared for it, but standing here watching her take his side breaks my heart.
Jackson wrapped his arms around me and I borrowed his strength.
Grams turned to Uncle Martin. “The only reason I won’t let Eli put that bullet in your head, is because you aren’t worth him going back to jail for.”
I was shocked at her words. Wait! She believed me?
“I knew Duck was going through something, but I never would have thought.….” Grams paused and a sob ripped from her lips. She shook her head unable to finish her sentence. “Get him out of my house.”
“Mama wait! Let me explain. She loved me. She wanted…” Before he could finish the disgusting lie he was about to tell, Eli cocked his gun back and brought it down on the side of Martin’s face knocking him out cold.
“Eli, you and Kenny Jr. load him up and drop him right back off at the airport.” Papa said looking down at Martin like he was trash. “That is the only bit of kindness I will ever offer him.”
Kenny Jr grabbed Martin’s feet and started to drag him towards the front door. When Eli went to follow, Papa held out his hand.
“You’re angry, and so am I, but give me the gun, son.”
Eli paused for only a second before handing the gun over to Papa. He then followed Kenny Jr back outside with Martin.
“Duck! I’m sorry you went through that.” Papa said. He ran a hand under his eyes wiping away the tears that were trapped in his eyelid. “And if you are up to the legal
battle, I think you should press charges.”
“Hold on!” Aunt Vivica said coming towards me. “Martin isn’t the only one that should go down.” Vivica turned to Nita with a sneer. “You are the lowest of the low. What kind of mother would allow a man to take advantage of her daughter?”
“Oh fuck you, Vivica! You don’t even like Charlice.” Nita said in her defense.
Vivica looked disgusted at the accusation. “I admit that I took my anger and hurt that you and Walter caused me out on Duck.” Vivica turned to me and for the first time ever her face softened toward me. “For that, Charlice, I am sorry.” She looked back to Nita. “But even with all the built up hatred I had, I’d never let what he did to her go down. She is your child, how could you not care?”
“BECAUSE I NEVER WANTED HER!” Nita screamed. “She was just mama and daddy’s way of punishing me for what happened. At least I helped her get rid of her unwanted bastards.”
“You took her to that woman?” Aunt Jo asked once it dawned on her. “The one you sent me to that nearly killed me? Nita, she was a drunk with a clothes hanger and rubbing alcohol.”
“She did the job didn’t she, Jo? You aren’t out here trying to pass off some kid as Kenny’s. I did Duck a favor.”
“You robbed me of being a mother.” I argued.
“Even better.” Nita shrugged. “Trust me it’s overrated.”
The living room was silent. The only sound heard were the kids in the backyard playing and cars riding through the neighborhood. I think everyone was coming to the realization that there was no help for Nita. She didn’t see that what she allowed to happen was a problem. In her selfish mind, I was a burden that she never wanted.
“Nita, I can’t even look at you.” Tears tracked down Grams’ face. “I always prayed that you would grow to be more of a mother to Duck. I knew you didn’t want her, but I never thought you would have allowed something like this to go on.”
“So now we’re pointing fingers at me, Mama? I’m not the only bad parent in this room.”
“What are you talking about?” Grams shouted.
“Never mention it again.” Nita said. “Isn’t that what you said to me after I told you about Mr. Hurley?”
Grams stared at Nita in horror.
“Why should I have cared about what he did to her, when no one card when it happened to me.”
“So you let your brother abuse your child, because mama didn’t handle your situation the way you wanted her too?” Aunt Vivica asked the question in disbelief. “That’s not an excuse, Nita.”
“Mama didn’t believe me.” Nita said glaring at Grams. “I told you what that man did and you told me never to mention it again.”
Grams sighed. “I told you not to mention it, because your father was going over to Mr. Hurley’s house with his gun. He had planned to kill that man, and if he was going to be able to get away with it, we couldn’t mention what happened to you. That is why I told you that, Nita.”
The room grew silent again.
“He what?” It was obvious Nita had never been told this part before.
“I had the gun to his head the same way Eli had his pointed at Martin. Except when I fired that first shot, the gun jammed. Your brother Ellis was with me. He told me that the gun jamming was a sign. So, I left Robert Hurley’s house that day and told him that if I ever saw him again, I wouldn’t care if the gun jammed a hundred times I would kill him dead.”
“I didn’t know that.” Nita whispered.
“Good thing he didn’t kill him, right?” Grams said with her eyes narrowed at Nita. “Especially since you were lying.”
Nita gasped placing her hand over her mouth.
“How did you find out she lied?” Papa asked.
Grams placed a hand on her hip and stared at Papa like he should already know the answer to that question. “Same way I knew Duck wasn’t. I know my kids. I knew it the moment Nita told me what happened that she was lying, I just didn’t know exactly what she was lying about.”
