He released her. “Just don’t care about me.”
“Don’t worry. Your attitude is rapidly curing me of any gentle feelings I might have left. I’ll leave you alone to your mourning. Your precious memories of Jeanne are safe.”
He sank back on the chaise and rested his elbows on his knees. He dropped his head to his hands. “They’re gone.”
She didn’t know what he was talking about. Despite the need to protect herself, she took a step closer to him. “You still remember her. I heard you call out her name while you were sleeping.”
“It wasn’t her. It was the car bomb. The memories are fading faster and faster. I can’t hold on to them. They’ve been fading for while, but since I’ve met you, they’re slipping away even more.”
Since he’d met her? She didn’t want to hope. And yet…How much of Jeff’s attitude and anger was really at himself? Was it easier to get mad at her rather than face the truth? Was she simply convenient? “Maybe it’s time to let them go.”
He raised his head and stared at her. His face was drawn, his mouth a straight line. “I can’t. They’re all I have left.”
“Such a perfect love will surely live forever,” she said, tasting bitterness. Jeanne must have been an incredible woman to inspire Jeff to such loyalty. She couldn’t imagine a man feeling that way about her. What magical powers did Jeanne possess? What were her secrets?
“It wasn’t perfect,” Jeff said tonelessly. “Not even close.”
That made it worse, Andie decided. She brushed her hair out of her face. Bad enough to have a man mourn a perfect love, but to know he continued to mourn an imperfect one meant there was no hope. If Jeanne was the ultimate woman, she, Andie, couldn’t be expected to compete against her. But if Jeanne was flawed, then Andie simply didn’t measure up.
“It’s not what you think,” Jeff said.
She stared at the palm trees overhead. The air was warming and a slight breeze tugged at her T-shirt. “How do you know what I’m thinking?”
“You think this is because of you, but it isn’t.”
She stared at him. “Is it because of Kray?”
Jeff nodded. “Some of it. I know it’s not your fault. I understand that in my head, but my gut isn’t so willing to believe. I keep thinking you should have known somehow. It’s not fair.”
“You’re breaking my heart,” she said sarcastically, wondering why she was bothering to listen to him. Did it really matter why he’d done it? The reasons didn’t affect his actions. He’d treated her badly last night and now he was trying to justify it.
He laced his hands together. “Some of it is me. I don’t want to like you. It makes me forget.”
His words tore at her protective defenses. “How do you keep doing that?” she asked. “I make up my mind that you’re the bad guy, then you twist everything around so I’m supposed to be on your side again. Stop toying with me.”
“I’m being honest. You want to believe the best about me. That I’m some heroic warrior here to rescue you.” He laughed, but the sound had no humor. “If you only knew the truth.” He shook his head and rose to his feet. “It doesn’t matter. I have to make arrangements to get you off the island.”
He started to walk away. She told herself to let him go. It would be better for both of them if she just put the whole thing behind her. It hadn’t worked out. She would survive. She’d survived much worse in her life. Besides, she had to focus on keeping Bobby safe. And yet—
“What’s the truth?” she asked before she could stop herself.
He’d already walked past her. He slowed, then turned to look at her. In that moment when their eyes met, she knew down in her soul she didn’t want to hear what he had to say. His expression didn’t change—it was still unreadable. His gaze gave nothing away, his posture didn’t change. But a soft voice whispered this was trouble. She wanted to run in the opposite direction. She wanted to call back the question.
The faint breeze teased at his short blond hair and whipped open his shirt. His bare chest and the dark shading of his bruises reminded her of the danger and passion they’d shared, before he’d recalled the past and destroyed everything.
“I thought you might have guessed,” he said.
“That you’re here on a mission to arrest, or maybe kill Kray? Yes, I’ve figured that much out.”
“When are you going to get it? I’m not some white knight, Andie. I’m just a bastard with a grudge.”
“What? I don’t understand.”
He took a step toward her. “Then let me make it clear. I’m not on a mission. There’s no team waiting for me to be done helping you. This isn’t a sanctioned killing.”
Her chest felt as if a band were being tightened around her ribs. Her breath caught in her throat. “What are you saying?”
“Officially I’m on a six-week leave of absence from my job in Washington. I got tired of waiting for Kray to make a mistake and get caught. I’m going to take care of him myself. I’m here on St. Lucas to kill your ex-husband.”
Chapter 12
She physically recoiled from him. Jeff watched as Andie took a step back and folded her arms over her chest. She drew her delicate eyebrows together as if she hadn’t understood what he was saying.
“You can’t mean that,” she said, disbelieving.
“Every word.”
She shook her head slowly. Maybe she thought her denial would change the truth. “You’re going to kill Kray in cold blood? You’re going to murder him?”
It was like watching something from a distance. A play or a movie, maybe. Nothing felt real. “Yes.”
“I don’t understand. Is this to repay him for what he did to Jeanne and your son?”
“In part. But most of the reason is that Kray’s evil. I’m tired of waiting for him to make a mistake. It’s been five years and nothing has happened. At least this way he’ll be gone.”
“Gone? Don’t you mean dead?”
He shrugged. “Whatever. He needs to be stopped.”
