“They won’t let us see him,” Marcus said right away. He looked pissed, and scared, and on the brink of crying, but on the flipside, I was grateful that meant he was alive. “He’s stable now, he’s in ICU, but no one is allowed back there.”
All I heard was that Jared was stable, and relief washed over me.
“Who do we talk to?” my mom said. “Taryn is his fiancée. Surely they’ll let her in.”
“The only person that’s been behind those doors,” he said, pointing down a separate hallway, “is Jared’s mom. Apparently she’s the one keeping everyone out.”
My eyes narrowed. If I had to deal with Jocelyn Miller not allowing me to see her son, I was going to lose it.
My mom moved away to speak to the police that seemed ready to question our presence. I could imagine it was a nightmare to keep the people that belonged there separated from the nosy bottom feeders. I had even heard an ambulance driver radio for any incomings to head to a different hospital if they could.
“We’re in here,” Jack said, motioning to a door around the corner. “We came out because we heard you were here.”
I understood. I was grateful for the personal escort by my fiancé’s bandmates. They led us to a private waiting room that was filled with a dozen other people; Kurt and Adrian, and others involved with Jared on a daily basis. I didn’t like the looks of sadness and pity as every pair of eyes stared at me. Jack stood with me in the corner to speak about what he knew so far.
It wasn’t much.
“All we can do is wait for a doctor or someone to fill us in. He’s at least in an ICU room. The surgery went well I guess. He lost a lot of blood…”
I looked across the room at Kurt, whom Jared had been with at the time of the accident. His arm was in a cast and a sling, his face battered with bruises and cuts. He looked like he had a lot of stitches, including whatever was wrapped with gauze on his other arm. I didn’t think he’d be drumming anytime soon.
He stood, sensing my need to speak with him. I watched as he walked carefully across the room, hobbling on an injured leg. He didn’t say anything right away. I wasn’t going to jump to conclusions about his driving, or whatever happened, but I almost wanted to shake him to death for almost killing my fiancé. But I think I was so relieved that Jared was alive that I wasn’t ready to be confrontational just yet. I was heartbroken and miserable, but I didn’t want any negative feelings at that moment. I needed to stay positive.
“I’m sorry,” he finally said. “It was…it was my mistake. I didn’t see the light and…” He took a deep breath and it came out as shaky as I felt. Tears slipped down his face over the cuts and bruises and I felt my heart soften just slightly. He couldn’t speak anymore and he sat down on the chair, placing his head into the hand that wasn’t in a cast. I let him cry, myself wanting to curl up in a ball and do the same.
I couldn’t console Kurt at that moment. I wasn’t able to. My own heartache ripped through my chest in a steady, agonizing pain.
Agony—my wicked woman.
I ignored the sickness in my gut, the pain in my chest. I left the room and traveled down the hall to the cop that stood between Jared and me. Even without words I could tell he wasn’t going to concede, but I desperately needed to see Jared with my own eyes. I needed to be with him.
“He’s my fiancé,” I told him wearily. I was literally worn out from emotions.
He barely smiled. “I’ve also met his six wives, a few sisters, and countless girlfriends.”
“I’m going to pretend you didn’t just say that,” I sighed. I pulled out my wallet from my purse and retrieved my license for him. “I’m Taryn Hartford; Jared and I are engaged,” I said, holding up my ring finger. I knew it wouldn’t be proof, but it was just automatic. At the same time, my mom and Jack joined me. I could tell the officer believed me as he handed back my i.d., and he also seemed to acknowledge that I was indeed accepted by Jared’s bandmates.
“I’m sorry. There’s nothing I can do, Miss Hartford. It’s like I’ve told these fellas already: the family is restricting access to him. That’s all I can say. They don’t want anyone.”
“They?” I questioned. “Is his dad here too?” I felt a bit of hope at that point.
He sighed. “No, ma’am. Just his mom. Look, I’m sorry, but I was told no one. She even specifically said not even anyone claiming to be his fiancée.”
I probably revealed my shock when my mouth hung open, but other than that, I was furious. What was it with his mom? Was it about the control? She wanted me to know she had the upper hand this time?
Despite how angry I was, I cried again when I dropped into a chair in the waiting room. It barely subsided when apparently that same officer was at least kind enough to send a doctor in to speak to Jared’s entourage, informing us that he was heavily sedated, almost comatose. I understood what that meant—that it was necessary to help his body take care of itself—but I couldn’t even speak.
However, my mother—in a voice that was very kind and compassionate without being forced to be—asked if she could speak to Jocelyn Miller.
The doctor denied her request, stating, “Ms. Miller does not wish to see anyone at this time.”
“You don’t understand,” she replied, meeting his gaze evenly. “If Jared were to choose who was with him in that room right now, it would not be his mother.”
At first the doctor looked caught off guard.
“He would choose Taryn,” she continued. “There isn’t anyone else he would rather be with. And if Taryn weren’t available, he would choose Jack, or Marcus, or Kurt. And if his bandmates weren’t available, he would choose Adrian or Carrie or Saul. And if anyone else in this room weren’t available, he would choose an adoring fan or a goddamn stranger off the streets.”
