Food. I hadn’t eaten anything since I got here. Guess people still needed to fill their stomachs even in Heaven. I walked over to the desk and stared at my Afterlife For Idiots Handbook. Homework—the last thing I wanted to do. Now would be a great time to follow house rule number four. I picked up a fat black marker and found a free space on the board above the desk. At first I just made a series of small circles. Then a picture began to form in my mind. I turned the circles into an enormous mass of hair. The Helmet. Next, I drew Schwartz in her grape hurl suit with shoulder pads big enough to make a linebacker proud. Then I drew a large set of horns coming out of her notorious “do.” Under her sensible shoes I wrote Mystery solved: The Devil is Mrs. Schwartz.
I cracked a smile. Even the scum seemed pleased with my artwork as it turned a pale mint green. I opened the handbook to chapter one. Determined to get out of the cell, I studied like Emily Spender, the teacher’s pet in my sixth grade class. I blazed through chapters one through four and had just finished answering the quiz for chapter five when squishy footsteps approached my door.
Three loud raps rang out. “Taylor, are you done with chapter five?”
The knob rattled as Schwartz unlocked the door. She stood dressed in a bright magenta dress with a ruffled white apron tied to her waist.
“Yes, and I’ve started six already.”
Schwartz impatiently tapped her shoe. “Good. Dinner’s ready.”
The smells coming from the kitchen, as I followed her, made my mouth water. If my nose didn’t deceive me, garlic roasted chicken and French fries were on the menu. Schwartz could actually cook?
My afterlife coach led me into a small but cozy dining room. My fellow detainees lined a large Formica table. Instead of chairs there were long, vinyl benches on either side of the table. A huge brass chandelier with giant etched slabs of glass dangled from the ceiling. Anywhere else the light would be considered retro chic, but in Schwartz’s house it screamed tacky.
Looking at the group seated around the table, I knew right away which one was Celery. She took her name seriously with her long, dyed green hair and matching skintight spandex top. She had the kind of figure guys drooled over, all boobs and butt. If she got a tan and dyed her hair, she’d make an awesome Sports Illustrated model.
I smiled when I recognized two of the Skater Boys, Blaine and Austin. They probably got detention for skateboarding down the halls of The Temple of Truth right in front of Mr. X.
I stood next to Celery. “I’m Taylor.”
She jumped up from her seat. “Auburn hair. I knew it!” She craned her neck. “Didn’t expect you to be so tall.”
Celery only came up to my shoulder. A repeat of Julie and me. Growing up kids used to call us “The Twins” as a joke.
She plopped back down on the bench. “Welcome to Mrs. Schwartz’s crappy dining room.”
I scooted in next to her. “The food smells wonderful. I can’t wait to dig in to the fries.”
Celery shook her head. “Oh, that’s just part of the torture. Mrs. Schwartz cooks amazing meals for herself.”
I nervously bit my lip as the amulet turned dark khaki. “What…do we eat?”
“You’ll see.” Celery pointed at the vial. “Wow, what a cool necklace. It’s changing colors.”
“Thanks.” I stuffed it under my T-shirt in case anyone else noticed. “It’s kind of like a mood ring.”
Before Celery could say anything, Schwartz arrived with a tray lined with small orange bowls. She plopped the tray down on the table. “Enjoy.” She left with way too big of a grin.
I let out a gasp at what Schwartz called dinner. A heaping bowl of grey sludge with a large fish head as a garnish. Worse, the goo smelled like sewer water. My stomach tied up in an even bigger knot. The amulet grew hot against my skin. “What the heck is this?”
Schwartz stood behind me. “Brain food. Helps you grow more cells so you’ll be smart enough to be picked for the Cloud Nine Contest. Eat up!”
Austin waved at me. “Hey, it’s the newbie! Guess your meeting with Mr. X didn’t go so well.”
Blaine stared at my wrist as I reached for the bowl. “Dude, what the hell kind of tattoo is that? Totally lame.” He turned his neck to show off his ying-yang tattoo. “Not awesome like mine!”
