by Cathryn Hein
So different to the thin, anxious woman sitting next to her.
‘Perhaps it is quackery,’ said Vanessa. ‘But a lot of people are happy to pay a lot of money for the centre’s holistic approach to health and wellbeing, including the use of non-conventional therapies. And, really, if it makes them feel better within themselves, who are we to judge?’
‘Yeah, but if it’s all bullshit . . .’ Teagan stared at the road, mouth thin and her hands tense on the wheel. ‘Remember Nanny Bliss?’ She glanced at Vanessa to check if she did. Although Vanessa had had very little to do with Graham’s family, she nodded, curious as to where this was going. ‘She was into all that stuff. Cupboards full of powders and pills. Forced it on to Pop too. Fat lot of good it did them. Pop died of a massive stroke and she ended up in a home with Alzheimer’s. The way she died was horrible.’
‘One didn’t cause the other, Teagan.’
‘I’m not saying that it did. But that doesn’t take away from the fact it was a complete waste of money. Not to mention hope.’ She jerked her chin toward the centre’s fence. ‘Do you think Dom believes in all that rubbish?’
‘Oh yes. If it earns money, Dom believes.’
Her niece gave a grunt of disgust.
‘It’s a business. He provides a service people want and they’re willing to pay a lot for it.’
‘Still a rip-off though, isn’t it? Like Dad with his contracts for difference. The company he got involved in? They told him they had a sure-fire program able to predict market movements. All he had to do was buy in on the contracts at the right time to take advantage of the arbitrage effect. Naturally, they got a cut of every transaction, regardless of whether it was a gain or loss.’ She shook her head, her tone unforgiving and harsh. ‘Anyone could’ve seen it was no better than gambling.’ She gestured towards the endless stretch of cyclone wire and lilly-pilly hedge. ‘They were preying on people’s vulnerabilities and ignorance, just like in there. It’s wrong.’
‘Maybe. But we’re all adults. With free will to make our own decisions whether they’re good or bad.’
Teagan brushed a hand across her forehead. ‘I know.’ She breathed out a long breath. ‘It just makes me so angry. How could he be so stupid? How could Mum? And to take me down with them?’ She wrung her hands around the wheel, mouth like a slit, a crack forming in her voice. ‘I know they’re my parents, Ness, that I’m meant to love them, but right now all I feel is bitter. I hate them for what they did even more that I hate the rip-off merchants who sucked Dad into this mess.’
Pained by the distress that seemed to leach from her niece in sour waves, Vanessa reached across the ute to curl her hand around Teagan’s tense forearm.
‘Don’t do this. Don’t let yourself be defined by what happened. Think of all you can start rebuilding.’
Tears sparkled. Teagan cleared her throat as though embarrassed and took several deep breaths before glancing across the ute with a pleading expression that made Vanessa want to hug her as she had when her niece was a little girl. ‘Like what?’
Vanessa smiled as though she possessed all the answers in the world. She indicated the road and the turnoff to Wilmington, where the farm supplies store was located. ‘Fences, darling. Fences!’
Teagan took to renewing Falls Farm with gusto. Sitting around had never been her thing. Working hard though, sweating and feeling her muscles tighten, satisfaction for a job well done, that was her. It made the days pass faster too, gave her a purpose instead of mooching in anger and victimhood, heavy with loss and uselessness. Plus the hard work made her end-of-day swim and cocktails feel earned instead of lazy and decadent.
Too nervous to skinny-dip, she wore knickers and a lycra singlet top until, after a day trip into the Sydney CBD on Wednesday, Ness returned with a white designer-label bikini. Teagan was more of a plain black racing swimsuit girl, and the bikini was embarrassingly brief, but she was grateful for her aunt’s thoughtfulness. Regarding herself in the mirror, she had to concede it didn’t look too bad. The colour gave her skin a lush pink hue instead of its usual vampire white, and brought out highlights in her red hair. Only her bony rib cage and hips spoiled the picture and made her look aside, biting her lip.
