‘Of course not,’ Heather muttered. She harboured a warming image of Leo asking her to marry him. For her, he was her one and only love. The situation into which she had drifted with Brian had been based on what other people had expected of them. This was the real deal.
‘You’d like that, wouldn’t you?’ Leo said softly, narrowing his eyes on her pinkened cheeks. Something was telling him to back away from this conversation; he ignored it.
‘I…I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ Heather stammered as the ground threatened to open up under her feet.
‘It would have been easy to laugh off Katherine’s romantic notions. You could have shrugged your shoulders and told her that we were just having a bit of fun, nothing serious. My mother might well want to see me welded to the right woman, and I wouldn’t know about that because she’s never mentioned that to me, but she wasn’t born yesterday.’ Leo paused. ‘I don’t imagine she would be shocked at the reality that a man and a woman, sharing the same house, might have been attracted to one another, might have initiated a relationship. But maybe you didn’t want to bring her up to speed with the truth. Did it suit you to let her think that there was something serious going on between us?’
‘No!’ Had it? Had she been unable to conceal her starryeyed response to Katherine’s scrutiny? She had tumbled like a blindfolded idiot into love with Leo, and had his mother spotted that even before she herself had?
‘Are you sure about that, Heather?’ He was very slowly coming to terms with the inescapable truth that she had invested a great deal more into their relationship than she had cared to let on. He had originally thought that their mutual physical attraction was just too powerful for her to resist, had forced her down from her moral high-ground and ambushed all the goody-goody principles she had been so keen to spout when they had met. She had mouthed assurances that it was all about the physical attraction because he wasn’t her type, and, since that had made perfect sense to a man who was physical deep down to the core, he hadn’t stopped to question the apparent ease with which she had embarked on their affair.
Now, of course, he knew that she was not a woman to whom sex was the be all and end all of a relationship. Her principles were deeply ingrained in her, and only now was it dawning on him that she had fallen in love with him.
He should be running scared. This was the very last thing he wanted. Indeed, in the aftermath of his failed marriage, he had made a determined effort never to find himself in a situation such as this. He wasn’t scared—in fact, he felt weirdly pleased—but common sense put an immediate stop to that feeling.
‘I’m not up for grabs,’ he said in a cool, matter-of-fact voice. Leo could remember having this conversation before. There had been the occasional woman who had wanted more than he was prepared to give, and he had had to do the letdown speech, although by the time that had happened he had felt nothing. Frankly, by then, he had usually seen the signs of over-dependency and had dealt with the inevitable with a certain amount of relief. Not so now, although he wasn’t going to analyse that, because the net result was the same. He was shot through with bitter regret that he would have to forgo the splendours of her body. He was ashamed to admit to himself that he wasn’t ready.
Heather was mortified. ‘I know that,’ she said quickly.
‘Do you?’
‘Of course I do!’
‘Then why did you allow yourself to fall for me?’
Heather sought divine inspiration, but the ground refused to comply by opening up and swallowing her. Had she been that transparent? Humiliation spread through every part of her. She knew that her face was bright red, a sure giveaway that he had hit the jackpot with his remark.
‘You’re wrong,’ she whispered, looking everywhere but at him, although it was pointless, because she could feel those amazing eyes boring straight through her.
‘You knew the rules of the game.’
‘The game? The game? Since when is a relationship a game?’
‘You know what I mean, Heather.’
‘I didn’t see it as a game.’
‘But you did tell me that you were in it for the sex. If I recall, you didn’t think that we had anything in common except, of course, lust.’
At this point, Heather was faced with two options. The easy one would be to agree. To strenuously deny all his accusations, to somehow manoeuvre a strategic backtrack and just enjoy the very little remaining time that they had together. Katherine was due out of hospital at the weekend. It would signal Leo’s return to London, and why shouldn’t she just have her fill of him before he headed back down south? Why should she be held captive by her emotions? Okay, he had guessed the truth, had guessed that she was a lot more involved than she had let on. But just because she had admitted that what they had hadn’t been a game to her, didn’t necessarily mean that she was looking for love and marriage. At least, not if she talked her way out of his assumption.
When she looked at her future without Leo, all she could see was a gaping, black void. Wasn’t a couple of days of happiness worth it? She would be picking up pieces for the rest of her life, so why start now when she had the choice of putting it off just for a little while longer? Was she a masochist? Did self-denial win medals for anyone?
‘I did think that,’ Heather told him quietly. ‘At the time. I mean, when we first…when I…Well, I thought it was all about physical attraction, but then I got to know you.’ It was getting tricky, looking everywhere but at him, and eventually Heather raised her eyes to his face. His expression was still, shuttered. She knew that this would be a nightmare for him but she wasn’t going to skirt round the truth because it was easy. If he didn’t like what she was about to say, then tough.
‘Or maybe,’ she continued thoughtfully, ‘I was just kidding myself. Maybe I felt that pull towards you even before I realised—before I realised that I had feelings for you.’ She smiled weakly. Even in her discomfort, she was agonisingly aware of his potency, of that strong, masculine pull that emanated from him in dangerous waves. It made her feel giddy, breathless and horribly, horribly weak. She had to draw in a deep, steadying breath before she could continue in the face of his stony silence.
