But she’d thrown herself on the sword, so to speak. How could I turn her virtuous sacrifice into just another pack of lies?
I couldn’t do that to her. But I’d do anything to make things up to her. Anything at all.
The hard part was figuring out what I’d need to do to rid myself of the tremendous guilt. Asia was taking the blame for everything when she wasn’t to blame for one damn thing.
I gulped my drink down. “I’m going to go call in something for lunch.”
“That sounds fantastic, son.” Mom waved at me as I left the room full of cheerful people. I walked to the kitchen to find the take out menus we’d accumulated since moving in.
Pulling up a barstool at the island, I looked through the things then felt a warm hand on my back. “You okay?”
I turned around and saw Asia’s sweet face. “You shouldn’t have. I could’ve just told the truth.”
She shook her head. “No, I couldn’t let you do that. My way was easier. We’ll figure things out later. For now, we’re back to being fake married in everyone’s eyes. If I’d never gone to South Dakota, we’d never have been in this situation. I had to do it. I had to keep up our deal.”
“I’m sorry, Asia. I truly am. Is there anything I can do for you? I’ll do anything at all that you want. You want a beach house in Malibu? I happen to have one of those. It’s yours, baby.”
She ran her arms around me and rubbed her nose against mine. “All I want is your love, Jett. That’s all I’ll ever need.”
“I could really make you my wife.” I held my breath, hoping she’d agree.
“No.”
With one word, she shut me down again. “Okay. I won’t argue with you about that. I won’t argue with you about a thing. Not after what you’ve done for me. I know that wasn’t easy.”
“Well, it wasn’t that hard.”
She wasn’t fooling me. I knew she wasn’t a liar. I knew she would never intentionally tell her family lies. I’d made that happen. Now Asia wasn’t only lying to strangers she never had to have anything to do with again if she didn’t want to. Now she was lying to the people who’d always be in her life.
I’d taken her down a bad road that was leading us both into sinful territory. I was making her credibility something people would question if the truth ever came out.
But she didn’t seem to care at that moment. She kissed me and told me everything would be alright. Things would work out. And I believed her.
Don’t ask me how I did. The web of lies I had going on just kept getting thicker. Stickier. Trapping us in a situation.
I didn’t want to feel trapped, and I definitely didn’t want Asia to feel that way. I wanted our love to be free. But I was beginning to wonder if it would ever be that way.
“Asia, if I could go all the way back to the first time I saw your sweet face on that website and talk to you, I’d change so many things.” I kissed her back.
She leaned her head against mine. “Hindsight is twenty, twenty, people say. What’s done is done. We can’t change a thing we’ve done.”
“I feel like we’re stuck.”
She nodded. “Yeah. It’s kind of like the glue that will hold us together, or it might just muck everything up. I guess we’ll find out with time which that is.”
Mom came into the kitchen and gave a quick clap to let us know she was there. “Hey, we had a great idea. Let’s all go out and eat. Your Dad and I are treating. And I wanted to remind you that you need to get with our human resource department and get Asia on your insurance plan. Have you taken her to the banks to get on your accounts? You’ll need to do all that too. As your wife, she needs that protection. If something happens to you, she’ll have a hell of a time getting through all that paperwork. You’re married now. You have lots to make sure gets done.”
I looked at Asia, and she smiled at me then at my mother. “We’ll have to get busy with that then, won’t we?”
It became crystal clear. I hadn’t thought anything through at all. Maybe I wasn’t as smart as I’d always thought I was.
It seemed so simple. One little lie would keep me from being hassled this summer about finding a girl and getting serious.
Boy, that one went south on me!
Asia
So I’d done it. I’d stomped right in and told my family a bunch of crap just to make sure I kept up the sham for Jett. He didn’t ask me to. I knew he’d never ask me to do a thing like that.
But it was there, deep inside of me.
Keep Jett happy.
