Grrrrrurrr…
Although the rain had stopped, the wind had picked up after I had put out the lanterns, and sometimes the house timbers groaned in the wind. I hadn’t noticed the sound at dinner, but in the darkness I did.
The sound seemed familiar-familiar beyond even the sound itself. Certainly, the groaning happened in any high wind, but, as I lay in my bed wishing Krystal were there, the repeated groans reminded me of something else.
My father had always made me try to follow the winds, but the winds didn’t sound like that. I lay in the darkness and tried to recall where that sound had come from. The house had certainly groaned in the wind many times before, but I’d never had the feeling before. Why not? What had happened?
Grrrrurrrrr…
Gerlis! The feeling beneath the ground in the brimstone spring valley! The groaning of hot molten rock and fire…
I cast my thoughts downward, and let my mind follow my senses through the clay, through the rocks, this time not forcing them, but following the broader paths of order. It seemed almost effortless-until deep below Kyphros I could feel the mixing of iron and chaos, chaos and iron. And the iron held the chaos, no matter how much the chaos twisted.
Beneath the earth, the intertwining of order and chaos seemed more complex. Why was the Balance more simple in the open air than beneath the surface of the earth? Or was everything more complex beneath what seemed to be?
I tried to let my senses pass through the subtle mixtures of ordered red and white iron and white-red chaos that seemed pure fiery destruction. Mixtures of order and chaos, patterns intertwining, caught my senses, and I felt myself drawn to them. There-an upwelling of pure black, somehow brilliant white-red simultaneously, twisted around a fountain of white tinged with red, and.beyond it a rhythmic pulsing of smaller order-beats against a squarer kind of chaos, like a level almost, except how could chaos have any order or form? How could chaos be like a level?
Had there always been such an intertwining of order and chaos? I tried to let myself drift along the lines of order, along the forces that made Gerlis’s and Antonin’s powers seem small, toward a small fountain of blackness that somehow seemed to geyser deep out of the melting rocks far below, far below Kyphros. Even as my senses drew near, the fountain changed, and a torrent of white boiled around the blackness, and red chaos oozed, then spurted forth.
A cool thread of black beckoned, and for an instant, I felt as though I almost understood the interweavings of the patterns, like the grains of a perfect inlay on a lorken table.
A line of molten chaos, red with dull white, lashed from nowhere, and needles like knives burned through me. Another, thicker band of white began to twine around my senses, dragging me deeper into the depths. Realizing that I could get trapped within the depths, like Justen had somehow trapped the wizards of Frven, I tried to wrench free-even as another thinner white line slashed at me again, moving impossibly quickly in the deeps.
A band of black, ordered iron, ripped at me, and another line of white, tinged with red, slashed, and my soul and my face burned. Beneath Kyphros, in those depths, I struggled, recalling belatedly, again, Justen’s cautions, and lessons.
I forced myself, my senses, into a ball of self.
I am me! I am Lerris! Lerris… Lerris… LERRIS!!!!
The lashes of chaos and order continued, but I could feel their powers weakening, and I redoubled my efforts, trying to master myself before chaos and order did.
I am me! Me… me… ME!!!!!
An image formed-one that I knew was not real-and yet it was.
A figure in green stepped forward, out of the depths, lifting a blade. I strained to see the face, but shadows remained across the face of the soldier who carried no shield, only the short cavalry blade. Then, out of the shadows, two soulful eyes pierced me.
I died for you, and death is chaos. You, the great wizard, and you have left me in the depths, and I followed you and saved you. You have multiplied death, with fire and brimstone, and never will I see Barrabra again.
Though I could not move, though my senses and body were separated, I shuddered, then tried to look through the figure with my order senses, but only the tiniest pulses of energy appeared behind the image that extended a blade that became a staff as it was extended-a staff filled with the fire of chaos.
Take it… it is yours… great master of chaos…
Master of chaos? Never! I tried to push the staff away.
… take if…
The figure of Shervan hurled the staff at me, and a dull aching smashed across my chest.
… it is yours, great wizard, great master of chaos…
The image of the outlier faded, but another appeared, that of a dark-haired woman in white. She smiled, and beckoned, but an ugly burned slash across her neck looked like a second mouth, gaping, opening…
… oh, Lerris, you loved me, or you loved the body I held, and you killed me… you loved me… and I suffered this from your love… I gave up my life so that your love could live, and you threw it away…
No! I did not love you. I never loved you.
… but you did, and you hated her… and you twisted her and killed me…
You killed yourself. You took what never belonged to you!
Those white-clad arms grasped for me, and I threw up a shield, but a finger, impossibly long, reached out and seized my left arm, and those nails flared fire, and I could feel my flesh sizzling, smell the stench of burned flesh.
… you loved her, and your love killed me… and will kill her…
I pushed away the image of Sephya, and yet another rose out of the endless depths beneath Kyphros-a sandy-haired woman in green leathers with a jagged scar across her cheek urged her mount toward me, then reined up. Her shortsword jabbed at my breast.
… great wizard, great warrior… the greatest in all Candar…
Great warrior? Not me! Great wizard?
