“But the whole ordeal scared me something fierce, and after I got the biopsy results, I decided to start taking better care of myself and doing something Warren had been asking me to do for three years.”
Josie knew her mother had been eating healthier and exercising, but apparently there was something she hadn’t told them yet. Josie had no idea what it could be.
“I don’t think you know this about him, because I never told you, but a few months after we got married, one of his coworkers invited him to go to one of those Promise Keepers meetings. He went because he thought it would be a good idea since we had just gotten married and he wanted to do whatever he could to be a better husband this time around.
“Well anyway, he ended up getting himself saved and started going to church and everything, and he’s been trying to get me to go with him ever since.”
Josie felt her eyes widen. She had no idea Warren had been going to church and trying to get her mother to go.
“I kept telling him my children hadn’t had any luck in that department, and he wouldn’t convince me either, but he kept trying anyway.”
Warren smiled and sat back in his chair. Josie felt the corners of her lips turn up, enjoying her mother’s story more by the second.
“Well, anyway, I went with him one Sunday, and I haven’t missed one since. It took me several months to believe the things I kept hearing each week, but God finally got through to my stubborn heart.”
“Oh, Carolyn,” Faith said, rising to her feet and pulling her into a loving embrace.
Josie stood also and wove her way around the table to do the same, holding her tightly moments later. When Patrick insisted on his turn, Josie stepped back and turned to Warren. She had hugged him once before--on their wedding day, but it had been difficult, wondering if she could trust him with mother’s fragile heart.
“Thank you,” she said, giving him a more genuine hug.
Josie didn’t notice until she returned to her seat that Natalie had left the room, but she remained in her chair, hoping Mom’s news hadn’t driven her away. Natalie hadn’t been happy when she had married again, and Josie could see how this might upset her.
Josie was about to go look for Natalie when she returned to the dining room with a box of tissue. She set it in front of her mother but didn’t stay long enough to give her a hug. Josie watched Natalie throughout the rest of the meal. She remained quiet, only talking to Tommy and Lindsey who were on either side of her.
They arrived back at the apartment late that evening. Tommy had fallen asleep on the way home, and Brandon carried him upstairs and laid him in his bed. He stayed long enough to ask if she wanted to go to Ellen’s the next day. Since her Mom would be leaving on Monday, and she hadn’t had much time with her because she’d had to work most of the week, she said no, hoping Brandon would understand.
He did and said he would be going there tomorrow, but that he would see her again on Sunday. After he left, Josie decided to see if Natalie needed to talk. She saw her standing out on the balcony. Putting her coat back on, Josie stepped out to join her.
Natalie glanced over her shoulder. Josie could tell she had been crying. Placing her hand on the back of her sister’s thick wool coat, Josie stood beside her and pulled her into an embrace. Natalie didn’t pull away, but she didn’t cling either. Josie stepped back and tried to read her face.
“Are you mad or sad?”
She didn’t respond.
“It’s hard for you to see Mom with Warren, isn’t it?”
Natalie nodded.
“Is that all?”
Natalie bit her upper lip, and Josie knew there must be more, but she waited for her to share.
“I tried to talk to her, Josie. I did.”
“You mean about asking for forgiveness?”
Natalie nodded. “I don’t think I can ask her to forgive me when I’m not ready to forgive her.”
Josie didn’t know what to say and remained silent.
“I know you don’t understand, Josie, but you weren’t there those last two years.”
“What happened?”
Natalie sighed. “I’m not trying to make excuses for the way I treated her. I know I was wrong, but Mom lied to us.”
“You mean about Dad?”
“If she would have told us that he’d had an affair, then maybe I wouldn’t have blamed myself.”
Josie had blamed herself for a long time too and didn’t respond. They stood in silence for a few moments.
“I wanted to make them proud of me. I worked hard and stayed out of trouble at school, but then she’d turn around and accuse me of things I hadn’t done.”
“Like what?”
“Doing drugs, having sex, going to parties every weekend and getting drunk. I never did any of those things, Josie.”
“I’m sorry, Nat. I didn’t know.”
“She criticized my dates and my clothes and always tried to get me to stay home with her, but then she’d yell at me and make me clean the house. So many times I wanted to talk to her, but she wouldn’t listen. I remember one time I stayed out late because I didn’t want to be around her. When I got home she accused me of being drunk and grounded me for a month. You know where I was?”
“Where?”
“Sitting in my car at the end of our street, crying my eyes out. I tried to tell her that, but she didn’t believe me. That’s when I decided to apply to be a foreign exchange student. I had to get away--as far as possible. I feel like I’ve been running away ever since.”
Josie took her in her arms again and let her cry. Natalie had been hurt even more than she realized, and she didn’t know what she could say or do to help.
“I’m happy that she’s doing well,” Natalie said, brushing back her tears. “I like Warren. He seems like a wonderful man, but--”
“But he’s not Daddy?”
Natalie nodded. “I don’t mean anything bad by this, so don’t take it the wrong way, but when she started talking about God tonight, I couldn’t stand it. I don’t understand how getting saved can make everything perfect.”
