by Thia Finn
“A man?”
“Yes. He’s a band manager and wanted to set up a time for you to meet up and shoot them on stage.”
“What’s so strange about that?” I had calls like this all the time.
“For one thing, he wouldn’t leave his information. Never even said his name, even though I asked more than once.”
“That’s weird. Did he leave call-back info?”
“No, that’s the other thing. He said he would call back because he was calling from a temporary number. Who conducts business from a temporary number?”
“Good question. If he does call back, tell him I’m not interested, too busy, something. Make up an excuse. He’s probably a scammer anyway, so we aren’t getting involved in that.”
“Right. I should have said that as soon as he started being evasive.”
“Yeah, but you didn’t know. I mean, how often do we get those calls?”
“I’m going to say never before, but he knew the business and your name, and that you were in New York with the Steel tour.”
“What? How would he know that unless he was at the show and saw me?”
“Who knows? There’re crazies everywhere these days. I’ll put a stop to it if we hear from him again.” I had faith in Trudy. She knew how to handle everything about my business.
“Okay, I’m going to run. Don’t want to lose the light or be late to my paying gig.”
“Right. Have fun, boss.”
“You, too, boss two.” We always joked about that. I owned it, but she knew the business end of my company better than I did. I had enough to worry about besides dealing with numbers, which was something I hated.
I heard a knock on the door as I gathered my camera bag. Peeping through the keyhole, I spotted Ryder standing there in his usual thumb-in-pocket stance.
“Hello,” he greeted before the door opened completely. “You ready to leave?” He looked down at my bag in hand.
“Yeah. How’d you time that so perfectly?”
“Didn’t. Just took a chance you’d had enough time to get more beautiful.”
“Oh, now he’s all about cheesy lines.” I giggled, something I never did.
“I thought women liked being told they were beautiful.”
“You’re right. Sorry. Thank you. I guess it sounded strange.”
“Strange that I said it, or strange that I think you’re a beautiful woman?”
“Hmm… maybe both.”
“G’Anna, you are gorgeous. Men haven’t been telling you enough if you’re unaware of it.”
When was the last time I’d been told that by a man? I needed to work on my social life more. I looked up at him and smiled. “Thank you. I mean, for saying that. And no, I don’t hear it often since I rarely go out.”
“Why not?” I stepped into the hallway, and he pulled the door closed.
As we waited for the elevator, I turned to him. “I guess I don’t have time. I’ve been so busy trying to grow my business that I forget I need a social life, too.”
“And none of your customers ask you out? I find that hard to believe.”
I came back immediately with an incredulous, “Well, it’s true. A couple tried in the beginning but encouraging clients to see me as something other than my job never worked too well for me.”
Before the door opened, Ryder pulled a ball cap from his back pocket. I stared as he put it on. It had long hair pulled in the back into a ponytail.
“Really? That’s your disguise for the public?” I covered my laughter with my hand.
Next, he donned dark sunglasses. “Sure is. You like it?”
“Uh… I think it might draw more attention.”
“No, I’ll look like every other New Yorker who works as a photographer’s assistant.” He reached down and took my two bags of equipment. The backpack he slung over his shoulder. “Okay, I’m ready.”
The door opened, and he stepped out. I watched him and thought maybe he was right, but who said he was coming with me?
“What are you doing anyway? I didn’t ask you to help.”
“No, but if we’re going to have any time together and you get your work done, I need to go with you.”
“It’s going to be a lot of walking.” We turned and crossed the street heading to the park.
“Good. I need to get my cardio in, and I missed the gym this morning.”
“Something you do daily, I assume?” I knew he looked great under that shirt. His stomach felt rock hard when he held me against him last night as we looked out over the skyline.
“I try to. I’d gotten out of the habit, but while I was away, I took advantage of working out with a trainer every day.” His hand touched my back as the next light to cross changed, keeping it there while we moved along with the other pedestrians.
Not thinking about what he said, I asked, “Away?”
He didn’t answer right away, but we were in a crowd of people, so I didn’t push for one. I stopped at the park entrance near the spot I wanted to take the shots. Reaching for the bag, he put his hand on my wrist keeping me from my task.
“Wait.” The look on his face told me he wanted to say something important, so I stood still.
“What is it?”
“Look, I want to tell you the truth, so you don’t read shit about me and wonder about it.”
“Okay.” This sounded serious.
“I have some issues.” He took a breath, and I felt the need to validate his words.
“Don’t we all?”
“Yeah, maybe, but mine are more serious than some.”
I didn’t speak this time but nodded my head. He looked around us and then took my hand leading me to a park bench away from listeners.
“If you’ve read anything about me, you know I have issues with addiction.”
“Right. Lots of people do, though, so I didn’t make a thing out of it.”
“My addiction started from losing someone very special to me, Chandler’s mom. I lost them both for a long time when the band was getting started. I told you some of the story at dinner but not everything.
“Chandler’s mom left when she was pregnant, and I never knew about her until Chandler contacted me a few months ago. Even before I knew about Chandler, her mom was killed in an accident. Chandler was an infant and had been given up for adoption. I only learned all of this a few months back.” My heart dropped.
