With clothing hanging off us, she lays down on the bench and closes her eyes as the rain continues to pound down on us. I kneel down and kiss up her thigh, knowing we don’t have a whole lot of time for foreplay here. In any case, I trace my tongue up the center of her thighs, kissing her where there’s a pulse begging for more attention. She’s crying softly, but her sounds mingle with the drops of rain hitting the surrounding stone-lined path. I’m so hot for her right now, I can’t keep going like this without being a little selfish. I reach into my back pocket and pull out the condom I thankfully slipped in there this morning with the hope of Scarlett not running from me. I tear the wrapper and slip the condom on while switching up my position. I place a knee on one side of her body and rest my chest on hers, using my other leg for leverage and momentum. I run my hands up her wet chest, squeezing her perfectly perky breasts that are covered in nothing but a thin silk. Her nipples harden against my touch and I feel a hunger and thirst work through me as I kiss every inch of her body, while feeling her world envelop mine in every other way. The warmth the rain is bringing me, is strangely surreal. It shouldn’t be comforting, but it’s like bliss.
We go on for longer than I thought we could, but she’s moaning and grabbing her breasts. Dammit it to hell, how did I get this luck? I’m taking every free inch there is and climbing up her body with a tight grip. “You’re unreal,” I tell her.
“Rain, sex, you. Nothing else matters,” she says, breathlessly. “Rain sex. I want rain sex every day for the rest of my life.”
Her words bring me to the finish line and I rest on top of her, kissing her cheek with soft pecks. “You just said you want rain sex every day for the rest of your life. What happened to just thinkin’ of today?”
“I changed my mind,” she says.
“You can’t just change your mind after trying to sound philosophical.”
“Do you want more rain sex?” she asks.
“Obviously. It’s the only kind of sex I want now.”
“Then I can change my mind,” she says.
“All right, but only this once.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Scarlett
I don’t know how anyone decides on their future. It has always been the most challenging part of my life and because of it, I have no anchors. I’m used to being on my own. Suddenly, someone wants to join me in the middle of nowhere, and I’m okay with it. I’m more than okay with it, and that scares me. Today doesn’t scare me, so I figure if I don’t think about any day after today, I won’t have to feel that fear. I know Austin is pacifying my ridiculous life rule since I doubt he’s thinking the same way I am. People like to have comfort in knowing they have a bit of their future planned, but I’m not most people. I wonder if Mom ever thought like that, knowing each day that the next day someone would still be telling her how to live, how to dress, who to talk to and who not to talk to. I couldn’t survive in that way. I go against the grain for that reason—to make sure I never get stuck in the hamster wheel while some jerk is spinning the thing as fast as it will go.
“You look like you’ve been swimming,” Austin tells me as we walk up the steps to Kalvin’s house.
“So do you,” I tell him. “Yet, it’s sunny out now. It doesn’t even look like it rained here.”
“It was just for us,” Austin says, pulling his shirt away from his chest. We’re both wearing white shirts; therefore, we both look mildly inappropriate to be out in public … me more than Austin, of course. Austin is just giving every woman a peek at his perfection. I’m giving every man a peep show. I was super smart to wear a see-through white bra. My shirt was thick enough to cover everything beneath, but there’s no winning with a battle against the rain. I look like I just competed in a wet t-shirt contest. It wasn’t supposed to rain.
I let us into the house and find Kalvin and Brendan sitting on the couch speaking civilly, which is a nice change after the past twenty-four hours of listening to them argue.
“What in the world happened to you?” Kalvin asks, looking a bit shocked, since he’s facing us.
“Rainstorm,” I tell him with a shrug.
“Who—?”
Brendan turns around and immediately stands up, his eyes wide with excitement. He’s eyeballing me with a big what the hell look, but he’s heading for Austin to shake his hand. “What are you doing here?” he asks Austin.
“Pissing Scarlett off,” he says.
I elbow him in the chest. “Shut up.”
“You have balls, man,” Brendan says. “Hopefully, you’ll keep them intact.” With Brendan’s lovely choice of words, Austin curls his arm into his chest and leans away from me, waiting for my elbow again. “Seriously though, Scarlett, I’m so proud of you for not telling him to go back home.”
“No. Geez! Am I that bad?” I ask them. I realize I don’t have the best track record in the world, but I have good reasons for all my short-lived relationships in the past.
“Yeah, you’re kind of bad,” Brendan says. “She must really like you, Austin.”
“She loves me,” Austin says.
Brendan laughs, almost hysterically. “I hate to be the bearer of bad news but Scarlett doesn’t love anyone.” Yikes. I don’t think Brendan realizes what he sounds like at the moment or how that just came off.
“Easy,” I tell Brendan.
“When have you ever loved anyone? I mean, except me because there’s no risk involved.”
Everyone is looking at me, and I’m rapidly getting embarrassed. Brendan knows me—my story, my past. Why would he be saying all this? “Okay, okay,” Austin says, looping his arm around me.
“Sorry for Brendan’s behavior,” Kalvin says. “He’s being a little dramatic and sensitive right now.”
