by Barb Han
* * *
EVERYTHING WAS HOT this time of year in Texas, from the sidewalks to the rooftops. Lack of rain had left large cracks in the front yard of the house where Madelyn had grown up. She wondered how smart it was to build houses on dry, shifty soil.
She climbed the couple of stairs onto the four-by-four cement porch of her childhood home. She couldn’t count the number of times she’d returned since leaving for college. There’d been many. She’d spent so many days of her young life playing on this very porch, in this yard.
Looking around, she found that everything appeared different this time. The place seemed smaller and the flowers out front needed a good watering.
Before she could reach for the handle, the front door flew open.
Charles, her father, stood there. She’d never once seen him get emotional and yet his puffy eyes were glassy and red as though he’d been crying.
“Come in,” he said, looking from her to Hudson.
“I can wait here,” Hudson offered, but she reached for his hand, linking their fingers. No way could she do this without him.
Crossing the threshold was like stepping into a time capsule. Her father still had the same brown plaid sofa with twin brown recliners flanking either side, all positioned to take advantage of the TV screen. The back to the TV had disappeared and he’d mounted a flat screen to the wall, adding a console table underneath. Those were the only real improvements. She glanced at the contents, half expecting to see a VHS machine, but she found a Blu-ray player instead.
Her father looked exactly the same as he had as far back as Madelyn could remember. He had a slightly round stomach from too much sitting and a sunburn showing at his V-neck shirt despite owning a clock repair shop and spending much of his time indoors. His light brown hair was graying at the temples. He wasn’t wealthy by any stretch of the imagination but they’d had enough to cover the basics. He was the kind of guy who could fix just about anything. But he’d shown no interest in repairing what most needed to be mended in his home—his relationship with his daughter. The irony of that sat heavy in Madelyn’s thoughts. He’d spent days off tinkering in the garage, not coming in until supper. He’d park in front of the screen with a TV tray.
Most of the time, Madelyn had read while she ate at the table. Alone.
“I know she was already pregnant when you married her.” Madelyn came right out with it, unable to skirt the issues any longer. “The question is, did you?”
“Do you want a cup of coffee?” her father said, avoiding looking directly at her. Instead he looked at Hudson, who introduced himself.
She didn’t really want to waste time but there was something about her father’s expression that caused her to think he needed a minute. It was that same look sources got when they were about to tell her something that was difficult for them to say. “Okay.”
He disappeared into the kitchen as Madelyn showed Hudson to the round table and chairs near the sliding glass patio door. He scooted his chair next to hers so that the outsides of their thighs touched. There was something so reassuring about his touch.
Charles brought over two full cups, hers and the special one meant for guests. He disappeared into the galley-style kitchen before returning with his #1 Dad mug. She’d saved money she’d earned from chores and received in birthday presents to afford it and remembered being so proud when he opened it that Father’s Day when she was eight years old. He’d given her a kiss on the forehead despite his distant expression and then used it every day from then on, as far as she knew.
Her father took a sip of the fresh brew before slowly exhaling, studying the rim of his cup intently. It took everything inside her not to barrage him with the dozens of questions flooding her. But being there in her family home, the one she’d shared with him, brought an onslaught of tender memories. On the table was her baby photo album, the one he’d meticulously put together and given her when she turned eighteen.
There were so many questions swirling. Madelyn pulled on a well of patience she didn’t know existed until now. Something in her had changed and she felt a sense of compassion instead of anger for the man who couldn’t seem to find the right words to tell her that he wasn’t her father.
“I loved her,” he finally said before compressing his lips like he had to clamp his mouth shut in order to keep hold of his emotions. “She’d left me because she wanted to go to the city. Said she’d die of boredom if she stayed in Halifax Trail, where we’re from.”
He paused long enough to take another sip of coffee, white-knuckling the mug.
“I always blamed myself because I refused when she asked me to go with her.” He looked up at Madelyn but quickly refocused on the rim. “I was stubborn back then.”
A wave of compassion washed over Madelyn. Being here with her father made her remember all those times she’d climbed in his lap while he read the morning paper. He’d bounce her on his knee.
“Told her my life was in Halifax Trail and the city had nothing to offer me,” he said. “Looking back, she took that to mean I didn’t love her. That wasn’t the case at all. But she didn’t know how much it broke my heart that she could walk away so easily. I’ve never been one to show my emotions.” His voice hitched.
“Did she lie to you and say the baby was yours when she came back?” Madelyn asked. For some reason the answer mattered very much to her.
“No, she didn’t,” he quickly countered. “I knew the whole story. She’d gotten herself in trouble with a married man. She needed a place to hide. I knew that her father would disown her if she turned up pregnant and alone, so I asked her to marry me. Told her I didn’t have much and my life was here but she could have everything I owned.”
Madelyn pushed off the table and got to her feet. He knew. Her stomach tightened. So, he’d loved her mother but not her.
