by Linda Kage
I ignored him and hugged myself, burrowing deeper into my shirt. When I glanced toward JB, I noticed he was striking a similar pose, rubbing his hands up and down the sides of his arms as he sat back down on the tree stump. Poor thing, he didn’t even have a shirt to contain any of his body heat.
“Hey,” I called to Luke, gaining his attention. When he lifted his gaze, I tipped my head toward his brother. “Go get him a shirt, or blanket, or something, will you?”
JB glanced at me, his surprise evident.
Luke snorted. “I’m supposed to be your warden, not your damn errand boy.”
Fed up with this entire night, I picked up a nearby rock I saw sitting on the ground. It was more like a pebble, actually, so I knew it wouldn’t do any real damage when I chucked it at Luke as hard as I could. And besides, he easily batted it away as he cried his outrage over such abuse.
“Lucian Michael,” I growled through clenched teeth. “I said go get him something warm. He’s fucking cold.” For some reason, it didn’t seem to matter or even phase me that Luke was just as shirtless as JB was.
“I’m fine,” JB cut in quietly.
Ignoring him, I sent Luke my crazy-eyed glare, my eyes threatening all sorts of bodily harm if he didn’t comply.
“Okay, okay,” he muttered, hopping off the picnic table. “Jesus. I’ll be right back.” Then he pointed at his brother and snickered. “Try to keep it in your pants while I’m gone, bro, or Ten will kill me for leaving you two alone.” Then he wandered off, laughing over his own lame joke.
Glad I finally had a moment alone with JB, I glanced his way, but he was studiously attempting to ignore me. So I went over and sat next to him on the tree stump, trying to force his attention.
Why I wanted to force it, I have no idea. But after what had just happened between us in that tent, I needed him to look at me. I needed to know...fuck, I needed to know what this meant between us now.
He glanced at me, scowling. But as soon as his gaze met mine, air hissed from between his teeth, and his eyes filled with something hot and seeking, something I felt deep in my womb. It was more intense than sex—or at least any sex I’d ever had—and a shudder of attraction consumed me. Oh, God, what did this mean?
“We should probably clean those scratches,” I said quietly.
JB glanced away. “I’m fine.”
Wow, was the guy stuck on repeat? All his self-denial made me want to pick and dig at him until he had to say something other than I’m fine.
But then, I was also kind of afraid to listen to him go off and tell me how he really felt if I did break him open enough to get him to reveal his true thoughts. I’m not so certain I could handle hearing him admit he was still heartbroken over and longing for Sonya. I’d felt all weird and unexplainably lonely since those two had gotten engaged. Then things had felt even weirder inside me when their engagement had dissolved. I wasn’t sure what that meant either.
So I settled for rolling my eyes and muttering, “Clearly, you’re not. But whatever.”
He said nothing. So I said nothing.
I scooted closer, trying to soak up any stray body heat he might be dispelling. Plus, I just liked being close to him. JB had always made me feel…safe. He’d forever been the one I’d run to when I was distressed. He just knew how to help me look at my problems so they didn’t seem so insurmountable. And for some reason, something inside me was beginning to feel big and complicated, and so naturally, I shifted closer until my thigh was pressed right up against his.
He glanced at me sharply but didn’t pull away, so I took that as a good enough sign.
“You know,” I started. “If you’re pissed at me, you can just say so.”
“I’m pissed at you,” he said, and it was obvious he meant it.
“What?” I cried, gaping at him. “Why? What did I do wrong?”
He sent me an incredulous glance. “Are you kidding me right now? Your dad tried to kill me a few minutes ago because of what you did.”
I rolled my eyes. “Oh, whatever. He ended up getting more hurt than you did.”
He sniffed and glanced away, only to spin back and scowl. “Are you ever going to tell me what experiment you were conducting since it ended up with your dad shaking me out of a fucking tree?”
I opened my mouth, but no words came. JB watched me so closely my cheeks began to burn, because my idea that had felt like a damn good one when I’d crawled into that tent suddenly seemed really stupid.
