by C. A. Harms
~*Desired*~
~~Affliction~~
By
C.A. Harms
Text Copyright ©2013
C.A.Harms
All Rights Reserved
Huge thanks to my dear friend Amy…
Thank you so much for your Honesty and direction.
I deeply appreciate your suggestions and opinions…
Thank you for helping me figure out what would be the
best way of ending Kole and Lexi’s story…
Huge Hugs…
Table of Contents
Prologue
One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Six
Seven
Eight
Nine
Ten
Eleven
Twelve
Thirteen
Fourteen
Fifteen
Sixteen
Seventeen
Eighteen
Nineteen
Twenty
Twenty One
Twenty Two
Twenty Three
Twenty Four
Twenty Five
Twenty Six
Twenty Seven
Twenty Eight
Twenty Nine
Thirty
Thirty One
Thirty Two
Thirty Three
Thirty Four
Thirty Five
Thirty Six
Thirty Seven
Thirty Eight
Thirty Nine
Forty
Forty One
Forty Two
Forty Three
Epilogue
Prologue
“God Damn it Lex…Fucking idiot,” I whispered to myself as I run my hands through my hair and look over at the guy lying naked next to me. I told myself I was going to stop doing this. I pulled the sheet off and slowly slid out of the bed trying my best not to wake him. I held my hand up to shield my bare breasts as I searched the floor for my clothes.
Stumbling forward I stubbed my toe on the footboard of the bed, “Mother….son of bitch.” I tried to hold in the pain that now shot through my foot, “Hey, where you sneaking off to?” My outburst had woken him up…damn it I can’t remember his name. “I actually have to work…sorry do you um…know where my clothes are?” He stood up from the bed completely naked and showing no shame as he stretched his arms above his head. I turned away to avoid eye contact…at least he was hot…god what the hell was I saying I can’t remember anything from last night. I had to stop drinking…I was self-destructing and I needed to listen to Megan. This was crazy.
I let one party after graduation change my whole way life…I immediately fell to a low point and I can’t seem to pull myself back. I was waking up to many times in places I didn’t remember. I looked down on the floor beside the bed…three condom wrappers. Oh my god…I guess one good thing at least I was safe…ugh!
He tossed me my skirt and I found my shirt on the floor next to his jeans. After I quickly dressed I grabbed my keys and went for the door, “So do I get your number?” I almost made it out free and clear. “Um yeah sure…” I grabbed a pen off the dresser and scribbled a fake number on the cigarette box that I picked up from the floor. When I handed it to him he grabbed my hand and pulled me on to the bed as he quickly brought his body over mine. “I had a lot of fun last night…your kind of a freak in bed,” he bit my neck and ran his tongue along my jaw.
I felt the room closing in on me I had to get out of here and fast…the familiar panic was setting in, “I had a good time too...call me okay.” I tried to control my breathing. I slipped out of the bed and went for the door. Thank god I would be out of here next week and off to college. I can’t do clingy or affectionate. The closeness terrifies me. I can’t be close unless I am in a completely drunk state of mind…because then I can numb myself and I won’t remember. I can pretend for a short time that I am not damaged…that I can be someone else…someone free.
One
(Lexi)
“So are you ready to go yet?” I leaned back against the passenger door of Megan’s car as she put her huge duffle bag into the back seat, “Um yeah I’ve been ready…just waiting on your pokey ass to get it together.” I flipped her off as I crawled into the car and she walked around to the driver’s side. Megan and I have been friends since seventh grade when she moved to this shithole town after her parents divorced. She is the only person I have shared my deepest darkest secrets with. The only one that knows everything I went through and what I am still struggling with every day. I knew I could trust her and I needed someone I could trust…at least one person to keep me sane.
“Okay here we go…we should be there in 287.7 miles,” I rolled my eyes at her and turned up the stereo and sang along…
It's down to this
I've got to make this life make sense
Can anyone tell what I've done
I missed the life
I missed the colors of the world
Can anyone tell where I am
'Cause now again I've found myself
So far down, away from the sun
That shines into the darkest place
I'm so far down, away from the sun again
Away from the sun again
I'm over this
I'm tired of living in the dark
Can anyone see me down here
The feeling's gone
There's nothing left to lift me up
Back into the world I've known
I always loved to sing but lately I would only find myself doing it around Megan or when I’m alone. I stopped playing the guitar too. I stopped all of it. Anything that had meaning to me because really what in hell was the point anymore?
“Keep singing Lexi Lou…” I looked at her with a light smile. Before I could say anything we were interrupted by her phone ringing. We had only been driving for about twenty minutes but I could tell by her excitement that it was Radley. They had been dating for two years now and she was head over heels. “We’re on our way…I can’t wait to see you either. We got a late start…” she faded off as she looked over at me and stuck out her tongue. I quickly grabbed the phone from her hand.
