I could spend a lifetime with you;
And baby, that’s what I want to do.
She swallowed hard and looked up to see him staring at her. He fingered the ends of her hair and smiled.
Such a precious gift from God to me,
I want to spend a lifetime with you;
A lifetime with you...
When the music faded, Brandon released her and stepped back, putting his fingers into the pocket of his jeans and pulling out something shiny. Josie gasped and felt her lungs tighten.
Brandon dropped to one knee and held the simple band with a diamond solitaire out to her.
“Will you marry me, Josie?”
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Josie needed to sit down. Without taking her eyes from the ring--the most beautiful ring she had ever seen, she stepped back, feeling stunned. The room began spinning.
“You have swept me off my feet, Josie Matthews, and I love you,” Brandon said, reaching for her hand and drawing her back to himself. “Please say yes.”
Her eyes shifted to Brandon’s face. She fought to keep her balance. His sincere brown eyes told her he fully expected her to accept his proposal. Looking back to the ring, she felt numb all over. She really needed to sit down.
“Brandon,” she said, taking in a deep breath and staggering back a few steps. “I can’t believe you’re asking me this.”
“Now don’t go and faint on me,” he said, rising to his feet and leading her to an overstuffed chaise. She sunk into the large brown cushion, and he sat opposite her on the matching ottoman. She felt dizzy and took another deep breath.
“What are you thinking, Brandon? We’ve only been together for two months. How can you know that you want to marry me?”
He reached for one of her hands and held her fingers in his warm palm. He didn’t seem fazed or disturbed by her concerns.
“Josie, I’m twenty-nine years old,” he said calmly. “I have been waiting for a long time to find the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. I have fallen in love with you, and I am more sure of wanting you as my wife than I’ve ever been about anything. I can’t keep that to myself for another second.”
She looked into his eyes and saw the sincerity she had learned to appreciate. Brandon didn’t play games, and she knew he meant those words. No man had ever looked at her with such deep longing. Not Mark. Not even Kent.
With all her heart, she wanted to tell him yes and feel him place the ring on her finger. She could picture the wedding: The flowers, the church, family and friends looking on, Brandon in a tuxedo, Tommy at their side. How long had she been dreaming of that day?
Imagining herself wearing a beautiful white wedding gown with sequins and lace and a poofy full skirt that went to the floor, however, did not allow her to believe someone as incredible as Brandon wanted to marry her. Thoughts she had been struggling with all week began to surface once again, and this time she could not ignore them.
He is wonderful, too wonderful for me. I don’t deserve him.
Shutting down her heart and the feelings they held, she pulled her hand from his and looked away.
“I’m sorry, Brandon,” she said, blinking back the tears and shaking her head. “I can’t.”
Unable to say anything further, she scrambled to her feet and ran from the room, slowing some when her loud footsteps thumped on the old staircase.
Reaching the landing between floors, she felt Brandon catch her arm, and she stopped.
“I understand if you need some time,” he said. “I can wait. Please don’t run away. Come back down and talk to me.”
She stood motionless with one foot perched on the lowest step, unable to pull away or turn back to him. Her heart screamed for her to do one and then the other.
He wants you. Don’t fight it. Turn around and let him hold you. She willed her body to obey. No, this isn’t right. I can’t do this.
He released her arm. “Get some sleep, sweetheart. I’m sorry if I timed this wrong. We can talk about it tomorrow.”
Hearing Brandon descend the stairs beneath her, she lingered a moment longer before climbing the narrow steps to the hallway. She went to her room and leaned against the closed door, sinking to the floor and crying silent tears. She realized her whole body was shaking.
She sat there for a long time, convincing herself no matter how much she hurt, she was doing the right thing. Brandon couldn’t possibly want her. He would realize they weren’t meant for each other in time, and he would find someone else. Someone who deserved him.
She heard Brandon’s footsteps ascend the stairs sometime later. He paused outside her door, then continued down the hall. When she heard his door close, she climbed into bed next to Tommy.
Sleep eluded her. Lying there for hours, listening to the rain falling on the roof, she tried to figure out what she would say to him tomorrow. He had a way of getting her to talk even if she didn’t want to. I have to have a plan.
How would she ever make it through the weekend? How could she face his family now? Brandon must have told them he had brought her here to propose--he had told them everything else. Even if he hadn’t, they were sure to notice the coolness between them. The thought made her sick to her stomach.
Don’t worry, pray. Faith’s words came back to taunt her--or was that God? This is not a good time to practice that philosophy. I can’t just pray and hope this goes away! I have to do something. God, please show me what to do. I need your guidance more than I ever have before.
Be still and know that I am God, came the familiar whisper.
Be still? That’s impossible! I can’t be still at a time like this!
Leaving tomorrow morning seemed like the best option. Hanging around and pretending nothing had changed was utterly ridiculous. She had said no. There was no reason for her to be here anymore. But having Brandon leave his family two days earlier than they had planned wouldn’t be fair to him. She and Tommy needed to get home some other way. Taking a bus or the train was an option. Yes, that would be the best thing to do.
The rain continued to fall and so did her tears, softly and steadily. I will miss him.