“When I lost her, I felt like the world had ended,” he said. “I’d been the one to insist on paying for everything even though—” he didn’t look at Madelyn this time “—he said he’d cover her medical bills.”
Anger rose from Madelyn’s chest, licking her veins with white-hot embers. “Is that why you pushed me away? Because I reminded you of him?”
“What?” Her father seemed genuinely surprised at her outburst.
“Don’t look at me like you don’t know what I’m talking about. We both know you were forced to take care of me after Mom died.” She paced. The urge to open the door, run outside and keep going until she dropped from exhaustion burned inside her chest.
“You were the best thing that came out of a bad situation,” he said with a bewildered look on his face.
“Do you expect me to believe that?” she shot back. “Or is that how you show love to people? Always keeping them at arm’s length?”
A few tears streaked his cheeks as he sat there, soberly.
“I had no idea you took it that way,” he finally said. “You were so much like your mom when you were little that I figured one of these days you’d walk out, too.” His voice broke on the last couple of words. “I’ve been preparing myself for the day I’d lose you, too, because you were always smart and full of life. Just like her.”
The force of those words was a cannon to her chest. She stopped, trying to process the implications of what he’d said. He’d been afraid she’d be the one to leave?
Madelyn whirled around to face her father.
“I’ve always lived in fear that you would figure out that I wasn’t your real dad and you’d push me away.” He wouldn’t look anywhere but at the coffee mug in his hand, staring at it as if he was enthralled, as more tears streaked down his cheeks. “It wasn’t a matter of if but when.”
She took in a few deep breaths, praying for the right words. His anguish was evident on his worn face and he looked so old to her then. Fragile. The strong man who’d seemed so impenetrable looked like he might shatter. But th
e only thing that splintered was Madelyn’s anger. She’d never seen her father look so vulnerable and her heart caved.
She started toward him as tears burned her eyes. He met her in the middle of the room. “I’ll always love you. Nothing will ever change that. And I need you to start meeting me halfway or our relationship won’t work. When I call, I need you to pick up the phone because no matter what a piece of paper says you’ll always be my father. And I need you now more than ever.”
Her father pulled her into a bear hug. “Forgive an old fool if I promise to do better? I don’t want to lose you.”
Madelyn embraced her father in the warmest hug she’d ever known.
“I’ll admit that I’ve always feared this day would come, but having everything out in the open is actually a relief.” He wiped the tears away. “I couldn’t have loved you more than if you’d been my own blood.”
“You’re my family, Dad.”
“Can you forgive me?”
“Absolutely, and I should’ve talked to you about this sooner.” Looking back, she could see how he was the kind of person who had a hard time showing his feelings and she wished they’d cleared the air long ago. She’d confused his fear with a lack of love for her. Now that she realized he’d tried to stay aloof because he was afraid that she’d reject him when she learned of her heritage, she could forgive him. “Even if I had known Mike Butler was my father when he was still alive, you were the one who put on an apron and baked a cake for every birthday I can remember, not him.”
“He offered,” he defended. “We kept you from him and I never did feel that was right for either one of you. He could’ve given you things and you deserve to have the world.”
“Did you know that I left town because his lawyer contacted me?” she asked.
He shook his head.
“All these years, Maverick Mike kept quiet.” It was all she had to say.
“From what I’ve heard, he wasn’t a bad man underneath all the flash and show,” her father said, wiping away another stray tear.
“If I’m good, it’s because of you. Blood isn’t important. Being there every day for a child is.” She embraced her father, remembering the look on his face when he’d dropped her off the first day of kindergarten. He must not’ve realized she was watching him out the window but it was the first time she remembered seeing him get emotional. “Now that everything’s in the open there’s no more need to be afraid.”
“I was stupid.” Charles hugged her tighter and for a second she was his little girl again, being comforted by her father’s arms. There was only one other time when she’d felt safe and that was in Hudson’s arms. But then, he was practically a stranger.
“I love you, Maddie-cake.” He hadn’t called her that since she was eight years old.
“I love you, too, Dad.”
The two reclaimed their seats when the hugs and tears seemed to be over.
“Owen hasn’t stopped by, has he?” Madelyn asked.
“Haven’t seen him,” her dad said with a glance toward Hudson.
She smiled through the awkward moment.
“Steer clear of him for the next couple of weeks. We broke up and he hasn’t been taking it well,” she said.
“I figured as much.” Another quick glance toward Hudson.
“He’s a friend.” There was no way she was going to try to explain what neither she nor Hudson had attempted to define.
When the coffee cups were drained, it was time to head back to the ranch. They said their goodbyes with promises to be better about staying in touch.
“It was a pleasure meeting you,” Hudson said, shaking her father’s hand.
Madelyn’s moment of happiness was derailed when she saw the back bumper of a white sedan cut a close corner at the end of the street.
“We have to go. Now.”
