I was speechless. I knew what she was saying loud and clear: I’m not here for you in the least bit; you’ve married my son but I still don’t like you. I guess maybe I was still shocked that she despised me so much. I honestly didn’t know why she thought I was so horrible for her son!
She did add, “Oh, and tell your mother that she did a decent job,” and then she turned on her heel and left.
By then I was summoned by my mom, so I was grateful that nobody—especially Jared—saw how upset I was.
Jared had a surprise for me, a song that he wanted to sing. I was unaware of this aspect of the wedding, but apparently my mom wasn’t. I actually loved the smile that she couldn’t get rid of.
Jared sat at the head of the party on a chair and Jack handed him a guitar. He adjusted the microphone and said, “As many of you know, I kind of like to dink around with music…”
That made everyone laugh. I smiled, but already tears were pooling in my eyes, just seeing him sit there so comfortably like he was going to perform a solo acoustic show. Watching him perform still affected me because of how talented he was, and I felt honored to be loved by such an amazing man.
“Okay, Taryn,” he said. “You know how I always have something to say?”
That made me smile and I nodded my head.
With a smile he said, “And I had the chance to tell you a lot of stuff in our vows, but you know me. I usually have more on my mind.”
The audience chuckled again.
“But,” he went on. “This time I don’t. I don’t really have anything new to say.”
The audience went completely silent.
“Because my wedding vows to you actually came from a song that I wrote, for that reason. And I wanted you to always have that, so you would always know—and everyone else will know—how much I love you. So here are my vows to you again—in song form.”
My heart melted. I was already crying by the time he started the song, but when I heard the words again, it truly magnified their meaning. I might have guessed that his vows to me were a song if I’d actually thought about it that way. But hearing him recite it again—in “song form,” with a chorus and a bridge—I was blown away. It was beautiful.
When he finished the performance, he stood when I stepped onto the stage. I wrapped my arms around his neck to kiss him as all of our guests applauded. It wasn’t in my nature to be comfortable with so much attention, but it was comfortable with Jared, and I was slowly learning to accept the rest that came with it. But he did everything so flawlessly that it made it easy.
As guests returned to mingling, Jared led me to the side of the stage and said, “I have a gift for you.”
I raised my eyebrows. “Wasn’t that it?”
When he smiled I already knew the answer. He turned around and Jack handed him a CD in a case. Jared gave it to me, and I stared at it for a moment. The album cover was a picture that Maggie had drawn of Jared and me. It was so cute in the fact that the stick figures had oversized heads, and arms that were way too long. Jared had an over-embellished fauxhawk, and I had a gigantic mouth. We were holding hands, and the most significant part of that particular drawing was that it represented the day that Jared and I first kissed. Maggie didn’t know that when she drew it of course, but I remembered the day she created it. Her masterpiece even showed us wearing the colors of the clothes we both had on that day we went shopping.
That picture had been hanging on the fridge ever since.
Jared took one of my hands and said, “That day has changed my life.” I knew he was referring to the picture on the cover because I was still smiling over it. “But what started it all was the first day I ever saw you.” He took my hand that held the CD and held it with me. “This twelve song album is basically my diary to you. Maybe ‘diary’ isn’t manly, but whatever. Every song on here is written about you or written for you; from the first day I met you to this day, our wedding day.”
He paused, and I took a moment to study the case a little better. I finally read the title, which was “Love Today.” I turned over the case to see the list of songs it contained, and sure enough there was also one with the same title. I also noticed that the back cover was one of the photos that I took while we were lying on our backs at the park; it was a picture of the sky and trees above us.
I was overwhelmed, and all I could do was wrap my arms around him and hold him tight while I cried. “I love you so much,” I whispered.
I knew I was a little distracted after that, completely enthralled with my gift. I couldn’t wait to listen to every single song, but for the time being, I just perused through the album booklet inside. It was complete with all the bells and whistles, including lyrics and credits, and other artwork inside.
There was only one picture of him, and it was on the inside cover. He was sitting in his recording studio on a chair, elbows resting on his knees. His head was slightly bowed and his hands were clasped together. It was an image of my husband that completely spoke to my heart; Jared Miller in his most private, serene moment; praying, meditating, or decision-making—whichever of those he was doing at the moment. It made me cry again, it touched me so deeply.
I’d been sitting at a table with my new treasure, nibbling on some food. Jared was talking to my dad at the moment, so since Jack was nearest to me, I asked, “Hey. Who took this photo?”
He glanced over my shoulder and then grinned really big. “I did. Pretty killer, huh?”
I smiled and stood. I even had to wipe away a tear that had escaped. “Did he know you were taking it?”
“Oh, no way. Actually he was kind of mad that I did,” he chuckled. “I guess he was praying or something.”
I smiled and took a deep breath. Jared was such a spiritual guy.
