by Kol Anderson
“You’re not stupid.”
“I’m a whore! Someone like me should have never considered fucking a random guy but I did. I fuck them and most of the time I enjoy it. What is wrong with me?”
“Justin, you need to stop judging yourself. After everything that happened to you, it’s a marvel you’re alive and doing this well. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying fucking. Don’t try to fit into some victim stereotype just to please others. It’s more complicated than that.”
“I want you to fuck me.”
“Are you sure ?”
“Yeah.”
I started by gently kissing him and grabbing two handfuls of his ample butt. Though it was unexpected, he got into it. He stared at me lasciviously rubbing his dick. I lay down next to him. I took his fingers into my mouth and sucked each one. I tongued his neck, turned him on his back and worked my way down his smooth body.
When I began sucking his dick, he was going crazy. I used just enough suction to make him want to scream.
Up and down, up and down, getting his dick nice and wet. I then worked my tongue down to his balls where I licked and sucked nonstop. I moved to the end of the bed and pulled him to the end of it so that his asshole was wide open.
I got down on my knees and buried my face in him. Now my tongue was lightly but firmly rimming his ass and getting it sloppy wet. I eased a finger gently up his rectum then two, then three. In and out, in and out I slid them.
He was making slow grunts and groans, spurring me on. When I thought he was ready, I fucked him. Good. Long. Hard. I told him to lie on his stomach and used my knees to spread his legs further apart. I began to push it in gently but firmly and stopped for him to get used to the intrusion. I slowly pushed my cock in and he moaned from the pure pleasure and pain of it all. When I got it all the way in, I stopped again to let him get used to it.
I looked up at him and smiled.
“Allow me to fuck your brains out, Justin.”
20
AA week went by without incident. Kevin was mostly quiet and I figured it might be something related to work that he didn’t want to talk about.
Justin was just happy having a new place to discover and he ended up finding out a few good places for us to hang out.
I’d mostly watch TV and sleep. Or fuck. Justin said I was sleeping too much and kept worrying but I’d told him I needed a week to myself to figure things out.
One night, I woke up to strange noises. They were coming from the basement. I left Justin asleep in the room and went to check the basement. I took my gun and I was on alert for any trouble but I was hoping it wouldn’t come to me using a gun on someone.
The basement was dark so I turned on the light.
I saw a figure crouching by an old set of drawers and he had something in his hand.
“Kevin?”
He didn’t look up from whatever he was looking at. I realized that object in his hand was a flashlight.
“Sorry,” Kevin said. “I didn’t mean to wake you up.”
Kevin turned off the flashlight and handed me a photograph. It was the two of us on the beach and we looked happy building sandcastles.
“Lost memories, huh?” I said.
He picked up the box of paraphernalia and shoved past me. “Lost for you maybe.”
I went up to him and set the photograph down on the same old counter Kevin placed the box on. “Don’t you think we’re a little too old to make sandcastles?”
He looked at me with a passion I thought I’d forgotten. “I missed you.”
“I missed you too, Kev.”
“You know you’ve never been away from me this long.”
“Dominic was a full time job besides my actual full time job.”
“I told you he wasn’t right for you.”
“You don’t think anyone is right for me.”
Kevin ignored me and stood and went to a broken mirror and there was something hanging by its rusted protruding frame. He brought it back, excited like a schoolboy. “Guess what this is,” he held up the piece of ribbon.
“No freaking way!”
He handed it to me and printed on the smooth green surface were both our names. “You gave it to me on my birthday,” he told me. “I gave you one back.”
“Fuck, Kevin. I must have tossed mine away the next day.”
I thought it would be a comedic recollection but it obviously made Kevin angry. “If it was up to you, you’d toss me away,” he said. “But I kept everything. Safe. Protected. And that’s all I want for you, Trent. I want you to be safe and happy.”
This whole thing was starting to make me nervous. I was fine with being a little nostalgic but to my brother it wasn’t nostalgia for a past life, he seemed to still be living it.
I stood and looked at my brother. “Surrounding yourself with the past isn’t going to bring it back.”
I was about to leave when Kevin grabbed my arm. He stood and forced me to look into his eyes. “I don’t want the past Trent,” he said. “I want you.”
“I’d need to go back...”
Kevin grabbed me from behind and nuzzled my neck. His hand was going over my chest and before it reached any lower, I got away from him.
“You need to start living in the real world, Kevin!”
“Everything I did, I did it for you! You left me to be with a man who was the worst thing that could happen to you, and I kept telling you to leave him. We were young, we could have had a life together!”
“You’re my brother!”
“Never seemed to bother you before.”
“We were kids, experimenting.”
“Keep telling yourself that.” He ran his hand over a framed picture of the two of us at our uncle’s barbecue. “I love you, Trent. This is your home. Regardless of the situation you’ll always have a home with me.”
I rushed to the entrance but he wasn’t done talking. “This place can become a home of true love or a mausoleum. It’s up to you, and I will keep on hoping that one day you’ll see the truth.
“You’ll see me, not as a pit stop but the destination.”