Oh, for God’s sake. That’s what this is—displaced anger. It takes a lot to make Brendan mad, and I’m usually the only one who gets under his skin well enough to cause that, but clearly, Kalvin struck a nerve. I can understand. If Kalvin just came clean to Brendan, he has a right to be pissed. I don’t know what they’ve been arguing about. I just know they’ve been fighting.
Brendan turns around and holds his hands up to Kalvin. “Do you mind? Not everything is about you.”
“We’ll let you get back to your conversation,” I tell Brendan.
“No, wait. I shouldn’t have said any of that. It just came out.”
“It’s okay. I know who I’ve been and who I am,” I tell him.
“Wait, did you tell Austin you love him? And if you did, why didn’t you tell me?” He’s worked up and using his hands to talk like he does when he gets exasperated.
There’s nothing quite like getting questioned as if I’m under fire. “Brendan,” I say softly. “I do love Austin, and I did tell him.”
Brendan places his hand on his head and his mouth falls open. “I’m baffled,” he says. “Like, I can’t form a thought right now.”
I hate this reaction. I hate that Austin is probably thinking there’s something seriously wrong with me. Kalvin is holding his head as if he can see the thoughts developing in everyone’s heads. “I know it’s a surprise to you, but it’s not a big deal, okay?” I tell Brendan.
“It is a big deal. Scarlett has never loved anyone. Like love, love, I mean. She’s never been with a man longer than a week or two. If she loves you … holy crap … this is huge! Plus, you followed her out here, and she clearly still loves you. Wow.”
I take Austin’s arm and lead him up the stairs without saying another word on the matter. Brendan can be dramatic but that was over the top.
The door to my room isn’t even closed when I hear the two of them going back at it downstairs. My God.
“I hate that you just had to hear all of that,” I tell Austin.
He takes his hand from mine and places it on my soaking wet back, turning me to face him. “You don’t have to be upset or worried about anything,” he tells me. “You don’t even owe me an explanation.”
“There’s not muc
h to explain,” I tell him. “How many times have you been in love with someone?” He’s a piece of perfection—sweet, caring, and obviously goes to the end of the earth for someone.
“Never,” he says.
“Yeah right,” I reply, cocking my head to the side with disbelief.
“I didn’t judge you,” he says.
“I just find it hard to believe.”
“Have you looked in the mirror? Do you know how many men I have had to watch checking you out over the past month? How can you not think I’m surprised that you’ve never had a relationship progress to the point where you loved someone? You have your shit and I have mine, Scarlett. Let’s leave it in the past like we talked about.”
“Right,” I agree. “Deal.”
“You aren’t secretly hating me for coming out here, though, are you?”
I run my hand up and down his wet sleeve. “I never thought I’d want to see someone again so soon after last seeing them. You were all I thought about the entire time I was in my interview. No one has ever consumed my thoughts like that. I honestly don’t know how to process my feelings. However, when I saw you waiting for me outside, I think everything inside of me melted. My heart did those little flips and there were butterflies, and all that.”
“You seemed hesitant,” he says.
“I was scared I was dreaming it up.”
His hands cup around my cheeks and he tilts my head back to look up at him. “This is real.” His hands are large and cover so much of my face that I feel cradled by his warmth as he leans down to kiss me … slowly, softly, and with emotions I can’t decipher, but I feel them throughout every nerve-ending on my lips.
He stops kissing me but rests his nose against the side of mine. “I’ve never fallen so hard for someone so fast, or at all for that matter.” It feels like there is more within his words and I have a feeling it’s about the deciding factor of what’s next.
“Tell me what you want to hear,” I say.
“You have made my mind so delirious, I’m confused by my own feelings, so I don’t know the answer to that.”
“Oh, where is your luggage?” I don’t know why the thought hadn’t crossed my mind before now but was this a setup or … what? He has nothing with him.
“At the hotel I checked into, I got an early check-in. You don’t really think I was flying in a suit, darlin’, do you?”
“Which hotel?” I ask him.
“The one you were interviewing with. Is that okay?”
Oh shit. My breath catches in my throat. “No, no, it’s not okay. You have to go get it. I can’t go in there with you.”
“What?” He asks, tugging at the shirt that’s still stuck to him. “What’s going on?” He’s laughing because he has no clue why I don’t want him in that hotel.
“I can’t go in there with you.”
“Is it against the policy?”
“Not exactly.”
“Scarlett, what the hell?” He’s still laughing, but it’s definitely from nerves. Shit.
I clasp my hands together and crack my knuckles as I pace the room. This is the same way I felt the night Dick gave me my ultimatum. With deep breaths, I try to calm down as a realization hits me in the face. I do this. I do this a lot and haven’t learned my lesson. I’ll never learn. I sit down on the edge of the bed and drop my head into my arms.
“Okay, you’re kind of scaring me a bit,” Austin says, kneeling in front of me. He places his hands on my knees and squeezes for a minute. “Whatever it is, I can handle it, darlin’.”