The money wasn’t the issue. Not the driving force that had me making that drastic decision. It was my love for him that forced me to do a thing I’d never even considered doing.
As we drove back from lunch, our parents all heading to their own homes, Jett and I held hands. My stomach was full of the Italian food we’d eaten. I was sleepy and in a daze.
Jett would marry me if I wanted. So why wasn’t I hopping on that as fast as I could?
Resting my head on the headrest, I turned to look at the gorgeous man who was driving. Jett was a masterpiece of a man. His dark hair, hanging in silky waves to his broad shoulders. A pair of Ray Ban aviators made him look hot and sexy. He was it. The complete package.
Was I mental or something?
I mean, if I was to go back to college and show my friends a picture of this man and told them, yeah he asked me to marry him, and I was like, no way, dude. They’d call the 911 and tell them I was in need of a brain transplant, STAT.
It whirled around in my head and came out of my mouth, “Jett, marriage is sacred to me. Like, I don’t ever want to get a divorce. My Aunt Shirley got a divorce. She and her husband had three kids, a dog, and a pet goat. When their marriage ended, the whole lot of them went downhill. The house, goat, and dog, vanished. The kids turned into delinquents. My aunt became a bit of a tramp, and my uncle wasn’t spoken about or seen again.”
“It is scary. And just so you know, I don’t take it lightly either. But I’m not going to ask you about that for a while. I respect the hell out of what you did for me today. I wouldn’t dare bother you about anything.” He gave me a smile. “You’ve gone above and beyond for me. Way past anything a typical sub would do. I may not have put you through the typical tests one puts a sub through, but I’ve tested your limits plenty. You’ve surpassed all of my expectations. And sexually, well you know you rock me, baby.”
So there it was, he wasn’t going to ask me to marry him for a while. I should’ve felt great. Relieved.
If that was how I was supposed to feel then why did I have an empty spot inside me that was growing by leaps and bounds? And it happened so suddenly.
The feelings I was having told me one thing. I was being bratty.
At first, I was all, no Jett, I don’t want to get married. We need time.
Then he tells me he’ll give me time and I’m all, what?
I felt like an idiot for getting what I had asked for and not wanting what I got.
I kept quiet, not wanting to let Jett in on the emotional rollercoaster I was on. He held my hand all the way home and into the house. It was early, yet I was feeling tired for some reason. All the stress, I guessed.
“Hey, wanna take a late nap with me?” I asked him.
“I’m not tired in the least.” He ran his arm around my shoulder. “But I could watch some television and hold you while you get some rest if you’d like.”
“Nah, I want some peace and quiet. I’ll go up to our room, and you can watch television in the media room down stairs.”
With a kiss, we parted ways, and I went to bed. I barely laid my head on the pillow before I was in a deep sleep.
I had no idea how much time had passed before I was woken up by a sharp pain in my stomach. Rushing to the bathroom, I blew chunks in the toilet. A cold sweat broke out all over me, and I was shaking as I hugged the toilet.
I managed to pull myself together as I washed my face, cooling myself down. In the mirror, I saw my refle
ction. I had dark circles under my eyes, even though I’d just gotten some sleep. Was I coming down with a virus?
Little by little, the nausea went away, and I felt perfectly fine. Great, actually.
Making my way to the media room, I found Jett lounging on the sofa. He was watching sports and drinking a beer. “Hey, you.”
He turned to look at me. “Hey, baby. You get your nap?”
I sat down next to him and nodded. “Yeah. I feel much better.” I decided to leave out the part about getting sick again. I didn’t want him to get concerned. “So, basketball, huh? You like sports?”
“Ah, I can take them or leave them. Not a crazy fan of any one team. I just like to watch the games now and then so I can keep up with things. You wanna do something?”
I was actually feeling quite horny but wasn’t sure how to approach him with that. “Wanna take a swim?”
“Sure. Let’s go change.” He got up and took my hand, but I pulled him back.
