Hayden whistled under his breath, sounding impressed. He topped up my glass of wine and then shot me a grin. “So you’re not the good girl who plays by the rules that you hold yourself out to be,” he teased. “You’re downright ruthless when you have to be. I like it. It’s sexy.”
“Oh I am not ruthless,” I retorted, feeling my face redden. I fiddled with the diamond bracelet on my wrist, admiring the way it caught the light. Then I informed him, “I’m just trying to stand up for myself, that’s all.”
“That’s admirable.” The sincerity in his voice was touching and I appreciated his support. It felt good to know I could tell Hayden anything and not be judged. Despite his flaws, he was a good man. I couldn’t imagine anyone else ever comparing to him. Secretive and mysterious, yet passionate and kind, Hayden was the man I wanted.
It wouldn’t kill me to set the emails aside for a while, I decided. I could read over them later. Right now, I was out with Hayden and he deserved my full attention. Plus I knew there was something else I had to do. I took a deep breath and steeled myself for a conversation I would have preferred to put off forever.
“We need to talk,” I told Hayden just as our server brought us our dessert. The profiteroles looked delectable, creamy and light with a generous drizzle of dark, rich chocolate sauce. But I pushed my plate away, my appetite suddenly gone. My stomach was in knots as I stared across the table at the handsome man and wondered if I was about to lose him forever.
Sensing my anxiety, Hayden reached across the table and took my hand. His voice was soft and tender. “Daniella, what’s on your mind?” Hearing the way my name rolled off his tongue in that slight, understated accent made me lightheaded. I simultaneously loved and hated the effect Hayden had on me.
“It’s been six weeks now,” I told him. I hadn’t expected it to happen in only six short weeks, but it had. The heart, it seems, has no sense of time. It wants what it wants at the expense of everything else.
His hand squeezed mine as soon as the words left my lips. He instantly knew what I was talking about. Six weeks ago, my life had been on the cusp of changing in ways I’d never even imagined. Six weeks ago, I’d been a different person. Six weeks ago Hayden had walked into my life and turned my world upside down.
“It’s been the happiest six weeks of my life,” he told me. “I’m so grateful I met you that night in the bar.” He paused and then confessed, “It’s hard to believe that’s how long it’s been, isn’t it? In some ways it seems like we’ve known each other forever. I can barely even remember who I was or what my days were like before you were a part of them. Before you, I was just going through the motions. You’re the reason I’m happy to wake up each morning. It’s like you’re the part of me that was missing all along.”
I nodded, knowing exactly what he meant. I felt it too. But I refused to let myself get sidetracked by his romantic declarations. There were things that needed to be said and questions that had to be asked. I couldn’t just keep sticking my head in the sand, hiding like an ostrich. I had to face this head on no matter how scared I was.
“Every time I ask how long you’re staying, you brush the question off,” I pointed out. “These past six weeks have been amazing, Hayden, but I can’t keep living like this. I’m…I’m falling for you. I tried not to, but I am. I need to know if you’re going to be around a week, a month, a year from now…”
“I hope I will be,” he sighed, releasing my hand.
“That’s not a real answer,” I argued. I’d allowed him to sidestep the question in the past, but I wasn’t going to let him off the hook so easily this time. I couldn’t. “I’ve had it with you being so vague,” I informed him in a tone that let him know I wasn’t playing around. “Either you intend to stick around or you don’t. Which is it, Hayden?”
“Can’t we just live in the moment?” His face was unreadable. “Why do we need to have plans and expectations? Life doesn’t work that way. Life is messy and unpredictable. All anyone really has is today, Daniella. Can’t we just enjoy the here and now?”
“That all sounds romantic and whimsical, but it’s not realistic. People make plans, Hayden. That’s what they do. Maybe things don’t always unfold the way they expect, but they still make plans. They commit.”
He sighed again, a weary, irritated sound of deep frustration. It wasn’t lost on me.