“Not like this.” Her eyes widened and she stared at him as if she’d never seen him before. “You can’t do this. It’s not right.”
“Whatever’s right isn’t working.”
“But if you do this…” She turned away and stared at the ocean. “You can’t. I thought you were different from Kray. You’re supposed to be one of the good guys. You aren’t if you do this. You’re just like him, destroying whenever it suits you.”
He narrowed his gaze. “We’re hardly the same,” he said. “Kray’s entire life is based on getting what he wants at any price. He lives in a world outside normal rules and boundaries.”
“Won’t you be doing the same thing?”
“No. I’m here to kill my enemy, no one else.”
She spun back to face him. “And that makes it all right?”
“You’re the one so concerned with semantics. A few minutes ago it was fine because I was part of a mission and had my government’s permission to take him out. Now that I’m on my own, it’s wrong? Explain the difference.”
“Now it’s personal.”
“It’s always been personal. He killed my wife and child. How can it not be personal?”
She shook her head. “You’re twisting my words. I know what he did and how it hurt you. However, that doesn’t give you the right—”
He took a step toward her and stared down. “Don’t talk to me about rights. You weren’t there. You didn’t see the car explode, or smell the burning bodies. You don’t know anything about this.”
She couldn’t meet his gaze. She stared at the ground. “I know, Jeff. It’s hard, but you’ve got to see—”
“No.” He grabbed her arm. “I don’t have to see anything. I’ve sent men to their death before. I’ve killed before. What do you think happens in the field? It’s not like the movies. We’re not exchanging bits of microfilm in cigarette boxes. People do die and sometimes it gets ugly.”
“But then it’s for a reason.”
> “I have a damn good reason for wanting him dead.”
“You have no purpose in doing this except for assuaging your guilt.”
They glared at each other. She blinked first and looked away. He dropped her arm. “Are you saying the world won’t be a better place without Kray in it? That you won’t be better off? You should be pleased about this. If I succeed, then all your troubles are over.”
“If you don’t succeed, Kray will see you dead.”
“I might be dead anyway. If Kray’s men catch me, they’ll kill me.”
She flinched. The color drained from her face. “What happens if you get away?”
“Our government won’t take kindly to a rogue agent acting on his own. I’ll be arrested and brought to trial.”
“You’ll risk everything to destroy Kray?”
“Wouldn’t you?”
The sun had risen over the jungle and now shone down on the pool area. Heat from the ground swirled up and surrounded them. Jeff could feel a trickle of perspiration beginning between his shoulder blades and running down his back.
Andie sank down in the middle of the chaise lounge. Her long hair spilled over her lap. She brushed the blond strands away impatiently. “As easily as that?” she whispered. “I can’t reconcile what you want to do with the man I’ve come to know here.”
“You never knew me. You made me into what you wanted me to be. I’m the white knight here to rescue you. You didn’t want to know anything else.”
“I can’t connect your willingness to kill in cold blood with the man who risked his life to save me and Bobby.”
“What about reconciling your former loving husband with a man who killed Jeanne and my son?”
She raised her head and stared at him. Sorrow filled her face. “You must hate me. I never understood how much before now. Everyday, watching Bobby and me. You’ve been so nice, but it’s all a facade. You want us dead, too.”
“Not anymore.”
She went on as if he hadn’t spoken. “Would it be enough, do you think? Our deaths, an eye for an eye? Maybe our families should die, too. I don’t have any relatives, but if I did, should they die? Would that be enough? Where does it end? How much payment do you need?”
“It’s not like that,” he said loudly. “That’s not what this is about. It’s between me and Kray.”
She stood up. He could see her body shaking. She balled her hands into fists. “You’re wrong. It’s about all of us. I can’t believe you’re going to do this. Even more than that, I can’t believe you don’t think it’s wrong.”
She turned and started toward the house. He thought about calling out to her, but he had nothing to say. She didn’t understand. She was a civilian. She didn’t know all that he knew, all that Kray had done. If anyone deserved to die, it was that man.
Who are you to decide? a voice in his head whispered. It had been there from the beginning, since he’d first come up with the plan. He wasn’t sure if the voice was his conscience or perhaps even the faint echo of Jeanne’s ghost. Sometimes he was willing to admit to himself she wouldn’t have wanted him to do this. She would have counseled him to let the wheels of justice slowly grind Kray to dust.
But Jeff wasn’t willing to wait. He wasn’t willing to listen to the voice in his head. Kray had to be stopped and no one else was willing to take a stand.
He walked off the pool deck and onto the beach. The tide was out. Damp sand stretched toward the waves. Small bubbles and pockets indicated life beneath the surface. There was a small outcropping of rocks near the shore. He sat on the largest one and stared at the sea.
Andie was right about one thing. He had always been on the side of the good guys. Even though he knew he was right, it pained him to cross the line. He didn’t think he would like living on the other side.
But did he have a choice? Once Kray was dead, he wouldn’t be able to hurt anyone again. His reign of terror would end. Was that so bad? Did the end justify the means? Did it really matter if he, Jeff, crossed the line or not? It was unlikely he would live long enough to suffer from guilt. Kray’s men would shoot him on sight. If they didn’t get him, then the local law-enforcement officers would take him into custody and he would live out his days in some small prison cell.