Out of nowhere, one half of a sleeping bag dropped onto my shoulders, the other half draping over JB’s. Not expecting it, I yelped and looked up to find Luke there, scowling at us.
“There,” he said. “I did my duty. Now I’m going to bed.”
“Hey,” I muttered, suddenly afraid to be left alone with JB, because he’d probably make me confess some really embarrassing shit. “What about guarding us, and defending my honor, and all that?”
Luke merely waved over his shoulder. “I did my duty,” he repeated. “And you guys are being boring again, so… I’m out. Take his virginity if you want, T. It’s fine by me. Maybe it’ll even pull that stick out of his ass.”
Once he was gone, JB mumbled, “I do not have a stick stuck up my ass.” Glancing at me, worry lined his gaze even as he asked, “Am I seriously that uptight?”
I cracked a grin. “Really? That was the part you took umbrage at? You don’t care that he just called you a virgin?”
JB shrugged. “Maybe I am a virgin.” Then his lips twitched with amusement.
I snorted. “You’re such a dork.” I began to pull my half of the sleeping bag off me so he could have it all, but he wrapped a hand around my upper leg, stopping me dead in my tracks when his warm fingers brushed over the inside of my thigh.
“You’re cold too,” he said quietly.
My breath caught in my chest, but I tried not to let that show. Nodding, I snuggled back into his warmth, shifting even closer to him as I did so. We sat flush against each other, hip to hip. And he never moved his hand off my leg, the impression of his fingers beginning to burn into my flesh with a pleasant heat as his thumb started to move in slow, intoxicating circles.
“You didn’t go off to find Luke after leaving my tent,” he announced as if just then realizing that.
“No,” I said, before sniffing. “After messing up so badly with you, I wasn’t about to try that again.”
“And what were you trying?” He seemed to genuinely want to know what I’d been attempting that I sighed because I knew I needed to tell him.
“Please… Just don’t laugh when I tell you, okay?”
“Tell me what? That you have a thing for Luke?”
“No.” I shook my head, frowning over the very idea. “It’s actually not that at all.”
“So… You don’t have a thing for Luke, and that’s why you crawled on top of him naked—or on top of who you thought was him. Damn, T. You know that makes no sense at all, right?”
“I know, just… Give me a moment to try to explain this, will you?”
“Okay.” When he nodded and actually stayed quiet, waiting for me to talk, I sighed.
“Lately, I’ve been having really bad experiences with dating.”
Instantly alert, he asked, “Bad, how?”
“I mean…” Rolling my hand, I said, “Not like any of them have hit me or anything like that, but they’ve just been so… Every single one of them has been an inconsiderate asshole, and there seems to be this level of misunderstanding or…I don’t know. It’s always like me and the guy I’m with are from two different universes.”
“Like men are from Mars, and women are from Venus?”
Because I knew he was mocking me, I sent him a dry scowl. “It’s like none of them have the same morals, and values, and ideas I do. Our family group is so close and tight-knit, I swear I’ve grown up in this bubble, and everyone outside it are Martians to me. And it’s finally starting to bother me. It’s like I just expect them to be like…like y
ou guys, or think like you guys, or react like I’m used to someone in our family circle reacting. None of them measure up. And when they don’t, it’s almost disappointing. Then, when Beau and Bentley got together last year, they just seemed to mesh so well.”
“Because they fell in love,” JB answered.
“I know, but then you and Sonya broke up, and it felt like it was because she wasn’t one of us. She just didn’t belong in our group.”
“It was because she cheated on me.”
“Yes, I know. But it got me to thinking… What if I tried for something like what Beau and Bentley have? Something with someone familiar, someone from our group? And if maybe I just, you know, forced it along a little, something with that person might hopefully bloom into...more.”
“So, you picked…Luke?”
“I don’t know. Yeah. I guess.” I shrugged, growing even more embarrassed. “I mean, sure. He seemed like the most logical choice to test first, to see if it would feel like kissing my brother or if…if we could actually create chemistry or something together.”