“Somehow I convinced him to use it in there,” he said, nodding to the album. “When he saw it he wasn’t quite sure, but we talked him into it. I told him it represents a side of him that a lot of people don’t see. And because he once said that he never prayed as much as he did since he met you… I figured it was suiting.”
He shrugged, like it was just the way it was meant to be.
I agreed. Not everyone saw that side of Jared. What they saw was a happy, friendly, amazing performer. They didn’t always see what Jared really did to get into his music. And I knew exactly what Jack meant about Jared’s newfound strength from prayer. He once said that it had become such a necessary part of his life. And he also told me that since the day he met me, my name came up in every single prayer he uttered.
How could I be so blessed to have someone love me that much?
Guests continued to eat and mingle, and by then the outdoor lights were beginning to light up. I never left my husband’s side that night. We ate a little, laughed a bunch, and kissed a lot. It was an incredible day, and even when some clouds rolled in and a few sprinkles came down on us, it didn’t bother me one bit.
“And it will rain,” I said to Jared, wrapping my arms around him. We both looked up into the dusting of mist as several people began bringing the decorations under cover.
“Sounds like a good song title,” he said with a smile.
With a laugh I said, “You go on ahead; keep stealing those song titles from me.”
“Ahh, you are my perfect muse. It’s why I’m keeping you around.”
The party moved to the covered patio, but because it was naturally coming to an end, I didn’t mind cutting out at that point. I knew my mom would handle everything just fine, and Maggie was already set to go home with my parents.
I let my husband take me to our bedroom.
Chapter Forty-Five
For Taryn: the love of my life, the light in my soul, the beat of my heart. You make every day the day I need you the most.
I sighed for probably the fiftieth time since reading that album dedication. Such simple words that he could put into a declaration that would forever be engraved on my heart.
I set the case on my nightstand. His music was pourin
g out of my stereo and I hadn’t even gotten out of bed that day. Jared was in L.A. with his band, rehearsing for their overseas tour. The band’s first stop would be a show in New York City, and then they’d hit Germany as their first stop across the ocean.
I felt anxious without him. He’d only been gone a couple of days, but it was the first time we’d been separated since his accident the first of April and I missed him so much. I was supposed to be in L.A. with him, but I decided to send him ahead of us because it was my mom’s birthday that week and I wanted to surprise her with a girls’ day for just the two of us. My mom never did anything for herself, and because we’d gotten so much closer since my sister died, I felt we needed something like that.
I also continued my efforts to reach out to Jared’s mom. I even left her messages on occasion that included her in some way, like the days her son was going to be a guest on a late night talk show, and I even invited her to join us in New York when the band was going to be on the Today Show.
She never responded to any of my calls, but I decided not to stop unless she asked me to. She could find out about his schedule when it was posted for all of his other fans, but I wanted to be courteous and let her know before it was common knowledge to the general public.
However, she did call me that morning, the third day that Jared was gone. I’d left her a message about New York and I was surprised that she returned my call. But she didn’t call to discuss New York; she called because she’d read some garbage about my sister’s murder case and wanted me to know her opinions.
What a stain to her son’s reputation.
I pointed out that Jared’s reputation was doing just fine. In fact, his career was soaring more than ever. It had nothing to do with my extra baggage; it had everything to do with how much people already loved and supported him, and how hard his fans took his near death experience. His writing was incredible, his music was amazing, and his shows were sold out.
If that didn’t speak a billion words, I didn’t know what did.
“You just can’t see beyond your own little fantasy world, can you?” she asked me. “You’re so wrapped up in Jared’s fame that you can’t see that you’re setting him up for a really detrimental fall. Oh sure, he’s in love with you, you have the perfect life together, and you’re deliriously happy, blah blah. But if you really loved him, you wouldn’t be so selfish.”
“Excuse me?”
“Don’t pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about.”
“Oh, I understand what you’re saying; I just can’t fathom that you actually believe that.”
“I believe it because I can see right through you. You’re just like any other money hungry, fame seeking whore. Jared is—”
“You have some nerve,” I cut her off. “I refuse to listen to you anymore, but I hope that you change your mind when March comes along. I would really hate for you to miss out on meeting your first grandchild.”
I hung up the phone. I was furious. I was so mad that I threw my phone at the wall.
It left a hefty dent.
Maggie came into the room and caught me crying. She wanted to know why I was upset, and instead of lying to her, I just told her that someone said something really mean to me.
She knelt on the bed next to me and slid her arm around my shoulder. “It’s okay. Most people don’t know what they’re talking about anyways.”
It made me laugh because it was something that Jared had said when he was trying to counsel her on what to do when she hears questionable rumors in the coming years.
I gave her a great big hug as I tackled her to the bed. We had a five-minute giggle fest and the incident was forgotten.
Until Jared called that evening and carefully asked, “Uh, did you tell my mom that she wasn’t allowed to see our baby?”
With a sigh I said, “Jared, you know better than to assume that—”
“I know, I know,” he said quickly. “That’s why I called. What happened?”
