by Alice Ward
“Watch yourself, kid,” he warned.
I gave him a small smile. “I plan to.”
When I turned to walk to my car, I half expected him to come after me, to swing at me, and possibly knock me to the ground, but he didn’t.
All he did was yell out another empty threat. “I can take you down anytime I want, hot shot. You hear me? Any fucking time I want!”
I climbed into my car and pulled out, leaving a pile of smoke around badass Ace Newman. What a joke!
I drove to my ridiculously lavish bachelor pad and pulled into my ridiculously large garage and sat in my ridiculous sports car just thinking. None of this mattered, the car, the house, even the game. Not without Whitney. I felt foolish as I got out of the shiny black Porsche and walked into my house. Whitney would find this over the top as well, that much I knew for certain.
I had become Ace Newman, or at least a version of him. Somewhere, somehow, I’d lost myself well before I lost Whitney. My phone rang as I stood in my entry way and stared at the mostly empty palace I’d been living in. I reached into my pocket, hoping to see Whitney’s face on my screen, but instead saw Marty’s.
“Hey, Marty, what’s up?”
“I heard Ace threatening you today.” His voice sounded almost panicked.
“Yeah, no big deal, just a lot of barking, no bite,” I assured him.
“You don’t know that, Calvin, be careful,” he warned. “I’m serious.”
I get it, he was serious. He was back on his paranoia kick where everyone in baseball worked in a conspiracy circle to fuck over players. “I’m fine Marty, relax,” I insisted.
“I-I don’t trust him, Calvin,” he stammered. “You shouldn’t either.”
I knew there was some truth to what Marty was saying, I couldn’t trust Ace, but surely not to the extent he was claiming. The man had no power over my life, my relationship or my career, not if I didn’t let him. I had taken all his control away. I no longer idolized him, wanted to shadow him, or even hang out with him. His days of reigning over Calvin Malone were over.
“I gotcha, Marty, and I’ll watch my back,” I said. “I’ve decided to just stay away from him.”
Here was a long pause, then, “I’m not sure that’s the best plan.”
Now I was really confused, and honestly, a little exhausted listening to this. If he was so horrible, and he could destroy me with the blink of an eye or some magic voodoo shit, then why would it be better to hang around the man? I was done listening.
“Keep your friends close and your enemies closer,” he concluded before releasing me from the conversation from hell.
The house was so large, so empty that it made my heart ache just to stand in it. I walked upstairs and stared at the bed where I’d had my first threesome. It has to go! I wanted something new, something untainted for when Whitney arrived. I didn’t want her lying in the same spot where I’d been such a dick. I picked a pair of pink panties up from the floor, then noticed three used condoms in the trash can by my bed. Shit. In my party mode, I’d left a trail of my sins all over the place.
I called a cleaning service, then my favorite furniture store, both with orders to be fulfilled by morning. Ralph from the furniture store was actually quite gracious, offering to pick up the old bed and deliver the new one within an hour. He was probably charging me triple what he would any other Joe off the street, but that was fine, money well spent.
I still couldn’t sleep, even after the new bed arrived and I put on the brand new sheets and duvet he sent with it. I wanted something to knock me out, a hard drink or possibly a ball bat to the head, but I’d promised Whitney I would stay on the straight and narrow. No alcohol for me.
It felt like hours had passed as I stared up at the ceiling, but when I checked the clock it had only been minutes. I walked out onto my private balcony and up the stairs to the rooftop terrace. I fell into one of the large white chairs with thick cushions and stared out at the city lights.
I wasn’t sure this was the place I wanted to raise a family. Things were so busy here, people so cold. I missed home suddenly, the first time since I arrived. Not just because of Whitney, but because of the people, the town and the feeling you’d get when you walked in your front door. That all seemed to be missing here, and I wasn’t sure having Whitney here could or ever would change that.
My deep thoughts obviously knocked my ass out as I opened my eyes and felt the pain in my joints from the uncomfortable chair. I felt like a crippled man as I tried to get to my feet.
As I was walking downstairs, the doorbell rang. A team of cleaning ladies were holding a vacuum and buckets filled with cleaning supplies as I opened the door. I showed them around the house and then let them get to work while I sat out by the pool staring at my phone.
It had been two days, almost three, and Whitney hadn’t called me back. I promised I would give her time to think about it, but I’d been hoping that only meant a few hours, a day tops. How long was I supposed to wait?
I was glad the cleaning ladies were quick because I needed to pack for a road trip and be ready to leave for the airport in just a couple of hours. I paid them and looked around at the place — not much difference. It wasn’t like I actually used the place much. But, at least I knew there were no loose panties, used condoms, or sex toys anywhere in the house.
God, at least I hoped so.
***
A week had passed, and the suspense was killing me. Marty told me to hang on, but I was losing faith at this point. Maybe no news wasn’t always good news, maybe it meant she wasn’t coming back and just didn’t have the heart to tell me.
We were back home, and Rhett was talking to the coach after another victory. It was the first time I’d seen him around in a while, at least out on the field. I’d wondered if he’d been MIA to avoid me because he was having a big love affair with Whitney. She told me they were only working together, but I just didn’t know.
