by Cathryn Hein
Teagan jogged out of the bower. From the whinny’s carry she could guess where Astra was – the flat land at the bottom of the hill that Dom had once earmarked for specialised treatment facilities and accommodation for drug addicts. Those plans were scrapped now. He’d withdrawn the development application in favour of establishing another property on the tablelands, near Orange. More privacy for his clients was the excuse. Teagan suspected that it had more to do with keeping peace in the village for Ness than any business reason.
She ducked around a tree and spotted the back of a horse float and recognised it as Emily’s. Excitement had her stepping out again only to falter. The car attached to the float wasn’t her friend’s. It was a late-model ute, sparkling chrome trunks lining the back tray. She scanned left to where the parkland opened to a grassy clearing.
Her heart pounded. Lucas was quietly leading Astra in a large circle. He was hatless, his ponytailed blond hair as glossy as Astra’s short summer coat. Both muscled, both magnificent. The pinnacle of beauty for their species.
But more importantly, blazingly, vividly real.
Two things she loved, together.
Voices drifted, catching her attention. Dom and Ness walking back up the hill towards reception, hand in hand. Walking to fetch her, most likely. Teagan raised her hand, about to call out, and stopped. This was something she needed to get through on her own. She watched them disappear into the gardens, hoping they wouldn’t panic when they found her room empty.
She turned back to Astra and Lucas. He’d paused in the centre of the clearing. Astra’s head was up, her ears pricked. Teagan could see the flare of her pretty nostrils as she scented the air. The horse took a step forward and whinnied.
And Teagan knew that it was a welcome. For her.
She headed down the slope. Her feet crunched on dropped leaves and dried twigs, the sounds like her nerves, fragile and easily shattered. With each step she breathed in slowly, willing herself calm but braced for any setback in her thoughts. But the closer she approached, the more intense the sweet white feeling became. There was trepidation, certainly, but not darkness. He was here. That had to mean something.
Slowly she crossed the grass, leaking happy tears as Astra strained against her lead and stretched towards her mistress, whickering in delight. A few steps and Teagan was cupping Astra’s jaw, kissing her long nose and stroking her silky neck, while Astra blew warm air from her soft nostrils over Teagan’s face and into her hair.
Tears smeared her cheeks as she whispered nonsense. Stupid talk about how beautiful the filly had become, how shiny her coat was, how clever her eyes. The horse had filled out in the time she’d spent at Rocking Horse Hill. The lush pastures had made her put on weight. Em had trimmed her mane and tail. Her hooves were neat. Everything about her shone with good health and vitality.
Finally, she stepped back. Lucas was standing as far from them as the lead would allow. He wore a small smile as though he found the reunion touching. Even though the morning sun had bite, he wore jeans and his scuffed steel-capped boots. A polo shirt stretched across his torso, the open collar exposing a lightly tanned triangle of his chest. The sun shot golden streaks through his hair like a celestial blessing.
Teagan suddenly felt stupid and shy. What to say to this man?
‘She obviously missed you,’ he said, taking a step closer.
‘Thanks for bringing her.’
‘That was Emily and Josh. They drove her up here.’
Teagan stroked Astra’s nose, hunting for the right words. She didn’t know where to start and apprehension kept her silent. The white sweetness was still pulsing, but she couldn’t prevent the worry that one wrong utterance could see it vanish.
‘How long can she stay?’
‘As long as you want. All day.’ He shrugged. ‘It’s up to you.’ He looked around, squinting in the sun, and gestured towards the ute. ‘Your tack’s in the car. Emily thought you might want to go for a ride.’
‘No, not today. Maybe another day.’
‘Dom will be pleased about that.’ At her puzzled look he smiled. ‘He doesn’t have the insurance to cover it.’
Lucas took another step forward and stroked his hand down Astra’s neck. ‘She was a bit ratty earlier but she’s calmed now. Must be because she’s with you.’
‘I suspect she just likes the attention.’
They fell silent. Teagan continued to scratch and stroke Astra. Her horsey smell filled Teagan’s nostrils, along with something else. Something as warming. And reminiscent.
Lucas.
