Jez’s words caused me to see Arys again in my mind. That visual of him and Harley in the Kiss, each of them feeding off that woman as they pleasured her, it was enough to make me ill. The worst of it was a part of me wanted to be in her place. I could barely admit it to myself, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to say it to Jez.
I splashed some cold water on my face, hoping it would bring me to my senses. It didn’t. I had to go back out there. I knew it, and so did he. If he gained the upper hand, it would be because I gave it to him. That couldn’t happen.
Taking a deep breath, I tried to draw strength from Jez’s supportive smile and exited the washroom. Arys’s spot at his table was empty. I should be so lucky. I almost breathed a sigh of relief, until his cold, dark power touched me a moment before he grabbed me from behind.
“What the fuck are you doing?” I tried to jerk away, but he held firmly onto my upper arm.
Jez glanced uncertainly from me to Arys, and I gave her a dismissive look so she didn’t feel obligated to hang around for this confrontation. She would have attempted to claw his eyes out if I’d asked it of her but maybe next time. She beat a hasty retreat back to our table, leaving me alone with the vampire that had changed everything for me.
“What? No kiss?” Arys asked, his smug grin stirring both positive and negative responses in me.
“You have a lot of fucking nerve,” I growled the words at him. I fought so hard to resist our power as it joined as one. Being one with him made it so much harder to feed the anger I held for him. “What game are you trying to play here, Arys? Because I am not in the mood.”
His grin slowly faded, and a shadow lurked behind his eyes. He let go of my arm, but I got the feeling he wasn’t going to let me walk away. The desire to do so was fading, but thanks to the whiskey, my irritation was lively.
“I guess that’s for you to tell me, Alexa. You’re the one that started all of this.”
“Oh, here we go again.” I crossed my arms over my chest and glared. “Fuck that. I’m not wasting my breath arguing about this anymore. You got your way. Isn’t that enough?”
His jaw clenched. I waited for him to dispute that. He was smart enough not to.
“I had my reasons, and you know that. I was worried about you. Why can’t you accept that?”
“Don’t bother. I don’t even want to talk about it. Now, you come in here all Joe Casual and act like nothing ever happened. Well you hurt me, Arys. You denied me something and got what you wanted. I don’t think we have much more to say on the matter.”
“We have a lot more to say on it,” he snapped with a flash of fangs. “You made a deal with Harley. A deal that he still expects you to hold to. You promised him blood for answers, and he wants it.”
I was shocked. In my mind, that deal was a total wash. I never expected Harley to assume otherwise.
“What? Fuck that! After your temper tantrum in the parking lot, I didn’t think there was a deal anymore.” Narrowing my eyes, I added, “I assumed I wasn’t allowed to follow through with that.”
He rolled his eyes at me and swore. I took pleasure in his anger. I wanted him to be as upset as I was.
“You made the deal with him, not me. I just protested it.” Arys ran a hand through his messy black hair, and that simple action alerted me to how deeply all of this affected him. His jittery energy was also a pretty clear tip.
“That was a protest?” I scoffed. “Oh my, well to me it looked like you were in bed with the very man you want me to stay away from, along with another woman. Perhaps I don’t recall correctly.”
There, it was out. My cheeks burned, and my temper flared. Our power reacted to my fury, growing hot and violent. I concentrated on breathing. I had to maintain control. This was a public place, and things could get ugly fast if I lost it.
Arys visibly shook with the effort it took him to restrain his own reaction to the rage in our shared power. “Calm the fuck down, Alexa. We can deal with this rationally.”
“Oh really?” There was no stopping me now that I was fired up. The whiskey only fueled my anger. “Rational like you did? I didn’t find your reaction to be so fucking rational, Arys.”
“I didn’t fuck them if that’s what you think,” he said, his voice soft despite the power blazing through each of us. “It was just a little power and blood play. Nothing more.”
