“Mina?”
“Hmmm?”
“How about a s’more?”
She shook her head. “No. Too sweet.”
“C’mon. Just one.”
She shook her head again. “Thanks. None for me.”
He headed back around the fire with a bag of marshmallows. “Just one.” He handed her a stick.
“Fine.” Taking the twig, she extended it toward him. “But just one,” she warned, rolling her eyes, waiting for him to a put a marshmallow on the stick.
“Okay,” he said.
Mina held the stick out toward the fire. “Very funny, Sam. Where’s the marsh—” She stopped. The firelight caught a sparkle. “What’s this?” She pulled the stick back to examine it. A ring? “Sam?”
Getting on his knees in front of her, Sam took the ring. “Mina, will you marry me?”
Is he joking? His tone and expression belied the thought. “What?”
“We don’t have to wait until I’m done with the military.”
“What do you mean?”
“Mina, we can get married. I’ve been checking. There’s base housing, and as my dependent, you get some of my benefits too. Medical. Education. Mina, you can go to college.”
Mina sat there stunned. College? “Really?”
He smiled and nodded.
“Sam, I’ll figure out the college thing.”
“You think that’s why I’m asking? Seriously?” Anger vibrated in his voice.
“No. I don’t know. I don’t want you to think you have to do this for me.”
“Mina, I love you. I want you near me whenever possible. I’m doing this for me. Sometimes I worry you’re going to meet someone else and then—”
“That’s never going to happen,” she cut him off.
“Then marry me. Please. I love you. I’ll be gone a lot to places I’ll never be able to talk about, but I’ll make it knowing you’re waiting for me. I want to sleep with you every night and worry about bills and make babies and all those other things married people do.”
“Babies? You want kids?”
“Sure. Well, not right away. I’m selfish. I want you to myself for a while. But yeah, I would eventually.” He nodded. “With you.”
Sam wanted to marry her? Mina could hardly believe it; he wanted to marry her. “Yes.” I’m getting married. Sam’s going to be with me always. That thought brought a warm feeling to her insides. “Yes. Yes. Yes.”
Sliding the ring on her finger, Sam kissed her several times before grabbing Mina in a bear hug to swing her around. He set her down, raised his fists in the air and let go with the Miller whoop to the sky before grinning at her.
Mina watched as Sam banked the fire an hour or so later. “How am I going to tell my parents? And what about Em? Who’s going to look after her?” She couldn’t keep these questions to herself any longer.
“I already told your dad.” Sam had his back to her. “Well, actually, I asked him.”
“You did?”
“Yup.” He rolled one last chunk of wood into the fire. “Somehow it didn’t feel right to just tell him.”
Mina tried to imagine that conversation. Her father stooped by disease next to Sam, the heat of the day intensifying the pervasive smell of motor oil, their words echoing through the large building. “Thank you.”
“For what?” He extended a hand.
“For asking him.”
“You’re welcome. I’m going with you to talk to your mother too.”
Mina tamped down her panic at his words. “No.”
“Why not?”
Mina’s mind raced for an answer, wanting no more witnesses than necessary to that conversation. “Ma doesn’t even know we’re dating, let alone engaged. I don’t think it’s fair we just show up and announce we’re getting married.” She hoped that would placate him. “In fact, I don’t think we should tell anyone until I talk to her.”
“Fair? Mina, when has your mother ever been fair to you?”
“Sam, that’s not true, you know they need—”
“Okay, fine.” He cut her off. “I don’t feel good about this, but I don’t want to argue about it, not tonight. I have some stipulations though.” Sam led her to the tent.
“Okay.”
“Don’t worry, nothing big. I want to at least tell my family, and I want to get married as soon as I can arrange leave again.” Holding open the tent flap, he ducked in behind her. “Where do you want to get married? Your church?”
“I have no idea. We could, I guess.” Mina tried to envision getting her mother into the church. She couldn’t. “Maybe we should get married by a Justice of the Peace.” Would Ma go for that? Mina knew the answer. No. She’ll want nothing to do with it. “Why don’t we elope?”
