by Kailin Gow
Falling for
Summer UNCUT
kailin gow
Contemporary Adult Loving Summer Novel
AGE 18 and UP
Falling for Summer (Uncut Adult Version with Bonus)
Published by THE EDGE
THE EDGE is an imprint of Sparklesoup Inc.
Copyright © 2012 Kailin Gow
All Rights Reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage or retrieval system, without the permission in writing from the publisher except in case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.
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THE EDGE at Sparklesoup
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First Edition.
Printed in the United States of America.
ISBN: 9781597480734
This is the Adult Uncut with Bonus Version, suitable for age 18 and up
Prologue
Love hits you when you least expect it, grabs you, sucks you in whole, and twists you around until you could hardly breathe. Love hurts like a sucker punch, that's both glorious and beautiful. Falling for Summer was like that for me, every time. - Nat Donovan
Nat
Several Months After Summer
There are demons in my family.
I know that because of what came down during the summer we returned to the Pad in Malibu and stayed with Aunt Sookie and Summer several months ago.
.
Plenty happened, and that’s another story. What I’m here to talk about is what happened afterwards and how we’re all trying to pick up the pieces the best we can. By “we,” I mean me, my younger siblings, Drew and Rachel, who are fraternal twins, and my parents, who I refer to as Mom and Dad. We’re the Donovans, and although it seems we have the perfect family on the surface, it’s far from perfect. I’m the first to attest to that…as I’ve learned last summer. Me, Nathaniel Donovan, the oldest of the three Donovan siblings, the older of the Donovan Brothers, had a meltdown. It was brief, but it happened, and if it wasn’t for Summer being there, it would have been worse. She made things better by being there for me, like always, selfless and giving, very loving. Like her Aunt Sookie, she is the most giving person I know, emotionally and demonstrably.
And with Summer, also physically. There’s where I feel bad about the whole thing, like I’m not supposed to feel so attracted to Summer, but I am. I’ve known her since we were toddlers, but now it’s different, and as soon as I’ve tasted her mouth. It tasted like honey and cinnamon as soon as my tongue met hers, I couldn’t get enough of her. I wanted her, wanted to tear off her clothes and run my tongue up and down her body and fill her with all of me. By sheer will power I was able to pull back. But now there is that awkwardness between us, and that tension, and mostly that guilt. She was the angel who could calm my demons, yet arouse them at the same time, and I don’t think I will be able to hold back the next time we get that close.
So I’ve been avoiding her, except for an occasional email or text about how she’s doing or about Aunt Sookie’s Acting Academy, which she inherited. According to Sookie’s will, we Donovans have the obligation as partners to help out. But avoidance only makes my heart search harder, and although I’m trying to avoid her in all controllable aspects of my life, I can’t stop thinking and dreaming of her. As it is with the one I’m having right now.
The air around me is as hot and thick as a wool blanket pulled up over my face. Sweat glistens on my skin… I can feel the stickiness form a film where my skin is exposed to the cooling night air. It’s too hot, and so I work to kick off the sheets entangling my body, placed there a few hours earlier, more suitable for a cold fall evening in San Francisco. I’m too tired to keep my eyes open, caused by a marathon of all-nighters, preparing for my first semester exams. Except for the way my body’s reacting, I could sleep like a zombie, but I can’t. My body’s reacting too much to the dream. If I were awake, if I weren’t so damn tired, I could open my eyes and take control over the situation, but I’m not. So I’m still in the middle of that dream again…the dream that ends in a nightmare.
It’s the one where I’m with Summer in her room the night she has on that slinky barely-there peach dress going out to see that actor Astor Fairway at his house for dinner, and maybe something more. Yup, it’s that night a few months ago last summer when my life once again converged with Summer’s in such a way, it seems like the three years of not seeing her before, never happened. When you’ve known someone for so long, practically grow up with them, live with them, stay with them, every summer for a decade or most of your life as it is for us Donovans and Summer, missing three years, can be erased in a heartbeat.
And in its place is the same feeling you felt three years ago, at your last encounter. Seeing Summer this past summer, brought back all of my memories…the good and the bad, the ugly and the beautiful.
Seeing her dressed like that for some guy she just met, albeit a famous guy, just brought out the crazy side of me. It’s irrational, but I guess that’s what it’s like for me when I feel so much for her, yet I can’t have her. She may have a childhood crush on me, but she’s off-limits. Not like Drew is off-limits to her because Rachel wouldn’t want Summer hurt by Drew, but because she’s Aunt Sookie’s niece, and because Aunt Sookie has instilled it into my head to watch out for little Summer and the twins. That hasn’t stopped me from falling for her, though.
She was beautiful, possessing sparkling green eyes and soft-to-the touch silky chestnut hair, with gently sun-kissed caramel highlights. Growing up, I used to make excuses to touch her hair… hair so soft and silky, it lit up moonless nights and smelled like waterfalls and sweet flowers. Even as a seven-year-old, she had eyes that bewitched me, and made it hard for me to look away. At times, they were smiling. At other times, they were crying. But at all times, they bore deep into me, reaching depths as deep as the ocean where we shared countless sunsets.