He thought about the price he would pay, he weighed the consequences. He had no other choice. He’d sworn to see Kray pay, and he would risk everything to see that through. It didn’t matter about crossing the line or what Andie thought of him. All that mattered was Kray’s death. But before he could take care of that, he had to get her and Bobby off the island.
He walked to the house and entered the living room. He could hear Andie and Bobby fixing breakfast in the kitchen. Quietly he moved down the hall to his bedroom. After closing the door behind him, he went to the small closet. When he’d first taken up residence in the house, he’d pried up several floorboards to create a hiding space. Now he popped up the boards and pulled out a small black box.
He carried it over to the bed, then lifted up the cover. Inside was a sleek phone attached to a computer keyboard. He punched in several numbers. When the red lights on the console began to flash green, he picked up the receiver.
Modern electronics would scramble his signal before sending it skyward to bounce off a satellite. The call was coded and untraceable. Unfortunately, it also put him back in touch with the agency.
Jeff waited a few seconds, then heard a sleepy “’Lo?”
“Aren’t you up yet?” he asked, grinning.
Cort Hollenbeck cleared his throat. “It’s not even six in the morning. The kittens don’t expect breakfast much before seven.”
“Sorry, buddy. I had to be sure I got a hold of you.”
“No problem.” He heard the sound of rustling covers. “Hold on and let me change phones.”
The receiver clicked as it was placed on the nightstand. It was picked up immediately. “How’s my second favorite spy?” a female voice asked.
“I’m fine, Faith. How are you?”
She chuckled. “We’re doing great. Everyone is either pregnant or giving birth. Sparky is beside himself acting as a surrogate father to all the cats.”
Jeff could picture the stocky black leopard showing off for all the new arrivals. Cort worked for the agency, while Faith ran a breeding center for endangered snow leopards. “What about your baby?”
“Sara’s perfect.” He heard the smile in her voice. “She misses her favorite uncle.”
“I miss her, too.”
“Will we see you soon?” Faith asked.
There was a click on the line. “I’ve got it,” Cort said. “You can hang up now, Faith.”
“How did you know I was on the line?”
“Because I know you. Now say goodbye.”
“Bye, Jeff.” She hung up the phone.
For a moment Jeff fought the pain in his gut. He envied Cort and Faith their happiness. Not only because he missed his own family but because he and Jeanne had somehow lost their feelings for each other. They’d been unable to hang on to the love. In the end their marriage had been more about habit and duty than real affection. Andie didn’t understand that. She thought it had been a perfect relationship. He didn’t think he could explain that the flaws made it worse. The flaws were his fault. He’d been the one who’d cared more about his job than anything else. Jeanne had come to Lebanon to compete with his job. In the end, his job was the reason she and J.J. had died.
“Jeff? You still there?”
“Yeah, Cort. Sorry.”
“So what’s up?”
“I need a favor.”
“Name it.”
Jeff clutched the phone. That was the reason he’d called Cort. Because his friend wouldn’t hesitate to help.
“There’s this woman,” he began.
Cort laughed. “A woman? About time. I knew this vacation would be good for you. You haven’t taken any time off since—” Cort hesitated. “I’m glad you’ve met somebody.”
�
��It’s not what you think. I’m on St. Lucas.” Jeff heard Andie’s footsteps in the hallway. She tapped softly. He ignored her.
“Are you crazy?” Cort asked. “Do you have a death wish? If Kray finds out you’re there, he’ll hunt you down and kill you.”
“He already knows, but that’s not the point.”
“The hell it isn’t. What are you doing there?”
Jeff didn’t answer.
Cort was one of his best agents. It didn’t take him long to figure it out. “You’re going to take him out.” It wasn’t a question.
“This woman—”
“I don’t care about the woman. Jeff, have you lost it completely? You can’t do this. It’s wrong.”
“I don’t have a choice. Look, I don’t want to talk about that. I don’t want you involved. When I do it, there’s going to be an investigation and the less you know the better.”
“I could report you,” Cort said quietly.
“But you won’t.” Jeff waited. When his friend didn’t say anything, he continued. “I have a woman here. Andie Cochran.”
“Why is that name familiar?”
“She’s Kray’s ex-wife.”
Cort whistled. “What’s she doing there?”
Jeff filled him in on the kidnapping and what had happened to the charter boat he’d arranged.
“So Kray’s men have reported back to him by now,” Cort said.
“Probably. I need you to come and get her and her son. I figure we’ve got forty-eight hours until Kray finds the house.”
“I’ll have to go through official channels.”
“I want that. Andie is going to need the government’s help to get out of here. I want you to bring the boat and personally escort her to the States.”
“What about you? You coming out with us?”
“No. I’ve got business to finish.”
“If you do this, you can kiss your career goodbye.”
“There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t relive that explosion. I can’t let it go forever, Cort. As long as he’s alive, he’s won. I know the risks I’m taking. I think they’re worth it.”
The Only Way Out Page 19