“No way will Ina go for that. How about we have the whole thing at our house? We can have the ceremony and then a big barbecue. Does that work for you?”
Would Ma go to Sam’s house? Mina was pretty sure her mother would come down with the flu again. There wasn’t much she could do about that. At least not tonight. Sam came up behind her, wrapping her in his arms. “Okay, I guess. Sure you don’t want to elope? We can do that anytime.”
“Nope.” Sam’s chuckle vibrated against her skin as he nuzzled her neck. “I’m sure. Don’t worry, Ina will help you figure things out.”
“Easy for you to say. You won’t even be here.”
“I’ll be doing my part.”
“What’s that?” His kisses were firing up that now familiar churning deep inside.
“The honeymoon,” he whispered in her ear, sending a shiver down her spine.
The next morning, as they finished packing up camp, Mina glanced down at her hand yet again, unable to believe she wore a diamond. She’d just as soon elope. The end result would be the same; they’d be married, but without all the anxiety of getting her mother to participate in the event. Despite that, she’d do it Sam’s way. Most families viewed this as a cause for celebration, and he wanted to celebrate with his family. His only suggestion about Emma was maybe her parents would let her come and stay with them occasionally until she was old enough to make up her own mind.
After everything was packed, Mina surveyed the now empty clearing. It had gone from magical to vacant in the blink of an eye.
“Don’t worry. We’ll be back.” Sam gave her a squeeze, and then turned them toward the truck.
“Honeymoon?”
“Nope,” was all he volunteered.
She climbed in next to him and they were back at the Miller house in a few minutes. Jack and Lilith sat at the table with Sarah, eating a late Sunday breakfast.
“Good morning.” Sam poured himself a cup of coffee, coming to stand next to Mina. “We have some great news.” All three sets of eyes looked up at him. “We’re getting married.”
Amongst the clapping and congratulations, Joe stumbled down the hallway. “What’s up?” He stretched and yawned, trying to rub the sleep from his eyes.
“Mina and I are getting married.”
“No kidding? Well, that deserves some congratulations.” Joe ignored Sam and instead swung Mina around, giving her a big hug. “Congratulations, little sister. Welcome to the family.” He set Mina back on the floor. “It’s about time you smartened up,” he directed at his brother.
The next day, Mina sat at the gate with Sam and his parents as he waited for his flight. She would have driven him in the truck, but he didn’t want her traveling back alone. Neither had said much on the way to Manchester; she’d just clung to his hand. What could she say? Don’t go? He was back in uniform, and it felt like he was already sliding back into that world. “Is this what it’s going to be like when we’re married? You flying off somewhere?”
“‘Fraid so. Once I’m assigned to a permanent Ranger unit, we have eighteen hours to deploy. I won’t even know how long I’ll be gone. But I’ll be back. I promise.”
She nodded. “Is it okay to tell you I don’t want you to go?”
“It’s okay. I know. But I’ll be back before you know it. And besides, you have a wedding to plan.”
She nodded. “First, I have to talk to Ma.”
“I still think we should’ve done it together before I left.”
Mina shook her head. “It’s okay. I’ll take care of it.”
“Fine. But I expect a call to tell me what happened.”
The agent at the gate announced the flight was boarding. “That’s me.” Sam got up. Leaning in, he kissed her, whispering against her lips, “I love you.”
“I love you too.” Mina worked at trying to hold herself together.
After Sam gave his mother a hug and kiss and his Dad a handshake, he turned back. “I gotta go.” He kissed Mina again before heading to the gate. “Love you,” he mouthed before heading down the tunnel toward the plane.
Mina couldn’t believe it. The tunnel retracted; the plane backed out, and he was gone.
“Ready, Mina?” Lilith put an arm around her.
