by Gemma Weir
Kicking off the sweat-soaked sheets, I run my hands through my damp hair and pull at the strands. I’m a fucking idiot. My demons invaded my dreams again, but for once I don’t feel like I need to sink into self-pity and rehash the sins of my past. What’s done is done, and though I might be headed for hell after this life, maybe there’s a chance to find some heaven on earth before I go.
For once, it wasn’t the faces of the people I’ve killed that scared me awake. It was hearing Nikki calling for me through the blackness and not being able to find her that frightened me the most. My heart races as the fear and panic I’d felt at hearing Nikki’s anguished voice and not knowing where she was or being able to protect her washes over me again.
A sense of hopelessness pushes me from my bed and urges me to get dressed. Before I know what I’m doing, I’m on my bike and halfway to Chestnut Grove, and only when I kill my engine outside of her house does the panic start to settle in my chest.
I don’t know why I’m here. I can’t get in. Like a fucking idiot, I left the key I stole on the hook when I left this morning. My fingers tingle with the need to touch her, to be close to her, and protect her from both my demons and her own. But unable to do that, I push my bike onto the kickstand, sit back and watch the sun rise over her house, wishing I was inside with my Duchess in my arms.
He didn’t come.
I don’t know why I expected him to, but last night I waited for him to come and he didn’t. I told myself that I wasn’t cooking for him when I made twice the amount of food I normally would. I promised myself that I wasn’t waiting for him to arrive when I kept dinner warming in the oven for an hour after I finished cooking it. But he didn’t come.
It’s dark and not even the tranquility of my bedroom is bringing me any solace tonight. Staring at the moon that’s shining though my window, I pretend not to be listening for the door to open. Every creak of the walls and floor has me tense and excited, only to be disappointed moments later when I don’t hear his footsteps on the stairs. Why hasn’t he come? And why am I so upset about it?
Wide awake, I lie beneath my sheets, alternating between being glad he hasn’t come, and heartbroken he isn’t here. I shouldn’t care. I should be glad, but I’m not. I hadn’t realized how much his annoying, frustrating presence had illuminated my life, until I realized how dim it was without him.
Last night was the first time I had cooked for someone else in a year. I hadn’t invited him, but his intense company had sparked every nerve in my body to life and I felt alive. The sex was incredible, but more than that I enjoyed just being with him. This morning I’d wanted him, needed him, but the moment the thrill of my orgasm had faded I didn’t know what to say or do. I’m so used to being alone, that being intimate with him seemed too much, too overwhelming.
Resolve hits me at 3am. I don’t need him. I don’t want the complication that he would be. I like being alone and all I need is Dove. She’s family, my blood, the only thing I have that has actual value and getting involved with Cam could risk that.
I fall asleep just as the sun starts to rise, repeating the mantra that it’s good that he didn’t come, that I don’t want him, that I don’t need to risk letting anyone in, over and over in my mind.
I wake up with a renewed sense of purpose—avoid Cam at all costs and under no circumstances ever let him touch me.
A hollow feeling of disappointment still echoes in my chest, but I force the sensation away. It was only about the sex, nothing more, and I have a vibrator. I can get myself off just as well as he can and without having to deal with his asshole behavior.
The morning flies by with emails, clients, and finalizing the purchase of the new house. Trish managed to get the contracts drawn up and hopefully the house will be all mine in the next few days.
My cell rings and I grab it without looking at the caller I.D. “Hello.”
“Hey, Sissy,” my sister says cheerfully.
“Hey, how are classes going?”
“Oh my god, I love it. Our first assignment is about Shakespeare. Ah, Romeo and Juliet is just heartbreakingly perfect and I love the story,” she gushes, and I can hear the excitement in her voice.
Sighing dreamily, I smile as I think about Romeo and Juliet. “That’s a great book. I’m so glad things are going well. Do you think you’ll transfer to a four-year school eventually?”
“Maybe, but it’s been so long since I went to school and actually sat in a classroom that I want to see how these classes go before I get ahead of myself.”
