by Linda Kage
I wanted that. I wanted to own it and possess every fiber of it. And quite suddenly, I wanted her. As in, I wanted to fuck her. I hadn’t wanted to fuck a specific person in a long time, certainly not since Patricia Garrison had pranced into my backyard and ripped away all intense desires for human contact from my soul that I’d ever had.
It scared the ever-loving shit out of me. And gave me instant wood all at the same time.
Horrified by both my physical and emotional reaction, I forced my gaze away and picked up my speed, rushing into the school. I stopped by the bathroom to duck into a stall and cool off.
But what the fuck had just happened?
Merely looking at a girl should not do that to a guy, especially a guy like me who was as jaded as they came. At least I felt jaded, anyway. Except right now, I felt hot. Needy. Uncertain, and kind of naïve myself.
And as I stared at my own haunted reflection in the bathroom mirror, my life mission became: Fuck making her laugh, whoever she was. I needed to stay away from that girl at all cost. She was straight-up frightening as hell.
She made me feel shit.
Confession #4: Karma loved to fuck with me, or maybe I just brought it all on myself.
So, you know when you convince yourself it’s best to stay away from something for your own safety, and then, bam, karma’s like, Ha! Yeah, right?
Well, that’s what happened to me.
I saw Glowing Girl every time I turned around that day. I kid you not. It was aggravating as hell.
As soon as I exited the bathroom, there she was, walking down the hall with Eva and studying a sheet of paper in her hand as Mercer rattled on about something next to her. I jarred to a stop so fast the closing bathroom door swatted me in the ass.
But neither girl noticed, especially when Glowing Girl ran smack into a carpet-covered support beam in the middle of the hall.
“Oww,” she muttered dryly and clutched her nose as she dropped the page she’d been holding. Then she threw back her head and laughed over her clumsiness. “Oh, God. That was classic,” she announced even as she patted the column in front of her and apologized to it. “Sorry about that, buddy. Didn’t see you there.”
Mercer groaned and shook her head. “Seriously. It’s like I can’t take you anywhere.”
“Whatever. You love me.” Glowing Girl bent down to retrieve her page, and I did not check out her backside as she did so.
Lie, total lie. She had the sweetest ass.
When she straightened, Eva hooked her arm through the brunette’s and sighed dramatically. “It seems I’m going to have to hold your hand all the way to your first class, otherwise you’ll probably trip and fall down some rabbit hole and disappear into an alternate dimension forever.”
Tugging Mercer closer, Glowing Girl only grinned contentedly and rested her cheek on Eva’s shoulder. “See. You do love me.”
I shook my head over her good-natured responses and watched as the two girls moved out of sight. She seemed cute, apologizing to inanimate objects, laughing over her own inelegance, and not growing the least bit offended when her friend mocked her. It was a refreshing change of pace from the type of woman I was used to.
And I was not going to let it charm me. Nope. Not charmed. Not even when her laugh floated down the hall again.
Gah, that laugh was awesome.
Blowing out a breath, I shook my head to reinforce my resolve against her and hurried to my first class. My body had calmed down but the rest of me remained wired. I slid into the first chair I came across and plopped my bag onto my desktop before removing the essentials.
I had my laptop open and booted up just in time for my sociology professor to walk into the room.
As he went over the syllabus, my mind wandered, and sadly it took me the entire hour to convince myself I was being an idiot.
After looking at some stranger one time and listening to her laugh, I had applied a completely fictional personality to someone I didn’t know a thing about. I’d probably done it because there was so much about my life I hated and I’d taken up daydreaming a lot lately to get through. My mind could check out and go somewhere pleasant while my body was occupied elsewhere, doing not-so-pleasant things.
I have no idea why my mind had gone so many places with that one girl, though. I doubt there was anything special about her, I mean, aside from the fact she had a cool-ass laugh, a good sense of humor about running into things, and she tended to defend complete strangers. Maybe I was so desperate for some kind of deliverance that I’d just latched onto the first thing remotely different, thinking it could save me.
But the only thing that was going to save me from my own life was to keep doing what I was doing until I’d earned enough money to get my family set up in a better place.
So, back to my real life I forced my thoughts to go.
After sociology, I had a pretty full schedule with U.S. Politics, speech, calculus, and then economics before I could break for lunch. Since I’d basically only had two crackers, some jelly, and peanut butter for breakfast, I knew I was not going to last that long. I planned on stopping by the food court for a drink on my way to the next class, except yep… There she was, waiting in line at the coffee station.
I kept walking by to avoid another staring encounter with her and went straight to politics. Another long, boring hour passed, but at least it was safe in there with no Glowing Girl sightings. I was hesitant to head to my speech class after that. But when I stepped into the hall, she was nowhere to be seen. Thank God.
Fortunately, speech class was able to pull a little more attention from me, and by the time it let out, I was sure I was past all the daydreaming bullshit for the rest of the morning… Until I found my fourth class and walked inside the calculus room, where my daydream—who was leaving—plowed right into me.
Literally.
I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going, too busy looking for the perfect place to sit and mentally erase the rumors I’d just heard in the hall.