Mina nodded, not trusting herself to speak. All she really wanted to do was lie down on the industrial carpet and cry. She held it together through the ride back to the Millers. She held it together on the short trip to her house. She held it together through Em’s and Dad’s questions about her camping trip as Ma listened, while pretending not to. It was only later, sitting on the rock by Regent’s Pool that she finally cried. Exhausted, she decided today was not the day to tell her mother. She’d wait until tomorrow. That resolved, Mina felt better. She went home and slept until halfway through the next day.
Sitting on the edge of her bed, she pulled out the small box she’d placed under the mattress yesterday. Sam’s ring. She wouldn’t be able to wear it again until she told her mother, so she tucked it away. The opportunity didn’t present itself that day, or the next, or the day after that. Mina knew her Dad was waiting for her to say something by the way he kept watching her. Ever since the Miller cookout, her father seemed happier, lighter somehow. He and Emma would chat at the dinner table, trying to draw Mina and her mother into the conversation. Mina was often distracted, and the dour looks on Ma’s face should’ve been a deterrent. Her father pretended not to see them. He’s trying, at least he’s trying. He even brought up running into the Millers at graduation and being invited to a cookout. Ma stopped chewing her bread and gave him an uncomprehending look. “Why they’d do that? We don’t know them.”
Mina spent long hours in the wood lot to get their winter supply in while she had the time, not wanting to admit it was also a convenient way to avoid her mother and the inevitable conversation. Sam had called the Millers twice looking for her and even called her house one evening. She knew it was him; no one else called so late. She turned the sound down on the old phone before it got her parents out of bed and let it ring, feeling sick the whole time and worse when it stopped. He’d sent a letter Emma brought home from the Millers with two words. What happened? Mina was a coward when it came to confrontation. He knew it. She knew it.
August 1995
Maneuvering the tractor around, Mina backed up close to the wood shed and decided to unload the wagon later. She pulled off her gloves as she came through the back door and wasn’t surprised to see everyone already at the table.
“You’re late,” her mother reprimanded.
“I know. I’m sorry. The last tree was big and took longer to load than I thought it would.”
“Mina, I still don’t think it’s a good idea, you being up there alone.”
“It’s fine, Dad. I’m being very careful.” She turned to wash her hands at the sink.
Mina sat down and served herself. She’d just put a forkful in her mouth when her mother spoke.
“That Mr. Gregory from the bank called. He was wondering if you could start next week.” Ma took a bite of her dinner. “I told him it shouldn’t be a problem.”
I can’t take that job. I’m not going to be here. A sudden wave of nausea swelled in the pit of Mina’s stomach. She’d have to tell her mother. Now.
“You can still get wood in after work. Besides, you already have a good share of it in.” When Mina didn’t respond, Ma said, “If that’s what you’re worried about.”
Mina could feel her father’s eyes on her. She set her fork down and took a breath. “Ma, I’m not going to be able to take that job.”
“What? Why not? You know we need the money. You can’t afford to be picky—”
“Ma, I’m not being picky. That’s not it,” Mina interrupted her, knowing if she didn’t get it out, she might not be able to. “You know who Sam Miller is, right?”
Her mother nodded, but shrugged at the same time, as if she wasn’t sure.
Mina knew better. “Yes, you do. Winona’s brother.” Mina cleared her throat and forged on. “Well, I’m in love with him.”
“What? In love? You don’t know what you’re talkin’ about. You just got a crush on him, is all. It’ll pass. ”
“No, Ma, it won’t pass. Sam loves me too. He’s asked me to marry him.”
“Woo-hoo. You and Sam are getting married? Can I be a bridesmaid?” Emma bounced up and down in her chair.
Her mother’s eyes narrowed. “How long has this been going on? Is that why you’ve been goin’ over to that house, ‘cause of him?”
“No, not at first.” Mina studied her plate for a minute before forcing herself to meet her mother’s gaze. “But it is now.”
“You pregnant?”
Mina flushed. “No.”