… the greatest… for who else has dared the depths and survived the firebolts of chaos? Who else… tell me that I did not die for a weakling. Tell me I did not die for nothing…
With all the burning and pain, I could feel tears. Had Freyda died for nothing? Had Justen been right? No! I refused to accept that, and I thrust her away. But before she faded, the flat side of the sword, thrown in disgust, slammed against my right arm. Flat side or not, it hurt.
… come… great bearer of destruction…join us… Another figure rose from the swirling fog of order and chaos-a man cloaked in white, who smiled, and his smile was sparkling dust, as were his body and his garments down to his white boots.
Behind him, I could feel rising hordes of the dead, could feel the crimson- and green-cloaked soldiers, the white-cloaked figures of chaos wizards… join us…
Red-whitened ashes flowed from one arm… while the other bore four blackened spots, burned through white cloak and skin and flesh, bums aching with the pain beyond pain… join us…
I looked dully at the wizard. What couldn’t I see? Why did every figure I thrust away bring up another, and more pain, more injuries?
… join us… great wizard… join us, for you deceive yourself as you believe we deceived you… believer in order alone, believer in deception… deception…
A firebolt seared my chest. Smoke rose, and I could smell singed hair-mine.
… join us… you cannot escape… you are a hero… and heroes never escape… they must always save someone else… until they are lost… and you will be lost to your heroism, great wizard… join us…
…cannot escape… cannot escape-the thought hammered at me. Cannot escape… what couldn’t I escape? Being a hero?
Then I swallowed, and ignored the bums, the smoke, the pain, and I held out my arms, inviting the dread figures to me, for they were me, and I was them.
A dull wailing rose and fell somewhere in the depths… and the depths rumbled.
I dropped the frail shields I had raised and waited. Grrrurrrr… rrrrrrurrr…
Order and chaos swir
led through me, and I knew-knew that they were not separate, but two sides of the same coin, knew that one could fight neither chaos nor order, but only those who misused one side of that coin. I knew, too, that the evil fostered by Recluce would be countered by an equal evil, and I shuddered. So did the earth.
The chaos and the order slashed through me, burning, but both were mine, and could be no one else’s.
Finally, I lay there, sweating, for a long time before I lurched upright and lit the lamp. I could feel my eyes widen as I took in the singe marks and burns that outlined where my body had rested on the sheet, and the burns on the quilt.
I staggered toward the small mirror. My body was crisscrossed with burns, and blisters crossed my reddened face. My head throbbed, as though it had been squeezed between the jaws of my own wood presses. Small sharp knives stabbed through my eyes.
Finally, while I felt like shaking my head, I dared not, for I felt as if it would have fallen off.
Slowly, I trudged to the kitchen and lit a lamp. Then I pumped some water and slowly blotted my face and the burns on my body. A heavy dark welt was turning into an ugly bruise on my right arm, as was another across my chest. Five oozing bums marked my left forearm.
With what little order strength I had left, I tried to keep chaos from the wounds as I washed away the stench of brimstone in the dim lamplight. I kept bathing the worst of the burns in cold water until the fire subsided. “Master Lerris…”
I didn’t even realize I was naked as I turned. “Ohhhhh…”
Rissa went down like an unsupported sack of flour. Did I look that bad? I was certain it hadn’t been my naked body. She’d clearly seen naked males before. I looked down.
I didn’t look wonderful, with welts, burns, bruises, cuts- and all from just lying in my bed and speculating and seeking out order in the depths beneath?
No wonder a lot of mages didn’t survive very long. I pulled on an old shirt, which was loose enough not to bind, before I blotted Rissa’s face. She finally sat up, shuddering. “I’m sorry, Rissa. I didn’t mean to disturb you.”
“What… be… you… doing?”
Her words seemed to waver in and out of my ears, but I caught the general idea and answered. “Learning about being a mage-the hard way. I don’t seem to be able to learn any other way.”
“Oh… Master Lerris… when will you be learning not to meddle?” Rissa straightened herself and got to her feet.
“Probably never.”
“Darkness help those around you. Darkness help us all…” She swallowed. “Like the commander says, you were born to be a hero, and that is a terrible burden.”
“I’m all right,” I sighed. “And there’s nothing you can do tonight.”
“Darkness… cook for a wizard… and he boils himself… terrible world we live in… terrible…” She walked toward her room at the back of the house, and I set down the damp cloth and headed for the bedroom. I’d worry about cleaning things up in the morning-assuming nothing else rose out of the depths to smite me.
I eased myself back into bed-on Krystal’s side-the unburned, unsinged side. Tomorrow, I’d have to send Rissa to buy linens.
At first, I couldn’t sleep, not with the aches and pains, nor with the endless questions, although it helped to leave my eyes closed. Why was seeking order and chaos in the ground easier? By rights, it ought to have been more difficult, since earth and clay and rock were far heavier than air.
I tried in the smallest way to sense the winds and the clouds overhead, and my head began to throb. I felt that, while such sensing was perhaps a shade easier than when my father had first insisted, sensing what lay beneath me was far, far, easier. Was I really an earth wizard? I’d never heard of an earth wizard. Why not? I didn’t have an answer, and all the order-searching had left me bruised, beaten, wounded… and tired. So finally I fell asleep to the creaking of the house timbers.