“The thing is Rad your girlfriend…well she’s kind of a huge luggage whore. I think we may have to pay for a storage unit to house all her damn clothes. Either that or I am going to have to sleep in the hallway instead of our dorm room.” He laughed, “I hear ya…just be careful and drive safe.” I handed the phone back to her so they could say their mushy goodbyes. I felt nauseous just imagining the closeness they had it made me claustrophobic.
“Radley said there is a party tonight at the frat house…what do you think? Wanna go?” Parties and I don’t seem to work well together and she knew it. There were all the people and the closeness of the guys breathing down your neck to get your attention. I had to get really wasted in order to handle them and then that usually just led to me waking up next to a stranger naked. “I don’t know I just think I should set this one out…I don’t know how well it would work for me to be known as the campus slut after the first night.” I continued staring out the window as we drove. “Lexi this is a new start…I told you that I am not going to let you do that anymore. I will stay right by you and I promise if I have to tie our feet together to keep you from repeating the past…I will.” I took a deep breath, “I’ll think about it.”
We stopped along the way to get gas and something quick to eat. We actually made it in really good time. Megan called Radley to let him know when we were about twenty minutes away so he could meet us and help unload everything. When we parked and he started walking toward her car I knew I was going to have to turn my head. I
t had been three weeks since they had seen each other and they were never shy with their affection. I grabbed my three smaller bags and walked off toward the dorm hollering over my shoulder, “Later porn star...I’m going to find our room.”
Three floors up and yes I took the stairs. I could not handle being in the elevator right now with all those people so close. I had one focus...find my room and shut myself in it. Room 305…finally, when I pushed open the door I found the welcome envelope the advisor had left with the two keys and the form we needed to return to him with our signatures on the rules and regulations.
The room was definitely small and basic. Two beds…two dresser desk combo units and one big closet. There was room for a few other things Megan’s dad is a resourceful man and he was able to land us a mini fridge and microwave real cheap because they were slightly damaged in shipment.
The door flew open and I turned as Megan squealed, “This is so exciting…I can’t believe we are here and we lived on our own…no parents and no rules.” She was entirely too perky but she could always make me laugh. Radley helped get everything unloaded and brought up to our room before he took off to get back to his frat house and get things ready for the party tonight.
Two
(Kole)
Another year and it is time for the parties to begin and the girls…all the girls. College was the biggest fucking orgy. I was ready for this year it was going to be the best one yet and I was planning on enjoying every second.
I had one problem I knew I was going to have to set Hope straight she was really starting to get on my last fucking nerve. We were not a couple and never have been she knew that from the start. She was just an easy piece and if nothing else panned out well I knew she was a guaranteed lay…that’s it. I don’t do the girlfriend thing. I do not want some clingy ass girl telling me what I can’t do...I don’t do rules at least any that some girl tries to lay out for me. I do what I want when I want with whoever I want. I don’t do jealousy and commitment. I like my freedom.
The Fraternity was the best place to find willing girls and I never even had to look. I could just sit back and scan the room…
“Hi Kole, come and dance with me…please,” I can’t believe I ever thought this girl was hot. I guess when your drunk and horny…any willing girl would look good. Ashley was a one night thing and that was it…so why was she bothering me now? I stood up from the bar stool, “Ashley I don’t dance…at least not with my clothes on,” I winked at her and walked away. I knew it was time to get loaded.
Three
(Lexi)
The music was rolling out of the windows and people were everywhere. Why did I let her convince me of this? I regretted it the minute the house came into view. “Come one Lex, I told you I am not leaving your side. It’ll be fine.” She gripped my hand tightly as she led me in the front door. The music was so loud and the place was crazy. Girls were dancing around the room as the guys were ogling them. Everyone was tightly pushed together grinding and moving with the music. “I need a drink Meg…now,” I made my way over to the keg. As promised she was right behind me. I chugged it quickly and then refilled my cup.
Radley had found us grabbing Megan’s hand he led us into a large room which appeared to be a game room with a pool table and darts. I looked around realizing there were more half naked girls in this room than the other. I heard someone yell out ‘Whoo!’ startling me. I turned to see where it came from seeing a back view of the guy but damn it was a good view. He was tall with broad shoulders and muscular arms. He had a tattoo that stretched across his upper back onto his shoulder blades and down onto each arm…very impressive arms I must say. The girls were swarming him and flipping their hair in an attempt to get his attention. I wasn’t sure why he was shirtless but once he turned and I saw how wet his chest was I realized he was chugging a beer in competition with another guy and his shirt was soaked as he held it in his hand. The tattoo that ran across his back extended just slightly around onto his upper shoulders and down onto his collarbone. His chest was built and rippled into impressive abs. There was evidence of a second tattoo peeking out just above the waistband of his jeans that hung low on his waist.
“Rad, dude you’re up man,” Mr. Sexy yelled in our direction causing me to look up and connect with him. Holy shit no way…Kole. It couldn’t be him, “Megan do you know who that is...do you know that guy’s name?” She looked at me and then back to him, “Yeah his name is Kole…why do you know him?” I suddenly felt like I couldn’t breathe. I needed space…and a lot of it. What I really need is another beer or something stronger.