Everyone in the room just gaped at her, even the doctor.
“Do you understand what I’m telling you, Doctor Glenn?”
He seemed to, but still wouldn’t respond.
“I know you’re just doing your job,” she kept on, “but I just want you to be aware of the situation.”
“I’m now aware, thank you,” he said at last. But it was without any true appreciation. “And you’re right; I’m just doing my job. And I’m sorry, but rules are made to be followed, Missus…?”
“Hartford,” my mom replied. “I’m the ‘other’ mother.”
“The real mother,” I heard Jack murmur.
Doctor Glenn barely nodded and turned to leave.
“Wait,” I said, touching his arm. I was very grateful for people to stand up for me when I was too frazzled to do it myself, but there was still more to be done.
He faced me with either a very annoyed look or the resolve to take on more verbal abuse.
“Thank you for coming to speak with us. We don’t mean to stone the messenger it’s just… Well, could you give Jocelyn a message for me? Please?”
He looked unsure but curious at the same time. However, he did nod and said, “I’ll try.”
I released the breath I was holding. “Thank you. Um, could you just tell her that I’m here and that…I’ll be here for as long as it takes until I can see him. And ask her to please not keep me from Jared; he wouldn’t want that. Please tell her how badly I need to see him.”
He waited to make sure I was done and then nodded. I watched him leave, even though I felt like I had more to say.
But whom I really needed to say it to was Jared’s mom.
Chapter Forty-Two
I woke to one of the usual sounds: someone returning or leaving the room, someone opening a package of food or throwing it away.
I moved from where I was, sitting on a stiff couch. Jack was leaning up against me but my movement didn’t wake him. I glanced across the waiting room to see what had broken up my ten-minute snooze.
Kurt had tried to get up and must have bumped the garbage can next to him. He tried to silently reposition it and then attempted his exit from the other couch. I could tell he was in
pain.
I stood to help him and he startled; he didn’t realize I was awake.
“Here,” I said, holding out my hand. He took it, almost reluctantly, and together we pulled him to a standing position.
“Thanks,” he said quietly.
I knew his leg was tightening up again and he needed to move. It wasn’t exactly a good thing though, since his other leg contained a swollen ankle the size of a softball. He was told to keep off the sprain, but he couldn’t bear the muscles in his other leg stiffening up.
“I don’t need help,” he said quietly as he shuffled out the door.
When we were both on the other side of it, I shut it behind me. “I know, but I needed to move too. I’m not very good at being idle.”
He took that into consideration and his mouth twitched. Finally he said, “Well, it’s pretty shitty that they won’t let you see him. You should have gone to the hotel with your mom.”
“Nah, I’m ready to fight Jocelyn when I finally see her.”
That made him chuckle and I was glad for the light moment. He’d been avoiding me all night. I understood he felt guilty about the accident since he’d been the one driving, but I didn’t want him to think I was mad at him. I figured he knew I wanted to question him more. I was aware that Jared had a punctured lung, four broken ribs, two fractured fingers, and a dislocated shoulder. But other than the injuries, there was something else I wanted to know.
“Was he conscious?” I finally asked. “After it happened, was he conscious?”
Kurt barely looked at me but he sighed. He didn’t want to talk about it, but I knew I just needed to wait for his answer.
“Yes, he was conscious.”
He started to walk a little, so I walked with him. We were headed down the hall with the security guard at the end, but neither of us cared to acknowledge the new guy on duty.
“Uh, I think I swore a few times before I really understood anything,” Kurt added. “Jared barely made a sound, but when I finally looked at him…” The tears welled up in his eyes and he took a deep breath. “There was a lot of blood,” he said, trying to control the sob that was about to escape. He let himself take a few more breaths before he continued. “I’m just… I’m not used to seeing stuff like that, you know? It scared the shit out of me; I didn’t know what to do. He just looked at me like… And I wasn’t sure if he was even alive…”
The tears were unleashed on my face and I didn’t even try to stop them from coming.
“I think I finally said something, like his name or… I don’t remember. But he said, ‘I can’t move’, in just this…barely a whisper.” He took another deep breath. “God, Taryn. He was pretty much dying right there in the car and I just sat there. I knew my arm was broken but shit…he was-he was…”
He leaned up against the wall for balance. I put my hand on his shoulder just in case. The police officer was about thirty feet away from us but he pretended like he wasn’t watching us. I was pretty sure he couldn’t hear us since there were other sounds in the hospital that were louder than we were.
“He asked me if he was bleeding anywhere,” he chuckled sarcastically. “I wanted to scream at him that he was bleeding everywhere but… He said something like...stop the bleeding. I mean I could barely look at- I couldn’t even tell. I think it was his right side. Then he said, ‘Okay, buddy, just do one thing then… Tell Taryn how much I love her…’ ”
That sent another set of tears down my face.