“It doesn’t make everything perfect, Natalie. There are consequences of the bad choices we’ve made.”
“Then why do you and Patrick, and now Mom, see it as something you need?”
“Because we do. We’re all broken in one way or another. Patrick made some serious mistakes before he met Faith and got his life straightened-out. I did the same thing and ended up in a situation I never imagined. It was God who saved me from continuing on in that kind of life and getting hurt over and over again. On our own we’re a mess. We have dreams and plans but no idea how to fulfill them. We want good things, but we don’t know how to find them, and we go looking in the wrong places. We’re lost without the Creator of our body and soul to guide us and hold us close in His all-consuming love.”
“What does that have to do with forgiving Mom and Dad?”
“We need it. We need to choose love, not anger. God gave me a second chance, Natalie. I lived for so many years doing my own thing, making my own plans, making decisions based on how I felt. I saw myself as a good person, but the resentment I felt toward Mom and Dad for getting a divorce, the loneliness I lived with most of the time, the desire I had to be somebody were all a part of a void in my heart. A void that could only be filled by letting God into my life.”
“I don’t get what this has to do with their divorce,” Natalie interrupted. “I’m not talking about God. I’m talking about them.”
“It’s not about them, Natalie. It’s about you. It’s about being healed. Healed from all the hurt and pain and disappointment. Healed deep inside where no one can reach except God. When Mom and Dad got divorced I thought I would die inside. When Patrick said he had become a Christian and tried to tell me about it, I didn’t want to listen. I continued living for years, trying to make it on my own strength and understanding.
“When I fell in love with Kent, I thought I had met someone that could take away my
loneliness. I heard God knocking on my heart, but I ignored Him. Instead I gave myself to Kent in every way, thinking that if I did I would feel complete, but it didn’t happen. His love wasn’t enough for me, and then it was gone altogether when I needed it the most.”
Hoping her words would penetrate Natalie’s soul, she continued on.
“Why can I forgive him for that and put it behind me? Why can I forgive Mom and Dad? Because God helps me to. That’s the only way I know how to explain it. He does the same thing with helping me to raise Tommy on my own. When I was facing that reality six years ago, I finally gave in to the voice of God knocking on the door of my heart, saying ‘Josie, let Me come in. Let Me fill that empty space in your heart. Let Me fill your life with My life. Let Me love you as you’ve always dreamed to be loved. Stop running and trying to find your way in the dark. Let Me light your way.’”
Natalie stared at her but said nothing.
“He wants to do that for you too, Natalie. Whether you understand or accept it or not, He loves you. And I hope you will give Him the chance to show you. It’s changed my life, and I know He can do the same for you.”
Josie couldn’t think of anything more to say.
Natalie didn’t say anything either. After a few moments she said she was tired and going to bed. Josie knew she had to let her go and trust God to reach her heart in His perfect timing, even if she wanted that to be now. Natalie slid the glass open and looked over her shoulder.
“Thanks for talking,” she said. “I’ll think about what you said.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Josie completed her last patient’s chart and told Sue good-bye. Walking past the nursery viewing windows, she decided to stop in and take one last peek at the newborn she had been caring for much of the night. The baby girl slept peacefully in her bassinet, oblivious to the anxious moments she had given the doctors and nurses a few hours ago.
“Jesus was watching out for you, little one,” she murmured and thanked God for bringing the babe and her mama through the scary situation. Turning away, Josie felt as though God had carried her through the night too, and she was more than ready to head for the nurses’ lounge, grab her things, and get home.
“Hey, Gina,” she said upon entering the room. “I haven’t seen you much tonight.”
“Don’t ask,” Gina said.
“Rough case?”
“No, hectic and--,” she paused, searching for the right word, “--bizarre. Must have been a full moon out tonight or something.”
Josie laughed. “I agree. After tonight I am ready for my two weeks off.”
“I heard,” Gina said. “Dr. Jacobs sure sang your praises; What else is new?”
Josie didn’t think she deserved as much credit as Dr. Jacobs had given her, although she felt good knowing she had done what she had been trained to do for an emergency c-section. It had been a difficult night. She needed a few days off.
“Is this your last day?” Gina asked, interrupting her thoughts.
“Yes,” Josie replied, putting on her winter coat, gloves, and even a stocking cap to guard against the frigid temperatures dropping into the teens. With Christmas only five days away, hopes for a white Christmas were high. “As of now I’m officially on vacation until the first of the year.”
“What are you doing for Christmas?” Gina asked. “You and Brandon have big plans?”
Josie cringed, not wanting to think about it. “Yes,” she groaned.
“Give me the details.”
“We’re spending Christmas Eve at my brother’s, and then we’re driving down to Eugene on Christmas Day.”
“To meet Brandon’s family?”
Josie nodded, opened the door, and entered the hallway with Gina on her heels.
“Ooooh!” Gina squealed like a teenager. “This is so exciting!”
“Exciting? More like nerve-wracking,” Josie said. “I had an excuse at Thanksgiving with my mom being in town, but I couldn’t get out of it this time.”
