Lincoln
Thats right.
Booth
Graces real different from them fly-by-night gals I was making do with. Shes in school. Making something of herself. Studying cosmetology. You should see what she can do with a womans hair and nails.
Lincoln
Too bad you aint a woman.
Booth
What?
Lincoln
You could get yrs done for free, I mean.
Booth
Yeah. She got this way of sitting. Of talking. That. Everything she does is. Shes just so hot.
(Rest)
We was together 2 years. Then we broke up. I had my little employment difficulty and she needed time to think.
Lincoln
And shes through thinking now.
Booth
Thats right.
Lincoln
Booth
Lincoln
Whatcha doing back there?
Booth
Resting. That girl wore me out.
Lincoln
You want some med-sin?
Booth
No thanks.
Lincoln
Come practice my moves with me, then.
Booth
Lets hit it tomorrow, K?
Lincoln
I been waiting. I got all dressed up and you said if I waited up—come on, man, they gonna replace me with a wax dummy.
Booth
No shit.
Lincoln
Thats what theyre talking about. Probably just talk, but—come on, man, I even lent you 5 bucks.
Booth
Im tired.
Lincoln
You didnt get shit tonight.
Booth
You jealous, man. You just jail-us.
Lincoln
You laying over there yr balls blue as my boosted suit. Laying over there waiting for me to go back to sleep or black out so I wont hear you rustling thuh pages of yr fuck book.
Booth
Fuck you, man.
Lincoln
I was over there looking for something the other week and theres like 100 fuck books under yr bed and theyre matted together like a bad fro, bro, cause you spunked in the pages and didnt wipe them off.
Booth
Im hot. I need constant sexual release. If I wasnt taking care of myself by myself I would be out there running around on thuh town which costs cash that I dont have so I would be doing worse: I’d be out there doing who knows what, shooting people and shit. Out of a need for unresolved sexual release. I’m a hot man. I aint apologizing for it. When I dont got a woman, I gotta make do. Not like you, Link. When you dont got a woman you just sit there. Letting yr shit fester. Yr dick, if it aint falled off yet, is hanging there between yr legs, little whiteface shriveled-up blank-shooting grub worm. As goes thuh man so goes thuh mans dick. Thats what I say. Least my shits intact.
(Rest)
You a limp dick jealous whiteface motherfucker whose wife dumped him cause he couldnt get it up and she told me so. Came crawling to me cause she needed a man.
(Rest)
I gave it to Grace good tonight. So goodnight.
Lincoln
(Rest)
Goodnight.
Lincoln
Booth
Lincoln
Booth
Lincoln
Booth
Lincoln sitting in his chair. Booth lying in bed.
Time passes.
Booth peeks out to see if Lincoln is asleep.
Lincoln is watching for him.
Lincoln
You can hustle 3-card monte without me you know.
Booth
Im planning to.
Lincoln
I could contact my old crew. You could work with them. Lonny aint around no more but theres the rest of them. Theyre good.
Booth
I can get my own crew. I dont need yr crew. Buncha hasbeens. I can get my own crew.
Lincoln
My crews experienced. We usedta pull down a thousand a day. Thats 7 G a week. That was years ago. They probably do twice, 3 times that now.
Booth
I got my own connections, thank you.
Lincoln
Theyd take you on in a heartbeat. With my say. My say still counts with them. They know you from before, when you tried to hang with us but—wernt ready yet. They know you from then, but I’d talk you up. I’d say yr my bro, which they know, and I’d say youd been working the west coast. Little towns. Mexican border. Taking tourists. I’d tell them you got moves like I dreamed of having. Meanwhile youd be working out yr shit right here, right in this room, getting good and getting better every day so when I did do the reintroductions youd have some marketable skills. Youd be passable.
Booth
I’d be more than passable, I’d be the be all end all.
Lincoln
Youd be the be all end all. And youd have my say. If yr interested.
Booth
Could do.
Lincoln
Youd have to get a piece. They all pack pistols, bro.
Booth
I got a piece.
Lincoln
Youd have to be packing something more substantial than that pop gun, 3-Card. These hustlers is upper echelon hustlers they pack upper echelon heat, not no Saturday night shit, now.
Booth
Whata you know of heat? You aint hung with those guys for 6, 7 years. You swore off em. Threw yr heat in thuh river and you “Dont touch thuh cards.” I know more about heat than you know about heat.
