“I’d be delighted to attend the wedding. The others in the group wouldn’t miss it for anything, either. Just send me a missive telling me where and when to be there.”
The two friends remained quiet until Lady Eloise left the townhouse. Then, all at once, they were squealing and jumping up and down in excitement.
“I can’t believe she’s going to come to your wedding,” Celia said. “I can’t believe she’s going to invite you to one of her father’s dinner parties.”
“Both of us will get invited to his dinner party.”
“All because of you.”
“No. It’s because of Tad. Everything good that’s happening to me is all because of him.”
“I must say that you were right in securing a marriage with him. I never thought it’d pay off so well.”
“I didn’t, either. I would have been happy just knowing she was going to keep me in her group. This is much more than I ever expected.”
Celia gave her a long hug. “I’m so happy for you, Loretta.”
“Thank you, Celia.”
“We should go back to your bedchamber and decide on how to best style your hair so that it complements the modifications you made to your gown.”
Excited, Loretta joined her friend in running back to her bedchamber.
Chapter Eleven
The next day, Tad placed the bouquet of flowers at the bottom of the gravestone. He wasn’t sure that even now Ellen would ever forgive him for the way he’d treated her, but he still whispered the words, “I’m sorry,” and hoped that she might be able to hear him from the other side. “If I could go back, I would do things differently,” he added.
The harshest thing about life was that there was no going back. No matter how much he wanted to, he couldn’t do it. He was stuck in the present with a long list of regrets. He should never have taken any of those ladies to his bed. He should have known that sooner or later, something bad would have happened. One couldn’t go from bed to bed and expect everything to end well. It had taken Ellen for him to realize that.
He released his breath. Three years ago was the last time he’d come to this gravesite. Back then, she’d just been buried. The grass hadn’t had time to grow yet. The gravestone was polished and new. The smell of fresh dirt lingered in the air.
When he left this spot three years ago, he didn’t expect to ever see it again. He hadn’t expected to ever return to London. He’d planned to live the rest of his life in the country. Alone. Stuck with nothing but his guilt. Finding no absolution from his sins.
He hoped he wasn’t going to do any damage now that he was back. The last thing he wanted to do was destroy someone else’s life. He rubbed his eyes.
The weight of every decision he’d ever made and was still making pressed down on him, threatening to swallow him up in the hole of despair he’d dug for himself that moment he found out Ellen had poisoned herself because she couldn’t be with him. Each morning when he got up, he prayed that he wasn’t going to somehow ruin Loretta’s life by marrying her. If it hadn’t been for the money, he wouldn’t have even risked it.
The sound of a twig snapping behind him made him turn around, afraid someone might be coming up to ask him why he was standing at the grave, wondering what he’d done to destroy Ellen’s life. But the gentleman was going to another gravesite. Releasing his breath, Tad relaxed. He didn’t know if anyone knew the truth about Ellen.
Her husband had never visited him. Her family had never said anything. The only reason he knew the truth was because of the missive she’d sent him right before she died. So maybe he was the only one who knew the truth. And, maybe that was the punishment he was going to have to live with for the rest of his life. Knowing he had been responsible for her suicide. Knowing it was him and the decisions he’d made that led to where he was standing today.
A breeze blew past him, and though it was a warm day, he shivered. With one last look at the grave, he offered one more apology that wouldn’t absolve him from his guilt and turned to leave.
***
“It’s not too late to back out of the marriage,” Stephen told Tad that evening as he came into the drawing room.
Tad glanced up from the settee where he was drinking tea while he waited for all of the guests to arrive at Brad’s dinner party. He hadn’t intended to come so early, but he’d been restless. It was just his luck that the first person to show up would be Stephen. He’d been having a rough enough day as it was.
Stephen sat in a chair close to him. “Are you sure you don’t want to drink brandy instead of tea? It might make the dinner more bearable.” Shooting him a wicked smile, he added, “Or are you saving the brandy for tomorrow when you have to take Loretta home with you?”
Tad finished his cup of tea and set it down on the tray. “Why do you speak like that about Loretta? She’s your sister.”
“I know my sister better than anyone else in London. She knows how to act the part of the humble lady in front of people she wants to impress, but when they aren’t around, she’s arrogant and rude.”
“It’s nice to know you openly state what you think of me to anyone who’ll listen,” came Loretta’s voice.
Tad and Stephen glanced over as she entered the room.
“You ought to be careful, Stephen,” she continued. “You’re louder than you think.” She stopped by the settee and turned her gaze to Tad. “Do you mind if I have a seat?”
Recalling his manners, Tad quickly jumped to his feet and gestured for her to join him on the settee. He couldn’t blame her for being irritated. No one wanted to overhear someone speaking poorly about them.
“Don’t pay him any mind,” Tad told her. “Nothing he says will change my opinion about you. I think you’ll make a good wife.” And he wasn’t just saying that because Stephen was listening. She’d been straightforward with him about her hopes for the marriage, and she was willing to live the life of a nun with him. There was no more he could ask of a lady.
“To be fair to Stephen,” she said as she poured herself a cup of tea, “I haven’t been the nicest person in the past.” She glanced at her brother. “I’ve been trying to change that.”