Crap. Why was he bringing it up again? He’d seen my mark before. The teasing was never going to stop—even in death. I gave him a phony smile. “Yeah, you already pointed that out, dude.”
Celery took my hand. “What a beautiful birthmark, T.”
I beamed. “Thanks, Cel.”
Skater Boys rolled their eyes in unison like synchronized swimmers. Blaine picked up his bowl. “Maybe you guys need to get a room.”
Celery glowered at him. “Maybe you should shut up and eat.”
A mousy girl at the other end of the table chimed in. “Great idea.”
I pushed the bowl around on the table. “Are you kidding me?” I turned away. “I can’t eat this.”
Celery nudged my arm. “I just hold my nose and try to get it down in three bites.”
Austin cracked a weak smile. “You get used to it. Better than the consequences.”
Blaine chimed in. “You need to eat this crap or you’ll end up with a screwed-up hand.”
I turned toward Celery. “What’s he talking about?”
She pointed to a bruised finger. “Schwartz’s pointer does some major damage. She’s super into the contest. She’s determined to have some winners on the next team.”
“Why is everyone so concerned about the contest?”
Celery shrugged. “It’s what all the afterlife coaches live for. So do most of the kids. Not me. My old life sucked—so the prize doesn’t mean anything.”
Was she crazy? I longed for my old life. I’d take one of my bad days on Earth over anything I’d had since walking through the Pearly Gates. Some place Junior Heaven turned out to be. One by one my fellow students ate the disgusting gruel. Screw the contest. I ignored the amulet growing hotter by the second. I held out my hand and examined my fingers. “Could a sprained one be so bad?”
Celery shoved the bowl into my hand. “Believe me, I thought the same thing until I met the boy with the black hair.”
I didn’t even notice him at first. His body slumped halfway under the table. The boy’s mouth hovered over the bowl and he used his few good fingers to eat.
“Are his fingers broken?”
Celery shook her head. “No, just sprained. Schwartz hasn’t gone that far—yet.” She pointed under the table toward the boy and whispered, “Look. He only has two good ones left. Not enough to hold the spoon.”
Where the heck was I? Who knew Junior Heaven would make a good horror film location? I didn’t need to think twice. I held my nose and followed Celery’s advice. Still, the rotten flavor of the gruel made me gag. I glanced over at Schwartz sitting at the kitchen table. She gave me a wink and put a large fork full of chicken in her mouth. I was right. The Devil had nothing on Schwartz.
Time seemed to drag on for forever as I slowly ate what passed for food in this hellhole. The loud sound of the refrigerator door slamming caused me to gulp down the rest of my gruel. Schwartz trotted over with another tray lined with bowls. “Here you go. Dessert!” She hurried back to the kitchen to enjoy a humongous slice of chocolate cake.
Celery eagerly dug her spoon into the dessert.
“So, it’s not disgusting?”
Celery gave me a smile. “It’s yummy.”
I stared at the bowl Schwartz plopped down in front of me. A purple mass with green dots jiggled back and forth.
The other kids dug in with relish.
Austin saw me hesitate. “It’s good, really.”
I put a small spoonful up to my mouth and swallowed. At first the pleasant flavor of grape Jell-O flooded my taste buds. Then I bit down on one of the round pieces.
“A pea!” I quickly spit it out. “Thanks a lot, you guys. Gross!”
Celery patted my hand. “Y
ou get used to it. So much better than the stupid brain food.”
The other kids nodded.
“Just don’t let her catch you spitting out the peas.”
I pulled my hand away from Celery. “Don’t tell me. Schwartz will break one of my toes.”
Blaine scrunched up his face. “Worse, dude. She makes you eat a bowl of worms.”
“Yuck.” I held up my spoon. “Grape Jell-O with peas just became my favorite dessert.”
A few giggles spread across the table until Schwartz arrived back on the scene. “Eat up! Five minute warning.”
Most of the table practically inhaled the rest of their dessert as Schwartz walked back to the kitchen, licking chocolate frosting off her fingers. The boy with the sprained hands made a valiant effort to juggle the Jell-O on two fingers, but most of it landed on the table. He caught me staring at him. My face burned hot along with the amulet. The boy shrugged and smiled back. Hushed whispers came from Austin and Blaine as Celery fiddled with something under the table. She shifted nervously on the bench as she handed me a note. “Read it fast and don't say anything.”