Teagan still couldn’t get over the weather up here. The nights remained cool but the days were absolutely glorious, with temperatures in the low to mid twenties. Ness said those maximums were unusual for the time of year, but neither of them was complaining, nor were the animals from the way they took to lazing around in the sun. Although Blanche, the evil-minded thing, multi-tasked, diligently combining her sunbaking with guinea-pig tormenting.
Teagan started work not long after dawn and learned quickly to take her promised breaks. If she forgot, Ness would stomp to wherever she was labouring and order her to down tools, standing grumpily with her hands on her hips until Teagan obeyed. Given the early starts, her aunt refused to let her work beyond afternoon tea, no matter how she pleaded. Which left nothing else to do but to either play with Claudia or the other animals, or swim.
Today, she’d finished repairing the fence behind the main shed and now Merlin was free to roam in his own paddock. How long that would last Teagan wasn’t sure. The rabid ram was already attacking the gateposts in an attempt to loosen them. But she’d used ringlock for the rest of the fence, straining it tight, and any attack saw Merlin bounce off, much to his bleaty frustration.
After a quick wash, Teagan headed for her room to put on the bikini, using a chock to hold her door closed. Ness had promised to find someone to fix the faulty latch but so far nothing had been done. Ready, she opened the door and immediately held out a foot as Blanche attempted to dart inside. She toed the cat away, trying not to shudder at the way it drooped over her foot like a piece of slime. It was as if the thing had no bones at all.
The water was bliss, warm enough to be pleasant but cool enough to soak away the heat and hard work of the day. She swam laps before gliding to the middle to lie on her back with her eyes closed in an effort to clear her thoughts. She sang songs in her head, concentrated on the metallic pings of the water, yet no matter how she tried, her mind remained filled with memories of Pinehaven.
And each passing image brought another slow leak of tears.
‘Mind if I join you?’
Teagan splashed and turned in fright, swallowing a gush of water as she did. She emerged coughing and hacking with her hair plastered over the front of her face, cutting off her vision. She swept it back, only for the pound in her heart to hammer even worse when she saw who stood at the edge of the pool.
She opened her mouth and shut it, then looked around in a panic. Her towel was thrown over the far seat of the outdoor setting. She’d have to walk a good five metres in her bikini to fetch it, exposing every bony inch of her underweight frame to Lucas.
‘Don’t worry,’ he said, in his deep, smile-filled voice. ‘I grew out of peeing in the pool. You’re safe.’
She glanced back at him again and found herself repeating her gormless cod-mouth gape, only this time it wasn’t due to shock. The man had abs. A full-on sixpack. And hair. A sexy line of it that traced across his chest and down to the top of his board shorts. For some reason she’d expected him to be hairless. One of those blokes who went for waxing because it made his muscles stand out better. But here he was, radiating manliness like Adonis come to life.
Ness appeared through the French doors, looking even more glamorous than normal in an exquisitely cut white shift dress with black lace detail at the waist, towering black-and-white heels, and a silver-and-diamond tennis bracelet that shot kaleidoscope sparks with each swing of her arm. ‘Sorry, darling, I hope you don’t mind. Lucas sometimes comes over for a swim after a busy day. You don’t mind sharing, do you?’
Teagan shrugged, pretending nonchalance when all she could think about was how fast she could escape the pool without Lucas noticing. ‘Not at all.’
What else could she say? This wasn’t her house. This wasn’t even meant
to be her life.
Lucas gave her a knowing look before rounding the pool to the deep end and diving in with a graceful arc. She retreated to the side and watched him swim three laps, his stroke smooth and easy, his kick strong. She glanced at Ness but her aunt wasn’t watching Lucas, she was watching Teagan, a kind smile on her face. Then with a flash-filled wave she clip-clopped off on her high heels, leaving Teagan alone with Lucas.
He glided to a stop at the wall opposite and scraped his long hair away from his face. ‘You’ve been working hard by the looks of things.’
‘There’s a lot that needs doing. And I want to help my aunt.’
‘Not because you’re bored?’