“That seems like a good plan, but if you do decide to transfer I’d be happy to pay for school,” I say.
Dove exhales and when she speaks, her voice sounds concerned. “I would never expect you to do that, Nikki. Just because you have money, doesn’t mean you have to spend it on me.”
“I know that, but I saved this money for us, so that we could start a new life together. Just because your new life is here, doesn’t mean the money isn’t still yours,” I say, trying to not let any bitterness seep into my tone.
“Do you really hate it here that much?” She asks quietly.
“No,” I answer quickly. “I don’t hate it, that’s not what I was trying to say, I promise.”
“I don’t want you to be unhappy, Sissy, and I don’t want to lose you, but I’ll understand if you decide to get your fresh start. You’ve waited around for me for two years. Don’t put your life on hold for any longer because of me.”
“No,” I cry. “That’s not what I want. My life isn’t on hold. You’re my sister and the only fresh start I want is us moving forward together. I’ll admit I never expected our new life would be here, but I’m not unhappy, especially not now I have you back.”
I can hear what sounds like Dove sniffling and I feel awful that she’s upset. “Are you sure?” she asks.
“Absolutely. Listen, do you have class this afternoon?”
“No, why?”
“Let’s go shopping and grab some lunch. Maybe you could invite Grits too? I know you and her are close and I’d like to get to know her better,” I say, forcing cheer into my voice.
“Really?” Dove asks brightly.
“Yes. I just need to close down my laptop and then I’ll come to your place. You give Grits a call and see where she wants to eat.”
“Okay, I’ll see you soon. Love you.”
“Love you too,” I reply and end the call. The moment the screen goes black, I drop my head into my hands. The last thing I want to do is spend time with Grits, but I don’t want my sister to think that I’m miserable or that she’s forcing me to stay here.
Closing down my laptop, I drag my tired body upstairs and toward the closet. I swap my sweats and t-shirt for a pretty red playsuit with tiny anchors on the pockets, and my red strappy sandals. I fuss Jock’s head as I pass him, close the front door behind me and climb into the Comet.
Knocking on Dove’s door, I turn the handle and let myself in. “Hey, Sissy, are you ready?” There’s no reply, so I walk down the hallway and into the living room expecting my sister to be playing with her puppy or fussing over her new furniture.
“Duchess.”
Jumping in shock, I spin around to find Cam lurking in the kitchen. “Holy crap, Cam, you scared the shit out of me,” I cry, my hand covering my pounding heart.
A sly grin tips at the edges of his lips and his eyebrows quirk in amusement. “Maybe you should come over here and I’ll make it all better.”
Rolling my eyes, I sigh dramatically. The mere sight of him has me instantly turned on and then even more angry that he didn’t come over last night. “Yeah, how ‘bout no,” I say acerbically.
Cam mock clutches at his chest with his hands. “Duchess, you wound me,” he says walking toward me until his chest is only inches from mine. “Orgasms make everything better and we both know how good I am at giving you those.”
Stepping away from him until his intoxicating scent leaves me, I look up. “I agree they were good, but so is Bob
and I actually like him.”
“Bob?” Cam asks, a slight snarl to his voice.
“Yes, Bob. He’s easygoing, amenable, and he comes with five speeds.”
Realization dawns on Cam and he moves closer to me again, crowding me until my back hits the wall. “You’d rather have a plastic cock instead of mine? I don’t fucking believe you, Duchess. No dildo can make you scream the way I do.”
Swallowing harshly, I try to hide the small gasp that escapes me, but Cam hears and smiles triumphantly. “I missed you last night, Nikki. I want you to ride my face. I want you to come against my tongue until you can’t stay upright.”
“Well I didn’t miss you,” I say, hoping that he can’t hear the slight tremor in my voice as the lie spills from my lips.
“Ask me to come to yours tonight, Nikki. Ask me and I promise I’ll be there,” Cam says, closing the gap between us, until his chest is pressed to mine and I’m caged against the wall by his body.