“Gertrude, do you think that’s necessary—”
“You stay out of this. I have a feelin’ you know more about this than you’re lettin’ on,” Gertrude snapped at her husband before turning her attention back to Mina. “That’s a good thing at least. I’m too old to raise any more kids. The answer is no. You’re only eighteen and have no idea what you’re getting into.”
“Ma, I am eighteen. I can make my own decisions. Sam and I love each other. We want to be together.”
“Love? Lust, you mean. You’ll get over it.”
“No, we won’t.” Mina’s anger was on the rise at her mother’s snide tone.
“You will.” Her mother paused. “Besides, we need you here.”
“Mother, we can make do.” Her father.
“No, we can’t. Who’s going to get in the wood? Figure out the bills? Or fix the truck? We need her here.”
They did need her. But she needed Sam. “Ma, we love each other.”
“I can help for a while,” Emma offered.
“And who’s going to help you? There are chunks of wood in the shed bigger than you are; can you pick ‘em up? Can you change a flat tire on the truck?” Her mother warmed to her subject.
Mina watched her sister’s shoulders slump a little more with each word from Ma’s mouth. How can I leave Emma here alone to be subjected to this day after day?
“Gertrude, we’ll figure something out. Mina deserves her chance at this. He seems like a good fella,” her father said in a calm voice.
“You know him? Where’d you meet him?”
“At Mina’s graduation. You would’ve too, if you’d been there.”
“I was sick.”
“No you weren’t, not really. Who do you think you’re fooling, Gertie?” Sadness and a bit of anger tinged his words. “Me? These girls? You’re not.”
“I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about. I was throwin’ up everywhere. I couldn’t go in public.”
“I know you were. But the question is why? Have you ever asked yourself that?”
Ma said nothing.
“They’re good girls. Give ‘em a chance. Don’t do to them what your folks did to you.”
Ma’s chubby features froze for a moment. “They’ve always had food and decent clothes,” she said, rising from the table. “And up until now, I thought we were protectin’ them. Seems I was wrong there. Looks like she’s been at it for a while, if someone is willin’ to marry her.”
Mina jumped up. “It’s
not like that, Ma.”
Ma grabbed her dish off the table and practically flung it into the sink. “I’m not dealin’ with this foolishness.” She headed out the back door.
Emma came around the table and hugged Mina. “I’m glad you’re marrying Sam.” She fled down the hall to their room.
Mina filled the sink with soap and water, scraped food into the trash and shoved plates and silverware in to soak. She cleared off the table and slammed the refrigerator door, turning to leave. “I’ll be back in a few minutes to do those dishes.”
“Mina?”
She turned. Her father sat at the table, a warped hand rubbing his brow.
“We’ll figure this out.”
“How, Dad? She’s never going to agree to this.”
“She doesn’t have to agree. You’re eighteen, remember?”
“I know that. But for once, I’d like her to be happy for me and act like other people. The Millers were happy for us.”
“Your mother isn’t like other people.”
“No kiddin’.” Mina didn’t bother to hide the sarcasm in her voice.
Her father sat a minute as if debating something. “How about a cup of coffee?”
“What? Coffee now?” Her father didn’t usually drink coffee this late; he already had problems sleeping. “Are you sure?”
He nodded.
“Okay.” Heating a small amount of water in a pan on the stove, Mina poured it into a cup, added instant coffee, milk, and two spoons of sugar before setting it down in front of him, the handle pointed away.
“Aren’t you having one?”
Mina shook her head.
“Have a seat.” He picked the cup up by placing a palm on each side to lift it awkwardly to his mouth. It was the only way he could hold a cup these days. “Thanks, that’s good.” He carefully set the cup down and studied it for a minute. “I know we don’t say it much, but I want you to know, your mother and I appreciate what you do around here. You’ve always worked hard, and I don’t know what we would’ve done without you.”
“Thanks.”
“I don’t know how much longer I’m going to be able to use these.” He held up his misshapen hands. “Not very pretty, huh?”
My Mother Grows Wallflowers Page 22