“All of it.” Papa said towards Nita. “On his death bed, Robert Hurley begged me to finally hear him out and listen to the truth. He even showed me the letters you had written to him begging him to be with you.” Papa narrowed his eyes at Nita. “A Forty-Seven year friendship was ruined, because he turned down your childhood crush on him. Since that day I’ve had nothing else to do with you Nita. I kept that secret from your mother, but I was done. I only invited you here because I wanted you to do right by Duck.” Papa sighed and rubbed his head. “But some people just don’t deserve second chances. I’m going to tell you the same way your mother told your brother, get out of my house and never come back.”
Nita stood in the middle of the floor completely shocked, like she had the right to be.
“So you’re just going to toss me out like that? Fine, I don’t need any of you. The only reason I came is because mama promised me some money. Come on, Robert.”
Robert looked put off. “Bernita, I think you need to find your own way back to Florida. Mr. and Mrs. Jefferies, it was nice meeting y’all. I’m just sorry it had to be on these terms.”
He grabbed his matching hat off the couch and headed towards the front door. We watched him in silence as he left the house. I was shocked he stayed around that long.
“You see what you did!” Nita turned and yelled at me. “I hate you. You should have died….” The last of her words were cut off when Aunt Vivica socked her in the mouth.
“Get out of this house, and don’t you ever speak to her again.” Vivica yelled.
Nita was so stunned that she stood in one place for a second holding her swelling lip.
“Get out Nita.” Aunt Jo demanded, coming up to stand beside Aunt Viv.
Nita glared at me one last time before storming out of the door.
It felt like everyone took a collective breath. To me, it felt like a heavy weight had been lifted off my shoulders, but it left my body weak. I knew a break down was coming. I felt exposed and raw. My legs were seconds away from giving out. I turned into Jackson’s chest and buried my face in his shirt. His familiar scent and warmth comforted me.
“Jackson, I think its best you take Duck on home. I think she’s had enough for today”
“I agree, Charles.” Jackson bent over and lifted me off my feet carrying me like a bride.
“You take her own to the car. Keisha, Keva, and Devin, ya’ll come on in here and help me make Duck and Jackson a to-go plate.” Gram’s voice directed.
I never lifted my head from buried in Jackson’s neck as he carried me out to his truck. He sat me in the passenger seat and buckled me in. He lifted my head with his finger to bring my eyes to his. He didn’t acknowledge the tears or the lost fragile look I imagine that was looking back at him.
“I’m so fucking proud of you.” He stated, then placed a kiss on my lips.
He stepped back before shutting my door. I watched him walk back up the stairs to talk to Uncle Walter, or my father—I guess. I’m not sure what I should call him now.
“Duck!” Papa appeared at the passenger window and I turned to him. His eyes were still red.
“I’m going to give you time to register everything that has happened today. I think we all need time to come to terms with it. But I want you to know, it wasn’t your fault. None of it was your fault. Unfortunately you got stuck with a lot of adults that made a lot of really bad decisions. I will never be able to take away what you went through, and well, that’s something I will have to deal with for the rest of my life. But that’s ok, because it’s nothing compared to what you’ve dealt with. Get some rest, Duck.” He planted a kiss on my forehead and then turned away from me.
I couldn’t stop the tears from falling from eyes. Jackson climbed back into the truck placing a grocery bag full of aluminum foiled cover plates between us. He placed a hand on my thigh and squeezed gently before starting the truck and pulling out of the yard.
TWENTY-EIGHT
I was running low on clot
hes at Jackson’s place. I was going to stop by my house and grab a few things before heading back to his home. Jackson parked in front of the house and turned the truck off. He turned in his seat to look at me.
“Stay here. I’m going to grab you some things, and then we’ll head back to the house. Are you ok?”
I shook my head no. “I think I always knew my mother hated me, but to hear her say it like that, in front of every one.”
“Hey,” Jackson said directing my attention towards him. “Forget her. You know what I saw today?” He didn’t give me time to answer. “I saw your family come together to stand by you. I know you and your family had a rocky relationship, Char. But some of it was explained today, and I think that was a start to some changes. And even if it isn’t, you got me, baby. You will always have me.” He gave me that dimpled smile, and I couldn’t help but to laugh. It was the first one I’d had since getting out of his truck at my grandparents’ house.
Jackson leaned forward and placed a kiss on the tip of my nose, he then climbed out of the truck.
“I’ll be right back.”
Jackson always found ways to keep me from going back into my house. That camera he found really spooked him.
My phone started to ring in my bag the second Jackson slipped into my dark house. I reached down between my feet to fish it out.
“Hello?”
“Duck, where are you?” Eli sounded out of breath like he’d been running.
“At home. Look, Eli, let me call you--”
“Don’t go in your house, Duck!” Eli shouted cutting me off.
“What, why?”
“They found his body!”
“Whose body?”
For some reason, I was getting this odd feeling in the pit of my stomach. Something was off.
“I was trying to tell you at Grams’ house before shit got crazy. They found Cliff’s body in Yellow River early this morning.”
“What?”
“I told you something wasn’t adding up. His family said they hadn’t seen or heard from him in a while, right around the time the cops told you he went up north. They even filed a missing person’s report on him. I knew something was off, so I had one of my guys dig a little deeper. Right before your boy Cliff went missing, a kid on the block said some guy was asking around about him. Guess who he described?”