She watched him out of the corner of her eye. He kept fiddling with the end of the lead, looping and unlooping quick-release knots. Catching her looking, he stopped. The quiet became awkward.
He scratched the side of his nose. ‘Josh helped me finish the yard off yesterday. Everything’s set for her now.’ The fidgeting stopped and Lucas shifted a little to stand with his shoulders straight and chin raised. His gaze locked on hers. ‘And you, for when you want to come home.’
She frowned. What did he mean for when she wanted to come home? Home wasn’t Astonville, it was . . . She didn’t know. Home was something she had still to figure out.
‘I love you, Teagan.’
Her breath caught at the words. Words she’d wanted. Words so hard to believe. She hugged herself as longing and memory punched her chest, and looked away. ‘You don’t mean that.’
‘I do. I should’ve said it from the moment I realised the truth instead of waiting.’
‘You can’t. I’m a screw-up.’
‘No, you were depressed.’ He smiled, a radiant, perfect Lucas smile. ‘Now you’re getting better.’
The sight of that smile had her heart flipping. God, she’d missed it. She’d missed everything about him. His sincerity, his kindness, his sexy masculinity.
He sobered. ‘It’s been driving me crazy, not seeing you.’
‘It’s been driving me crazy, too,’ she whispered. Ten minutes ago she would have denied the truth. Now it was rushing over her in a cascade. Her words tumbled out, desperate to be free of the locked cage in her head. ‘I wanted to see you but I was scared. That day, when you came and I pushed you away? I thought you wouldn’t want anything to do with me after that.’
‘No.’ He reached for her hand, the way he’d always done, like it was the most natural, perfect thing in the world. ‘I want everything to do with you. The good, the bad, the completely screwed up. It doesn’t matter. As long as you’re with me.’
She stared and stared. ‘You mean it?’
He smiled and bent close, breath brushing her lips. ‘Told you I liked crazy.’
‘You said you like redheads, too.’
‘Yeah, but those I don’t just like. Those I love. Especially ones with the last name Bliss.’
‘Is that so?’
His mouth caressed the corner of hers. She closed her eyes, inhaling him. ‘Teagan?’
‘What?’
‘Shut up and kiss me.’
Teagan roused and rubbed the back of her hand into her eye. She breathed in the morning, her first away from the centre in three weeks.
‘Oh, God,’ she said, wrenching upright and opening her eyes onto a pale-blue alien gaze. Teagan screwed her nose up. ‘I’d prefer to wake up to something more attractive, you know.’ Lucas, ideally, who was not only very attractive but smelled of man and metal and other delicious things. Unlike Vanessa’s evil-minded cat.
Blanche meowed. They exchanged glares, waiting. When Teagan failed to tip her off Blanche settled onto her lap. Her tail whipped a few times and stilled. Teagan maintained her grumpy face for a few more seconds before picking up the cat and cuddling it to her chest. Blanche’s happy purrs vibrated against her skin.
Teagan almost felt like purring herself.
A tap sounded at the door. Teagan called a ‘come in’ and waited to see who it was. They were all nervous for her – Mum, Dad, Ness, even Dom, but Meredith wasn’t. Neither was Lucas. Hi
s confidence in her was ridiculous in its intensity. She loved him for it though. Knowing he thought she could cope made her believe she really could.
Vanessa’s luscious red waves appeared around the door’s edge, her morning smile dropping as she spotted Blanche. ‘Oh, you rotten thing.’
‘She’s fine,’ said Teagan, stroking Blanche’s bony, wrinkled head. ‘Funny, but I’ve kind of learned to appreciate her qualities.’
‘I’m glad someone likes her. She’s in the dog house for attacking Nibbles. Have you any idea how much surgery on a rabbit costs? Even at a discount?’
Teagan held the flaccid cat up under the armpits and glared at her. ‘Not cool, Blanche.’
Blanche yawned.
Teagan’s eyes met Vanessa’s and they laughed.
‘Your dad’s cooking us bacon and eggs for breakfast. It’ll be ready soon.’
Teagan returned Blanche to her lap and stroked her, saying nothing.