Lincoln
Im around guns every day. At the arcade. Theyve all been reworked so they only fire caps but I see guns every day. Lots of guns.
Booth
What kinds?
Lincoln
You been there, you seen them. Shiny deadly metal each with their own deadly personality.
Booth
Maybe I could visit you over there. I’d boost one of them guns and rework it to make it shoot for real again. What kind you think would best suit my personality?
Lincoln
You aint stealing nothing from the arcade.
Booth
I go in there and steal if I want to go in there and steal I go in there and steal.
Lincoln
It aint worth it. They dont shoot nothing but blanks.
Booth
Yeah, like you. Shooting blanks.
(Rest)
(Rest)
You ever wonder if someones gonna come in there with a real gun? A real gun with real slugs? Someone with uh axe tuh grind or something?
Lincoln
No.
Booth
Someone who hates you come in there and guns you down and gets gone before anybody finds out.
Lincoln
I dont got no enemies.
Booth
Yr X.
Lincoln
Cookie dont hate me.
Booth
Yr Best Customer? Some miscellaneous stranger?
Lincoln
I cant be worrying about the actions of miscellaneous strangers.
Booth
But there they come day in day out for a chance to shoot Honest Abe.
(Rest)
Who are they mostly?
Lincoln
I dont really look.
Booth
You must see something.
Lincoln
Im supposed to be staring straight ahead. Watching a play, like Abe was.
Booth
All day goes by and you never ever take a sneak peek at who be pulling the trigger.
Pulled in by his own curiosity, Booth has come out of his bed area to stand on the dividing line between the two spaces.
Lincoln
Its pretty dark. To keep thuh illusion of thuh whole thing.
(Rest)
But on thuh wall opposite where I sit theres a little electrical box, like a fuse box. Silver metal. Its got uh dent in it like
somebody hit it with they fist. Big old dent so everything reflected in it gets reflected upside down. Like yr looking in uh spoon. And thats where I can see em. The assassins.
(Rest)
Not behind me yet but I can hear him coming. Coming in with his gun in hand, thuh gun he already picked out up front when he paid his fare. Coming on in. But not behind me yet. His dress shoes making too much noise on the carpet, the carpets too thin, Boss should get a new one but hes cheap. Not behind me yet. Not behind me yet. Cheap lightbulb just above my head.
(Rest)
And there he is. Standing behind me. Standing in position. Standing upside down. Theres some feet shapes on the floor so he knows just where he oughta stand. So he wont miss. Thuh gun is always cold. Winter or summer thuh gun is always cold. And when the gun touches me he can feel that Im warm and he knows Im alive. And if Im alive then he can shoot me dead. And for a minute, with him hanging back there behind me, its real. Me looking at him upside down and him looking at me looking like Lincoln. Then he shoots.
(Rest)
I slump down and close my eyes. And he goes out thuh other way. More come in. Uh whole day full. Bunches of kids, little good for nothings, in they school uniforms. Businessmen smelling like two for one martinis. Tourists in they theme park t-shirts trying to catch it on film. Housewives with they mouths closed tight, shooting more than once.
(Rest)
They all get so into it. I do my best for them. And now they talking bout cutting me, replacing me with uh wax dummy.
Booth
You just gotta show yr boss that you can do things a wax dummy cant do. You too dry with it. You gotta add spicy shit.
Lincoln
Like what.
Booth
Like when they shoot you, I dunno, scream or something.
Lincoln
Scream?
Booth plays the killer without using his gun.
Booth
Try it. I’ll be the killer. Bang!
Lincoln
Aaaah!
Booth
Thats good.
Lincoln
A wax dummy can scream. They can put a voicebox in it and make it like its screaming.
Booth
You can curse. Try it. Bang!
Lincoln
Motherfucking cocksucker!
Booth
Thats good, man.
Lincoln
They aint going for that, though.
Booth
You practice rolling and wiggling on the floor?
Lincoln
A little.
Booth
Lemmie see. Bang!
Lincoln slumps down, falls on the floor and silently wiggles around.
Booth
You look more like a worm on the sidewalk. Move yr arms. Good. Now scream or something.
Lincoln
Aaaah! Aaaaah! Aaaah!