Now my dream shifts to another time before that night she stayed over at Astor Fairway’s canyon home. Summer appeared before us at the airport last summer, where Drew, Rachel, and I laid eyes on her for the first time in years. Wow – just wow, how much she had grown.
Every part of me became well-aware of how Summer had grown. In three short years, she had blossomed into a stunningly attractive young woman. Funny how three years could alter so much. Like Drew, Summer has matured physically, from being a fun and cute girl with sparkling eyes, braces, dimples, and wavy, sometimes frizzy hair, to a jaw-dropping Victoria’s Secret beauty. Looking over at Drew, who seemed to have lost his voice for a second, it appeared I wasn’t the only one who had these thoughts.
For the Lothario that he was, he seemed uncharacteristically at a loss for words as we made our way over to Summer, where she was talking to Rachel. For a moment, I think he even took a deep breath before he stopped in front of her, his face flushed more than usual. His blue eyes staring at her with such intensity, it didn’t take a rocket scientist for anyone to see that Drew still had a thing for Summer.
I nearly laughed witnessing the irony. He had become the man at school whom all the girls sought to tame, wanted to score with, had even been coined having a Drew Effect on. He was that male model you saw in muscle magazines with a face an
d physique that would make leading men blush. Chiseled, sculpted, and muscular, without an ounce of fat on him and having that perfect “v”, he could be the model for any Adonis statue. He’s that guy who women of all ages would drop everything to have sex with and not care whether or not he’d call her afterwards. He’s Drew, and he has that kind of effect on women…every one of them except Rachel and one girl -- Summer.
There is something about Summer that always seem to make everything better. She has that healing touch, that gentleness and loving nature that was so like Aunt Sookie’s. I have tried to avoid her and treat her like a kid sister but she had to grow up before my eyes and become a stunner like that. I avoided her alright, like a cold heartless fish…until the night she came out of her room, dressed as sexy as hell, and was headed out to have dinner at Astor Fairway’s house. Dressed the way she was, I knew it wouldn’t be just dinner Astor would have on his mind. Dressed like that, I wouldn’t be surprised if Astor would skip dinner and go straight to dessert…Summer being the decadent dessert any guy would crave.
To hell with all the reasons why I couldn’t be with Summer. All those years of resolve shot down with one glance at the curve of her breasts, her long tanned legs, her glistening lips. Damn, I couldn’t help myself, seeing her in that slinky silk dress that showed off her soft, golden tan skin…skin I have long to touch and kiss since that moment I saw her again at the airport. She was, for lack of a better word, stunning. So much so, all my resolve to keep my distance from her, dissolved. The well broke, and like a starving man who had kept his feelings and desire in for a long time (three years at least!), I had confronted her.
If she were a chocolate bar, I would have torn off the wrapper and eaten her whole, then go back and lick every last delicious bit of chocolate left clinging to the wrapper over and over again.
The dress showed off her curves and skin in a way I had to clench my hands to keep from wanting to reach out and touch her, to pull her to my chest and run my fingers through the caramel waves framing her face, and smash her luscious full mouth against mine.
With Summer, I’m wracked with feelings of intense desire and want. I’ve dated a few girls and even went far with them, but I’ve never wanted anyone in bed more than I wanted Summer, and I know it’s wrong. We grew up together. She’s my little sister’s best friend, and she’s Sookie’s niece. We’re like family. And she’s always looked up to me like an older brother. I know Drew really liked her in that way, too, but he’s Drew, and to him, he doesn’t have an issue with crossing boundaries. All girls to him, except Rachel, are fair game. But I’m not like Drew, and falling for Summer is something I have to avoid. It’ll be easy if I can shut my feelings off, easy if I just don’t care, but when Summer looks at me with those eyes, and she moves close to me and puts her hands on my shoulder or touches my face, it takes more resolve than I can muster up. She’s the part of me that I’m missing, the part of me that completes me. She makes me feel tenderness, gentleness, peace, and even a little bit of hope. She’s like a dove, but not quite a helpless defenseless dove, but a steady and strong lioness who has the gentleness of a dove. That’s a rare quality to find in a woman. I guess that’s another reason I fell for Summer.
****
That night I tried to stop Summer from going out with Astor dressed like that, didn’t end well, for me. She shot me down and went off on her date with Astor anyways, even staying over. Was it to spite me?
My mind tortured me with scenes of her with Astor, scenes of her kissing Astor, of Astor taking off that dress and doing everything to her that I wanted to do to her. I fell asleep dreaming of that as I was dreaming of it now. Only this time, instead of me feeling tortured, there was someone else. I saw another figure in that dream, watching Summer with Astor. Hidden by shadows. I couldn’t see his face, but I felt his pain. Somehow we were connected in some way, and it was a pain harder than mine…a pain deeper than mine. Was it me in the shadows?
When I turned around, the figure stepped out. It wasn’t me, but someone else.
It was Drew, and he had a gun cocked to his head with a look so full of pain and anguish, tears flowing down his face, right before he fired.