What more was there? I felt sick. I flashed back to a time several months ago where I’d told Shaz my relationship with Arys wasn’t about emotion but about power. He’d looked at me as if I’d grown two heads. Now, I knew exactly how he’d felt.
I took an unconscious step back from Arys, needing to put space between us. My head spun, and I couldn’t tell if it was from the booze, the power or both.
“Power and blood … that’s what it’s always about.” I struggled to get the words out. The urge to flee him gripped me. “Why don’t you just go back to Harley and play then? You looked right at home there anyway.”
Arys’s temper flared then, and he stepped forward to grab me by both arms, dragging me so close our bodies touched. He growled down into my face, his lips just barely brushing mine.
“Say what you will, but don’t you dare deny that you didn’t want to be part of what you saw there that night. Why else would you throw yourself at Kale for a little nip and play?”
I was stunned. My mouth went dry, and my mind blank. Arys glanced at the faded mark on my neck from Kale’s bite and waited expectantly. I couldn’t form words.
When at last I could spit something out, it sounded feeble. “I needed you, and he was there. It was a poor attempt at seeking comfort. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
“Sure. Whatever you need to tell yourself. You wanted it, whether it was him or me, you wanted it.”
I thought back to that night. I’d been hurting, but I had also been aching for that all consuming feeling of being touched by a vampire. Arys’s betrayal had caused that ache, and he couldn’t convince me otherwise.
“I needed you,” I repeated. “You shut me out. I felt abandoned. Don’t twist this.”
Before Arys could reply, the air rippled with the energy of an Alpha wolf ready for a fight. Shaz appeared at our side, his eyes all wolf. My alarm grew when I took in his feisty energy.
“Are you ok, Lex?” Shaz didn’t bother to look at Arys. His eyes were focused on me, the way the vampire held me immobile.
Arys bared fangs at Shaz but said nothing. I nodded quickly, terrified that if I didn’t convince him I was ok, things would get ugly fast. “I’m fine. Please, Shaz, don’t worry. We’re just talking.”
“Yeah,” Arys added. “Just chatting it out, pup. No need to get all snarly and ready to attack.”
“Fuck you,” Shaz spat the words at Arys. He was looking for a fight. “If you fuck with Alexa, you fuck with me.”
Arys’s smile was cold and pure evil. “My pleasure, wolf.”
“No! None of this shit today!” I jerked away from Arys so hard his nails left deep scratches in my arms. “No male pissing contests over this shit. I’m sick of it.”
“Alexa,” Shaz said softly, reaching for me. I stepped out of reach, my mind swirling with confusion.
Arys stood there with his fists clenched. The power emanating from him was running high with the need to spill blood. I felt it, too. Instead of feeding it further, I turned my back on both of them and walked out.
The difference between the two of them was apparent when Arys that caught up to me in the parking lot. Shaz knew when to let me be. He respected my need for time alone. Arys couldn’t swallow his pride long enough to let me walk away from him.
“So that’s it?” He shouted, blocking my way. “You just get pissy and walk away?”
It was damn hard not to blast him with a shot of power. I was beyond infuriated. “You walked away from me first, outside the Kiss. Remember? How does it feel?”
“That was different.” He took a step to block me when I moved to dodge him.
“Of course it was. Because it was you. Run back to your master and tell him I won’t be holding up any deal. You can both burn in hell for all I care.” I didn’t mean it. As the words passed my lips I regretted them, but I was mad and couldn’t let myself care in the moment.
Pain flashed through Arys’s eyes, but the icy, evil gaze he often wore when he killed quickly replaced it. I suddenly ached to touch him, to kiss him and tell him I didn’t mean it.
“Arys, I-,”
“Don’t!” He interrupted, holding his hands up so that I wouldn’t touch him. “Just fucking forget it. Forget everything.”
Everything? What the hell did that mean? “Everything? Don’t be delusional, Arys. We are bonded until death. So unless you plan to kill me twice, don’t say shit like that.”