My temper was flaring. “Either you want to stick around or you don’t. It’s not a difficult question. But I guess the way you’re dancing around giving me a real answer is all the answer I need,” I said quietly, pushing my chair back from the table.
“Wait, Daniella,” Hayden said quickly. “Don’t go.”
“I can’t keep wasting my time,” I told him. “I’m sorry but if you don’t care about me…if I’m just another one of your fuckbuddies, then I have to put an end to this now. Otherwise when you blindside me and leave, it will hurt too much.”
I was surprised to see tears welling up in Hayden’s eyes. He blinked them away quickly, but I knew I definitely hadn’t imagined them. “I don’t think of you that way at all,” he said heatedly. “You are so, so much more than just a woman I sleep with. I’ve never met anyone like you before, sensual and smart and stubborn. You drive me wild. Daniella, I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. You’re the woman I’d want to be with if I could.”
“I don’t understand.” I wasn’t even sure if I was angry or sad anymore. I just felt numb. “If you want to be with me, then be with me. Here I am right in front of you, practically begging you to love me,” I told him, my voice breaking. “If you want me, take me. If you don’t care…well then please Hayden, you owe it to me to be honest. Just let me go.”
“I don’t want to let you go!” he half-shouted, rising up and banging his fist on the table with such fury that several of the nearby diners in the restaurant turned to stare. I’d never seen him lose control like that before. Looking around, he loosened his tie and settled back into his seat. “I don’t want to let you go,” he said again, quietly this time.
“Well then for the love of God tell me what you’re thinking,” I demanded.
“I’m sorry you’re falling for me,” he said, his voice raw with emotion as he stared down at his untouched profiteroles. “I never intended for that to happen. When I struck up a conversation with you, I thought you were beautiful but I never imagined we’d have such a connection. I didn’t expect to fall in love with you, but I have.” He raised his eyes to meet mine then. “I’m madly in love with you, Daniella.”
Wow. I hadn’t been expecting that. The words took my breath away but they also weighed heavy on my heart because I could sense that Hayden wasn’t finished yet. “But..?” I pressed, bracing myself for a painful blow.
“But you deserve better than me. You deserve so much better.”
“Oh, is that all?” I wasn’t about to let Hayden’s insecurities destroy something beautiful.
“I mean it,” he insisted, his fist clenched atop the white linen tablecloth. “I’m not the man you deserve. I’m weak, always bending to my father’s will even though I despise the man. I let him control my life like I’m a pawn on a chess board and to him my life probably is just a game. I should have stood up to him years ago but I was a coward.”
I reached out and covered Hayden’s fist with my hand, keeping it there until he finally relaxed and stroked the palm of my hand with his fingers.
“I don’t understand the relationship you have with your father,” I told him. “Maybe I never will. But I don’t care about that. Your father doesn’t define you, Hayden. You’re your own man.”
He was shaking his head. “You don’t get it,” he tried to tell me, but I cut him off.
“I’ve seen the way you treat people – me, rich businessmen, servers in restaurants…you’re kind to everyone no matter who they are. Your life’s goal is to build orphanages and hospitals and you’ve given up everything so that someday you can. That isn’t cowardly. I know your heart, a
nd it’s brave and tender and…” Tears were streaming down my cheeks now. I couldn’t finish the sentence.
“Don’t cry,” Hayden begged. “I can’t stand to see you cry.”
“Did you mean it, when you said you love me?”
“Yes, more than anything.”
I smiled through my tears. “Then that’s all that matters.”
Chapter 12
“Where are we going?” I asked a short while later. Hayden and I had left the restaurant in a hurry, opting to take our profiteroles with us instead of eating them there. Staring at him across the table after hearing him declare his love for me, I’d had to have him. The look on his handsome face said he felt the same way.
So we’d rushed out to my car, Hayden not bothering to call for his limo driver to pick us up. Walking – half running – alongside him, I’d been struck by how tall he was, as though I was just noticing it for the first time. It seemed I was seeing him in a whole new light now that he’d said those three simple words that have a way of making everything so complicated.
