by Diane Farr
To the television people who took my words and sold them as a show before they were even out of my personal computer: Peter Tolan, Matt Rice, Adam Biren, Jacob Fenton, Katz, Comer, and the brothers Suddleson. And all the doers on my team who’ve helped me carve out a pilot from a 120,000-word original document: especially Mike Baum, Jordan Levin, Pete Aranson, Caitlyn McGinty, Michael Thorn, Lindsay Sloane, and the eternally positive and gracious Jon Wax and my friend Terence Carter—without whom I’m sure this would never have even made it into the starting gate.
To the giving friends of mine who introduced me to their friends whom I feel so close to after getting to know their love stories: Candace Edwards, Tal Rabinowitz, Miki Anzai, Karen Barragan, Lisa Ling, Alyssa Walker, Dan Manross, and my perpetually supportive rainmakers—Catherine McCord and Rona Mercado.
To all my couples and multicultural people who were so brave and cool and took hours on end to talk to me and then sometimes write to me and talk more. Especially the super-cool ones I couldn’t include. Lorelie and Jesse, Kyle, Camille, Marlene, Monte, David, Barry, and especially Rene and Raleigh, who informed me on so much and allowed me to get to know them so well. I admire you all and feel privileged to share these pages with you. Gamzee, Candy, Rae-Rae, T, Navi, Liz, Jace, and Tella—sorry to have moved you to the next book, but your stories are so wonderful I didn’t want them cut by a word or shortchanged at the very end of a long road here. I’m well aware that those of you I’ve known the longest had the most at risk when I asked you to participate. You get a second helping of thanks for letting me have my way with you.
And please know that I am doing a standing ovation as I type the following names: Lisa (I still can’t believe you’re a blonde), JJ and Sonu (I still can’t believe you are having another!), Suzanne and David (I’m secretly longing to see Suzanne with bad hair and no makeup on), Nat-a-lia (please buy me a $100 breakfast soon, will you?), and Ellie Super-Platinum Gold (after ten years of friendship, I consider us family, girl). I’m going to stop typing now and—applause, applause, applause. I am proud to know you all and blessed by your tenacity. Thank you for all you have shared.
To all the wonderful women who help me with my family, but most especially Sarah Dollear. And those who support me at all I do—Elizabeth Ricin, Ming Chen, King Chong, and everyone at The Cashmere Agency.
And the magical family that made me and Seung who we are and all those who continue to support us after I dropped my pants and told my most intimate stories in hopes of changing things for their grandchildren, godchildren, nieces, and nephew. To my dad, Tommy, and my super-cool grandmother Aileen—both of whom watched my kids so I could complete this work even knowing that I would make fun of them in it. To my brave and outlandish mother, Paddy Farr, who I sometimes think must be made of steel for how much grief I have given her in this lifetime and yet she is still standing tall ... and even dancing on the table herself now and then. My Chung mother and father, Young Ja and Tae Wha (although we all know I will never call them by those names). It’s incredibly hard to be the first person to believe in someone. Thank you first and foremost for taking a leap of faith with me. My friend and sister-in-law, Eun Yi, whose patience and kindness I could not have lived without when I had three children under eighteen months old. And to the hot hussies who originally laughed at all my thoughts about marrying into their culture. Your humor and honesty still resonate with me.
And to my man, my partner, last boyfriend, husband, and baby daddy—Sing, Singy, Chingy, Chingu, Singster, Seung Yong, SYC, president of K-Power, and Apa of my house. I am so lucky to have you as my partner. Remember that night in the bar when you promised me a baby in front of Wes? So funny that we actually have three of them, ain’t it?
And to our little rascals: Beckett, Coco, and Sawyer Chung. Your very existence is like having my heart walk around outside of my body. I thank you for all the inspiration you bring me and for allowing me the time away from home—to not lose myself in all of my love for you. Don’t ever give up on your dreams, kids. They are life’s precious breath.
NOTES
CHAPTER 3.
1 http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/08/world/asia/08geesehtml?pagewanted=all
CHAPTER 11.
1 See www.jobbankusa.com/News/Unemployment/unemploy120203a.html, accessed January 7, 2011.
2 See www.nytimes.com/2006/03/20/national/20blackmen.html, accessed January 7, 2011.
3 See www.bls.gov/news.release/empsit.t02.htm, accessed January 7, 2011.
4 See www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=120351534, accessed January 7, 2011.
5 See http://articles.sfgate.com/2008-07-21/news/17173099_1_mixed-race-multiracial-african-american, accessed January 7, 2011; www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=120209980, accessed January 7, 2011; and seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2008210083_biracial280.html, accessed January 7, 2011.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
DIANE FARR is a television actress, TV and magazine writer, and nationally syndicated columnist, and the author of The Girl Code: The Secret Language of Single Women. She’s best known for her roles as the female lead on CBS’s Numb3rs, playing Megan Reeves; on the critically acclaimed FX series Rescue Me, as firefighter Laura Miles; and most recently as Jill Robinson on Showtime’s Californication . She contributes to Glamour, Esquire, GQ, Cosmopolitan, Marie Claire, Jane, Self, and O, The Oprah Magazine, and writes an internationally syndicated column for the Herald Tribune. Farr lives in Los Angeles, California, with her husband and three children.