Chapter Sixteen
“Any sign of the white sedan?” Madelyn asked as she checked the side-view mirror.
“Nothing from my view, but just because I can’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not back there somewhere,” Hudson warned. “It might not be the one we’re looking for anyway.”
Madelyn had had the same thought as she double-checked the road. There were a few cars and sport-utility vehicles, none of which were white.
“Your father seems like a good man,” Hudson said. “He’ll have a hard time forgiving himself.”
“Anyone who would take someone else’s child and never say one way or the other gets extra points in my book,” she pointed out.
“I don’t think he saw it like that at all,” he said.
“Oh, yeah? How so?”
“Seems to me that you always belonged to him in his heart.”
She wondered if Hudson would ever forgive himself for his past. Being with her father brought home a different point. One that she didn’t want to apply to her current situation but couldn’t stop the comparison. People only changed when they wanted to.
“I’m still touched by your acceptance of him, flaws and all,” he stated.
“Perfection is an impossible goal. Love and forgiveness matter so much more.” Her cell buzzed and she retrieved it from her handbag. It was a text from Harlan that read, He used to be a cop in Houston. Blood on his hands. Want to know more? Call me ASAP.
“What is it?” Hudson’s voice broke through her heavy thoughts. He’d lied to her. He’d been lying to her all along.
“Were you going to tell me that you worked for Houston PD?”
Hudson didn’t say a word but she could feel the tension fill the cabin like a thick fog. The rest of the drive was dead silent.
“My past is none of your business,” Hudson mumbled, parking the truck in his garage. “And you had no right poking around in my background without my permission.”
“Maybe you should’ve disclosed that before we slept together, Hudson.” She hopped out of the truck and slammed the door.
Hudson practically flew around the vehicle. He captured her wrist in his hand and she ignored those infuriating frissons of electricity coursing through her.
“Don’t leave. Not like this,” he said.
“I can’t stick around here anymore and we both know it. Not if you won’t tell me anything about you.”
“What does it matter? Will it change the way you feel about me?” he asked. He had that same look as her father, the one where he didn’t seem to have the right words—only Hudson wasn’t trying to find them.
“I’m going to the Butlers’. I can call them once I get my stuff together. I’m sure the sheriff will speak to Trent and Kelsey and get back to me.” She jerked out of his grip and stalked inside to the guest room. Her bag was open and her stuff flung everywhere. Anger roared through her.
He stood in the hallway, his arms crossed as he leaned against the doorjamb.
“What’s happening?” he asked.
“You tell me,” she fired back.
“I’m not the one packing,” he said.
“You want to know what’s really going on?” She froze, thought twice about saying the words on the tip of her tongue. It had been an exhausting day already and all she wanted to do was tumble into bed in his arms and sleep. But then what?
“That’s what I said.”
“I’m falling for you, Hudson Dale, and that’s ridiculous even to me because I don’t even know who you really are. How stupid is that? I don’t know anything about your past or who you are, and you have no plans to tell me, either,” she said. “Your life is a mystery and I’m not supposed to ask questions. I’m just supposed to accept everything at face value and it seems to me that if you won’t let me in there’s nothing I can do about it. And the worst part is that I know you have feelings for me but you’ll never let anything develop between us.”
“What you said about your father made an impact on me,�
� he began, and she sat on the bed with her back facing him. She didn’t want him to see her so close to losing it right then. Tears already streaked her cheeks and her emotions felt wrung out from her earlier encounter with her father. At least that had had a positive outcome.
“There isn’t much that can’t be forgiven once people start communicating,” she said.
She heard him take a step toward her but he must’ve stopped because all fell quiet again.
“Not everything can,” he said before she heard him turn around and walk out of the room.
Whatever he’d done before seemed like it would haunt him forever. She grabbed the handbag she’d tossed onto the floor and made the call to Ed Staples.
There were two problems with staying at Hudson’s ranch. One, someone had figured out where she was, and that couldn’t be good. And two, sticking around threatened to destroy her when this was all over and it was time to go home.
She’d made a huge error in judgment in dating Owen and she liked to think she learned from her mistakes. Comparing the two seemed absurd to her, even while her emotions were all over the place, but she’d gone into a relationship with Owen blindly, ignoring all the early warning signs of him being a little too possessive.
She’d give him one thing: he’d seemed like an open book, telling her everything about him and his family from day one. Not that it mattered because she and Hudson would never have a chance at a real relationship until he forgave himself.
“Is the offer of a roof over my head still available?” she asked Ed Staples when he picked up on the first ring.
“It is,” he said.
“Then I’d like to take the Butler family up on their generosity. I can be there in less than half an hour,” she stated.
“I’ll alert the guard at the front gate,” he said and sounded happier than she’d expected. Maybe he liked the idea of righting a wrong for his friend.
“Perfect.” She gathered the last of her things, shoved them inside her overnight bag and wiped away a few stray tears before stalking into the living room in search of her car keys.