“Wanna skinny dip?”
He smiled at me and nodded. “With you, anytime.”
Quickly, we went out to the pool and ditched our clothes then jumped into the cool water. I felt free as we swam around each other in circles. I made sure to tease him, staying just out of his reach.
He made a quick grab for me, and I let him catch me. “Oh, no,” I giggled. “What will you do with me now?”
His sea green eyes danced. “Anything I damn well want to.”
Desire shot through me like a lightning bolt. “I am yours.”
Pressing me against the side of the pool, I ran my legs around him, urging him to enter me. He did as I wanted, giving me the long, thick part of him that I was craving.
Sparks shot through me as I moaned and leaned my head on his shoulder as he moved me. Connected to him was the best feeling I ever had. Somehow, with him in that way, I felt more alive than I ever had. Each and every time we made love, it just got deeper and deeper, what I felt for him.
His kiss sent me spiraling down, unaware of anything but how his body felt, moving with mine. It was blissfully slow and steady and when the wave inside me crested, I moaned, “Jett, I love you so much.” Then the wave crashed, and he groaned as he released too.
“Baby, I love you too.”
We were still for a while, just holding one another. I rested my head on his shoulder as he ran his fingers lightly over my back. We didn’t need to say a thing to convey what we felt for each other. It was all there in our bodies. It was then that I knew I’d kill for the man. I’d do anything in the world for him. So what was I waiting for?
“Jett?”
“Yeah, baby?”
I pulled back to look at him, gazing into his eyes. “Do you really want to marry me?”
He pressed his finger to my lips. “Hush. I know I’ve been pushy about that. I know that you’ll do anything I want. And I don’t want you to marry me just because I want it. I’d like you to want it too. As a matter of fact, I don’t want to marry you right now. Not because I don’t love you. I love you more than I knew I could love anyone. But because I’ve seen that you are completely selfless where I’m concerned.”
All I could do was nod and rest my head on his shoulder again. He no longer wanted to marry me. I had no idea when he’d want to or if he’d want to.
Maybe my selfless act was a bad thing for us. Maybe I was giving too much of myself to him. I wasn’t sure if I’d done the right thing. But it was done. I was in as deep as he was in the fake marriage.
There was a niggling notion in the back of my mind. One that said the fake marriage and the tower of lies would crumble, leaving us in the rubble of it all.
A tear slipped out of my eye as I held Jett tight in my arms, never wanting to let him go. Maybe if I just held on, things would never end. Nothing would change. He and I would become just like the other statues that highlighted our large yard. Frozen in time, the lovers who were doomed if they made any movements.
Like all things, that moment had to end. “I think we should think about eating dinner, Asia. What do you say to Chinese?”
My stomach growled at the thought, and he moved me in his arms, taking me out of the water. “I think my tummy is saying, yes.”
He chuckled as he grabbed a couple of towels and handed one to me. I wrapped it around me and followed him inside. All the while watching him as he strode along in front of me. And all the while wondering if I’d done the right thing.
But what else could we have done in the situation?
I had no idea what the answer to that was. I also had no idea what we’d do to make things legitimate. It seemed neither of us had an answer for that question.
Jett
As I watched Asia sleep the night before the wedding that would’ve been our last social occasion together, I felt that guilt that had come to be my constant companion. It moved like hot lava through me. Letting me know I had taken an innocent young woman and morphed her into something else. Something I didn’t want her to be.
Asia had become my fierce protector. Which sounds like a good thing, until you really think about it. She would hurt herself just to save me. I didn’t want her to do that.
I was a man who should be facing his mistakes and dealing with them. Not hiding behind lies and a girl to protect myself from feeling shame.
I needed to feel ashamed of what I’d done. I deserved to feel that ominous weight. I’d done wrong. I’d taken a person, made them lie for me to everyone, including her own family. And what was the absolute worst, she did it one her own to save my sorry ass.