Chapter 1
Nat
It’s no secret that depression and insanity runs in our family. That became clear when Mom tried to kill herself. On July 4th. I didn’t know how bad it was until that point. Nobody did, except maybe Aunt Sookie, who was Mom’s best friend. Mom had been taking medication for it for a while, and I knew she had bouts of it. She had confided in me about it years ago when I was too young and naïve to understand the real severity of it. It wasn’t until she tried to kill herself over the upcoming divorce with Dad, that we all felt how strong it was, and that she needed more help than medication. That was one reason why I’m here in San Francisco, attending Stanford, so I can keep my eye on her, especially since not only was she facing divorce from Dad, who had stopped the proceedings momentarily because of Mom’s attempted suicide, but because of the recent and unexpected death of her best friend Aunt Sookie.
Dad’s a jerk for what he’s done, but at the same time, it seems he’s trying to salvage the family. I don’t know why he even tries, but they’re not officially divorced yet. There’s a final stage, and they will be. When that time comes when they are official divorced, I’ll have to be here for Mom. Without her best friend and anchor Aunt Sookie around, Mom’s attempt at trying to kill herself may actually succeed. Aunt Sookie…such an amazing lady, in spirit and in how she lived her life. She was such an encouraging presence, who always lifted up everyone around her. Gosh, I miss having her in my life.
Mom took the news very badly. As we all did, since Aunt Sookie was like a second mom to us. She was Summer’s real aunt and maybe like a mom to her, but she practically raised Drew, Rachel, and me under the same roof as Summer when we were kids.
It has been months since I last saw Summer back in Malibu ever since the summer season ended, and I had to go back to San Francisco. With all the insane craziness of starting my freshman year at Stanford, taking care of Mom and even working part-time at Dad’s internet company, I barely have time for a social life, let alone time for a girlfriend or even time to study.
So I’m cramming for my finals, and a study group is over at my apartment studying. They’ve been here all day since five in the morning. Chloe Valentine and Harvey Howard make up the study group for my Econ class. Chloe is a pretty redhead with a fiery temper. She is sexy as hell, too, and used to be a cheerleader at her high school, which is laughable because there is no way I could picture her as a sweet cheerleader cheering on a football team full of testosterone-driven guys. With her loud mouth and tough girl image - lace see-through shirt, red bra, leather jacket, short denim mini skirt and biker boots, she is clearly a ball breaker. This is very refreshing with the kind of girls who I used to know in high school. Yet, throughout the semester and even now, I had the feeling it could have been a phase she was going through now that she was in college because there were times when she acted like she wanted more of me than just a study partner. “Hey, don’t forget to get some sleep,” Chloe said, smiling widely as she leaned in to straighten my collar. “You want to have some energy when you take the exam or you’ll fall asleep during it.”
“I’d advise the opposite,” Harvey said stiffly. “If you’re doing an all-nighter, unless you have a good wake up service to get you up, then don’t go to sleep. You’ll sleep through the exam if you do. Just go in, with all the information fresh in your mind and take the exam. You’ll do better that way.”
“No, get some sleep. Even a ten minute nap will do wonders,” Chloe said.
“Trust me, skip the nap, and go straight to the exam. You can crash after the exam.” Harvey put his hand on my shoulder and turned me around to point at the coffee maker in the kitchen. “Make some strong coffee and then go for it. Keep your adrenaline going and you’ll do fine.”
Chloe shoots Harvey a deadly look, “I wouldn
’t advise that. I’ve already had one exam, and I could swear taking a nap before the exam…”
My mind drifts off as they argue when I get a text on my phone. I look down at the screen and laugh. It’s Summer.
She sends a picture of her holding up a crudely drawn drawing of a beach, a beach house, a stick figure girl and a cake with candles. The caption reads, “Remember this?”
I text back: Of course I remember. My masterpiece. My birthday card to you on your 8th birthday.
SUMMER My favorite birthday card.
My smile widens. I can’t believe Summer has kept that card for ten years. Something about that makes me a little happier, and despite how tired I am, I’m instantly filled with panic. In my haze of studying for exams and working, I have almost completely forgotten about Summer’s eighteenth birthday coming up this weekend.
“Ah, guys,” I say. “I’ll see you tomorrow at the exams. I still have to go over that last section tonight so I better get going. Thanks for stopping by and helping me study. I’ll play it by ear. If I get through everything I need to, tonight, I’ll take a small nap. If not, I’ll go straight to the exam. So, guys, thank you both for your advice. We’ll see how that works out tomorrow.” I smirk, pushing both of my study partners to the door of my apartment, trying to usher them out as quickly as possible.
“After the exams tomorrow, Nat,” Chloe says whispering into my ear, her warm breath tickling them like a caress. “Maybe you would like to come over to my place, and we can go over some stuff for the next exam?”
“With Harvey?” I asked, glancing over at the tall well-built freshman standing outside my door. I am a little embarrassed for him, with how shamelessly Chloe has been flirting with me all night. Harvey, the only other student from my high school class and a former football teammate of mine, had invited Chloe to join the group because he had a crush on her. Yet here she is, openly flirting with me. Besides looking a little annoyed, Harvey looks like he is eager to take off. I can’t blame Harvey, he’s probably had one all-nighter after another, and he looks just about to conk out at any moment.