21
I was in the kitchen having a drink when Justin walked in and opened the refrigerator and took out a carton of milk. He put the carton to his lips and drank directly from it and the whole thing made me laugh. Justin turned to me self-consciously and raised his eyebrows. "What?"
"Nothing."
He closed the fridge door and brought the carton toward me and kissed my mouth. "Don't you think I should drink milk?"
"You should. You're a growing boy after all."
He grinned. "I'm not the one sleeping with a child."
"Are you calling me a perv?"
"You made an entire community of truckers rape me. What do you think?"
“Hey they wanted to rape you,” I reminded him.
Instead of wiping away the milkstache, Justin licked it off with his tongue. I knew he was doing it to give me a show but God damn if he didn’t have the cutest damn milkstache in the world. I was about to do something when Kevin walked in. Sometimes, I still seemed to forget he was around. The concept of my brother being under the same roof was still new to me.
My brother walked in and I felt awkward. I didn't know how much of the conversation he heard but he was eyeing both of us in a peculiar way, so ‘pretty much everything' was going to be my guess.
Kevin was never obvious. Except for that day when it seemed like he had lost his composure. He grabbed a glass and poured himself some bourbon. "Whatever kind of fucked up relationship the two of you have is not my business," he said. “But try not to be so open about it. This is a good neighborhood. We don't need this kind of bullshit."
"What are you talking about! Since when did you become that guy? The neighborhood patrol!"
"Since you brought a whore to my home, Trent!!"
I watched Justin’s face and it lacked expression. He had encountered this before.
The world was filled with assholes.
>
"Hey, watch it, Kevin!" I started to defend Justin but Justin stopped me. "It's okay, Trent. He’s right. I don’t belong here. I'll leave,” he said. “Listen, you’re brothers. You shouldn’t be fighting because of me." He turned to Kevin. “I'm sorry Mr. Arlington if I caused you any trouble."
He said this and left. I was going to follow him but Kevin grabbed my arm. "Let him go. You don't need him."
I couldn't stop staring at the way his hand was still on my arm. "That is so typical Kevin."
"Excuse me?"
"You're jealous. You’re not pissed at Justin because he's a whore, you’re pissed because we're happy together and you only like me when I'm fucked up and alone because then I have no choice but to be with you! You think we’re dysfunctional? Try living in the same house with the brother who fucked you up! Kevin, you don't think I've forgotten, do you?”
"You know I'm the only one, Trent. I'll always be the one. You can’t get away from me. I’m your fate, I’m inevitable..."
His grip on my arm was gone. "Maybe it's best if you both leave."
“You were wrong, Kevin. You’re not the only one and you’re not my fate.”
I started walking upstairs to find Justin.
22
Justin stood against the dresser, watching me pack for the both of us. “If you leave, how will you pay for your treatment?”
“I met my Mom’s lawyer the other day, and it turns out that my father left us some money. I’ll use that.”
“And we’re going to live off that money? That’s the plan?”
“It’s a start, Justin.”
“Look, I can get a job. Not whoring, obviously, unless you’re okay with it..?”
I glared at him.
“Right, no whoring then. I’m sure McDonald’s is always hiring.”
“Shut up, Justin.”
“Trent, the money is an issue but that’s not the only thing I’m worried about.”
“What is it then?”
“Do you really want to leave your brother like this? Angry? Because of me?”
I zipped up the last bag. “He’s not who you think he is,” I told him. “You don’t know what he’s done.”
“Then why don’t you tell me.”
I set the bag aside and looked at Justin. Maybe it was time to visit old demons and exorcise them. Maybe then Kevin won’t have so much power over me. I dropped on the bed. It was exhausting just to think about it.
“Kevin used to molest me when we were kids,” I finally let it out. “It wasn’t anything serious, he wasn’t trying to hurt me, it was mainly just touching when he was horny.”
“Fuck.”
“Look kids do this kind of stuff, it’s no big deal. But that wasn’t all Kevin did. He started getting jealous of the people I was with. This one kid, Kevin had a fight with him because he tried to kiss me. And when Kevin came back from the brawl, he had blood all over him. He was hurt, so I took care of him and he told me he murdered that kid.
“I mean I didn’t actually think Kevin was capable of killing someone, he was my brother! Anyway, time goes on and that boy disappeared became a missing person and fuck, how could I possibly know that Kevin actually did it. We never really talked about it after that.
“But coming here, it brought back a lot of things. Things that I’d forgotten. Kevin had this one thing he used to say to me, that I never truly understood and I never truly forgot. "You can’t get away from me. I’m your fate, I’m inevitable."
“Oh my god, he’s in love with you.”
“Look, I’m not the morality police by any means but even I think that sounds fucked up.”
“If I ask you something, will you tell me the truth? And nothing but the truth?”
“Of course.”
“Close your eyes.”
“What?”
“Just do it, Trent!”
“Fine.”
“Okay now, I want you to picture your happy place. It can be anything. Maybe it’s a person, whatever.”
“Okay.”
“Right. Now, picture your brother Kevin.”
I was silent.