Ness crossed the room and sat on the edge of her bed. ‘Don’t be scared.’
‘I’m not.’ She pressed her lips together, trying to hide her nerves with a wry smile. ‘Maybe a little.’
‘It’s only family.’ Ness reached out to tuck a lock of hair behind Teagan’s ear. ‘Everyone who loves you.’
Only family. No Lucas. The disappointment hung. He’d come for a little while last night. They’d stood on the verandah with Ness and Dom, Penny and Graham, talking trivia. To Teagan’s relief no one toasted her return. They carried on, sipping gin and tonics as though it was normal for her to be there, while Teagan sipped water, feeling anxious and a little suffocated. The worry about what they were all thinking of her hadn’t waned, not completely.
Lucas had taken her hand and cocked his head towards Claudia’s paddock. ‘Feel like a walk?’
She’d nodded, grateful to escape the claustrophobic feeling that was getting worse with each minute. The Wellness Centre had been full of people, but she’d kept to herself for most of her stay, only emerging from her shell in the last week. Meredith had orchestrated a lot of it. Chance meetings here and there. Some group sessions focusing on managing alcohol dependency during which Teagan had spent most of her time gawping at the extremely famous movie star sitting opposite.
She’d been aghast that someone as composed, talented and rich as this woman could be as depressed as herself.
‘Depression doesn’t discriminate,’ Meredith had said afterwards. ‘It can happen to anyone.’ She’d smiled at Teagan and given her an encouraging hug. Not very professional perhaps, but to Teagan it had meant an enormous amount.
Lucas’s hand had remained secure on hers as they walked down the track. It was still hot and the cicadas were in full song, chirruping in piercing surround sound across the landscape. The dry track threw up red dust that stuck to the back of her legs where they’d become sweaty from the chair. They needed rain. A good storm to soak paddocks and fill the creeks and dams.
He wore a small smile, the sort that comes when people know a good secret or they’re feeling smug with happiness.
They leaned on the fence, watching Claudia and Mouse together.
‘Remember when we first met?’ he said.
‘Yes.’
‘You thought I was a dickhead. And in love with your aunt.’
She laughed. ‘I did.’
‘Now?’
She fiddled with her pendant, unable to look at him. It frightened her to admit how intense her feelings were. Sometimes, it was like he was the calcium that made up her bones and kept her standing. That, without him, she’d never cope with the world, never find independence. No matter how many times Meredith told her that she’d grow into her own strength, the vulnerability of it was scary.
‘I don’t think you’re a dickhead.’
‘That’s something, at least.’ He rested his head on his arms and looked sideways at her. Sunset was far off. His eyes glowed in the bright day. He was, as he had been back then, utterly beautiful. ‘Do you want to know what I thought?’
Teagan could guess. ‘That I was rude and prickly. And skinny.’
‘Not rude. Skinny, yes. But I thought you were the sexiest woman I’d ever met.’
Teagan didn’t know what to say.
‘I still do.’ He tugged her towards him, changing position to brace against the fence and nestle her between his legs. His gaze swept appreciatively over her. ‘Even more.’
‘Despite everything?’
‘Despite everything.’
She wanted to plaster his face with kisses when he looked at her like that. Instead, she sighed and tucked her head against his big shoulder.
He brushed his cheek against hers. ‘I wish you were coming home tonight. It’s been lonely without you. Merlin’s a thug and Astra’s already sick of my attentions. And I need a muse.’
She lifted her head. ‘A muse?’
‘Yeah, someone to inspire me. I have orders for bird cages up the yin-yang.’ His hands coasted lazily to the tops of her shorts and up her T-shirt to stroke the soft skin of her waist. ‘I need some more curves to give me ideas.’
She pressed closer to him. ‘From the feel of it you already have ideas.’
‘Always, when it comes to you.’ He sobered and shifted his hands to lock them at the small of her back. ‘I love you. I mean it.’
The words, so sincere, simple and honest made her chest feel huge with feeling. She breathed in, fortifying herself, and held his loving gaze. Though he’d said it several times now, she’d yet to say the same to him.