The glare he turned on me then froze me right to the tips of my toes. The blood drained from my face, and I was truly afraid of him then. Maybe that had been the wrong thing to say. I recalled his thought then, the one that he’d projected to me about how he desired my death.
I was chilled to the bone, knowing that he was thinking about that very thing, too. After everything, would Arys be the one to kill me?
The silence grew thick with tension as I waited for him to either speak or attack. After a long drawn out few minutes, he gave an exasperated sigh. “You know that would likely result in the death of both of us, which right now, is very tempting. Look, I went to Harley because I needed to know what he really had in store for you. Though it may not have looked that way, my actions were to protect you. You made a deal with the devil, Alexa, and he won’t let you get out of it. Be careful.”
I shook my head, trying to grasp what he was saying. “I don’t understand why you had to take a trip down memory lane. I’m sorry, I don’t, and I doubt I ever will. You claim to hate Harley so much, but I know that’s not true. You can’t have both of us.”
“Coming from the woman that has two lovers, that’s a pretty hypocritical stand to take,” Arys said as the air crackled all around us with unused power.
“Is that what you want?” I asked because I needed to, not because I really wanted to know. “To resume your relationship with Harley?”
“No.” His answer was firm. I wanted to believe him. “You don’t seem to realize that I’m caught in the middle, torn between the two of you. Maybe he can’t blood bond you now, but he can do many other things. He’s manipulative, and he hasn’t hung around town this long without a good reason.”
“I want to drive him out,” I said, hoping the admittance wouldn’t come back to bite me in the ass. “Since he came, things have gone from weird to seriously fucked up. He has to go.”
Arys studied me hard, and I almost feared that he would repeat my words to Harley. Arys would never do that to me, would he? After all, he’d been linked to Harley far longer than I had even existed.
“You know it won’t be that easy.” Arys shifted uncomfortably. I wondered if he craved me as badly as I craved him.
“I don’t care anymore. He’s ruining everything for me.” I gave my head a toss when the breeze blew a strand of hair across my glossed lips. “He doesn’t belong here.”
“There are those that may say the same thing about either of us,” Arys replied, a thoughtful expression on his gorgeous face.
I was instantly on full alert. His remark made me suspicious, and I felt my stomach drop. “What are you saying, Arys?”
The energy moved in slow circles around us, like a tornado building. It sought to draw us closer, to unite us in all ways. I resisted. It was almost painful to do so. I waited for him to tell me what I already knew. He didn’t want to, I could see that. So, I rushed on.
“If I go after Harley, I don’t have you at my back, do I?”
He groaned and looked away. “Don’t do anything stupid, Alexa. You’ve got to know you can’t take him. Not now. Maybe if you were…”
He let the words trail off, but I knew what he’d been about to say: if I were a vampire. That damned day would come, and I was not about to rush it. Arys was wrong. I knew it in every part of me.
“Well according to Harley, I do have enough power to take him. I just don’t know how to use it yet. And, if you’re not willing to help me, which you clearly are not, then I will do it without you.”
My entire body vibrated. I felt sick. Knowing I couldn’t count on Arys to back me hurt more than I would ever admit out loud. It killed me.
“Are you asking me to choose between you and him?” Arys asked, his eyes flashing beneath the streetlights. “You know I don’t give a damn about him. Not the way you think I do.”
“Then why are we having this conversation?” I shouted the words, my voice strained, and my pulse pounding. I ignored the group of smokers near the door. “What the fuck is such a big deal that it has you running to him like it’s the good old days? Why are you spending your nights at the Kiss, playing blood games like you’re no better than he is? And why … Why are you ok with hurting me like this?”
I cringed, wanting to snatch back my words. When his face fell, my heart dropped, too. I’d thought I’d known emotional agony with Raoul, when I’d been no more than one of many women. This, this was a whole different kind of pain. I felt my own, and I felt Arys’s. Our bond never stopped. It had no bounds.