She fanned the water in front of her and watched the ripples. How did he know that? She continued to concentrate on the water, the way the sun caught the tiny waves and refracted it in rainbow colours. But the man across from her made the natural world seem faded and drab, drawing her gaze in fish-dart glances.
His jaw showed a shadow of pale stubble. Droplets clung to his long eyelashes and reflected sunlight from the water made his blue eyes seem even brighter. The power of his looks made Teagan even more self-conscious. She crossed one arm over her chest to grip the opposite shoulder, feeling naked and vulnerable.
He tilted his head. ‘You should come out with me one morning.’
‘Why?’
‘Check out the area. Get some horse time in.’
‘Thanks, but I have Claudia.’
He carried on as though her coolness meant nothing. ‘I’m heading up to Belgravia tomorrow. It’s an equestrian centre not far from here. Showjumpers, performance horses. Full service agistment for ponies and hacks. They do trail riding, too. Want to come?’
Teagan shook her head. An equestrian centre would only make her feel worse about her lot. As Ness said, she needed to rebuild, look to the future, not wallow.
In a smooth glide, Lucas crossed the pool to join her against the wall. God, he was stunning to look at. Almost too vivid, too fantasyland. She turned away, wishing he’d disappear to somewhere else. Wishing she could do the same, but her jutting bones had her anchored.
He rested his head back. For several seconds he said nothing, then he rolled to the side to look at her. ‘I’m not what you think, Teagan.’
She raised her eyebrows at him. ‘Mind reader, are you?’
‘Maybe.’ He smiled lazily. ‘You think I’m a bit of a wanker.’
Embarrassment crawled from her belly all the way to her neck and face. Ness had been talking. She closed her arm tighter over her chest, fingers digging into her shoulder as she focused hard on the pool’s infinity edge, studying the surreal merge of water and space.
He remained quiet, waiting. Only the water ripples and birdsong tuning the air. This was ridiculous. So what if he was good-looking. She had more gumption than this.
Teagan dropped her arm and rolled her head in a mirror pose to Lucas. ‘And are you?’
A quirk tilted his lips. He pressed closer. ‘Sometimes. But I prefer the real thing.’
His breath teased the moisture on her skin, shooting goosebumps over her flesh. His eyes slid to her mouth and the waterline where her breasts bobbed, pebbled nipples pushing against the thin fabric of her bikini. A look that made her heart rear and thump down before tearing into a panicked, breath-stealing gallop.
The urge to cover up was enormous, as was the urge to bolt from the fear he’d unleashed. Fear of this not being real, of being used, of being rejected in a world where she already had no place. Instead she firmed her chin and tilted it up. ‘Don’t we all.’ And with that, she duck-dived to the bottom of the pool and swam as far as she could underwater. When she broke the surface, Lucas was close by.
She glared at him, whipped words defending her racing feelings. ‘Do you mind?’
‘Mind what?’
‘I’m trying to enjoy a swim.’
‘And I’m trying to enjoy you.’
‘You? Enjoy me?’
‘Yeah, why not?’
‘Because you’re,’ she waved a finger at his face and chest, at his unreal looks and body, at the sheer impossibility of him, ‘you, that’s why.’
‘And? Teagan, I’m just your average bloke.’
She rolled her eyes. ‘Who just happens to look like a movie star.’
‘You think so? Which one?’
Teagan couldn’t help it, his cheek was too much. She laughed and splashed water at him. ‘Idiot.’
Smug that he’d at last penetrated her prickly exterior, Lucas grinned. Sweeping a muscled arm through the water, he caught her hand. ‘Come on. Life’s too short to live it worrying about crap that doesn’t count. Have some fun.’ He swept her backwards. They drifted on their backs, staring at the sky.
The enormous blue expanse brought on another wave of vulnerability. This time she had no defence, only truth. ‘I’m not sure I know how anymore.’
‘Then let me show you.’
‘Wouldn’t you rather be playing with my aunt?’
‘No.’
‘Isn’t that why you’re here though?’
‘No.’ He lowered his legs to float vertically. Remembering her fleshless frame, currently on full exposure, Teagan quickly followed suit. ‘Vanessa and I are friends, nothing more.’ He cupped the point of her shoulder. ‘I prefer to play in my own age group.’