Yes, she would, but she couldn't let her emotions get in the way right now. She had to do this whether she wanted to or not.
***
“Mommy, I have to go potty,” Tommy said, waking her from her restless sleep.
“Do you remember where the bathroom is?” she asked without opening her eyes.
“Yes.” She heard his feet patter across the hardwood floor and into the hall. She didn’t hear the door close.
“Hey, buddy,” she heard Brandon whisper a few moments later.
Josie opened her eyes. The door had been left open several inches. She heard Brandon’s voice coming from the hallway as he spoke to Tommy. “Do you want to get some breakfast?”
“Mommy’s sleeping,” Tommy said.
“That’s okay. We’ll let her sleep.”
“Should I get dressed?”
“Naw, we can do that later. Come on. There are pancakes waiting for us.”
Their voices trailed off, and she rolled over with her heart pounding and went back to sleep.
Sometime later she opened her eyes. Not knowing how long she had dozed, she decided to get up and help Tommy find something to wear for the day. Then she planned to find Brandon and talk to him, explaining why she had said no and that she wanted to go home. The sooner the better.
In her mind she could picture herself talking matter-of-factly with him but knew it would not be that easy. She had to keep her emotions in check if she had any hope of convincing him to let her go. But what would she tell Tommy? He adored Brandon and would be crushed. Josie Elise Matthews, what have you done?
Pushing aside the warm blankets, she realized the space heater had been turned on, and the door had been closed. The room felt toasty. She knew she had turned the heat off before getting into bed last night. Wondering who had turned it on and what time it was, she stepped across
the floor in her bare feet and started to open her suitcase when she saw Tommy’s pajamas lying on top of his bag. It didn’t surprise her he had gotten dressed on his own, but she was surprised she hadn’t heard him.
She reached for her watch lying on the dresser. “This can’t be right!” she said, lifting it to her ear. She could hear it ticking and rushed to the window to open the blinds. The afternoon sun hung in the blue sky.
“How am I going to face anyone? They must think I am a lazy bum, sleeping until two o’clock!”
Hurrying to the bathroom, she took a record-breaking shower, pulled on her jeans and new cable-knit sweater, put her dry hair up into a somewhat sloppy bun, and scurried down the stairs as soon as she had tied her shoes.
Walking past the vacant living room, she remembered the way Brandon had kissed her in front of the fire last night. And his declaration of love. She pushed both thoughts away and crept toward the kitchen, feeling determined to follow through with her plan. But she found the large room abandoned.
She stopped and listened for voices, but silence surrounded her. Deciding everyone must be outside, she left through the kitchen door, stepping into the sunny winter day and looking around, but she saw no one.
She walked around the house, feeling the chilled air seep into her sweater. Hearing only birds chirping and the sound of her own footsteps, she walked to the large red barn, taking in the smell of hay as she entered the open door. Except for all the farm machinery and supplies, animal feed, and four rabbits in cages along one wall, the place was empty. Exiting the large building, she stepped back into the sunshine and listened for distant voices but only heard a cow mooing.
Suddenly she realized Brandon’s truck was gone. Where did he go? And where is Tommy? She began to panic. If Brandon’s not here, who’s watching him? Brandon’s mom? Amy?--that’s all she needs, one more boy to look after. Why didn’t Brandon wake me? How did I ever get myself into this? Oh yes, I looked into those eyes and fell in love.
She felt like sitting down and having a good cry but knew she had to find out where Brandon had gone and find Tommy. Remembering Wesley and Amy lived down the road, she wondered if he had gone there. Maybe I could call them, she pondered and decided to go back into the house to see if she could find their phone number somewhere. Realizing she hadn’t thought to look for a note Brandon may have left, she knew she would look for that too. Rushing back into the house, Sharon’s voice startled her.
“Oh, there you are!” Brandon’s mother greeted her when she stepped through the back door once again. “I went upstairs and saw your door open. We must have missed each other. Did you get any hot water out of those pipes?”
“Yes, plenty,” she said, wondering where she had been earlier. “Thank you.”
Not knowing how much Brandon’s mom knew about last night, Josie couldn’t make eye contact with her and remained by the door.
“Oh good, I was worried that between the washing machine and the dishwasher there wouldn’t be any left for you. Would you like some breakfast?”
“No. Please don’t go to any trouble,” she said, waving her off. “I’ll just get myself some coffee.”
“There are some muffins in that basket on the counter, and there are some bagels next to the bread box. Help yourself.”
Josie thanked her and knew Brandon must have told his mom what she liked to eat for her “breakfast”. Feeling embarrassed about sleeping so late and continuing to wonder if his mom knew about last night, she stepped to the counter and poured herself a cup of coffee. She took a blueberry muffin from the basket and half of a bagel and set them on her plate.
“Here’s some cream cheese,” Sharon said, coming from behind and placing the small tub on the counter along with a clean knife.
“Thank you.”
“Did you sleep well? I wasn’t too sure about that mattress.”
“It was fine,” she replied nervously, “made me sleep the day away.”