I can’t look at him. If I do I think I might ask him to come over, and I don’t want that. I won’t do that. So instead I stare at the patch on his cut that says Blade and then Vice President beneath it. I focus on the letters, forcing myself not to look up. “No,” I whisper.
“Ask me, Nikki. We both know you want me in your bed tonight, so stop denying it.”
“No,” I say, my voice slightly stronger this time.
“Look at me,” he demands.
I shake my head, knowing that if I look at his face he’ll see how confused, upset, and angry I am that he didn’t come last night. I can’t let him have that power over me.
His fingers touch my chin and he lifts my face, forcing me to look at him. I close my eyes, hiding from him the only way I can. “Stop,” I say, almost begging.
“Duchess.”
I shake my head and hear him exhale loudly. “Look, I’m sorry I didn’t come over last night. I thought it was the best thing, but I was wrong. I missed you.”
His words make me want to scream and cry all at the same time. “No,” I say shaking my head, my hands pushing at his chest. “No.” My eyes crash open and I’m confronted by his imploring chocolate brown depths looking down on me. I can’t do this. I don’t want him. It was just sex and nothing more. I don’t want a man, especially not a man like Cam. He would want to own me and control me, and I’ve lived that life and I’ll never live it again. Stealing myself, I pull in a deep breath. “Cam, stop all of the ‘I missed you’ bullshit. We fucked, and it was good, but it was never anything more than orgasms. You have plenty of club whores more than willing to ride your face, and I have a vibrator that can get me off without me having to deal with all your biker bullshit.”
Cam’s face darkens. “Duchess, can you even hear the pile of crap that’s coming out of your mouth? Yesterday morning was more than just sex and you know it.”
Rolling my eyes, I try to make my tone indulgent and sarcastic. “Jesus, Cam, enough with the whiny little bitch act.”
A bitter laugh escapes him, and he drops his hands to his sides and takes a step back from me. “So that’s how you want to play it, is it Nicole?”
My mouth drops open. He called me Nicole. Sudden and untapped anger rises inside of me. “Fuck you, you fucking asshole. My name is Nikki, and if you ever call me Nicole again I will cut off your dick and make you fucking eat it.”
Cam smirks. “Oh, Duchess. If this is the game you want to play, then I’ll play it. You can pretend to hate me, and I won’t call you on it. But when you decide your plastic cock isn’t doing it for you anymore and you want a real man again, I’m gonna make you beg for it.”
I open my mouth, ready to tell him that I’ll never fucking beg, when my sister walks out of her bedroom door, her cell pressed to her ear. Wiggling free from the wall, I sidestep away from him and try to look nonchalant and relaxed.
“Okay, see you soon,” she says into the cell and then pulls the phone from her ear and ends the call. When she spots me she smiles brightly. “Hey, Nikki, I just need to grab my purse and then we can go.”
I nod, forcing a smile in her direction.
I feel Cam’s breath on the back of my neck before I realize he’s moved closer to me. “Game on, Duchess,” he says as his hand strokes across my ass.
Jumping at his touch, I spin around, but he’s already walking toward the couch, a huge smile on his face.
Nikki fucking Coleman is a pain in my ass.
She wants to pretend there’s nothing between us.
She wants to act like it was sex and nothing more.
She’s lying to herself and to me, but that’s okay. What she forgets is I like this game. I like fighting with her; I like driving her crazy.
It only took one night away from her, for me to realize that she’s what I’ve been missing all these years. She doesn’t know that I sat outside her house as the sun came up this morning. She doesn’t know that I waited until I saw her safe and working before I left. She doesn’t know that she’s become everything.
I could tell her what she is to me, but right now I think that would probably make her angrier. I need her in my life and if I have to wear her down until she realizes she needs me just as much as I need her, then so be it.
A smile twitches at the corners of my mouth and as I watch Nikki talks to her sister. I start to make a plan.
1 – Get the key to her house back.
2 – Drive her crazy.
3 – Make it impossible for her to avoid me.