‘Ageist.’
He drifted closer, gaze dropping to her mouth. ‘Yeah.’
Teagan’s insides buzzed so violently it was as though someone had plugged her into a power socket. How the hell did this happen? How was it even possible? Yet Lucas was surveying her with heart-stopping intensity, as if this weren’t some indolent afternoon game but serious.
He floated even closer, only to draw away at the clatter of heels on timber.
‘Oh.’ Ness smiled broadly, obviously delighted by what she’d witnessed. ‘Sorry. I just wanted to mention that Bunny’s arrived. But you two darlings take your time.’ She made a shooing motion, as though telling them to get back on with it. ‘Bunny and I have plenty to catch up on.’ She gave another tinkly wave and clattered off.
Teagan glanced at her towel then back at Lucas. No way was she staying now. Not after that embarrassing near miss. ‘You can get out first.’
He shook his head. ‘Can’t.’
‘Why not?’
He looked down at himself and back up, one eyebrow raised.
‘You’re kidding?’
‘Nope.’
Teagan didn’t know whether to be flattered, excited or appalled that his mind had even drifted in that direction when she was still trying to get her head around the idea that one, Lucas wasn’t interested in Vanessa, and two, he might actually want to kiss her. Then Teagan remembered his ‘too skinny’ comment and what little hope she’d harnessed deflated. One look at her xylophone ribs and he’d be put off for life.
‘I can’t get out either.’
He blinked several times, his confused, little-boy-lost frown strangely appealing. ‘Did I miss something?’ Nose slightly screwed up, he eyed the water where she floated. ‘Like a penis or something?’
‘No!’
‘Then what?’
Teagan’s face burned. ‘My bikini’s too brief.’
That made him laugh. ‘That’s a matter of opinion.’
‘You can see everything,’ she mumbled, refusing to look at him.
He stopped grinning. The tease disappeared from his voice and his tone became gentle. ‘Hey.’
‘It’s not pretty. My hips stick out.’
He shrugged. ‘They’re just bones. I have a good enough imagination to picture what you’ll be like with meat on them.’ Suddenly he grinned another sparkle-toothed smile. ‘I’ll let you feel mine if you let me feel yours.’
She splashed water at him. ‘Cut it out.’ She stared morosely at her towel. It was either stay here and have whatever was going on between them escalate into something ridiculous, not to mention dangerous, or ma
ke a run for it. She held up a finger. ‘Don’t look. I mean it.’
‘Come on, Teags, a bloke’s allowed to perve.’
‘It’s Teagan, Lukey, and there’s nothing to perve at. Anyway, you’re the one who said I was too skinny.’
‘You are.’ He said it without a scrap of apology. ‘But that won’t last forever.’
She shook her head. ‘You really know how to flatter a girl, don’t you?’
‘Yup.’
She made a twirling motion with her hand. ‘Turn away!’
He rolled his eyes and did as he was told. As soon as his back was turned Teagan hoisted herself out of the water and ran as fast as she could without slipping for her towel. When she looked up he was watching.
He shrugged, not even remotely contrite. ‘You should’ve made me promise.’
The Falls was, Teagan decided, bloody weird.
There was country friendliness and interest, and then there was The Falls version.
A ten-minute job, that’s all it should have been. A quick drive into the village to check Vanessa’s post-office box, grab a couple of litres of milk from the IGA, and some dinner rolls from the bakery. Forty minutes later she was still stuck.
The IGA had been fine. The Andersons were her kind of people – rural to their bootstraps. Polite and welcoming without wanting to know everything. Teagan had spent a calming fifteen minutes or so chatting about farming and the weather, the affinity between them immediate.
The newsagent-cum-post office was also fine. Antonio de Vitis was charming and flirty, but in an amusing way that signalled it was simply a game he played to pass the time and make people feel good. The sort of man who smiled often and loved to tease. He also possessed a quick wit that revealed intelligence lurking behind that light-hearted manner. Teagan warmed to him a lot.