I opened the paper and kept my mouth clinched shut.
We’re breaking out of this hellhole tonight. Open your door when you hear five knocks!
Chapter Five
Heavenly Escape
When the fifth knock came, I had a decision to make. Stay or leave. I wanted more than anything to escape further humiliation at the hands of Schwartz. Yet, at what cost? If the bubbling amulet was any indication, a lot.
Celery whispered through the crack in the door. “The alarm rings in twenty minutes. It’s now or never.”
I ignored the glass vial as it began to heat up. Screw the cost. I grabbed ahold of the knob and yanked. Celery had picked the lock. She took my hand, and we tiptoed toward the kitchen. Blaine worked quickly by the utility closet, cutting several wires that led to the alarm system. Strange. I always thought there was someone watching everything you did. Yet, just like at The Temple of Truth, it seemed they weren’t so omnipresent. Who knew alarms would be so popular in Junior Heaven?
Blaine signaled an okay sign. “Dudes, the back door is clear. We’re good to go.”
Austin stood on the porch waving at us. “Cool. Everyone’s here. Let’s book it.”
We walked down the street as if it were made of eggshells. When we hit the end of the road, we ran as fast as we could. After two blocks, we came across a huge expanse of grass—a golf course. Somehow it made sense that Schwartz would want to live in a golfing community.
Celery pointed down the street. “Look, over there.”
A golf cart sat at the end of the block. Weird. I hadn’t seen any kind of transportation since I’d arrived. The guardian angels were the preferred way to get around. Austin checked inside the cart. “We’re in luck, the key’s in the ignition.”
This smelled like a setup. Everything happened for a reason in Junior Heaven.
The group seemed to have a plan. Maybe they knew something I didn’t. The amulet bubbled away, but I ignored it. Despite my fears, I decided to trust they knew what they were doing. If only Lucy could be by my side. I reached into my pocket for the ceramic dog. “Crap.” My mouth filled with suds. You’d think I’d know better than to curse by now.
Celery crinkled her brow. “T, what’s wrong? It must be something important to risk cursing.”
I couldn’t tell her about the dog. She’d tease me like crazy. “I just forgot something.” I wiped the suds from my lips.
“Sorry, T. We can’t go back. Is it something you really need?”
More than I knew. “No, not a big deal.”
“Dudes, hop in. Let’s head to the Pavilion.” Blaine gestured for us to sit in the back. “We can get lost in the crowd.”
I tapped Blaine’s shoulder. “The Pavilion? It’s some kind of amusement park, right?”
Blaine laughed. “Oh right. I forgot you’re a Newbie.”
Celery patted my hand. “Yeah, the Pavilion is a big deal in JH. It’s kind of like Mickieworld, but the rides are way cooler.”
I smiled. “JH. I love how you abbreviate everything.”
“I can’t take the credit.” Celery pointed to Skater Boys. “That’s what everyone here calls it.”
“So what do you call the Pavilion?”
“PV for short.”
The golf cart swerved as Austin turned too quickly. “See, just talking about the place is making him lose control.”
The louder Skater Boys laughed, the more my anger rose. The amulet grew so hot I had to toss it over my shoulder to cool it down. “You guys, keep it down. What if we get caught?”
Blaine glared at me. “Chill, Newbie. We’ve done this before.”
***
The Pavilion sat floating on the biggest cloud I’d ever seen. The main building looked like an enormous silver armadillo rolled into a tight ball. Four other buildings shaped like giant snails stood on enormous stilts stretched out to reach the height of the main building.
Celery closed my gaping mouth. “Pretty cool, right? And wait until we get inside.”
Austin stopped the cart behind a Taj Mahal-shaped kiosk. He pointed to a colossal steel structure shaped like a giant eye. “I’m heading for the Cyclops.” Then a serious look crossed his face. “Guys, remember to act cool. Keep your heads down when you get close to the entrance of a ride. They have cameras now.”