“I guess that kind of hit me, you know?” he said. “I guess something clicked that he wasn’t dead and I could do something about it. But by then there were people to help and I just… I let them take over, I guess. I thought he would be okay, but when they loaded him in the ambulance…”
I didn’t make him finish. I understood that’s when Jared crashed and they had to bring him back. But I could feel Kurt’s pain. To be the driver of the car, run a red light, and then feel like you couldn’t even help your best friend…
“I’m sorry, Taryn. If anything happens to him because of my stupidity…”
“Kurt, it’s not your fault. There are so many things that can go wrong in an traumatic experience like that and… And you heard what the doctor said. They’ll pull him out of heavy sedation when he’s ready. For now his body had been mended up and… He starts the road to recovery. He’ll be okay. You guys just need some time to heal and everything will be okay…”
Even hearing myself say it out loud didn’t convince me to be optimistic. I was scared sick. What if there was something wrong with Jared that the doctors hadn’t determined yet?
It was an endless sea of the unknown again.
“Mom, you should probably just head home. There’s no need for you to be missing work.”
“Taryn, I don’t care about work.” She looked ticked that I would say that.
“I know, but what good is waiting around with everyone else going to do you? I mean obviously Jocelyn isn’t going to change her mind on Day Two.”
My mom looked like she was ready to fight the woman right then and there. She’d expressed repeatedly what a terrible thing it was for her to keep me from Jared.
She sat down on the bed in the hotel room. “Honey, I know you’re headed back over there, but isn’t there anything we can do to challenge it?”
I’d arrived at the hotel only thirty minutes ago just to shower and change my clothes. I didn’t intend to stay long and was ready to return to the hospital with the hopes that I’d be magically granted a pass to see my fiancé.
“I’m going to see if I can get a hold of his dad,” I finally told her.
She looked like she wanted to fight me at that moment. “Don’t you dare talk to that man,” she scolded me. “I don’t want you to have anything to do with him.”
“Well news flash, Mom. He’s going to be my father-in-law.” I chuckled sarcastically and shook my head. My life sounded so messed up except for one thing.
Jared.
“You act like he was a child molester or something, Mom. Rachel was a grown woman when she was in a relationship with him.”
“He’s twenty years her senior,” she stated, as if I didn’t know.
“I don’t want to talk about John Miller,” I mumbled.
There were some things that my parents just didn’t understand, and even when all of that came out about John, they suddenly became uncomfortable around Jared. It was upsetting, and it was why I didn’t bring it up in the first place. The truth was that I really did believe that John loved my sister and I couldn’t disregard that. Sure it was awkward for certain reasons, but I knew firsthand that you couldn’t always help whom you fall in love with.
I busied myself with other things to avoid a continuation of the conversation. I headed out a few minutes later and ended up walking to the hospital instead of taking the ride in the car waiting for me. One of the bodyguards, Milo, got out and walked with me, keeping a few paces behind. I was waiting to hear back from Michelle with a new number to reach John at. Jared’s phone didn’t have a number in it and my only hope was calling in a favor. I used Michelle’s guilty conscience to play in my favor.
She called when I arrived at the hospital, and I was thankful to have something to focus on while reporters were kept out of my face. I knew everyone else had left except Jack, and now it was his turn to shower and change in his own hotel room. We decided that at least one of us would always be there for Jared just in case anything changed.
Or just in case Jocelyn Miller lost the ego.
But I was surprised that John was there in the waiting room with Jack. The last I’d heard, no one could get a hold of him because he’d changed his number. But there he was, looking just as haggard as everyone else.
I’ll admit the reunion was awkward, but being that he was the only person that could help me at that moment, I was going to allow myself to be desperate.
“Please let me see him,” I pleaded. “You have a say because you’re his father and—”
I could tell he was being sincere, and I took a deep breath. He motioned for me to follow, and even though I could have insisted that Jack come along too, I was thankful that he waved me to go without him.
The officer at the door was the same one from the morning before. He sort of smiled, and I felt like he was happy that I was finally being allowed to see Jared.
I followed John to a private wing of the ICU, neither of us speaking a word. I almost asked if Jocelyn was going to be in the room but John pushed open a door that a guard was standing at, and I noticed the empty quarters.
Except for Jared lying in a hospital bed.
The sight of him choked me up. John told me that he’d give me privacy and he left. I couldn’t move at first, trying to decide which way the lump in my throat was going to go. Finally it forced its way out, and I let out a sob as I approached the bed and sat on the edge of it. I was afraid to touch him and just barely touched the blanket that was spread over him.
His face was bruised, but not as badly as Kurt’s. He had a gash above his right eyebrow and it looked like the other small cuts were from shards of glass. He didn’t have a shirt on because his entire right side looked like it was wrapped in bandages. I reached out and touched his left shoulder, where it appeared to be perfect compared to his right side, and I leaned over to kiss it.
I slid my hand down to hold his. I examined it for a moment, noting a few cuts across the top. I felt some gauze or something on the underside of it and I peeked at his palm that looked taped.
I was shocked when his hand moved and lightly squeezed mine. His eyes were partially open, looking at me, but then they closed again. “I love you, Taryn.”
Love Today Page 35