We hadn’t been able to keep our hands off each other. We’d made out there in the parking lot, our tongues entwined as our hands slid beneath clothing and over hot flesh. We’d breathed together as one, gasping and licking and nibbling, both of us focused on only one thing. Heat radiated from between my thighs. I could feel Hayden’s hardness as he leaned over me, his mouth and hands frantically exploring my body.
Then I’d reluctantly pushed him off of me, regretfully informing him that we couldn’t do it there where someone might see. I was, after all, still a college employee. That came with certain expectations. As much as my body was aching for him, I couldn’t just throw away my reputation and everything I’d worked so hard for.
Hayden had reluctantly pulled away, both of us struggling to regain our composure. For a time, I couldn’t even look at him, afraid that if I did I’d throw all caution to the wind and hurl myself into his arms for the taking. So I stared straight ahead, my heart pounding and my pussy pulsating as I listened to his ragged breathing slowly regulate.
It was my car but he’d wanted to drive, telling me he missed the feel of the wheel in his hands. I got the sense he didn’t particularly want to be chauffeured around everywhere. The luxurious lifestyle he led wasn’t his. In some ways it was as though he was in prison, albeit an incredibly privileged and comfortable prison. So I hadn’t objected, handing over my car keys willingly. If driving made him happy, then I wanted him to drive.
He sped through the night, obviously dying to reach our destination and get his hands on me. I wasn’t afraid. He was in total command of the car, just as he was in total command of me when we played our kinky games. I knew I was safe with him behind the wheel. And now, after our very frank discussion in the restaurant, maybe I’d finally be able to feel like my heart was also safe with him.
I’d expected Hayden to drive us back to his hotel, but instead he was headed in the opposite direction. I looked at him questioningly.
“We’re going to your place,” he informed me.
I raised an eyebrow at that. My house was modest and unimpressive. It was comfortable but nothing special to look at. The space was small and most of the furniture was a mixture of mismatched second hand pieces I’d picked up over the years at yard sales. “Why? It’s nowhere near as nice as the hotel,” I cautioned. “You’ll be disappointed.”
“I won’t be,” he assured me. “I’ve been in the driveway plenty of times but I’ve never been inside. I want to see where you live. I want to know everything about you,” he said, his hand on my thigh. My skirt was riding up but I didn’t care and made no move to pull it down. I liked the way Hayden’s fingers felt as they stroked the sensitive skin immediately above where my lace thigh highs ended.
I didn’t protest.
We barely made it in the door. As I fumbled with my house key, Hayden ripped at my clothes, his breath hot against my neck as he unbuttoned my blouse. My nipples hardened immediately just from being in such close proximity to him. Once I finally managed to get the key in the door, we tumbled inside, pawing at each other in sexual desperation.
“The bedroom’s that way,” I gasped, pointing toward the hallway.
But neither of us made any move to head in that direction. We were completely caught up in one another, our bodies alive with electric desire. He ignited a fire in me that burned out of control. My whimpers of need filled the small entryway as Hayden ripped off my bra, his fingers plucking at my nipples. Then he shoved my skirt up and yanked my panties down, pushing me forcefully up against the wall.
He took me from behind, nudging my legs apart and then filling me with his length. There was no foreplay and I wouldn’t have had the patience for it anyway. Sometimes I loved his teasing but tonight I just wanted satisfaction. The short drive to my place had felt like an eternity, leaving me wet and yearning for him. I grunted and clawed at the wall as he gave me exactly what I was craving.
My soft breasts pushed up against the wall, my erect nipples dragging over the cool, hard surface as Hayden ravished me. His hands grasped at my hips, the tall, muscular man practically lifting me off my feet as he fucked me. Sounds I didn’t recognize were coming out of my mouth and emotions I’d never felt before flooded through me.