Celery rolled her eyes. “I know. Totally sucks. Someone must have done something really bad.” She grabbed my hand. “Screw the powers that be. We girls are heading off to Tomorrow World.”
Skater Boys bounded off toward the main Pavilion like they hadn’t just broken out of detention. Blaine called out, “Been real. Meet you behind the main bathrooms before the place shuts down. Later.”
“I thought they would never leave.” Celery put her arm around my waist. “We need to get disguises. My hair stands out like a billboard.”
I gave her a wink. “No kidding.”
We located a hat kiosk a few feet away. I was a bit concerned with how many people were there, but Celery just waltzed right up to the display area.
She tried on at least ten hats—each more ridiculous than the last. Finally she settled on a silver space helmet. She pulled it over her head and flipped up the visor. “This beats Schwartz’s Helmet hands down.” She picked up a bowler. “I think this would look great on you.”
I pushed the bowler away. “No thanks. My head’s allergic to hats.”
“I may have green hair, but your auburn hair stands out too.” She held out a large brimmed sun hat. “How about this? It’ll cover a lot of your hair and hide your face.”
I put it on and grimaced at the reflection in the mirror. “Don’t you think it looks kind of grandma?”
She laughed. “More guys for me.”
“Guys are the last thing we should be thinking about. You act like we’re not fugitives.”
“Thanks for reminding me.” Her smile faded. “You can be such a drag sometimes.”
Two girls dressed like Star Trek officers glanced our way, whispering to each other.
I motioned to Celery. “Think that’s our cue to leave.”
In silence we quickly made our way down a wide stainless steel path that wound through the park. Despite the fact we could be arrested at any moment, I smiled at the way Celery’s space helmet twinkled under the massive lights that flooded the attractions. Somehow her crazy hat looked downright chic. Plus, at least five other people wore similar helmets. Celery blended right in. Bet she had her fair share of escapes back on Earth.
She led me onto a floating walkway. Her smile returned. “You’re going to love Tomorrow World. I’ve already viewed three of my future lives. I can’t wait until I’m a fashion designer.”
“What if it’s something bad? Think I’ll pass.”
“No way. I’ve never known anyone who didn’t see something great. If we do the work here, I guess we really do get rewarded.”
Celery must be kidding herself. We’d just escaped from detention. There were cameras at all the major rides. Even with our disguises, our futures seemed anything but bright. The scum bubbled against the glass of the amulet in agreement. Yet, as I stood under the star-filled sky of Tomorrow World, it was hard not to believe her. Every fantasy I’d ever had about space travel spread out before me. Nebulas and elaborate constellations hung down from the sky like giant Christmas decorations. The buildings were even shaped like enormous spaceships. I blinked twice as Celery dragged me toward a very familiar ship. “No way. That’s the Battlestar Galactica.”
“Pretty awesome, right?”
Awesome didn’t even begin to cover the amazing feeling that washed over me as I stood in line. I’d spent hours watching the Sci-fi channel. This truly was Heaven.
Celery tugged on my hand. “Hey, you don’t have to space out.”
The joke snapped me out of my bliss. “Very funny. Okay. I admit I’m a bit of a sci-fi geek.”
She touched a strand of green hair sticking out of her space helmet. “Who am I to judge?”
The line slinked along like a colorful snake as we moved closer to the entrance. I stood amazed at the kaleidoscope of kids. They wore everything from street clothes to brightly colored T-shirts, to space-age costumes. I fidgeted on my feet. “I wish this line would move faster. I can’t wait to get safely inside. Hey, do we need tickets?”
She laughed. “Nah. This is Heaven, remember?”
“Right. So we can ride as many times as we want?”
“Until you throw up.”
I nudged her side. “Who says that’s going to stop me?”
Celery laughed so hard she crashed into the girl next to us. “Oops, sorry.”
The girl glared at her. “Watch it.”
I bit my lip when a group of guards from the Temple of Truth, their long, gold robes flashing under the starlit sky, cut through the line. The amulet grew hot. Would the girl turn us in?
A tall guard stood right behind us. “Make way. We have important business.”
Nine Lives (The Katran Legacy) Page 5