“So, he’s the one in our group you’re the most attracted to?”
“No…” I said slowly, furrowing my brow over that suggestion. Did I find Luke more attractive than, say, JB? I glanced at JB, and my body thrummed with desire.
Nope. No, I didn’t. Not at all.
But then something in JB’s expression had me studying him until I realized…holy shit. He was hurt.
He was hurt I’d chosen Luke and not him.
But why would JB care who I’d chosen, unless…wait. No. JB couldn’t like me.
Could he?
Oh, wow. My mind spun with such a notion as I covered his hand on my leg with my own fingers and squeezed in apology. “It wasn’t because I preferred him over you, or…or anyone else, or because I even like him better. I don’t. Not at all. He’s just the closest to me in age and… Well, you know, our personalities are somewhat similar. We’re not as serious and intense as…as you are.”
“You meaning as boring and responsible as I am,” JB said bitterly.
“Hey, responsibility is a good thing,” I argued, frowning over how little he seemed to think of his own qualities.
He snorted. “Then why did Sonya lash that very word at me when she left me, like it was awful, right along with telling me I was a robot with no passion?”
“She said what?” I growled. “God, what a bitch. Of course she spewed something she thought would hurt you. You’d just caught her cheating. Caught people always try to turn it around and pin you with something wrong so they don’t look so bad. But she has no clue. She doesn’t know you at all if she said you lack passion. Clearly, she was never around you whenever a season finale for The Walking Dead aired.”
JB sent me an unimpressed glance. I cracked a grin and bumped my shoulder into his, still trying to lighten the mood. Then I sighed, falling serious again. “I’m telling you, she wasn’t one of us. That was her real problem. And if that was really why she left you, then it was her loss—Hey! Wait a second.” Shaking my head as something occurred to me, I frowned at him. “Backup a tick. I just realized you said she dumped you.”
He sighed and glanced up at the sky miserably. “Yeah, pretty pathetic, huh?”
“But she’s the one who cheated,” I said, not getting it.
“I know. And stupid, idiot me, I forgave her for it. I was willing to give her a second chance, except that didn’t work for her. She thought I should’ve been more upset and held a grudge longer or something before I took her back. She said my lack of outrage showed that I just didn’t love her enough because I didn’t seem to care who she slept with.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I exploded. “That’s why she dumped you? What a crazy whack job.”
He shrugged and glanced down at where my hand was covering his. I squeezed his fingers. He squeezed back, lacing his through mine. A heavy ache filled my chest.
Frowning at the misery in his expression, I bumped my shoulder into his again. “Hey, you didn’t actually…I mean, you didn’t take her words to heart, did you?”
Glancing up, he smiled sadly. “She did have a point. Besides, it’s kind of hard not to believe someone you were planning to marry when they tell you you have no soul.”
“Yes it is,” I growled, “because she obviously has no brain. You are an amazing man, JB Hamilton. And you should believe me more than her, because I’ve known you longer. She’s the one who lost out when she walked away.”
“This coming from the girl who wanted my brother. Not me.”
“JB,” I said softly, squeezing his fingers when he tried to pull his hand away. “Don’t do that. Please. I didn’t even know you were interested.”
“I wasn’t.” Cracking off a bitter laugh, he tipped his head back to consider the stars above us. “Shit, I’m not. I don’t think.” Then he shook his head as if he were confused. “That’s the crazy part. I never thought of you that way before tonight. I mean, I always thought you were gorgeous. But—”
“You did?” I bit my lip, strangely pleased.
He frowned at me. “But I always thought of you as family. I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember. It’s familiar and comfortable, and I just naturally assumed it’d feel like I was kissing my sister if we ever…you know.” He waved a hand. Then he sniffed bitterly and shook his head. “Guess I learned how wrong I was about that tonight, because I don’t think I’ll ever look at you in a brotherly way again.”
“That’s why I wanted to try my experiment,” I said softly. “I wanted to actually know what it’d be like, not just assume.”