She toyed with the pendant around his throat. It was different to the one he’d worn when they’d first met, a smaller, less ornate version of hers. She frowned and inspected it closer. The blue-and-green enamel inlay wasn’t abstract as she’d thought but formed into a stylised T.
She looked up. The tenderness in his expression was still there.
‘So you’re by my heart,’ he said.
She touched her own pendant. ‘Like you’re by mine.’ She took another long breath and felt all her anxiety drop away. ‘I love you.’ Then she smiled. ‘Like a crazy person.’
‘You’re not crazy. You’re just you. And that makes you perfect.’
They’d kissed for a long, long time.
A kiss that Teagan had thought long on that night while she lay in bed, listening to the sounds of the house and the breeze rustling the trees. A kiss that she thought of now as she dressed and padded out to the kitchen, redolent with the scent of bacon and the sound of spitting fat.
Her dad turned and waved a spatula at her. ‘Won’t be long.’
She busied herself with the espresso machine, watching him as it went through its cycle of bean grinding and milk frothing. He was different to the father she remembered. There was life about him now. Even the lines that had seemed permanently etched in his face had softened.
And he was cooking breakfast, something he hadn’t done since Owen had left.
Her mother bustled in. Spotting Teagan, she rushed over for a hug. ‘Sleep well?’
‘Pretty good.’
Letting her go, Penny crossed to the stove and regarded the pan critically. ‘Vanessa likes them runny don’t forget.’
He screwed up his nose and poked around in the pan a bit. ‘I’ll do some more.’
Teagan and her mother exchanged a look. Graham had never been capable of cooking runny eggs. Penny raided a shelf, pulled down several bottles and began counting out pills. Teagan smiled wryly. She’d been convinced to try a few of the milder natural therapies on offer at the centre, surprised to find they weren’t as bad as she imagined. Not that she was about to share that around too loudly. And she sure as hell wasn’t going to admit to anyone about the enema. Ever.
The espresso machine finished its cycle. She retrieved her latte mug and took a sip as she observed her parents squabbling some more over the eggs.
There was happiness in the air.
‘Pie time, I think,’ said Nick, hands on his hips and surveying
the hay they’d just unloaded into a neat stack in the hayshed. Apart from a few trail riders, Belgravia was quiet. Everyone was gearing up for Christmas and most of the horses were turned out. There was still plenty of work. Time to attack the many chores that had been neglected during busy times and staff shortages.
‘I’ll go,’ said Teagan.
Lucas pulled off his gloves. ‘I’ll come with you.’
She put her hand on his arm. ‘It’s okay. I can manage.’
He studied her with apprehension. Nick walked off, giving them privacy. Three weeks had passed since Teagan had returned to work, over seven weeks since the day at the cricket ground, and she still hadn’t done a pie run. She’d been to the shops to collect mail, visit the IGA and pick up Belgravia’s veterinary supplies from Bunny, but she had yet to set foot in the bakery.
Out of all The Falls locals, it was Kathleen Ferguson who she was most nervous about. Everyone knew what had happened. The majority had been kind, asking how Teagan was faring, and bringing up family member’s or close friend’s – even their own – experiences with depression. Revealing how common it was. With Kathleen, as a woman prone to self-righteousness, Teagan felt as though she had something to prove. Mostly to herself that she’d recovered enough to be beyond the narrow-minded judgements of people like Kathleen.
Col had been particularly sweet, a little bit bored-old-man fussy perhaps, but genuinely sympathetic. Gossip was that he’d had a falling out with Kathleen caused by her lie to the police, which had resulted in an embarrassing caution and much chuntering by villagers. Apparently the bakery break-in was real enough – the work of a scabby local out for easy cash – the assault, however, wasn’t. Kathleen’s bruises were caused by a fall the night before, when she’d slipped on some flour. She’d taken one incident and added it to the other for her own ends. The rumour that a famous soapie star had recently entered rehab couldn’t have been more opportune. She’d used his description to put pressure on Dom and discredit him in the eyes of the village. Unfortunately for Kathleen, the soapie star wasn’t at the Wellness Centre but far away, at an exclusive Chiang Mai facility.