Booth
A little tougher than that, you sound like yr fucking.
Lincoln
Aaaaaah!
Booth
Hold yr head or something, where I shotcha. Good. And look at me! I am the assassin! I am Booth!! Come on man this is life and death! Go all out!
Lincoln goes all out.
Booth
Cool, man thats cool. Thats enough.
Lincoln
Whatdoyathink?
Booth
I dunno, man. Something about it. I dunno. It was looking too real or something.
Lincoln
Goddamn you! They dont want it looking too real. I’d scare the customers. Then I’d be out for sure. Yr trying to get me fired.
Booth
Im trying to help. Cross my heart.
Lincoln
People are funny about they Lincoln shit. Its historical. People like they historical shit in a certain way. They like it to unfold the way they folded it up. Neatly like a book. Not raggedy and bloody and screaming. You trying to get me fired.
(Rest)
I am uh brother playing Lincoln. Its uh stretch for anyones imagination. And it aint easy for me neither. Every day I put on that shit, I leave my own shit at the door and I put on that shit and I go out there and I make it work. I make it look easy but its hard. That shit is hard. But it works. Cause I work it. And you trying to get me fired.
(Rest)
I swore off them cards. Took nowhere jobs. Drank. Then Cookie threw me out. What thuh fuck was I gonna do?
I seen that “Help Wanted” sign and I went up in there and I looked good in the getup and agreed to the whiteface and they really dug it that me and Honest Abe got the same name.
(Rest)
Its a sit down job. With benefits. I dont wanna get fired. They wont give me a good reference if I get fired.
Booth
Iffen you was tuh get fired, then, well—then you and me could—hustle the cards together. We’d have to support ourselves somehow.
(Rest)
Just show me how to do the hook part of the card hustle, man. The part where the Dealer looks away but somehow he sees—
Lincoln
I couldnt remember if I wanted to.
Booth
Sure you could.
Lincoln
No.
(Rest)
Night, man.
Booth
Yeah.
Lincoln stretches out in his recliner.
Booth stands over him waiting for him to get up, to change his mind. But Lincoln is fast asleep.
Booth covers him with a blanket then goes to his bed, turning off the lights as he goes. He quietly rummages underneath his bed for a girlie magazine which, as the lights fade, he reads with great interest.
Scene Four
Saturday.
Just before dawn.
Lincoln gets up. Looks around.
Booth is fast asleep, dead to the world.
Lincoln
No fucking running water.
He stumbles around the room looking for something which he finally finds: a plastic cup, which he uses as a urinal.
He finishes peeing and finds an out of the way place to stow the cup. He claws at his Lincoln getup, removing it and tearing it in the process.
He strips down to his t-shirt and shorts.
Lincoln
Hate falling asleep in this damn shit. Shit. Ripped the beard. I can just hear em tomorrow. Busiest day of the week. They looking me over to make sure Im presentable. They got a slew of guys working but Im the only one they look over every day. “Yr beards ripped, pal. Sure, we’ll getcha new one but its gonna be coming outa yr pay.” Shit. I should quit right then and there. I’d yank off the beard, throw it on the ground and stomp it, then go strangle the fucking boss. Thatd be good. My hands around his neck and his bug eyes bugging out. You been ripping me off since I took this job and now Im gonna have to take it outa yr pay, motherfucker. Shit.
(Rest)
Sit down job. With benefits.
(Rest)
Hustling. Shit, I was good. I was great. Hell I was the be all end all. I was throwing cards like throwing cards was made for me. Made for me and me alone. I was the best anyone ever seen. Coast to coast. Everybody said so. And I never lost. Not once. Not one time. Not never. Thats how much them cards was mines. I was the be all end all. I was that good.
(Rest)
Then you woke up one day and you didnt have the taste for it no more. Like something in you knew—. Like something in you knew it was time to quit. Quit while you was still ahead. Something in you was telling you—. But hells no. Not Link thuh stink. So I went out there and threw one more time. What thuh fuck. And Lonny died.
(Rest)
Got yrself a good job. And when the arcade lets you go yll get another good job. I dont gotta spend my whole life hustling. Theres more to Link than that. More to me than some cheap hustle. More to life than cheating some idiot out of his paycheck or his life savings.
(Rest)
Topdog / Underdog Page 4