“It’s terrible that you were kept in the dark all these years, Ryder. I’m so sorry. They robbed you of all her growing up.” I took his hand and held it in mine to offer him comfort because his face said he still had issues over the loss of her childhood.
“When I found out about Chandler’s mom being killed, I lost it. I started a downhill spiral with drugs that really fucked me up. I ended up in rehab for a time, so I could work through the issues. Before overcoming the addiction, I had to deal with the grief of losing my first and only love.” He turned and sat back against the bench staring out at the park’s sparse wilderness in front of us. I had no intention of pushing him for any more information, so I mimicked his seating.
“When Chandler found me and started telling me the story, I immediately knew who she was. Hell, I knew when I saw her, but facing the truth was too hard. I called my doctor and checked myself into the rehab facility for a few days. Trying to self-medicate again after all those years to deal with the resurfacing feelings could happen too easily.” He squeezed my hand as if he were holding on. It made me glad to be there.
“I’m generally a strong person, G’Anna. I can deal with shit from everyone else and for my family and friends, but when this sweet, beautiful, young woman stood in front of me only seeking acknowledgment of her existence, I freaked out. Everything from over twenty years ago rushed back at me like a freight train hell-bent on keeping a schedule. I called the doctor and flew off to Arizona as soon they readied the jet.”
The silence filled in around us with children’s noises as moms with strollers jogged past. New Yorkers�
� nannies walked by holding the hands of small children as they made their way to afternoon playdates. Did these sounds resonate with Ryder after the story he shared?
He finally turned to me. “If you don’t want to see me anymore, I completely understand. I’m still broken from what they stole from me, and if you don’t want any part of that, I get it.”
“Why would I think that, Ryder? You’ve been nothing short of wonderful to me. From the interaction between you and Chandler, I see you’re creating a relationship for the two of you which will last forever. Isn’t that the most you can hope for? Honestly, you don’t owe me an explanation at all. I mean, we’ve only been out on one date.”
“Yes, I know, but I think this could be more, and I wanted you to know what you’re getting into up front. I don’t want to develop feelings for someone who’s going to run at the first sign of trouble, and I guarantee there’ll be trouble. If not from my issues, then from fans and the paparazzi. I’m shocked as shit they haven’t found me already, and when they figure out we are together, they’ll come after you, too. Sometimes, I think they’ve implanted a tracker on my body that shoots a beacon up showing where I am every single minute.”
“I believe everything you’ve said until that.” We both laughed.
“Honestly, G’Anna, I’d like to see where this could go if you’re all in. With me and my life, there’s no halfway. We deal with the shit along the way and enjoy the privacy we can get. I’m working through the bouts of depression as they come and go, hoping that spending more time with Chandler ends some of them.”
I leaned over and kissed his cheek. “I believe I can work with it.”
“Good. Now, let’s go shoot some pictures. I’m feeling photogenic today.” I slapped his chest at his crazy comment. When was he not photogenic?
RYDER
“Goodnight, Boston.” I waved at the audience in our second city and threw my pick into the audience. This would be our last performance before heading overseas in a couple of days. The kids’ performances for the three U.S. shows brought them to the spotlight, and we hoped it would increase their fan base even more.
They didn’t need us to help out with that. Their music spoke for itself. The fact they had a look all women craved and a sound all fans loved didn’t hurt either. The music and lyrics drew the fans in, too. They were written from the heart and told of the old tropes and issues listeners desired.
Walking to the wings, I spotted my favorite photographer talking to my favorite A.D. members.
“The show sounded fucking awesome, Ryder. Hell, we all knew it would.” KeeMac patted me on the back. I didn’t need his validation, but it made me feel great to know an up-and-coming singer and songwriter appreciated our sound.
“Thanks.”
“Yeah, Ryder. Y’alls’ fans go crazy for your new stuff as much as your old music,” Chandler added. “We can only hope that we develop fans who’ll follow us for a lifetime.”
I looked up at her. My daughter’s beauty mimicked her mother’s in every way both inside and out. “Thanks, Chandler. I appreciate hearing that from you youngsters in the business.”
KeeMac stuck his chest out. The boy’s actions reminded me of all of us when people called us young. He’ll get a thrill out of it when he turns forty. “We’re not some punk-ass youngsters anymore, Ryder.”
“Get your feathers back under control, Leghorn. I only meant that you’re younger in comparison to Steel.”
“Yeah, that’s for damn sure, old man.”
I turned in time to see Chandler slap his abdomen. “Don’t worry, Dad, I got this under control.”
“Is that right? He calls me old again, and he’ll see how fast I can drop his ass.” I popped him on the back of the head.
“Hey, one hit’s enough. I get it.” Chandler and I shared a smile.
“I’m thinking you don’t since we’ve been down this road already. I’m not old, and you’re not young. I get it.” I reached down and grabbed G’Anna’s free hand where she stood watching the sparring. “You agree with me, G’Anna?”