“Oh, I know how that is,” she said, beginning to unload the dishwasher. “Jim worked graveyard for several years, oh it’s been fifteen years or more ago now, but I remember the odd hours being tough on him too. He’d come home and do the farm chores, then get a few hours of sleep and get back up to do it all again. He always felt out of whack. I don’t know how you manage with Tommy to take care of too. I know I would never make it,” she laughed.
Josie smiled for the first time since she’d gotten out of bed. Sharon seemed her usual self, or at least the same as she had been yesterday. Maybe Brandon hadn’t said anything, she hoped, but she couldn’t know for sure until she spoke to him herself.
“I remember working full-time being hard on Ellen too. She did a lot of waitressing to support herself and usually got home late, although she didn’t work all night like you. Brandon says you handle it well though.”
“It’s not so bad,” Josie replied, wondering why Sharon had mentioned Brandon’s aunt. “I get to spend more time with Tommy this way, and I can sleep while he’s at school.”
“He is a sweet boy,” she replied. “And I hear he’s quite the soccer player.”
Josie nodded.
“Do you know where Tommy is?” she got up the courage to ask, feeling foolish she didn’t know.
“Oh, didn’t Brandon tell you?”
Josie lifted her eyes but didn’t reply.
“He went up to let you know they were leaving. Maybe you were in the shower. They took the boys to see a movie in town.”
“They?”
“He and Wes. They left about twenty minutes ago,” Sharon replied. “I need to go into town myself and get some groceries. You could come along with me if you’d like, or I could take you over to Amy’s. I’m sure she’d love the company. Of course, you’re welcome to stay here if you want to have some time to yourself until they get back. I know that can be nice once in a while.”
I slept until two, and she’s offering me more time to myself? She should be putting me to work!
“Do Wesley and Amy live far?”
“No, no. Just up the road and down a long driveway leading up into those trees back there,” she said pointing out the window into a wooded area on a hill beyond the edge of the farm pastures.
“Is it the first driveway you come to that way? I wouldn’t mind walking, if you’re sure it’s okay with Amy.”
“I know she wouldn’t mind, but I’ll call to make sure she didn’t decide to go into town with them.”
Sharon picked up the phone and hit a speed-dial button. Josie noticed Brandon’s mother’s casual attire again. Her white cotton pants and peach sweater had to be size small. The difference between her petite stature and that of her husband and two grown sons was laughable. The thought of her running a household with teenage boys and a husband that all towered above her made Josie smile.
“Hi, Amy. I was checking to see if you’re there. Josie thought she might come up and visit while the boys are away.”
“No, she said she would like to walk.”
“Uh-huh. Okay. See you,” she put the phone in its cradle and turned back to her.
“She said to come on up. Are you sure you don’t want me to give you a ride? The driveway is a little steep toward the end.”
“No, it’s a beautiful day. A walk will do me good,” she said. “Thank you, though. Do you have some paper I could leave Brandon a note in case they get back before either of us do?”
Sharon pulled a pad from a drawer and handed her a pen also. Josie took her coffee and plate to the table and ate while she jotted down a note to Brandon. Sharon busied herself with making a shopping list, humming to herself as she did.
When Josie finished eating, she thanked Sharon and left the kitchen. She went upstairs for her coat and wondered if Amy might know more about last night than Sharon seemed to. The thought made her want to remain here, but she knew Amy was expecting her. If she didn’t show up now, she would cause unnecessary worry.
Once outside she felt better. Whenever she had
a major decision to make or anxious thoughts threatened to overwhelm her, a good walk always helped. She appreciated the break in the weather. Sitting around waiting for Brandon to return would drive her crazy.
Enjoying the walk down the driveway and along the narrow country road, she breathed in the cool, clean air. A wide variety of evergreen trees and others that had lost their leaves for the winter surrounded her. Turning into the driveway that led up to Wesley and Amy’s, she spotted the rustic home in the distance.
She ascended the steps to the front porch a few minutes later, taking in the stained-wood exterior and the large front window. Amy opened the door before she had a chance to knock and welcomed her with a smile. Josie stepped inside, her eyes marveling at the craftsmanship all around the spacious home that she knew Wesley had built himself.
Amy took her coat and gave her a quick tour of the downstairs consisting of a large family room, a country kitchen, a formal dining room, a guest bedroom, and a bathroom. Ascending the staircase that overlooked the family room and kitchen, Amy led the way to two more bedrooms upstairs, a bath, and a large master bedroom at the end of the hallway. A small deck extended off of the room, and Josie stepped out, hearing the rushing sound of a creek below.
“Now that’s a sound I could never tire of,” Josie said, leaning against the wooden railing. “Do you leave a window open at night?”
“When it’s warm enough,” Amy said. “I love the sound too. Living with noisy boys, that’s the only time I get a chance.”
They both laughed. Since she’d arrived, Josie hadn’t sensed any awkwardness coming from Amy either and knew Brandon must not have told his family about his plan to propose. As nice as Brandon’s family had been, she didn’t think they would make good liars. Walking back downstairs, Amy made them both some tea and they sat down at the table. Once again Amy turned the conversation to her job.
“I had some great nurses when I had my boys. I’m sure I wouldn’t have made it without them. What made you decide to become a nurse?”
Baby's Breath (Garden of Love 2) Page 24