“Get out of it? Are you crazy? He wants you to meet his family and for them to meet you. This is good news, Josie, I’m telling you. Take it from a girl whose boyfriend finally proposed two days after I met his parents.”
Josie could only shake her head. Gina didn’t understand her fears any more than Brandon did. Everyone saw this as a good thing, except her. She had no problem meeting Brandon’s family, they sounded wonderful. But she had doubts about how they felt about meeting her.
For two months she had been happy, allowing herself to enjoy her new relationship with Brandon that showed no signs of slowing down. Somehow Brandon hadn’t received the memo about taking things slow between them and being busy falling in love with him, she hadn’t had time to write another one.
But ever since Brandon had invited her and Tommy to spend Christmas with his family, she’d been a basket-case. Although no one but her seemed to be the least bit concerned.
“Well, I suppose I’ll get through it somehow,” she said, attempting to laugh it off as they entered the stairwell. “I keep telling myself, just breathe.”
“That’s right, honey. Deep cleansing breaths.”
They both laughed, and Josie changed the subject. “So, how about you?”
“Oh, the usual. Christmas Day with my family in Salem.”
“You’re not making the trip to Medford this year?”
“Unlike some people, I have to work Christmas Eve, and Greg has to be at work on Monday, so we decided not to go see his family too. We’ll probably go skiing instead.”
Josie felt fortunate to have gotten her vacation scheduled for this time of year. For the first time she would have both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day off, as well as the ten days surrounding them. She had requested the time off several months ago and had enough seniority to actually get it.
If she had known then what she would be spending part of her vacation doing, she wouldn’t have been so eager. Feeling totally freaked out about meeting Brandon’s family, she had tried everything she could think of to talk Brandon out of the venture, including suggesting they go down to southern California with Patrick and Faith to spend Christmas with her mom. But Brandon would not be persuaded.
The bitter cold numbed Josie’s face and toes while she waited for the bus, and she didn’t feel them again until she entered her apartment. She was surprised to find Natalie awake early on a Sunday morning.
“You aren’t going out to take pictures this morning are you?” Josie asked, knowing that was one of the few reasons Natalie would be up before nine. “It’s below freezing out there.”
“No,” Natalie said.
“What’s going on?”
“You are looking at a working woman, my dear sister.”
“You got a job? That’s great!” Josie said, removing her coat and crossing the room to give Natalie a hug. Her sister had decided to hang around Portland, see if she could get any local photography assignments to keep her busy, and continue adding to her stock sales. “Do you have to start today?”
“No,” Natalie laughed. “It’s only one assignment for an ad agency. They were very impressed with my new local portfolio and said they would pass my name around.”
“Then why are you up so early?”
“Well, it’s like this. You know how you’ve been trying to get me to go to church with you?”
Josie nodded.
“Well, I sort of made this deal with God.”
“A deal?”
“I told Him last week that if I got a shoot, then I would start going to church. I guess He must have heard me. So, I figure it’s only fair for me to live up to my end of the bargain.”
Josie smiled. She didn’t care why Natalie had made this decision, she only cared that her sister had decided to give God a chance. For several weeks she had been wondering if the words she had spoken to her on Thanksgiving had even made a dent in her closed and troubled heart. Apparently they had. The fact that Natalie had prayed at all gave Josie hope.
&n
bsp; “Now don’t go getting all emotional or anything. I agreed to give church a try, not suddenly become spiritual.”
Josie kept her thoughts to herself. “I hope you like it,” she said. “I would stay up and go with you, but I’m wiped out. Are you going with Brandon and Tommy?”
“Yes. Brandon even talked me into going to the Bible study class,” she said as if that was the greatest horror she had ever agreed to.
“It’s a neat group,” she said with a smile. “I’ve made a lot of good friends there. Keep an ear out for someone named Allison.”
Josie went to wake Tommy and get him ready for church before putting herself to bed. She would have liked to stay awake and gone along but knew Brandon would be sure to introduce Natalie to people and make her feel comfortable. She closed her eyes and whispered a prayer. Thank you, God, for getting Natalie’s attention. Help her to know you for who you really are.
Josie slept soundly and woke to an empty apartment. Tommy spending every other Sunday with Brandon had become routine. He kept him busy until late in the afternoon to let her rest. Taking a long, hot shower, she thought about the upcoming week and what she needed to do to get ready for Christmas. She still had some shopping to do, and she had promised to help Faith with the Christmas Eve dinner.
The biggest thing on her mind continued to be meeting Brandon’s family. She had no idea what to expect. How should she and Tommy dress? Should she take anything to contribute to the dinner his mom would be preparing? Were his parents looking forward to meeting her? How much had Brandon told them about her and their relationship?
These and other questions kept swimming through her mind. She didn’t know if Brandon had told them she had a son or not. It seemed like such a silly question to ask that she hadn’t, although the thought crossed her mind often. She had assumed Mark had told his parents, but when she met them for the first time, she had faced a rude awakening.
Brandon returned with Tommy after she had settled herself on the couch under a warm throw and was flipping through a magazine. They had gone swimming.
“Mommy, guess what?”
“What?”
Baby's Breath (Garden of Love 2) Page 21