“But you wanted to know what Luke would be like,” he muttered, pulling away to fist his hand and press it against his forehead. “I felt like such a fool when I tumbled right into your experiment and got turned on, only to realize you’d been seducing him all along, not me.”
“JB,” I rasped, aching inside as I wrapped my arms around him, hugging him hard and wanting to apologize but suspecting he wouldn’t appreciate that. “I only chose Luke because he seemed…easy. There’s nothing easy about you. You’re so intense, and complicated, and…and…”
“Boring?” he guessed with a moody sniff. “Responsible? Always striving to do the right thing?”
“Intimidating,” I growled, starting to grow pissed off with all the negativity he kept heaping on himself. Because nothing about Jameson Blakeland Hamilton was negative. The man was fucking perfect, which was, yes, intimidating.
But his eyebrows crinkled with utter confusion. “Intimidating?” he repeated incredulously, obviously not seeing himself that way.
“Fuck, yes, intimidating,” I insisted, nodding vigorously. “There is so much about you that just…overwhelms me. You’re way too smart, way too gorgeous, way too…too good. You are my rock. I could trust you with any secret I ever had, rely on you to help me through any problem. And I know without a doubt you would fucking die for me if it came to that. There is absolutely nothing you’re bad at. And it’s… It’s frankly intimidating as hell. I’m such a mess. I lose my temper too easily and make stupid, impulsive decisions. I could never in a million years keep up with someone as steady, and dependable, and amazing as you. So yes, sue me. I went for Luke instead.”
His mouth fell open as he gaped at me. “T,” he said softly, his fingers covering mine again. “But I’m not—dammit, you know I’m not perfect. God, you probably know my flaws better than anyone else.”
I rolled my eyes. “Oh, you mean those interesting little quirks about you that drive me crazy? Yeah, those are my favorite parts, actually; they’re what make you you.”
“Fucking hell, Teagan,” he whispered, looking dazed. “What’re you saying here?”
I tried to pull my hand away, except he wouldn’t let me go. Gulping down my emotions, I frowned at him and admitted, “I’ve always been in awe of you. In my eyes, you are so far above everyone I’ve ever known.” Huffing out a self-deprecating laugh when tears
filled my eyes, I shook my head. “Why do you think I’ve always been so quick to argue with you and call you a dumbass?”
He shook his head slowly, his eyes wide with shock. “I just realized I have no clue,” he admitted.
“Well, it’s because I at least try to make myself feel as if we’re on some kind of even playing field, even though I know that’s not possible. You’re way up in status awesome, and I’m down in—”
Sliding his hand into my hair, he cupped the back of my head and angled my face up to meet his mouth when he swooped in for a kiss. Our lips crashed into each other, and heat ignited inside me.
I opened for him, needing more, and his tongue slid against mine, strongly enough that I swore I could feel him licking between my legs.
It was so wonderful, in fact, that it scared the shit out of me. It just figured he’d excel at kissing, too, just like he did everything else.
I pushed him back. He let me go without resistance, his gaze hooded with desire and his dark hair mussed sexily. Damn, he was beautiful.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, trying to blink the lust from his eyes so he could examine me with concern.
I shook my head, my body going into distress because this felt big and way more overwhelming than I could handle. “You… But you’re still in love with Sonya,” I blurted, since it was the first thing to come to my mind.
He snorted. “The fuck if I am. She was right when she said I didn’t love her enough in the first place. Because I didn’t fly off the handle when she cheated on me. Why didn’t I do that? Any guy who really loved his woman should’ve been more enraged than I was. Hell, I got more upset tonight when I thought you wanted Luke. I wanted to hurt him; I wanted to really fucking hurt my own brother. Which means…” His eyes softened as they looked into mine. Then he lifted his hand to trace his fingers over my face. “It’s you,” he murmured as if in awe. “It’s always been you. Why did I never see that before?”
My mouth fell open. I had no idea what to say in response, wasn’t even sure I knew what was happening here. The night had taken a turn I’d never expected, but…but it was a turn I liked.
