by Marie Yates
‘If you’re struggling with who you are, if you are coming to terms with your past and how it can inspire and not dictate your future, sport will give you the strength to be who you are supposed to be,’ she said wisely.
I think every single one of us felt that she was talking directly to us. There was silence and I wasn’t the only one who wiped away a tear. She was talking to me.
At that moment, I knew. I knew that I had been struggling with whom I am now.
Steph gently broke through the silence and told us to go and get changed so that she could take us through one of her training sessions. I’ve never felt pain like it, yet it felt so good at the same time. Steph showed me that I was capable of more than I ever thought possible.
‘What would you love to be able to do?’ she asked.
I was embarrassed as I told her, ‘I dream of wearing a black belt.’
‘Say it with pride,’ she said. ‘You’re not far away from your black belt; it’s well within your reach.’
I thought about the book that Sammy had given me, about the runner who sabotaged her own success. I have nothing to be embarrassed about because I want to achieve something. I have nothing to be embarrassed about at all.
‘Whatever you have to say, say it with pride,’ Steph whispered before moving on to the next person. I wiped away another tear.
Goals
• It’s August and I am wearing my new belt with pride. Not long now and I’ll be ready for my grading.
• In the summer holiday, I’ll spend some time with Jane’s friend, learning about what a Sport Psychologist really does. I’m excited about this, Jane said that she’s sorting out some dates for me to go and ‘work’!
Success
• I have finished all of my exams for my first year at Sixth Form, handed in all of my coursework and despite a few meltdowns along the way, I hope I’ve done okay.
Gratitude
• It’s pretty obvious, but Steph coming to our session today has been the most amazing thing that has happened to me in a while. I’m grateful to her for spending time with us, and for spending time with me. Her words meant so much and I’m feeling stronger than ever.
Fifty-three
Just as I thought things couldn’t get any better, today happened.
My first day of holiday freedom started with the sun shining and a long walk with my main man. We were honoured to be joined by Katie and Bailey and we had the best morning. Reggie and Bailey were excited to see each other and raced around the park for an hour while Katie and I caught up, properly. We talked about everything and nothing, it was like old times and she apologised for being so focused on Cal (she didn’t say, her boyfriend, which was weird) and said she missed hanging out with us all.
‘Well, today is the perfect day to start again,’ I said, as we had a day in town planned to celebrate the end of exams. ‘Just us, like old times.’
‘Well, sort of.’ She laughed. ‘I’m guessing Frankie will be there?’
‘Well, she hasn’t ditched me for a boyfriend,’ I said.
Katie screwed up her face and replied. ‘Like that would happen.’
At that moment, we heard a splash and, as usual, the boys had found their way to the pond and continued to play in the water, making a lot of noise and entertaining all the people who had stopped to watch them.
‘We really should remember to bring towels,’ Katie said, after we were both soaked by their signature shake offs. ‘Right, let’s get these guys home, dried off and then we can go out.’
Having done just that, I headed into town to meet up with everyone. Mum had already agreed to walk Reggie later on and pick me up whenever I was ready. ‘Within reason, obviously. Have fun and stay safe,’ she shouted as she left this morning, late for work as usual.
I felt different as I left the house, locked the door and started walking. Free. I felt free. I don’t know whether it was because the exams had finished, the holiday had started or the amazing session with Steph, but it felt incredible.
‘Where shall we start?’ shouted Callie. We had all gathered outside the shopping centre.
‘Pizza,’ was the answer and we headed to our favourite place, already sure what we were going to order because we knew the menu inside out.
Finding a corner table, we were ready to start celebrating.
‘What are these ‘exams’ you speak of,’ Callie joked. Being at art college meant that she had loads of coursework but escaped the exam hell. While we were sharing stories of impossible questions, and the realisation that we’d written something really stupid or missed the point of the question, she sat back and laughed at us. ‘Listening to you lot makes me one hundred per cent sure I made the right decision.’
I don’t think I have ever enjoyed pizza as much as I did this afternoon. Everyone was getting on brilliantly, as if we’d never been apart and Frankie had always been a part of the group. Her and Callie are like a comedy double act, both trying to be more outrageous than the other. They had us in stitches for the whole afternoon.
‘Who needs a comedy film when we’ve got you two?’ asked Maya.
We had decided that we’d go to the cinema for a laugh and that was Maya’s way of telling us to hurry up because the film would be starting soon. She doesn’t like to be late because she’ll miss the trailers.
The laughter continued on the way to the cinema with Callie taking selfies with random strangers ‘in the name of art’, whatever that means and Frankie trying to photobomb at every opportunity. Katie looked embarrassed but couldn’t help laughing as Callie then tripped up and fell at the feet of a guy they both agreed was seriously good-looking.
There wasn’t a queue for the film, which made Maya very happy.
‘It probably means the film is crap,’ shouted Callie, which didn’t impress the guy selling us our tickets.
‘Popcorn or pick ‘n’ mix?’ I asked Frankie as we both headed for the shop.
‘We could get one of each and share?’
I’m not someone who usually wants to share popcorn but, somehow, it seemed like a genius idea. ‘No liquorice though,’ I said when Frankie started to fill a bag with sweets.
‘Obviously,’ she replied. ‘Who would eat that?’
The lights were dimming and I could see a few people looking unimpressed as we walked in, still laughing. We found a row of empty seats near the back and Frankie made her way in first. I followed, sat down, and finally we were all quiet. Much to the relief of everyone around us.
‘Shhhh,’ came a voice from behind us as Callie decided she needed to open her giant bag of sweets, which catapulted into the air and made us all laugh again.
As the film started, I don’t think I’d ever felt happier. I was out with the most amazing group of friends. I felt incredibly lucky. I had no idea that things were about to get even better.
‘You know I like you, right?’ whispered Frankie as we were sitting, sharing the armrest and both reaching into the tub of popcorn.
‘Yeah, I know. You know I like you too, right?’
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YOUNG ADULT FICTION
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