SELECTED TITLES FROM SEAL PRESS
For over 30 years, Seal Press has published groundbreaking books. By women. For women.
MARRYING GEORGE CLOONEY: CONFESSIONS FROM A MIDLIFE CRISIS, by Amy Ferris. $16.95, 978-1-58005-297-9. In this candid look at menopause, Amy Ferris chronicles every one of her funny, sad, hysterical, down and dirty, and raw to the bones insomnia-fueled stories.
WANDERLUST: A LOVE AFFAIR WITH FIVE CONTINENTS, by Elisabeth Eaves. $16.95, 978-1-58005-311-2. Documents Elisabeth Eaves’s insatiable hunger for the rush of the unfamiliar and the experience of encountering new people and cultures as a young woman traveling the world.
OFFBEAT BRIDE: CREATIVE ALTERNATIVES FOR INDEPENDENT BRIDES, by Ariel Meadow Stallings. $16.95, 978-1-58005-315-0. Part memoir and part anecdotal how-to, Offbeat Bride is filled with sanity-saving tips, advice, and stories for the non-traditional bride.
ES CUBA: LIFE AND LOVE ON AN ILLEGAL ISLAND, by Lea Aschkenas. $15.95, 978-1-58005-179-8. This triumphant love story captures a beautiful and intangible sense of sadness and admiration for the country of Cuba and for its people.
WAKING UP AMERICAN: COMING OF AGE BICULTURALLY, edited by Angela Jane Fountas. $15.95, 978-1-58005-136-1. Twenty-two original essays by first-generation women caught between two worlds. Countries of origin include the Philippines, Germany, India, Mexico, China, Iran, Nicaragua, Japan, Russia, and Panama.
GRINGA: A CONTRADICTORY GIRLHOOD, by Melissa Hart. $16.95, 978-1-58005-294-8. This coming-of-age memoir offers a touching, reflective look at one girl’s struggle with the dichotomies of class, culture, and sexuality.
FIND SEAL PRESS ONLINE
www.SealPress.com
www.Facebook.com/SealPress
Twitter: @SealPress
As a single girl, my day was never complete without a little dancing on the furniture.
In turnout gear on the set of Resuce Me in uptown Manhattan.
On the couch, talking about something silly no doubt, on Last Call with Carson Daly.
In between takes on the set of Numb3rs.
Happy actress, just hanging out in boys briefs, for Esquire magazine.
Seung Yong Chung, and the camel he rode in on, when we were dating and visiting Morroco.
Seung and I just after we moved in together, and just days before we got engaged.
Seung and I enter our Friday Night Korean Wedding Ceremony. Seung carries me on his back as one of the rituals; I catch jujubees with my dress for anoth
er. Seung and I seated center, surrounded by our guests, listening to toasts under our homemade marquis of lights.
Seung’s father, then mother, then me and Seung, outside the ballroom in Seoul, Korea—bowing to every single guest as they enter our reception; Seung and I on the dais during the reception, wearing our heirloom hats.
The wedding party heads to the ceremony, held in Mammoth Lakes, CA; “Just Married” in our Gondola en route to the reception; and our “other” first dance, after being pronounced husband and wife.
Five Buddhist monks entering the ceremony site; Seung and I walking into our wedding reception; Diane Farr as a happy wife.
First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes three kids within sixteen months. Beckett (three years) clapping hands, Coco (two years) sits on mom’s lap and Sawyer (two years) has a hand on Daddy’s (or Apa, as they call him in Korean) chest.
Lisa and Dave, as well as Jennifer and Sonu, on their wedding days.
KISSING OUTSIDE THE LINES
A TRUE STORY OF LOVE AND RACE AND HAPPILY EVER AFTER
Copyright © 2011 by Diane Farr
Published by
Seal Press
A Member of the Perseus Books Group
1700 Fourth Street
Berkeley, California
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form without written permission from the publisher, except by reviewers who may quote brief excerpts in connection with a review.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Farr, Diane.
Kissing Outside the Lines: A True Story of Love and Race and Happily Ever After /
by Diane Farr.
p. cm.
eISBN : 978-1-580-05407-2
1. Intermarriage—United States. 2. Interracial marriage—United States. 3. Inter-
ethnic marriage—United States. 4. Ethnicity—United States. I. Title.
HQ1031.F37 2011
306.84’50973–dc22
2011003087