It wasn’t exactly lovemaking. It was rough and frenzied, Hayden claiming my body as he pinned me there against the wall. But it wasn’t just sex either. I could feel the shift in him…in us. The winds had shifted and so had my feelings. Finally, I was able to love him freely, without fear of being hurt or rejected. He wanted me. He didn’t just want my body. He didn’t just want sex. He’d made it clear that he wanted all of me. He was in love with me.
Once he’d taken his pleasure, he carried me the few short feet to the living room and laid me out on the floor right there. Spreading me open with his hands, he lowered his head to my sex, his tongue zeroing in on my throbbing clit.
I screamed out in ecstasy as he sucked the tender nub into his hot mouth, his tongue forceful and unrelenting as it rasped over the tip. He wasn’t giving me pleasure. He was taking it from me, forcing my body to spasm uncontrollably in unparalleled delight. And that was exactly what happened. My climax tore through my body, leaving me trembling and sobbing in joy.
He took me in his arms then, holding me close. His chin rested atop my head and his hands moved gently over my bare back, soothing me. “Maybe I don’t have to choose,” he murmured, almost to himself. “Maybe I can do my father’s work and be with you,” he said hopefully, as though he couldn’t quite believe it himself.
“Of course you can,” I told him, wrapping my arms around his torso. I could feel the muscles in his stomach rippling, and his breath momentarily caught in his throat when my bare breasts pressed against his chest. “I’d never make you choose, if that’s what you’re worried about?”
“I’ll have to travel a lot,” he cautioned.
“That’s okay. I have my own life,” I reminded him.
He blinked, seeming to be taken aback. “What do you mean?”
“Academia is demanding sometimes. I’ll have plenty here to keep me busy while you’re gone,” I explained. “Maybe if you’re travelling over the holidays I could even come with you some of the time?” I could, I reasoned, always do some of my research from overseas.
“Maybe,” he agreed, sounding excited. “I’d love to show you Paris in the springtime,” he murmured. “I think you’d like Barcelona, too.” There was a new lightness about him that I’d never felt before, like his whole world had just opened up.
“That all sounds amazing,” I agreed, feeling myself beginning to nod off. “When do you need to travel again next?” I asked, hoping it wouldn’t be for a while.
Now that I had him, I was reluctant to let him go, although of course I realized that at some point he’d have to leave to do his job. Staying in his father’s good books was the only way he’d get the fortune he needed to fund his charity work. Since
I had a few of my own, I understood how important dreams were – and I wanted to support Hayden’s.
“I’ll put it off for as long as I can,” he promised. “But I may have to make a quick trip to London next month if an art acquisition we’re negotiating comes through.”
“Okay,” I agreed, elated that I’d get an entire month with him before he left on business. “I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t going to wake up in the morning and find you gone,” I joked, nestling up against him. His skin felt so good against mine, like we’d been created for the sole purpose of lying together in each other’s arms.
“I’d never do that,” he assured me, planting a kiss on my head. He chuckled as he saw how close to sleep I was. “Do you want to go to bed?”
“I’m comfortable here,” I yawned contentedly.
“Alright,” he agreed with a touch of amusement. He tightened his sturdy arms around me, pulling me closer so he could keep me warm with the heat from his body. “If it’s what you want,” he told me, his voice husky and loving, “Then we’ll stay right here.”
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COMING SOON
His for Now by Octavia Wildwood
PREVIEW
I awoke in the morning sprawled out on the living room floor. There was a pillow under my head and a blanket carefully tucked around me. The scent of bacon sizzling in the kitchen immediately made me salivate and I followed my nose to find Hayden – and the elaborate breakfast feast he’d prepared – in the kitchen.
He stood there at the stove wearing only his boxers, the muscles of his gorgeous body rippling in the sunlight that streamed in the window. There was something about seeing him in my kitchen that made the whole affair seem real. Before, we’d always met up at hotels, bars, parties or restaurants. He’d swept me off my feet, wining and dining me, introducing me to a world that wasn’t my own. It had been easy to get caught up in all that, but it hadn’t exactly been real.
His for One Night Page 9