Leo bitterly regretted having brought the subject up. Frankly, he hadn’t expected her to confirm his suspicions. Any other woman would have taken refuge in denial, making sure that the way was clear for a dignified exit. Not so this woman—but hadn’t he already come to the conclusion that she was a one off?
Unfortunately, the more she said, the faster she would bury what they had. Did he want it buried? Strangely, no. Not that he wanted commitment. He just didn’t want things to finish quite yet, and he was hellishly annoyed that she was the one doing the finishing. Role reversals and learning curves were two things he considered pointless in so far as they pertained to him personally.
He raised his hand to stop her mid-flow.
‘There’s no need to do the whole psychoanalysis thing,’ he interrupted, pacing the room, his brows knitted into a frown as he tried to marshall his thoughts. Not for the first time in her company, they were proving strangely rebellious.
‘Yes, there is. For me, at any rate.’ Mortified as she was, Heather was determined to stand her ground and speak her mind. Things left unsaid meant that closure was never achieved, and besides, why shouldn’t life be a little uncomfortable for him? Why should she slink away with a phoney smile and pretend that her heart wasn’t breaking?
‘Why?’ Leo stole a scowling, frustrated glance at her and raked his fingers through his hair.
‘Because I like honesty? Because I’m not going to pretend that I haven’t fallen for you? I have.’ She looked at him defiantly. ‘I know it doesn’t suit you to hear me say that, but it’s the truth. I haven’t told Katherine that, so you needn’t worry on that score. In fact, I didn’t encourage her to think that there was anything serious between us, despite what you said. I know this isn’t what you bargained for, but believe me it isn’t what I barg
ained for either.’
She stood up and began edging towards the door. ‘I also know that it makes things a little uncomfortable between us at the moment, so I’m going to transfer back to my place tomorrow. You’ll have to stay here with Daniel until your mother returns.’ She collided with the door and paused, licking her lips nervously, willing him to say something instead of maintaining a silence from which she could deduce nothing whatsoever. Maybe, though, his continuing silence was preferable to his mockery or contempt.
Looking at her as she backed towards the door, Leo had been overcome with an angry, urgent need to stop her in her tracks. The inevitability of this outcome hit him like a sledgehammer. He didn’t know what he wanted to say, but he damn well wasn’t going to remain in tongue-tied silence. But before he could utter a word she was holding up her hand. The other hand had already turned the door handle.
‘I don’t want you to say anything. We both knew that this was going to end, anyway, for whatever reason.’ There was a silence that lasted only a heartbeat. ‘But, before I go, I mustn’t forget to tell you: your brother’s coming home. He’ll be here on Saturday. In time for when Katherine arrives back from the hospital.’ It was good to have the conversation back onto a prosaic level. It helped her diminishing self-control and reminded her that this wasn’t some great romantic drama, just an everyday story of two people who weren’t destined to be together. He would move on and she would too, eventually.
‘Goodbye, Leo.’
She fled. He could hear her retreating footsteps, and he knew that she wasn’t heading back up to her room because he heard the slam of the front door. It was as final as a full stop at the end of a sentence.
CHAPTER NINE
HEATHER looked at her reflection in the mirror. She could feel the flutter of nerves in her stomach and it was making her feel sick. Was she wearing the right thing? Was she giving off the correct message? What exactly was that message anyway? Some could argue that, having declared your love to a man who had a stone for a heart, there was no appropriate message that could be achieved with an outfit.
She had spent the past three days unable to eat, concentrate or do much of anything apart from think, and her thoughts had been very poor company. She had barely glanced at her work, which she had stolen back from Katherine’s house, furtively having made sure that Leo was nowhere around when she had been inside the house. She had, however, checked her mobile phone every other second, or so it seemed, and had wished against the odds that she would hear the distinctive beeping sound of a text message from him. When they had been together he had often texted her, and she still blushed when she remembered the content of some of his messages. But she had not heard a word from him and, while that was precisely what she had expected, the pain of missing him was still unbearable. She had got the closure she had wanted, except it had done nothing to put her on the path to recovery.
And now she was about to see him again—when she still felt raw, bruised and vulnerable.
Katherine had returned from hospital—in fine fettle, although still unable to walk without the aid of crutches—and with the help of Marjorie, the lady who came in to clean the house during the week, she was hosting a dinner in celebration of her son returning from foreign shores.
Heather knew all this because she had been invited to the little dinner party, which was going to be a cosy affair. Just family. And Heather. No amount of helpful suggestions along the lines of, ‘Wouldn’t it be nice to have some time with your sons on your own? To catch up?’ had managed to rescue her from the horror of having to face Leo again.
Which brought her right back to her outfit: casual. Nothing that would indicate that she might, in any way whatsoever, be attempting to attract him: a pair of grey trousers and a black tee shirt with a simple black cotton jacket flung over it, and some plain, black flat shoes. No one, she decided, could accuse her of wanting to draw attention to herself when she was dressed in the most background colours known to mankind. Colours that, coincidentally, were great for bolstering her confidence, because they made her feel utterly sexless. All she needed was the addition of a briefcase, and she might have been going for a job interview at a bank.