Isn’t that Mason Lowe? You know what he is, don’t you?
I ground my teeth, wondering how many times I was going to overhear that line in the coming months. And that’s when it happened. The impact knocked the breath out of me and yanked me to the present, only to find a girl sprawled out on the floor in front of me in the aisle between desks. Her long, dark silky hair told me who she was immediately. Since our collision had caused her to spill her bag to the floor, she started grabbing things up even as she began to apologize.
“Oh my God. Sorry. I didn’t see you. I’m so sor—” She looked up, and the words died on her tongue.
It didn’t escape my notice that she was damn near kneeling right in front of me. And yep, my mind went there. But come on, all she’d have to do was reach out, unzip me, and open her mouth, and we’d be in business.
God, I was a sick, sick bastard. But I’m sure every other straight guy on the planet would’ve been thinking the same thing if he were in my position and she was in that one.
I commanded my anatomy not to react, even as I imagined myself tangling my fingers in her hair and guiding her face forward. Every muscle in my body grew so taut I’m surprised I didn’t combust on the spot. A ringing started in my ears, and she began to jabber something to me at top speed, but I didn’t hear a word she said. It took everything I had to keep absolutely still so I wouldn’t reach for her. But then she lurched even closer to grab a few more spilled items, and if she had looked, I know she would’ve seen just how friendly I was currently feeling toward her.
I jumped back to keep my own decency intact, and she looked up, her eyes startled and hurt. A sharp pain stabbed me in the chest because I knew I’d caused that miserable look. She thought I was offended by her; I could see it all over her face.
She asked me if I was okay, and I wanted to tell her that I was so far from okay it wasn’t even funny. But I mumbled something about being fine. Not sure exactly what I said, except it didn’t seem to reassure her. Obvi
ously, conversational skills weren’t my strong suit just then. Her presence was throwing me all out of whack. No one had ever alarmed me the way she did.
Realizing just how much of an ass I was being, I reached down and grabbed the last of her books from the floor and handed them over to redeem myself a little, but also to speed this uncomfortable encounter along and stop the torture of wanting something I knew I could never have. Then I slid into a chair to let her pass and leave the room. When she did, this sweet flowering scent drifted by, and I had to grab the edge of my desk to keep from going insane.
Stay away from that girl, I chanted over and over again in my head. That way was full of problems. I was trying to untangle my life from problems. So stay away from that girl.
I couldn’t tell you a damn thing I learned in calculus that hour.
By four in the afternoon, my brain hurt. Thinking about her was honestly that exhausting. Or maybe I’d signed myself up for too much by taking on six classes in one day. My professor in each one seemed to think their course should be the center of my universe for the rest of the semester, and there was no way that was happening.
It was a good thing I’d talked Landon into switching me out of my shift tonight, not only because Mom was working and I needed to watch Sarah, but I probably would’ve been worthless at the Country Club parking cars with my head as fucked up as it was.
When I walked in the back door, Mom seemed antsy and eager to go. She had her purse over her shoulder and was checking something on her phone as if waiting for me.
“Hey,” I said, blinking at her. “Leaving already? I thought you didn’t need to be at the diner until five.”
“I don’t but I want to run an errand first.” She hurried out the door before explaining what her errand was.
“Okay, then,” I said to the empty kitchen. “Bye.” A second later, my phone beeped.
Everything inside me tensed, hoping it wasn’t a client. The last thing I wanted to do tonight was some demanding woman who wanted me to act as if she were the center of my universe too.
But it wasn’t a client, thank God. It was my mother.
Mom: Forgot to tell you. New sitter starts Wednesday.
I scowled, hoping she’d told whoever had taken the job about Sarah’s special needs. Hell, I hoped she’d even screened the applicant at all. We’d been lucky with the last evening sitter Mom had hired, but I didn’t trust just anyone with my sister.
Speaking of which, I wondered how her first day of school had gone.
When I entered the living room, Mom had put on Hawaii Five-0 for her to watch again. “That show’s going to rot your brain,” I told her as I plopped down next to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders so I could tug her right up against my side. Her body twitched and shuddered under my touch, but she was still able to rest her cheek against my shoulder.
“Don’t care,” she mumbled. “I love it.”
Smiling, I kissed her hair. “Then brain rot is worth it, I guess. Hey, how was your first day? Mine sucked ass. I already have freaking homework to do in three classes. Can you believe that?”
She looked up at me, and the seriousness in her gaze freaked me out. “What?” I asked, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. “What’s wrong? Did you and Mom—”
“No,” she said, “Mom’s fine.” Then she looked down, and I knew it was school-related, but not a problem with actual classwork. Sarah never had a problem with grades. She was as smart as they came. But she always had a problem with other students.
Dammit, was she already getting picked on? On the first fucking day of school?
I was about to kick some twelve-year-old ass.
When she finally relented and told me about a slumber party Bridget—this girl in her class—was having on Wednesday to celebrate the beginning of the year, she looked as if her dog had just died when she admitted, “I don’t think I’ll be invited.”
“Of course you’ll be invited,” I started, even though I knew I shouldn’t push false hope on her because odds were, she wouldn’t be invited. She never was.