4 – Make her beg.
5 – Make her mine.
Glancing in my rear-view mirror, I glare at Cam. He can’t see me, but it makes me feel better just to have done it. When Dove and I left her apartment he followed. I don’t even know why he was there in the first place, but when we left, he got off the couch and followed us. Then when we got into the Comet and I headed to the restaurant we were meeting Grits at, he climbed onto his bike and rode after us.
“Why is Cam following us?” I ask Dove.
She looks over her shoulder at him and then back to me. “I don’t know,” she says with a shrug.
“Do they normally follow you around?”
Dove laughs. “No not anymore. He’s probably just going in the same direction as us, don’t worry about it.”
I try to ignore him. Pulling in a deep, calming breath, I offer a smile to my sister and then focus on the road ahead. The restaurant we’re going to is on the other side of town close to the creek, and almost on autopilot I navigate the winding country lanes. Taking a right, I check my rear-view mirror and there he is, his indicator signaling his turn to follow us again. “He is following us. I swear he is the most aggravating man I have ever met.”
Dove laughs and I swing my head around to scowl at her. “What exactly do you find funny about this?” I ask, turning to look at the road again.
“You like him,” she cries, a huge smile on her face.
“I do not,” I gasp.
“You so do. You like him.”
Pulling into the restaurant’s parking lot, I drive into a bay, kill the engine and then turn to glare at my sister, righteous indignation pouring from me. “I do not like him. I hate him, he drives me crazy.”
My sister laughs in my face, and with a huff I throw open the car door and climb out. Cam pulls his bike into the bay next to mine and I stomp around my car until I’m next to him. “Why are you following us?” I snap at him, my hands on my hips.
Cam looks at me with a slow, easy smile on his lips. “Wow, Duchess, you’re all riled up. If you’re ready to beg already, we can hop on my bike and be at your place in twenty minutes. I promise I’ll have you all relaxed and purring in no time.”
“Fuck you, Cam,” I snarl. “I will NEVER beg you for anything. So why the fuck are you following us?”
My sister opens her door and comes to stand next to me. “Blade, why are you following us?” she asks, her brows furrowed in amused confusion.
Cam turns to address her. “Your sister has a
taillight out. I noticed it when you pulled off. I followed you, so I could take it to get it fixed while you’re at lunch. I don’t want you guys to get pulled over by the sheriff.”
My sister visibly melts, and she plucks my keys from my hand and passes them to Cam. “Hey,” I cry, but she ignores me.
“Blade, you are the best big brother. Are you sure you have time to take it to be fixed?”
Cam’s face softens as he looks at her. “Of course. It’ll only take me thirty minutes tops. You girls go enjoy your lunch and I’ll bring the keys into you once I’m done.”
Dove skips toward him and drops a kiss on his cheek. “You’re the best, thank you.”Her attention is diverted when Grits pulls into the lot and Dove waves and rushes over to greet her.
I turn to walk away, but Cam’s hand on my arm stops me. “Don’t I get a kiss of gratitude from you too, Duchess?”
I scoff. “No you don’t, and I don’t need your help, so give me my keys back and I’ll sort the taillight myself.”
Cam hauls me into his body, one arm wrapped around my back, the other landing on my ass. I shudder and then hate myself for letting him see that his touch affects me. He lowers his face and presses a feather-light kiss on the corner of my mouth. My eyes fall closed and I anticipate his lips on mine, devouring me. I wait for his demanding mouth but instead of his kiss I feel bereft when he suddenly stops touching me, his hands falling away.
My eyes snap open and I try to speak, but no words come out. I want to demand that he finish what he started and kiss me, but my brain screams that I should run from him as fast as I can. In the end I just stand there silent and unmoving.
I watch as he throws my keys into the air, catches them, and then smiles at me with a look that’s so full of mischief I can’t help the twitch of a grin that threatens to take over my lips. Swallowing it, I mutter “Asshole,” under my breath, turn away from him, and head to where Dove and Grits are waiting for me.