LVII
JUSTEN MOANED IN his sleep, then bolted upright, his blanket dropping away. Tamra screamed.
A faint groaning in the ground echoed in their ears, as if from an impossibly distant source.
“Justen!”
“Darkness… darkness…” muttered the older mage.
“What… ?” gasped Tamra.
“Lerris, the idiot.” Justen struggled out of his bedroll and eased a log into the coals. He rubbed his forehead.
Tamra rubbed her own forehead. “My head hurts. Worse than after chasing storms.”
“So does mine.” Justen offered her his water bottle.
She drank, then looked at the fire, at the cold stars overhead, and at last toward the northwest and toward distant Jellico.
Grrrrurrrrr…
They both winced.
“What about Lerris?” Tamra handed the water bottle back to the gray wizard.
“I didn’t think he was… this far… he didn’t tell me everything.”
Tamra looked at Justen. “That’s because you didn’t tell him everything. You hide too much. You didn’t trust Lerris fully, and you trust me even less. You sneak around in the shadows cast by your own past.” She massaged her forehead again. “Darkness, my head hurts.” She glared at Justen. “It hurts even to try and sense what’s out in the darkness. I’d hate to try to read the weather now.”
“There’s no weather underground.”
The log on the coals burst into flame. “Stop being obscure. That’s just another form of distrust.”
“I suppose so.”
“I know so,” snapped the redhead. “Just because you hide things doesn’t mean they stay hidden. So tell me what Lerris is doing, and why it’s disrupting order and chaos all across Candar. It’s not in the air. I could tell if it were.”
“He’s challenging the Balance, and he’s doing it deep within the earth. I didn’t know he was an earth wizard.”
“An earth wizard? There are earth wizards?”
“There haven’t been before, not full ones, not any I heard of,” admitted Justen. “But that’s what he’s doing.”
“You aren’t an earth wizard?”
“I can do a little there, like Lerris can do a little with the winds, but the forest and living things, and metals, are what I know best.”
“You know metals and aren’t an earth wizard?”
“I was a smith once, and metals above the earth are easier. With… help… I can do… some things below the earth.”
“You’re not telling me everything. Again!” Tamra massaged her forehead. “Everything you say leads to more questions.”
Grrrrurrrrr…
With the distant deep rumbling, Justen pursed his lips.
“So am I an air wizard? Or can I just sense things in the air like you can in the earth?” Tamra took a step back from the fire.
“You’re an air wizard, but how strong I don’t know.” Justen shrugged, sadly. “No one seems to be able to tell until things like this happen. Some wizards never really find out.”
“You’re being obscure again, and I don’t like it.”
“All wizards have to go through a personal trial-if they want to be full wizards using order. You will, too-probably not for a while yet, though. That’s what’s happening to Lerris.”
“What will happen to him?”
“If he survives, he’ll be on the way to full control of his abilities, but he’ll probably be pretty beaten up.”
“Pretty beaten up? He almost died already. What do you expect of him? What do you expect of me!” She started to glare again, then held her forehead. “Men! Idiots!”
“I don’t expect anything,” growled Justen. “You seem to think that, because you can see the storms, call up a breeze, or move a cloud or two around, you’re a full wizard. It doesn’t work that way.”
“How does it work? What does this have to do with the Balance? Tell me, and don’t be so demon-damned obscure.”
“All wizardry involves the Balance.” Justen pursed his lips and looked at the fire.
“And?”<
br />
“The greater the use of either order or chaos, the more likely a wizard will upset the Balance. When that happens, he has to right it, especially in himself. If not…” Justen shook his head.
“Why will it be a while before I face this… whatever it is? I’m older than Lerris.”
“Because you’re an air wizard, you might not. My brother Gunnar never did. Creslin lost his sight, but he was older, I think.”
“You think? Don’t you know?”
Justen looked back at the fire.
“Don’t you know?” Tamra massaged her forehead again.
“No. I’m sort of a jack - of - all - trades wizard. I’m not an air wizard.”
Lit by the flickering red of the fire and by the cold light of the stars, neither mage looked at the other, but far beneath Candar the ground rumbled… and rumbled.
LVIII
East of Lavah, Sligo [Candar]
AFTER STEPPING INSIDE the cottage, the man in the tan uniform carefully folds the heavy brown cloak over his arm and offers a half-bow. “Honored Mage, might I introduce myself?”
“You might.” Fire glitters on Sammel’s fingertips, then fades.
“D’ressn Leithrrse, envoy of His Imperial Highness Stesten of Hamor.” Leithrrse bows again.
“My, that is an impressive series of titles.” Sammel offers an exaggerated bow in response. “How could this poor seeker of knowledge possibly offer anything to such an exalted personage?”
“You already have rendered some services to the Emperor, at least indirectly.”
“Ah, through Duke Colaris… I cannot say I am surprised.” The fire flares momentarily on Sammel’s fingers, then vanishes. “And I am vain enough to appreciate a little recognition of the power of the knowledge I provided.”
The Death of Chaos Page 33
