Taking a few deep breaths to get the sudden knot forming in her stomach to go away, she reached for one of the perfume bottles on her vanity and took off the lid, exposing the sprayer tip. This one didn’t misfire like her lilac one had. The sweet scent filled the air and calmed her nerves a bit.
Brandon arrived at six o’clock. They walked Tommy down to Mrs. Ramsey’s apartment, and then it was just the two of them on the way to the restaurant. But it wasn’t any different than the other times she’d been alone with him. Even in the first few minutes with Brandon, her nerves calmed significantly. He was very easy to be with.
Built on a floating dock, the Newport Bay restaurant bustled with the Friday night dinner crowd. Brandon had made reservations, and they were seated by the windows overlooking the river. Ducks and geese floated by outside the glass, waiting for handouts from the few diners eating alfresco on the extended floating deck. A few small motorboats cruised by, one of them with an expert water skier in tow.
“Do you like to water ski?” Brandon asked.
“Yes, but it’s been a long time,” she replied. “Not since college.”
“Where did you go?”
“To water ski, or to college?”
Brandon laughed. “College.”
“Oregon State.”
He smiled. “Oregon State, huh? I’m a U of O grad, you know. I’m not sure this is legal for us to be sitting at the same table.”
“Don’t worry,” she said. “If anyone asks I’ll say you went there too.”
“Oh, thanks,” he replied to her friendly banter. “I appreciate it.”
Out of the corner of her eye, Josie caught sight of a familiar face behind Brandon, taking orders from the table next to theirs. She tried not to stare, but Brandon noticed her averted gaze and turned around.
“Oh, good,” he said. “Michael is working tonight, and it looks like we’re seated in his section.”
She didn’t know Michael all that well. He worked with the youth group at church as a student intern and also played keyboard for the worship band on Sunday mornings. But Brandon seemed to know him better than as a casual acquaintance.
“He’s my cousin,” Brandon said, apparently noticing her confusion.
“Oh, right,” she remembered, feeling nervous about having Michael see them together. “Ellen’s son.”
What will Ellen think if Michael tells her he saw me with Brandon? She wanted to crawl under the table. Her nightmare came flooding back, and she remembered Allison sang on the worship team. What if Michael mentions this to her?
She thought about excusing herself to go hide in the restroom before Michael saw her but realized she couldn’t avoid him all night. Before she could think about any other course of action, Michael stepped to their table.
“Hey, Michael,” Brandon said. “How’s it going?”
“Can’t complain. How about yourself?”
“Not bad,” he said. “You know Josie, don’t you?”
Michael’s eyes fell on her. “I don’t know if we’ve been formally introduced,” he said. “But you are one of the group leaders on Sunday nights, aren’t you?”
She nodded, unable to find her voice. She felt relieved when Michael fell into his role as their waiter, asking them if they wanted something to drink before leaving them to look at their menus. Josie’s insecurities that this might be a huge mistake swam around in her mind as she scanned the list of seafood items. She felt comfortable being with Brandon, but uncomfortable here. It felt too much like a date.
By the time Michael returned, Josie was feeling self-conscious and hoped Brandon would order first so she could decide based on what he was having, but both sets of eyes fell on her. Deciding in a split second, she ordered the cheapest salmon dish they served and some iced tea.
“I’ll have the Halibut Fish and Chips,” Brandon said. “And a large bowl of clam chowder.”
After Michael stepped away, Josie had to laugh.
“What’s so funny?” Brandon asked.
“Nothing,” she said, forcing herself to stop.
“What? You think Fish and Chips is only for kids?”
“No,” she said, pursing her lips.
“Then what?” Brandon asked, his own lips catching her contagious grin.
“That's what I wanted to order,” she said. “But I thought you’d laugh at me.”
Without another word, Brandon stood from his chair and walked in the same direction Michael had gone. She watched him disappear around the corner and return thirty seconds later.
“You didn’t go find Michael, did you?”
“I did.”
She felt her face flush with embarrassment, and she buried her face in her hands. Peeking over the tips of her fingers, she saw his amused expression.
“You didn’t have to do that,” she said, dropping her hands in her lap. “Salmon would have been fine.”
“Think of it as something I could give for you coming to listen to me.”
“Well, thank you,” she said.
“Believe me, Josie. After watching you save a baby’s life, my opinion of you is not going to change because of what you order for dinner. I respect you very much, and I trust you. That’s why I asked you here tonight.”
She didn’t know what to say. No one had ever said anything like that to her before. She wondered if Brandon had an unrealistic perception of her. Michael brought their chowder after a few minutes, and Josie welcomed the interruption.
“How do you like living up here?” Josie asked once Michael had stepped away.
“It was a little rough at first, but I’m getting used to it.”
“Do you miss your family?”
“Yes. I miss the country life too.”
“I thought you were from Eugene?”
“That’s the closest city, but I grew up in a farming community fifteen miles outside of town.”
“Your dad is a farmer?”