“Don’t get me between the two of you, but I’ll be here to get the money shot when you knock him in the dirt.” She snickered at her comment but held up her camera that hung from the neck strap.
“Well, damn. I thought you were here to snap fucking photos of hot musicians to sell to magazines and make those cool millions. I didn’t realize you needed abuse to make the money.” KeeMac’s joking tone kept the conversation light as we made our way to the backstage after party. “Shit, get a good pic of my babe kissing her favorite fucking rock god.”
As he turned to finish his statement by lip-locking with her, she stepped forward and kissed Ryder on the cheek leaving the cocky boyfriend bewildered.
“Damn, babe, that’s not fair. I meant me.”
She turned and grinned at him. “You said my favorite rock god.” She swung her attention to me and added, “I did what you asked, so G’Anna could capture a great moment between us. You got it, right?”
G’ANNA
“Sure did, and it looks great in the viewfinder. Want to see?” Chandler moved to my side as we made our way in the door of the full-blown party going on. Both bands’ members started the party without us.
Women made their way in the bands’ direction the moment the door slammed shut behind us by the bodyguard.
“Sign my concert t-shirt, please.”
“I’ll show you my tits if you’ll sign them.”
“Did you catch my double D sequined bra when I threw it at you?”
The comments came from all sides.
I stepped away and focused my camera, listening to some of the absurd questions and comments while shooting the unfazed looks on the two singers’ faces. Those photos were priceless in my book. Some women’s sincerity brightly glowed while others made my gag reflex jump into full action. They were there for one reason only—sex with the superstars for the bragging rights.
Why did women debase themselves this way? Some would turn and cry foul when the front men used them and sent them on their way, and others would rejoice in their luck of having these men. The former’s actions made me feel like they undermined everything most women fought daily in a man’s world. I stood looking at them but refused to shoot a single shot that disgusted me.
“Take our picture,” a dyed redhead barked as she wrapped her arms around Ryder’s neck and rubbed her almost bare body against him. The comical look on his face made the shot worth it, though. I could blur her out later, never wanting to give credibility to her forced affection.
“She will not shoot a single damn picture with you dangling loose body parts on me. If I wanted a Steel Stripper, I’d asked. Go find Joel. I hear he’s in the market for a new favorite.” Ryder pealed the woman off him being careful not to touch exposed flesh.
Guess no one would see that shot.
As she walked away, I let my camera dangle from the neck strap. KeeMac doubled over laughing, and Chandler’s eyes followed the woman across the room. “There are no words for women like that,” she finally said loud enough for everyone around us to hear. Clearly, she wanted no part of a Steel Stripper latching onto her lover the way they did Ryder.
“Please tell me you didn’t shoot a picture of that scene.” Ryder’s voice came out low and raspy.
“I did, but no one will ever know it was her. She’ll be blurred out.”
“If you could lose the photo, I’d be happier. The Strippers know I don’t fucking work that way.”
His frank comment caused me to hit the delete button. “Gone.”
Before we moved on, I found myself wondering how I felt about these women being around at all. I quickly decided the convenience of a warm body waiting and willing irked me. Ryder and I weren’t actually a thing, but he’d said he wanted to see where we might be headed, and so did I.
A chance for anything physical to happen between us hadn’t occurred yet. I felt like it might have happened somewhat faster, but eve
nts and people got in the way. Now I knew if he had a pick for the night, why would he want me in his bed? I doubted I could hold a candle to the skills these women packed in their bags of tricks.
“Thank God. I never want a picture surfacing of me with one of them in that type of pose. We dealt with all of that years ago, but it doesn’t stop them from always trying.” He reached down and took my hand holding it up between us. “I’m sure she saw this when we walked in, and a jealous streak rushed down her back. Some of them know no limits.” He turned and took a step toward the food and beverage tables tugging me along behind him.
We admired the spread of goodies displayed. “I like this catering company. We might need to see if they can do overseas work at some point.” My mind still hovered around the knowledge I considered, and I didn’t respond. “What’s wrong?”
I looked up at him through my lashes, and his head cocked to the side.
“What’s going on, G’Anna? Did I say something wrong? Did you see something that bothers you?” He stepped directly in front of me, so I could only see the black of his t-shirt covering the pecs that stretched it.
“Uh… no. Nothing’s wrong.”
His warm hand cupped my chin tilting it upward until I looked into his probing eyes. “Must be something. We were discussing photos, then food before I lost you to something else.” He offered no relief when he continued to look at me with an unwavering view.
“I don’t know. It’s stupid.” I placed my hands on his chest. Maybe it was to hold on, maybe I needed the contact. I didn’t know which.
“Nothing’s stupid if you aren’t comfortable about something.”
“I’m a grown woman and should be secure in myself.”
“You exude confidence, sugar,” he said this with conviction as though he never doubted me about anything.
I glanced from side to side. Beautiful people held light conversations all around us. Laughter could be heard from every direction. I took pictures of celebrities on a daily basis, so why was I having a hard time? Why was now any different?