“Alexa,” Arys spoke with steel in his tone. “I am in love with you. You are inside me, in my mind, my body, my entire being. I can never escape you. Even when I want to. Even when I try to.”
I opened my mouth to speak, but he held up a hand, silencing me effectively. I gave a frustrated growl and paced ten feet away and back again. He waited until I stopped before continuing.
“Sometimes, I don’t know where you end and I begin anymore. And, it fucking scares me.” His voice shook, and I recognized the waves rolling off him as fear. “I haven’t felt this close to human in over three hundred years, and to be honest, I’m not liking it. I feel like I am running from myself and getting nowhere. I’m feeling things and thinking things that are not who I am. They are you.”
I felt relieved to hear him say that. I’d been feeling very alone and isolated lately. “Welcome to my world, honey. Do you think it’s easy to combat everything I’ve gained from you? I’m losing my mind, and when I need you, you’re not there.”
I don’t know what I expected from him. I think I was hoping for some TV drama reconciliation. I was bitterly disappointed.
“I can’t be,” he said heavily. “I need to deal with this shit, too. In my own way. You are my wolf and don’t think for a minute that I regret what we have. I just need some time to deal with it.”
What the fuck? Was I being dumped? Isn’t that the kind of shit guys said when they wanted to be rid of you?
I shook my head, backing away and almost stumbling in the process. My brain was foggy from both confusion and whiskey. He gave me this apologetic look, and I wanted no sympathy from him. How dare he do this to me after I’d been the one resisting his persistent advances?
“Alexa?”
“No.” I shook my head, fury filling me when tears stung the back of my eyes. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Arys’s way of dealing was by running to Harley and having a ménage of blood, death and God only knew what else. His way of dealing was by shutting me out. And, he expected me to understand that?
“Alexa, wait!”
I turned my back on him and headed for the street beyond the parking lot. I didn’t get far before he grabbed me and forced me to face him. Pressed against him, I was torn between the urge to slap him and to kiss him.
He kissed me before I could decide. Our power crashed over us like a thunderstorm that could not be contained. I felt like I was drowning in it, unable to breathe or to react. I did react though. I kissed him back with everything I had in me.
I was desperately afraid that if I didn’t savor this moment, I might not get another chance to. He was right about one thing. It was near impossible to tell anymore what was me
and what was him. Why couldn’t he see that that was exactly why I needed him so badly?
“Don’t walk away mad,” he whispered against my lips.
I crumpled against him, breathing his scent deeply. “Let me go.”
“I can’t. I don’t want to.”
“But, you already have.”
“No, Lex. It’s not like that.”
“Isn’t it?”
“Please understand. I’m losing my mind here.”
It took all of the remaining inner strength that I possessed to push away from him. “Then go back to The Wicked Kiss and find it.”
I did walk away then, and much to my utter horror, Arys didn’t stop me. I held my head high and strode across the street. I’d drank too much to drive, and I couldn’t hang around to wait for Ky and Jez. The dark walking path alongside the road would lead me home.
I refused to acknowledge the flurry of emotions that assailed me. Fuck it. Even as I walked away from him, the power urged me back. All I could think as I went was that I should have known, should have expected this. He was a vampire, and I was a woman with scars on my heart. Bad combination.
Chapter Fourteen
The town was so quiet. Not even the teenage crowd that partied wherever they could find a vacant spot was out and about. It was a little unnerving.
As I walked down the path toward home, I sent a text message to Kylarai telling her I’d gone home. If she wanted the details tonight, she could harass Arys for them. I could only assume he’d gone back into the bar after letting me walk away. Perhaps he’d gone to The Wicked Kiss instead. The thought made my wolf pace inside.
I mulled over the situation in my mind, unable to let it go. If Harley expected me to show and keep my end of the deal, I would. Then, I’d finish what I’d started months ago when Arys had stopped me. I could have killed Harley then. I wanted to. Other than the information he had, he meant nothing to me.
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