“Hey, Rhett,” I called out, running in his direction.
Coach Griffin looked nervous as I approached, probably afraid I was going to lose my temper and do something stupid. A week ago, sure, that was a good possibility, but not today, and not ever again.
“What can I do for you, Calvin?” Rhett asked. He smiled and slapped a hand on my back. Coach took the hint that their conversation was over and ducked into the clubhouse with the rest of the team. “You’ve been pretty damn impressive here lately,” he acknowledged.
“Thank you, sir,” I said and mentally cursed. I was acting like a school boy. “I just wanted to ask, I mean…” I took a deep breath. “Whitney told me she was doing some work for you.”
He flashed a perfect smile. “Yes, she’s doing a great job.”
“It’s just… well, is she here now?” I spit it out.
The smile faded, turned smug, at least it seemed that way to me. “Surely if you two were talking like you say, you’d know her whereabouts.”
“Yes, I mean we talked last week, about her coming back, but I haven’t heard from her yet,” I explained. “I just thought you could give me a heads up as to where she is.”
He looked a little agitated, and his hand slipped away from my back as we walked towards the dugout. “You know how I feel about giving out personal information,” he reminded me. “So maybe her not contacting you simply means she isn’t coming back.”
It felt almost like it pleased him to tell me that. His words felt like a dagger in my chest and yet he managed to squeeze enjoyment out of it, but why?
“Okay, thanks.” I ran to the locker room to get dressed before heading back to my big empty house.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Whitney
Holly flopped over my bed, filling me in on her adventures. She’d been gone for a couple weeks, and I’d been waiting for her to finally return home before making a decision about Calvin. “I didn’t know having this much fun was possible,” she gushed.
“So… are you and Ace a couple?”
Sh
e shot me a look. “Hell, no. I do think we’re starting to care about each other, and we have fun together, but that’s what friends with bens are supposed to do.”
I shook my head, unable to comprehend the friends with benefits concept. I’d already proven to myself that casual sex wasn’t something I was good at. Or wanted.
“When will you see him again?”
She lifted a shoulder like she really didn’t care. “Not sure. My cousin is getting married and I promised to help with all the details, and of course the cake. So I’ll be there for a couple of weeks at least. But if you need me, call and I’ll jump on a plane.”
My stomach churned at the thought of seeing Calvin alone, and not having Holly there as backup.
“So, what are you going to do about Calvin?” she asked.
I sat on the edge of the bed and fought back my tears. My heart was aching — it had been ever since I left — but I was afraid. “I want to give him another chance.”
Holly rolled her eyes and made a face. “He’s been a real player lately, Whitney. He’s not the same Calvin you remember.”
I knew that was true, or at least I’d heard. But I hadn’t exactly been a saint.
“He’s promised to give it all up,” I insisted. Her eyes told me she didn’t believe it, but my heart told me I should. “Have you seen him?”
“No,” she admitted. “I think he and Ace had some kind of fight or something.”
My heart swelled, and that was all it took to make my decision. With Ace out of the picture, maybe there was a chance for us. “I’m going to call him,” I told her and gripped my phone as I walked out of my childhood bedroom.
The phone rang once and then his voice was so eager that it brought me to tears. I pushed them back as best I could and swallowed hard so I could speak. “Calvin, I’d like to talk.”
He let out a yelp, and he whooped with excitement on the other end of the phone. “Not promising anything, just to test the waters,” I said, putting as much seriousness as I could muster into the words.
“I understand, anything you want,” he said. “I love you.”
“I’ll see you in a couple days,” I replied and hung up. I couldn’t get myself to say those three little words, no matter how much I wanted to. What if he hadn’t changed? I couldn’t risk putting my heart on the line until I saw him for myself.
Holly wasn’t too excited about my decision, but it wasn’t hers to make. I couldn’t put too much weight into what she thought at this point, not with the decisions she was making for her own life.
I packed enough stuff for a week, possibly longer, just in case. While the lady at the airline counter checked my bags, I held my boarding pass tightly in my hand, praying I was making the right decision for us both. I was so nervous to get on that plane, but after three hours onboard, it was more nerve-racking to step off.
I watched while some people ran to those they loved waiting for them while others just grabbed their bags and took off alone. The crowd was thick and moving swiftly in all directions as I searched for Calvin.
When his face appeared through the crowd wearing a fearful but hopeful smile, my heart melted. I took a deep breath and began to walk, meeting him halfway.
“Hi,” I said, a bit breathless, my heart hammering in my chest.
He swallowed hard. “Hi.”
We just stood there, gazing at each other, taking the other in. He looked thinner to me. Older somehow. And sad. And afraid. And so very, very hopeful.
“How was—?”
“Did you—?”
We laughed nervously when our words collided. Then we just gazed at each other again, then I smiled and his lips curved up in response.
There.
There was the boy I knew and fell in love with. The boy I’d been in love with for half of my life. The boy no other man could replace, no matter how hard I tried these past few months.
If there was any chance at all of us staying together, I was going to try.
So I took his hand.