“Yes. He has cows for milking and for beef stock, and pigs and sheep now and then. There’s a hay field he harvests every year too, but he does all that on the side. I think he farms more for the fun of it than anything. He should retire from his real job in another few years, but he will never fully retire.”
“I’ve been meaning to ask where you work,” she said, then added before she could stop herself. “It seems like you’re coming and going at all hours of the day.”
She realized too late that she had incriminated herself by telling him she noticed his odd schedule. She looked down and took a bite of her warm chowder to avoid his gaze. He seemed unaffected, however.
“I do computer programming, consulting, and website design. All I need is my computer, and I can do most of my work from my apartment. I do meet with clients in person as much as I can, so I’m often at their office or meeting them for lunch.”
“How long have you been doing that?” she asked, wondering if this was a new venture for him.
“It’s kind of funny,” he said. “It started out as a hobby for me and some friends in college. We were fooling around with some programming stuff. I won’t bore you with the details, but to make a long story short, I ended up writing some software that was cutting-edge at the time. One of my friends’ dad worked for a web-design business, and when he saw it, he took it straight to his boss. They ended up buying it, and I continued to be a freelance design consultant for them and some other businesses. Computer related and otherwise.”
“And you make a living doing that?”
He smiled at her skepticism. “Believe it or not, yes. By the time I finished grad school, I had more than enough to keep me busy. I didn’t need to find a real job.” He laughed.
“Do you enjoy it?”
“Love it. The technology changes fast, so there’s always something new to learn or invent. I have scaled back a lot in the last year. Partly because I was too busy and couldn’t keep up with the demand, and partly because there’s more competition now.”
“Is that why you moved to Portland?”
/>
“One of the reasons,” he said, definitely hinting at some other factors that she assumed were of a more personal nature. She decided not to pry about them just yet.
They continued to talk about their families and interests and bits and pieces of the past until their Fish and Chips came. She thought she detected a wry smile on Michael’s face when he set hers in front of her.
They ate and continued their casual conversation, but Josie’s curious thoughts about why Brandon had asked her here tonight kept creeping in. From their encounter earlier in the week she knew it must have something to do with the engagement ring he had tossed into the river, but it could be any number of things. She wanted to ask him but decided to wait for him to bring up the subject.
Several times during their meal, Josie caught herself staring at him; admiring his features, his smile, his laugh. He had dressed casually in jeans and a burgundy shirt with a button-down collar, but his broad shoulders and dark hair made for a striking appearance just the same. She enjoyed listening to him talk, discovering many new things about him. Some of them were surprising, others were more of what she would expect.
He asked about her work also. He seemed fascinated by the unique nature of her job, as most people were, especially when she mentioned being the one to “catch” Baby Tyler. She always enjoyed talking about her work, but sharing her stories with Brandon seemed more special than usual.
They finished their meal, and Michael returned to see if they wanted dessert. Josie waved her hand, indicating she’d had enough. She hadn’t even finished all of her potato wedges. Brandon declined also and asked for the check.
Having assumed they would be served two or three more cups of coffee while Brandon bared his soul, Josie tried to hide her surprise. He paid promptly, taking the money from his wallet and placing the cash under the white ticket without giving it a second glance, but she noticed the fifty dollar bill under the twenty. Brandon suggested they go and rose from his chair without waiting for Michael to come back. Knowing they had both ordered one of the cheapest entrees on the menu, she knew Brandon had given Michael a very generous tip.
Brandon grabbed his jacket and waited for her to do the same. He followed her out of the dining room and stepped beside her to open the door on their way out into the cool evening air. Once they were outside, Brandon explained their sudden departure.
“I know I brought you here to talk, but I didn’t feel comfortable in there. Too many people sitting close by. Do you know anyplace around that would be more private?”
Josie searched her memory. Most of the restaurants were crowded and noisy, especially on a Friday night. “I don’t mind walking,” she said. “It’s a nice night.”
“I hoped you’d say that,” Brandon said. “I love the crisp air on an evening like this.”
Josie felt the same.
Walking past the RiverPlace shops, their apartment building, and the hotel, Josie kept thinking about the large tip Brandon had left for Michael, and thoughts that had crossed her mind several times in the last few weeks about Brandon resurfaced. Considering the rent of his “deluxe” apartment, the nice truck he drove, his furniture, big screen television, and the other things she had seen, she knew he must either be doing quite well financially or in extreme debt, which somehow she doubted. He sounded too smart for that.
They reached the park and began walking down the path toward the river. Neither of them had said a word for several minutes, and she began to wonder if Brandon had changed his mind. She broke the silence.
“That was a generous tip you left back there. Tommy and I could eat out several times on that.”
“That’s something I like to do,” he said with such casualness, Josie knew he was sincere. “Michael is a student, and I figure he can use it more than me.”
Considering his response and wondering if she would be so generous if she had the money to do things like that, her mind returned to when she had seen Brandon with the envelope from Compassion. The reason for his aloofness about it became crystal clear.