“Austin, I do things without thinking first. Sometimes it can be fixed, and other times it can’t be. There are times when I’m thankful for the decision I made, but right now, I’m not sure I did a good thing.”
“Okay, listen to me,” he says. “If you want to stay here, you can stay here. I’ll find a job and move up here with you if that’s what you want. If you don’t want to be with me, I can understand that too. I care about you enough that I only want what’s going to give you the freedom to breathe and be the amazing person you are. I’ll go home right now if you tell me to, Scarlett. I’ll miss you like crazy and probably never get over what we’ve shared in the last month, but if that’s what you need, that’s what I’ll give you.”
How is he so confident about everything? How does he keep his composure like this? Why am I such a loose cannon? Why am I so goddamn broken? There’s a chance he’s going to think I’m so bat-shit crazy for doing what I did that he might run on his own. I probably wouldn’t blame him.
“I think there’s something wrong with me,” I tell him.
“No, there isn’t. We are who we are because of the life we’ve lived through. You’re perfect.”
“Stop saying that,” I tell him.
He releases his grip on my knees and stands up, giving me space. “Okay, I’m going to go to the hotel and grab my bag. I’ll get an Uber. Do you want me to stay there for a while?”
I nod my head. “I’m sorry, Austin. I’m sorry you have to see this side of me. I’m sorry.” I try to take more deep breaths, in slowly through my nose, out through my mouth, over and over, but it’s not working.
“Okay, so I’ll come back. Is that okay?”
“Yes,” I whisper.
Austin places his hand on the back of my head and kisses my cheek. “I have my phone if you need anything.”
I nod again, waiting for the door to close behind him.
I pull my phone out and press the button I avoid so often.
“Hello?” Mom answers.
“Mom?”
“Scarlett? Where have you been?”
“I’ve tried to call you, but Dad always answers. Why has he been home so often?”
“He’s in the process of retiring. Are you okay, sweetie?” she asks. “I’ve missed you so much.”
“Can you get out of the house?” I ask her.
She thinks for a minute, and I hear a rustling in the receiver. “Yeah, I have about an hour.”
“Meet me at Starbucks on Main?”
“Okay, sweetie.”
I change my clothes as quickly as I can and tie my hair up in a ponytail. I run down the stairs, spotting the looks on Brendan and Kalvin’s faces. I run halfway out the door before I realize it’ll take me an hour to get there if I take the bus. Running back in, I breathlessly ask Kalvin, “Can I borrow your car?”
“Uh, um—”
Without waiting for an answer, I grab Kalvin’s keys off the entry table. “Thank you. I’ll be careful.”
I fly through the streets, praying for a parking spot on the street so I don’t have to walk a mile. After a couple of loops around Main Street, I find a metered spot. Of course, Kalvin has a compartment in his glove box for just quarters, so I take a handful and feed the meter. Thanks again, Kalvin.
I run to the Starbucks and find Mom sitting outside on the bench. I drop down next to her, feeling her frailness as she hugs me. “Is everything okay?” she asks.
“No,” I tell her, taking her thin hands within mine. Her sleeves rise a bit and see bruises lining her skin. “Mom, I need you to leave Dad.”
“Sweetie, don’t be ridiculous. I can’t do that. I’m fifty. I’m not going anywhere.”
“Come with me or something.”
“No, Scarlett. I’m not going to live in your apartment with you. You need to have your own life now.”
“Mom, I am so screwed up from the abuse I watched going on with you and Dad all those years. You have no idea. I don’t know how to fix myself anymore and I think it’s because you’re still in that situation. I need you to be away from him.”
She looks surprised to hear this. “Honey, I’m okay. You don’t have to worry about me.”
“You’re not okay,” I tell her. “What’s your dream, Mom?”
“Dreams are foolish, Scarlett. I live in the moment. You know that.”
My chest hurts as I try to make her see. “No, mom, you need to see the future. You need to imagine i
t.”
“It’s today, but with another date,” she says. I look into her sagging, sad eyes.
“You’ve been abused for thirty years. It’s over now.”
“You can’t say that, Scarlett.”
“What’s your dream, Mom?” I don’t remove my stare from hers. “Tell me.”
“I want him to die,” she whispers. “I want friends. I want to be loved.”
I hug her as her words shatter my heart. They make my bones hurt. “Where do you dream of being?”
She pauses but not for long. She’s thought of it before, I can tell. “Anywhere but here.”
“Good.”
“Scarlett, I’m still not living with you somewhere, so get that thought out of your head. I will not be a burden in a life that you need to build for yourself right now.”
“I understand,” I tell her.
“What did you do?” She can’t figure me out—this person I am right now. It’s not me, or maybe it is, and I’ve never known better.
“I fell in love, Mom.”
Her hand presses up against her chest. “Scarlett, you met someone?”
The smile on my face is proof. I can’t control the happiness pouring out of me even as I look at the pain Mom has endured for so long. I know now that there is no way to go backward. I just have to look forward.
“Come with me,” I tell her.
“How on earth am I supposed to do that?”
“Do you think there’s time to pack a bag of stuff?”
Man Handler Page 21