Our fingers linked as he walked me to baggage claim. They stayed linked when he walked me to his car. That reminded me. “Will this all fit?” I asked, remembering how small his Porsche was.
“Yup,” he said proudly and gripped my hand tighter. We walked through the airport parking lot, and he stopped behind a white Escalade. I watched in amazement as he pulled out his keys and hit the button to unlock it.
“This is yours?” I asked. He nodded with a wide smile. “Where’s the Porsche?”
“I traded it in for something more practical,” he said as he pushed my large suitcases into the back.
I’m impressed.
“I don’t have any games for the next three days, so we can do whatever you want,” he promised.
I hadn’t thought of what I wanted to do, not past testing our love to find out if it could be saved. As we drove, we talked about back home, about friends and family, and the latest gossip. It felt like the old us, sharing about our days and experiences. We talked about everything but the elephant in the room, which was fine. We had time for that.
I’d been so involved in telling him about how my uncle had broken his leg on a plow, that I wasn’t paying attention to where we were going. But it wasn’t to his apartment, that much I knew.
“Where are we going?” I asked, trying to place landmarks.
He looked at me with a strange seriousness. “I know you won’t like my new place, but I want you to pick out the next one.”
My chest tightened at the pressure of his words. I wasn’t certain things were going to be the same between us, or that I would even stay. It sounded like he had already decided we were fixed.
When we pulled onto the long black lane that curved around a line of trees and finally parked in front of the large white house, my heart sank deep into my chest. He wasn’t lying. I didn’t like it.
“Wow,” I said graciously and watched as he nervously fumbled with the door handle to get out of the large SUV. He walked to my side, opened the door and helped me out.
Inside wasn’t much better.
It was beautiful. Gorgeous, actually. But the large open space made it feel like a party pad, which caused images of that last party to float across my mind. How many girls had been naked in his pool? How many made it upstairs to his bedroom?
I felt sick. I shouldn’t have come here.
“You hate it,” he said, moving towards me. His arms wrapped around me like a security blanket and tears fell down my face.
I hated it.
“I bought it on a whim,” he said into my hair. “I was dying in that apartment. Everywhere I looked reminded me of how I’d lost you.”
I held onto him. His grip on me was tight, like he was afraid to let go, and part of me feared if he did, I might run out the door and all the way back to Indiana.
So many things I wanted to ask but didn’t really want the answers. Who had been here? How many parties? Did he fuck Caroline on that couch, or in his bed? How many others were there?
Stop it, Whitney!
Once upon a time, there was Whitney and Calvin. He had been my first and only, and I had been his. That wasn’t the case any longer. For either of us.
Images of the men I’d been with came back to me. Men I’d used to forget Calvin. Men who’d failed. Todd Morris came to mind, guilt sliding through me as I told him I couldn’t see him anymore, that I was going to try to make things work with Calvin.
“Let me get your bags,” he said quickly, jerking me back to the present.
I stood in the large entry way, gazing at the large staircase and then out the back door to the pool. Calvin came back in with my bags and carried them to the steps.
“I’ll show you the rest of the place,” he said, sounding hesitant. I didn’t care to see it, but I went anyway.
I stopped in the doorway of the large master bedroom. It was impressive, beautiful actually. The fireplace was a nice touch, very romantic, and the large four poster bed situated just
perfectly so you could lie there and watch the flames with your lover.
I’m sure Caroline loved it here.
“I just bought the bed, it was delivered a couple days ago actually,” he explained as I looked blankly in its direction. I knew why he told me that, and why the old one had to be replaced.
“Whitney, I didn’t have parties here. I thought I would…” He trailed off, lifting a shoulder. “That was the plan anyways; drown out my pain with a new party pad.”
“So, you didn’t have any women here?” I asked, crossing my arms over my chest.
Fear and guilt flashed across his face, exposing the truth.
“Caroline?” The word was barely audible over the pounding of my heart.
He looked at his shoes, then back up at me. “Yes.”
I’d already known that, and I received a measure of comfort from knowing he didn’t lie. I still didn’t like the answer, but it was what it was. I blinked away the tears that tried to escape.
“I, uh…” He looked at his feet again. “I wasn’t sure where you’d be comfortable sleeping, so I also had a room prepared…” He ran a hand through his hair and walked back into the hallway.
He opened the door to the most beautiful room I’d ever seen.
“Oh, wow,” I breathed and stepped inside. It was every woman’s dream. Soft grays and whites should have been boring, but in here, they were anything but. A four poster bed was the center of the room, a chaise lounge in the corner. This room featured a fireplace too, silk chairs sitting in front of it.
I was so touched by the effort he’d gone through, of even thinking I’d need my own space while we attempted to resolve our differences.
“It’s beautiful,” I murmured.
He blew out a breath. “Whew. I showed your Pinterest page to the designer and asked them to make it as close to your dream bedroom as they could.”
A lone tear spilled down my cheek. “They did a wonderful job. It’s breathtaking.”
Without another word, he carried in my luggage, taking the bags into the walk-in closet.
When he came back out, we stood there looking at each other, both unsure of what to do next.