I begrudgingly recounted the phone call to him. I tried not to ever bring up his mom because it only inflicted our lives with drama. But he did say, “Well I agree with you one hundred percent. She can go jump in the lake for all I care. I won’t put up with her talking to you like that.”
“Jared, I don’t want a big war with her. I don’t know where’s she coming from, and I don’t like how she treats me, but I’d rather just avoid talking to her or seeing her. I’ve been trying, I really have. I’ve even been leaving her messages about your performances, just to keep her in the loop. If you think that’s a bad idea then I’ll stop doing it, but I thought maybe she would soften up if I tried reaching out. I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to do.”
“You haven’t done anything wrong, Taryn. I love you and I appreciate your efforts. Even I don’t keep my parents up-to-date on what I’m doing, so you’re doing a better job than I am.”
He sighed, and once again I felt totally helpless. He’d assured me over and over that I wasn’t the one that drove that wedge between him and his mom, but I swear I always felt that way anyways.
We talked for another hour. I was excited that I had the next day to look forward to with my mom, and then Maggie and I would be reunited with Jared that night.
I was waiting for a car to take us to the airport the next evening when I got a disturbing phone call. Maggie was standing at the window with her suitcase, waiting for our ride, and I was going through my usual obsessive-compulsive behavior when it came to leaving my house for such a long period of time. We wouldn’t be returning until August 2nd, four weeks, and even though my family would be looking after our home, I was still fanatical when it came to stuff like that.
But I answered my phone after the third ring, hoping that it wasn’t something that would delay our trip. It was a blocked call, but I answered it anyway, against my better judgment.
“I’d like to speak to Taryn Hartford,” the unfamiliar voice said. I think it was female, but it sounded like she was trying to keep it quiet.
It caused me to feel nervous.
“Uh, this is she,” I replied, unsure if it was a good idea to have answered at all.
“I might know who murdered your sister,” the voice said.
My heart caught in my throat at the eeriness of it, and I almost dropped the phone. Chills ran up my spine and I had to sit down. But I managed to ask, “Who is this?”
“I can’t say,” she continued to whisper. “But the police were close once; get back on the right trail.”
“Which is…?”
“You need to investigate the company.”
The caller hung up, and a new set of chills crawled all over my body. I had more questions but it was too late to press for anything more.
“It’s here!” Maggie announced cheerfully.
I pulled myself together and grabbed my carryon. Thankfully Maggie didn’t notice how badly I was shaking. As I climbed into the town car, I debated what I should do. I wanted to call my parents, but would it be better to call the police? I considered calling Michelle Bronson, and I even had her name ready to select when I decided not to.
We were on the right path at some point? There were a myriad of options! Of course there were all of the suspects in the case, and all of the people that had been questioned. The “company” was most likely Miller and Harris, right?
I felt a little sick on the way to the airport. I had to open the window for fresh air and Maggie complained of being cold. I mechanically shrugged out of my sweater and let her use it as a blanket.
I thought of Jared’s offer to hire a private investigator months ago. He’d recommended it more than once, and now I was beginning to regret turning him down. I wanted to call him at that moment, even just for support and to hear his voice, but I didn’t want Maggie to question the phone call. I wanted her to remember the good things about her mom, not deal with however long the case would go unsolved.
I sent my dad a text instead. It seemed a little impersonal, but I
didn’t have a choice. I only said that someone contacted me about Rachel’s murder and it creeped me out. I asked if he could find someone to look into the call; I would pay for a private investigator.
He replied right away and said that he would. Then he asked me what the caller said. We had a texting conversation clear up until I boarded the plane with Maggie, and even though it would have been much easier to talk instead of text, it was the better option in public as well.
Then I began to feel ill again. My phone conversation with Jared’s mom came back to me and I started to wonder if I really was going to cause some sort of disarray to his life, to his career. As a family we’d been ready to accept Rachel’s death turning into a cold case.
Now it didn’t seem that way. Again.
I worried the entire flight to LAX, even though I tried to keep myself occupied by coloring with Maggie. She got commanding with the coloring pages though, telling me which pages I should color and how, and instead of letting my wandering mind just go along with it, I let my irritation get the better of me.
I told her she could color by herself if she was going to be so bossy.
She only scowled at me at the time, but when Jared later suggested which restaurant we should grab some food from, Maggie told him, “She doesn’t wanna be bossed around.”
It made him smile, but I guess he was already on to the fact that I was feeling a bit grumpy. I felt horrible about it because I was so happy to be with him again. I flipped the attitude, or at least was more aware of how I was coming off. He didn’t bring it up until Maggie was in bed that night and we were alone in our bedroom.
“I’m sorry,” I apologized. “I’m tired, I guess. I promise I won’t be a horrible pregnant wife.”
With a chuckle he shrugged and said, “Well I was kind of expecting it.”
I playfully slugged him in the arm, but he gathered me into a hug and kissed the top of my head.
Love Today Page 37