Asia deserved a good man. And I wasn’t a good man. I was bad. I supposed I’d always be bad. Morally unsound, mentally incapable of changing.
Our time was limited. Even though we loved each other with everything we had in us, it had to end. I wasn’t good for her.
I knew she’d never agree to breaking up. She’d cry, demand that I stop being crazy. And most likely convince me that we could figure a way out of the lies and bring what was real between us out into the open.
But I knew that people would wonder why she did it. Because I would wonder that too. That’s when the whole Dom/sub contract thing would come out, ruining Asia’s life for good.
No one would look at her the same way again. Her family were good people. They’d never understand why she did such a thing. And they’d look at me like the dirt-bag I was. And they’d be right to think of me in that way.
Money is why Asia came to me, and she’d have plenty. She’d have a house, a car, a closet full of expensive clothes. She’d be upset by my leaving, but she’d get over it.
Eventually.
And I would too, wouldn’t I?
I was doing it out of my immense love for her after all. It was the only selfless thing I’d ever do. But it did nag at me that she’d be hurt by my selfless act.
But she’d be hurt if the truth about us came out too.
Asia was going to be hurt no matter what happened. She was a casualty in every way. I’d wreck her life any way I went.
I’d never felt more alone in the world. I’d never felt so sad and depressed while feeling so much love it hurt. It was the oddest of times and feelings.
Asia stirred, opened her eyes and found me looking down at her. “Jett, what in the world are you doing?”
“Just looking at how beautiful you are when you’re sleeping peacefully.” I pushed her hair off her face and kissed her cheek. “So, tomorrow is the last of the fake marriage. I’m just mulling over how I feel about that.”
“It can’t be the last of it. We’ll have to figure something out. Our families think we’re married too. Don’t worry about it. Just go to sleep. When the time is right, one of us will come up with an idea that’ll work. Have faith. I do.” She snuggled down under the blanket and closed her eyes.
Should I say something to give her a hint as to what I had figured out about fixing the fake marriage problem?
She looked peaceful again, and I knew I couldn’t
tell her a thing. If she had any idea about what I was planning, she’d fight me like a badger. That was one of the best things about Asia. She wasn’t afraid of a fight.
But I wasn’t going to have a fight over what I knew was the right thing to do by her. I told her from the very beginning that I’d do right by her and I meant to keep my word.
Her breathing was steady, she had fallen back to sleep. I knew I should be getting some rest too, but I couldn’t stop looking at her. I’d leave her alone the very next night if things went the way I thought they would.
She’d wake up alone and find my note. The one I’d leave her to explain to our families what had happened to me. The one that would set her free from all these lies.
Perhaps one day in the distant future I could come back to see if things could blossom between us again. But I wasn’t sure about that. What I would do would hurt her to the core. I knew that.
That was a weight I’d have to take on. She was worth that. I was carrying around guilt anyway, why should I get to live life without any weight of that on my shoulders?
Asia didn’t need me in her life. I would just be a reminder of when she walked on the dark side for a while. She’d be better off without me.
No, I’d walk away and never come back. That would be the right thing to do. Leave her for good. It would be better that way.
Settling my head on the pillow, I closed my eyes, willing myself not to think about it anymore. I’d never leave if I thought about it too much. And I had to leave. For Asia’s sake, I had to do it.
Just as I got my mind to shut up, Asia threw the blankets off her and bolted to the bathroom. I got up and followed her, finding her with her head in the toilet, puking her guts up. “Baby?” I held her hair back as I kneeled beside her.
She wretched over and over, getting rid of everything that was in her stomach. Then she moaned and sat on the floor with her face in her hands. “God, I don’t know what’s wrong with me, Jett.”
I got up and grabbed her a wet washcloth. Then I picked her up and sat her on top of the vanity. Wiping her face with the cool cloth, I felt her shaking.
Dirty News (Dirty Network Book 1) Page 42