“You can open your eyes now,” Justin said. “How did you feel when you saw Kevin? What were your exact feelings?”
I didn’t have to think about it. “Angry. Confused,” I said. “Frightened.”
Justin pushed himself off the dresser and started to help me pack. “We need to get the fuck out of here.”
I grinned.
“I just hate to see you saying goodbye to your own house.”
“Yeah well, if I survive the cancer and Kevin happens to die, then maybe I could think about us living here. Or we could sell the property and live somewhere else.”
“Wow, you really have some unresolved issues if you’re fantasizing about your own brother’s demise.”
“It’s called being family, Justin.”
There was a knock on the door. Justin answered it and let Kevin in.
I couldn’t even stand the sight of him. “What do you want, Kevin?”
Kevin placed a hand on Justin’s shoulder. “Why don’t you ask him not to leave?” My brother said. “I can take care of him. He might die otherwise, is that what you want?”
“Hey don’t talk to him that way,” I intervened. “He’s only doing what I tell him to do. And he’s not the reason I’m leaving.”
Kevin’s hand still remained on Justin. “Very well, then. If you’ve made a decision, I won’t dispute your reasons. Come downstairs for a drink.”
“What’re you going to put in those drinks?” I said. “Did you think I was stupid?”
Kevin smiled. “Actually yes, I was counting on it.” He lodged his fist into Justin’s face and then before I could do anything, pulled a gun on him. “I wouldn’t do anything that might put the whore’s life in jeopardy, Trent.”
I was seething. “What do you want?”
“We have all the time in the world to discuss that,” he said. “Starting now.”
He turned to Justin. “Start walking,” he said and looked at me. “Why don’t you lead the way, Trent? After all, you know where our basement is located.”
23
Kevin pushed Justin toward me and pointed the weapon at him. “Go stand in that corner,” Kevin said. I was angry and about to lunge for Kevin. “Don’t even try it,” he said. “Or I’m going to blow your whore’s head clean off.”
“Kevin stop it,” I tried to reason with him.
“He’s a whore, for fuck sake! Trent, he takes his clothes off for everyone!”
Justin quietly went to stand where my brother had pointed. Kevin gestured to me. “I want you to take his dick out of his pants. Do it. If you don’t want this bullet to end him!”
I had no choice. I felt sorry for the boy, I regretted the very moment I brought him here. I should have known Kevin would just get worse over time, not better. I walked up to Justin and he looked up at me and there was no fear in his eyes. It was strange. I fumbled with his shorts and slowly took out his dick. Kevin was breathing heavily. This was turning him on, I knew that much. Not just the sight of Justin but the power. It’s an addictive combination.
“Get on your knees and suck him off,” Kevin instructed.
I got on my knees and put my mouth on Justin’s cock, and it felt strange but I couldn’t risk fighting Kevin. There was no telling what he might do if he was pissed enough. Maybe this way, he could get his rocks off and leave us alone.
“You’re good at this,” Kevin said. “Guess being a cocksucker comes naturally to you.”
I didn’t let his jibe get to me. Besides, if being a cocksucker was a bad thing, then I was going to be a happy fucking cocksucker.
“Enough,” Kevin said after a while. He gestured to Justin. “Why don’t you come over here, Justin?”
Justin started walking up to him, but my instincts were on high alert and I was freaking out. I was ready to pounce on Kevin and try to subdue him the minute I got the chance.
/> “Suck my dick like a good little whore,” Kevin said, and Justin went on his knees and unzipped Kevin’s pants and took out his dick. The whole thing was making me queasy and extremely jealous. When Justin started sucking him off, I wanted to rip up Kevin’s throat. I was going to do it, the instant I found a way to turn the tables. But for now, I had to go through the annoying visual of Justin giving my brother a blowjob.
Kevin got aggressive as time passed and a simple blowjob became poor Justin getting his gag reflex tested once more.
“Kevin stop this!” I couldn’t stay silent anymore.
My brother laughed and continued to force Justin. “What’s the matter, Trent? Isn’t this who he is? This two bit whore!”
I couldn’t even look away.
Kevin pushed Justin away and pulled up his pants. He pointed the gun at Justin’s head. “Don’t worry brother,” Kevin said. “I know you must be feeling left out. So, I’ll let you help me with the next scene.”
He pushed Justin toward an old, decrepit wooden desk. My father must have had it in a previous life. It was all splintery and I was surprised that it was still standing on its own. There was a light fixture right above the desk and Kevin turned it on. The basement was suddenly drowning in light.
“Put your hands on the desk,” Kevin said. “You don’t want to find out what I’ll do if you take those hands off without my permission. Are we clear?”
Justin gave a nod but that wasn’t enough. “I need words whore,” Kevin said.
“Yes, we’re clear.”
Kevin grinned.
He turned to me. “I want you take off his shorts,” Kevin said. “But don’t take them off completely. I just want them lowered a little, not completely off.”
My brother was seriously having fun with this. And he thought I was dysfunctional. Still, this was no time to think about all that.
I did as I was told.
“Good,” Kevin said. “Now beat the shit out of him.”
“What?”