Not that she felt in any way confident as she left her house fifteen minutes later. In fact, she felt about as confident as a prisoner being led to the guillotine. She had decided to walk and, the closer she got to the big house, the slower her pace became until she was standing in the cool early evening, staring at the house in front of her, searching out the little attic window from which she had looked down, only days ago, to a breathtaking view of open fields and sky. Leo’s car, the gleaming, silver Bentley, was parked at an angle in the large, gravelled courtyard, as was a small, red runabout which Heather knew belonged to the housekeeper who had come for the evening to prepare the meal and do the dishes. Close to the front door was a black motorcycle which looked as though it had seen better times.
Heather took a deep breath and forced herself on with the cheering thought that the evening wouldn’t last for ever. In fact, she was determined to stay for as little time as humanly and politely possible.
Also on the plus side was the fact that they wouldn’t be alone together. Alex, Katherine and Daniel would all be there as well, and chances were high that Leo would barely notice her presence at all.
In all events, he wasn’t there when she entered the house. Where was he?
‘He had to rush off to London this morning,’ Katherine said, smiling from the sofa where she was sitting with a drink in her hand. ‘He hasn’t even had the opportunity to see his brother again!’ Which drew Heather’s eyes to the man sitting next to Katherine—no doubt the owner of the battered motorcycle parked askew outside the house.
Alex had the same set of features as his brother, but without the sharp edges, and with none of the power and arrogance that stamped the contours of Leo’s face, giving it its own distinctive brand of sexual potency. When he stood up smiling to shake her hand, she could see that he was a little shorter than Leo and with the wiry body of a cyclist. He didn’t threaten her in any way at all and Heather liked him immediately on sight.
Without Leo around her anxiety faded, and as introductions were made and a drink pressed into her hand she felt herself begin to relax. If Leo had gone to London, then it was unlikely that he would be returning any time soon. She didn’t have to be on the lookout. She could give herself over to listening to Katherine and Alex as they chatted animatedly with one another, Alex telling them about his travels, and Katherine chastising him gently about the risks he took living rough on the other side of the world.
Daniel’s eyes were like saucers as Alex regaled them with tales of high adventure, teasing his mother that as soon as she was back on her feet she would have to ride pillion with him when he next took off.
‘Although,’ he mused as they went in for dinner, an informal meal served in the kitchen, ‘being here, I kinda think that it might be time to find me a steady wife and settle down…’
‘Just what I wish your brother would do.’ Katherine sighed, taking her place at a table which had been optimistically set for five. Leo’s empty space spoke volumes for his absence. Now that his mother had returned, he had clearly returned to his bad old ways of putting work first, Heather thought.
She noticed that, at the mention of Leo, Alex’s face became closed, but the impression lasted only a second then he was back to smiling and joking, involving Daniel in the conversation with a warmth and ease that brought a smile to Heather’s face—although, as the spectator watching the mother-son interplay, she couldn’t help but feel a strong pull of sympathy for Leo. He had from a young age felt locked out of the family unit, Katherine had confided, felt less loved than his brother and less appreciated for his efforts.
‘What he couldn’t have understood,’ Katherine had told her thoughtfully at the hospital when they had had their heart to heart, ‘was that Alex had always just needed more looking after. He never seemed to really kn
ow himself the way Leo did. He had always needed reassurance.’
Now she thought about Leo and the way he had pulled back over the years from his family until now, when Daniel and then Katherine’s fall had brought him back into the fold. Not entirely, but life, after all, was a gradual process of growing and learning.
She felt momentarily faint, thinking how much she would have loved to be by his side over the years, learning and growing alongside him. Instead, not only had he disappeared but no one seemed entirely sure when he would return.
‘You must be really disappointed.’ She turned to Alex when there was a lull in the conversation over dinner. ‘Having travelled all the way over here to find that Leo’s been called away on business.’
Next to her, Daniel was all ears as he demanded to know the gory bits of his grandmother’s operation: ‘What do you think it looked like, all that blood and stuff? Couldn’t you have asked them to take a picture?’ All those pressing questions which he had obviously felt constrained not to ask when Katherine had been in hospital, and which Katherine was now strenuously trying to evade, although Heather could tell from the expression on her face that she was close to laughing.
‘Leo’s always being “called away on business”,’ Alex told her in a low voice. ‘It’s his modus operandi. Haven’t you noticed? The fact that I have turned up here like a bad penny would have sent him running for cover even faster than usual.’
‘But why?’ On one side, Katherine was now trying to divert Daniel away from the intricacies of hospital procedure and towards the more harmless topic of the dessert which had been placed in front of him, but Daniel was as stubborn as his father and was having none of it. In a minute he would be off to bed, and he was determined to make hay while the sun shone.
‘Call it his way of showing brotherly love,’ Alex murmured bitterly.
‘Well, this is none of my business,’ Heather told him, closing her fork and spoon on her dessert.
Hired for the Boss's Bedroom Page 14