“How many Compassion children do you sponsor?” she asked.
“What makes you think I sponsor more than one?”
“Do you?”
He smiled. “Are you always this perceptive?”
“How many?” she asked again.
Brandon did not answer her question. “Please don’t be putting me on a pedestal. I have made more money in the last few years than I know what to do with, mostly because I happened to get into the right business at the right time.”
“You make it sound like that’s a bad thing.”
“At first it was great, but I only wanted more as time went on, and it cost me personally.”
“And now?”
“It’s better. I have my priorities straightened out, but I made some huge mistakes along the way.”
“Does this have anything to do with what you wanted to talk to me about?”
“Yes,” he replied. “And I want to start off by saying that after you hear this story, you may not want to keep company with me anymore.”
“Somehow I doubt that,” she said, brushing her windblown hair away from her face. “I certainly have my own share of past mistakes.”
Brandon took a deep breath and began. Josie listened as he told her about Kristin, a girl from his hometown that he had known since they were young. She was a few years younger than him, and they hadn’t begun dating until she had returned to Eugene after finishing college.
“We had been spending some time together as friends, or so I thought,” he said. “We hadn’t kissed or even held hands, but then she gave me a card for Valentine’s Day that said how special I made her feel and how glad she was that we were together, and I began to realize she had some pretty strong feelings for me.
“She gave it to me on Sunday, but Valentine’s Day wasn’t until later in the week, so I went out and bought her a card that basically said the same thing, took her out to a fancy restaurant on Valentine’s Day, and kissed her for the first time.”
“But?”
“But, I didn’t mean it. I wanted to, and I thought I could learn to have those kinds of feelings for her. She’s a beautiful and caring person, and I couldn’t find a reason why I shouldn’t fall in love with her, so I let it go on, hoping the feelings would come with time.”
You have no idea how I can relate to that!
“They never did?” she guessed. It wasn’t a giant leap.
“No.”
Josie thought of how the same thing had happened to her with Mark. She kept waiting for her feelings to grow into love--a deep, down-in-her-heart love that she couldn’t possibly turn away from. But they hadn’t. Still, it had been hard to admit that and let go. It was nice to know she wasn’t the only one.
“How long were the two of you together?”
Brandon turned away from her slightly and stared out into the black water. Josie knew he must be thinking about the ring.
“Two years.”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
“How long were you engaged?”
Brandon turned back to face her and stared. “I didn’t tell you that part.”
“I saw you that night when you threw the ring,” she blurted out before she had a chance to change her mind.
“From where?”
“My balcony.”
“You saw the ring from that far away?”
“Well, I saw the ring when you were on your balcony,” she admitted. “I assumed the rest.”
A series of emotions crossed his face: surprise, disbelief, amusement. She wondered if he suddenly put two and two together about the crashing pots, but she wasn’t about to bring up the embarrassing moment. She waited for him to continue.
“We were engaged for six weeks,” he finally replied. “I proposed on Valentine’s Day, and we were supposed to get married in June, but I couldn’t go through with it and had to tell her the truth. Her eyes from that day still haunt me.”
“Is that why you thr
ew the ring into the river?”
“I thought when I moved to Portland I’d be able to put it all behind me, but I couldn’t forgive myself. I threw the ring for the same reason, I suppose.”
“You can’t hold on to the past, Brandon. You have to give it to God. Believe me, that’s the only thing that works.”
“I know. I went back to my apartment that night and cried for a long time, knowing it was time to let go.”
“But?”
“But I feel like I can’t get involved in another relationship until I see for myself that Kristin is all right. I haven’t talked to her since I broke it off, and I’ve been thinking of calling or going to see her, maybe both. Do you think that’s a good idea?”
“Why do you want to?”
“To ask for her forgiveness. To see if she’s going to be okay. If it was you, would you want to hear from me?”
Josie didn’t have to think twice about her response. How many times had she wished Kent would have at least called?
“Yes, I would.”
***
Lily came over on Saturday around noon, and they went to a small nearby café to eat. They had gotten together two weeks ago for Friday night pizza and a movie at her apartment, but otherwise she had barely seen her since she’d gotten married. Lily’s happiness was more than obvious, however, and Josie felt happy for her.
“How are you, Tommy?” Lily asked.
“Fine,” Tommy replied, taking another bite of his cheeseburger.
“Do you like first grade?”
Tommy nodded. “We have guinea pigs and fish. And Mrs. Foster says she’s going to get a turtle real soon. I can’t wait!”
Lily smiled. She had baby-sat Tommy occasionally in the past, and she also worked as a teacher, so her dialogue with Tommy came naturally. Listening to their conversation reminded Josie how that had been one of the things Mark had struggled with, talking with Tommy as if he were one of his young patients rather than as a little boy he could one day become a father to.
During the time she and Mark had been together, she kept expecting that to change, but it never did. She thought again of how different Brandon and Tommy related to each other, as if Brandon were a close friend or relative rather than someone Tommy had known for less than a month. She didn’t understand it.
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