I found a group of people doing shots in the kitchen and I squeeze my way in to join them.
One
Two
Three…
The shots were going down smooth.
I was feeling fuzzy and a little numb. This was more like it I could do this now…
I was feeling the music…
I was losing myself like I always do. There were hands on me running across my stomach and down my thigh. Someone began grinding against me from behind. I felt so foggy and dazed. I was numb to the sense of any panic and just went with the feeling of being touched.
I had no idea who this guy was but at this point I didn’t give a shit. I just let it happen. He had his hand under the hem of my shirt as he raised it up closer to my breast. I let my head fall back to rest on his chest. He brushed my hair away from my neck and brought his mouth to my ear, “Do you wanna go upstairs…just you and me?” He traced his tongue down my neck and onto my shoulder as he continued to caress my body waiting for me to respond.
Four
(Lexi)
“Meg…babe what’s wrong?” Radley was concerned as Megan continued to stare in my direction watching and waiting until she would need to intervene. “I can’t let that right there go any further,” she pointed at me as his eyes found us on the dance floor. “You want me to scare off Zack…he is pretty persuasive if you don’t watch him he’ll have her upstairs in the next five minutes?” Before she could respond Kole ran up and lifted Radley over his shoulder and carried him off to the keg chanting something about chug…chug.
Megan continued to stand in the doorway watching closely. If Zack made one attempt to drag me toward the stairs she was moving in. Radley was now upside down chugging from the keg tap as the surrounding brothers chanted his name. Megan turned to get a glimpse of him and quickly back to Zack just in time to see him pulling me to the steps. She moved in our direction quickly, “Yeah, I don’t think so Romeo…find another victim…Lexi come on.” She grabbed my hand pulling me toward her and wrapped her arm around my waist. “Hey hottie, you are more than welcome to join us…I was just taking your girl her upstairs for a little more one on one…but I could sure go for two on one. I can give you both what you need,” Zack reached out and gripped Megan’s ass pulling her to him. She shoved against his chest as I felt her struggle next to me and I noticed what he was doing to her. Before I could say anything I seen Zack’s head go flying back as Radley’s fist connected with the side of his face.
“What the fuck Rad,” Zack yelled as he shook his head. “Keep your hands off my girl unless you want to be pissing out your fucking nose man,” Zack backed away with his hands held up in surrender. “Sorry man I didn’t know she was your girl. We were dancing and she agreed to go upstairs with me. I had no idea man…she didn’t say she was your girl,” Radley pulled both Megan and me toward him. Just then Kole walked up next to us. I wanted to walk away so I could avoid him but my head was spinning from the alcohol. I was leaning into Radley and he was struggling to hold me up while holding Megan close to his chest. Kole noticed Radley’s struggle and reached out to wrap his arm around my waist, “Zack hitting on Rad’s girl or her friend here probably isn’t smart? Right now I would have to say its’ best if you leave them both alone or I may just let Radley take you out back and beat your ass.” Zack backed away slowly, “Sorry Rad I didn’t mean to offend ya bud...I had no idea th
ey were with you.”
My head was still spinning. I really should have stopped after the second shot or maybe it was the continuous beer I chugged and refilled. I felt myself being guided to the other side of the room where I was then lowered down onto a chair. Kole came around in front of me and knelt down directly between my knees. “Hey are you going to be alright?” I looked up connecting with his gorgeous brown eyes. The way his faced changed at that moment was enough to make me want to hide but I knew I would just fall on my face. He wrinkled up his eyebrows, “Lexi…what the hell. Lexi Warren, wow you look so different.” I tried to smile without looking like some nut job, “Yeah I bet I do…I grew up Kole I’m not Twelve anymore.”
Megan put her hand on my shoulder, “Hey sweetie I think we should go back to the dorm you ready.” I looked up at her and I knew I had to get out of there because my eyes had filled with tears and any moment those tears were going to spill over. I heard Kole ask her if she needed help getting me to the car but she told him she had it and she did with the help of Radley. Once they got me to the car I felt better like I could breathe freely.
I wasn’t sure how she did it but she got me upstairs once we reached the dorm and I was now lowering myself down onto my bed. She sat directly across from me and reached out to take my hand into hers, “What happened tonight Lexi? You were fine…I mean yes you were drinking but slowly. We walked into the back room and it was like you flipped the switch and you felt the need to binge drink…Why?” When I looked up into her eyes I tried to blink back the tears, “Kole…I seen Kole and I remembered him from when our moms were friends. He was always so nice to me. I had a little crush on him back then… Kole is Matt’s cousin…it just brought it all back and I suddenly felt like I was suffocating.” She came forward and wrapped me into her embrace, “Matt is not here…you don’t have to see him. He is in California and he is not going to hurt you again. Kole…he is not Matt.”