When she just gave me the look, I sighed. “I’ll tell you what. Let’s go grocery shopping, and I’ll buy you ice cream on the way home. Sound good to you? Then you’ll be so happy and stuffed you won’t even care who Bridget does or doesn’t invite to her stupid party.”
Glancing away, she shrugged, mumbling, “Okay. I guess.”
“Hey, listen.” Pulling her even closer, I pressed my forehead to hers. “I love you, kiddo. I love you more than anyone else on the entire planet. And that’s not just because you’re related and I have to. There’s no rule that says you have to love your annoying little sister. I love you because you’re the most wonderful, caring, sweetest girl I’ve ever met. And when someone else is finally willing to get to know the real you, they won’t be able to help but love you as much as I do, too. It’s not going to be easy to find that person, but when you do, it’s going to be worth the wait. So don’t worry about wasting your time with popularity contests and the shallow Bridgets of the world when you have something deeper and more meaningful headed your way. It’s coming. I know it is. Just be patient. Okay? It’ll be worth it in the end.”
Tears filled her lashes as she stared up at me and bobbed her head. “Okay,” she said.
I smiled tenderly and kissed her hair one more time. “That’s the spirit. Now let’s go grocery shopping. I’m starving.”
This time, she actually laughed. “You’re always starving.”
“I know,” I lamented, picking her up from the sofa as I rose so I could settle her in her chair. “You think something’s wrong with me, like I have a hole in my stomach or something?”
She sniffed. “No. I think you’re just a boy.”
I gasped in mock defense. “Just a dirty, gross boy, huh? How should that make me constantly hungry?”
“I don’t know. It just does.”
“Does that mean you girls always feel full, then?”
With a laugh, she bumped her body into mine. “Don’t be silly.”
“Hey, if I were being silly, I’d do this.” And I tickled her, drawing out her scream-laughter that I loved so much.
We continued to tease each other all the way to the grocery store and home again. I might’ve gone slightly overboard and bought nearly five hundred dollars’ worth of food, but I was tired of always being hungry, so hopefully, the overstock would last a while. By the time Sarah and I had everything put away, Bridget and her slumber party were all but forgotten, and I’d accomplished my duty as an awesome big brother.
Night faded into morning, where the next evening, Mom didn’t have to work at the diner, but I had to work at the Country Club for a while. My last class dismissed at three thirty, and I was supposed to be at work by four, so I didn’t get much time to talk to either Mom about the new sitter she’d hired or to Sarah about whether Bridget had invited her to the slumber party or not when I blew through the door at three forty-five and hurried to my room to change.
I was out of there minutes later and didn’t make it home until after they were both in bed asleep.
Wednesday night followed almost the same pattern. I had class until three and I had to be at the Country Club by four. I don’t know why I’d allowed for such a tight schedule for myself, but it kind of sucked.
I knew I was cutting it close but I refused to leave the house until I at least met this new person Mom had hired to take care of Sarah. I was dressed and ready for work, flipping my Jeep keys in my hand as I opened the refrigerator to fetch a bottle of water, when I noticed Mom had actually used a lot of the new groceries in the house and premixed about half a dozen shakes for Sarah. Bottles full of them sat in a neat row on the top shelf. It looked as if she’d used more than just the nasty protein powder and put shit like fruit and chocolate and peanut butter in some of them too.
Way to go, Mom.
This was one of those moments when I was glad I hadn’t given up total hope on her yet. I wa
s about to go seek her out and thank her when I heard her voice in the front of the house, and it wasn’t the voice she usually used when addressing Sarah.
Great. The new evening sitter must be here. Suddenly, Sarah came rolling into the kitchen as if her tail were on fire.
“Whoa, what’s the rush?” I asked, catching the armrest to stop her in her tracks.
Her eyes were wide and bright with anxiety when she said, “She’s here.”
“The new sitter?”
She bobbed her head emphatically.
Shit, she was as nervous as I was. Not all of Sarah’s evening sitters had been as kind to her as the last one had been. Wanting to distract her, I blurted the first question in my head. “Any news from Bridget yet?”
But, yeah, that was basically the worst form of distraction ever. Sarah’s expression plummeted straight into despair. “No.”
Damn you, Bridget.
Kneeling in front of Sarah, I took her hand and squeezed. “Hey, I know you wanted to go to that slumber party your classmates didn’t invite you to tonight, but don’t sweat it, okay. I bet you’re not missing anything fun at all. I mean, what kind of—”
“Mason!” Mom interrupted, sounding surprised as she entered the kitchen. “There you are. I didn’t realize you were still home.” The look in her eyes told me she’d been hoping I would already be gone… Probably so I couldn’t judge her choice of new sitters and scare the person away if need be. “But since you’re here,” she went on with a tense smile, “the new evening sitter just arrived, and I’d like you to meet her.”
I frowned when no one immediately exited the hall behind her. Then a thump echoed into the kitchen.
What the—
I peered around Mom’s shoulder into the darkened hallway, barely making out the silhouette of a girl trying to steady a swaying picture frame on the wall that she’d obviously just walked into.