“Is that why you thanked me when I brought you a copy of Social Propriety?” Stephen asked, his eyebrows raised. “I thought you’d lost your wits and forgot who I was.”
With a sigh, she settled back onto the settee with the cup in her hands. “Obviously, it’s harder to be a better person with him around,” she told Tad.
“It’s not easy to convince someone you’ve changed for the better if they don’t want to believe it,” Tad replied. Hoping to make her feel better, he rubbed the small of her back. “I like you. You have no need to worry I’ll take his words to heart.”
“Ah, the power of love,” Stephen commented. “I hear it can do wonders, and seeing that you’re actually willing to go through with the wedding to my sister, I’m inclined to believe it.”
Loretta shot her brother a disapproving look, but the front door opened, drawing their attention to the doorway of the drawing room.
Within seconds, the butler was escorting two ladies into the room. One, Tad recognized as Loretta’s friend, Miss Celia Barlow. The other, he didn’t recognize at all.
He rose to his feet with Stephen, and the butler called out the introductions. He motioned to Celia, “Miss Barlow.” Then he turned to the other lady. “Lady Hedwrett.”
Stephen leaned over to whisper to Tad, “This is going to be a long night. I lost the coin toss with Brad, so I have to escort Celia to the dining room.” Stepping away from Tad, he smiled at the two ladies. “Please, have a seat. My brother should be down soon. He wants to make sure every strand of his hair is in place. The gentleman is meticulous in everything.”
So Stephen didn’t just pick on his sister. He picked on his brother as well. Tad had a feeling that Loretta would be a lot happier once she was no longer living under the same roof with him.
Celia sat in the chair nearest Loret
ta—which happened to be the furthest from Stephen. If Tad had to guess, he would say Celia was as happy to be paired up with Stephen as Stephen was to be paired up with her.
Lady Hedwrett sat in a chair that put her directly across from Tad and Loretta.
Tad and Stephen settled back into their respective seats.
“Who would like some tea?” Loretta asked. Since both ladies indicated they would like something to drink, Loretta hurried to pour tea into their cups. After she handed them their tea, she turned to Tad and gestured to his empty cup. “Would you like another one?”
“No, thank you,” he replied.
“He would like a large glass of brandy, though,” Stephen said with a wink.
Tad glared at him. Just how far was her brother going to take this? It was one thing to make the snide comments when the ladies weren’t around, but to do it with them right there was at the height of poor manners.
“Ah, Stephen, you’re as charming as ever,” Celia said with a roll of her eyes.
“Thank you,” he replied. “You’ll be happy to know it’s my duty to escort you to dinner this evening.”
“I’m only here for my friend,” Celia said. “Having you as an escort, as dreadful as it may be, won’t deter me from sharing in my friend’s good fortune.” Her gaze went to Loretta and Tad, and she smiled. “I’m glad I can share in the joy of your marriage.”
“Well, I wish Brad was willing to escort you instead,” Stephen muttered. “There are other things I could be doing this evening that are much more interesting.”
“I would rather be escorted by someone else, too, but he was busy this evening and couldn’t make it.”
Under ordinary circumstances, Tad wouldn’t care who she was talking about, but Loretta shifted next to him in a way that indicated her discomfort. He suspected the gentleman Celia referred to hadn’t really been busy. It’d simply been an excuse to get out of coming here this evening, and if he guessed right, the gentleman didn’t wish to come specifically because he would have had to be Celia’s escort. If he had to guess further, the gentleman in question was Corin, who she’d been trying too hard to impress at the Duke of Silverton’s ball.
“I don’t understand your need to argue,” Lady Hedwrett spoke up, glancing from Celia to Stephen. “It’s only one dinner. Who cares who escorts which lady? Except for the two about to marry,” she gestured to Tad and Loretta, “I don’t see why it matters. After this evening, you two don’t have to talk to each other again if you don’t want to.”
“That’s the way to look at it,” Tad agreed. “I don’t see why you both persist in arguing over something that makes little difference.”
“That would be true if Stephen wasn’t Loretta’s brother,” Celia countered. “Loretta and I are friends. Unfortunately, that requires me to see him from time to time.”
“Those interactions will be greatly diminished now that we’re marrying,” Tad replied. “When you visit your friend, you’ll be coming to my townhouse instead of this one.”
Celia nodded. “I hadn’t thought of it that way, but you’re right.” With a smile at Stephen, she added, “I supposed I can bear with your freckled face and large nose for one more evening.”
Stephen opened his mouth to respond when Brad came into the room and told him, “If you want this week’s allowance, I suggest you stop arguing with Celia.”
Stephen shut his mouth.
Brad sat next to Lady Hedwrett. “I’m glad everyone was able to make it this evening. I thought it was fitting to have a small dinner party to celebrate Loretta’s engagement. I have a special menu planned for this evening, and I purchased the best sherry in London for the meal.”
“Thank you, Brad,” Loretta said. “That’s very kind of you.”
“Kind?” Stephen asked. “He’s celebrating because we’re getting rid of you.”
“No, I’m not,” Brad replied. “Loretta’s been a good friend over the past couple of weeks.”
“You’re only saying that because she’s going to be out of here after tomorrow morning,” Stephen said.
Brad sighed.
Celia turned her gaze to Lady Hedwrett. “I warned you that this was how the evening was going to be. That’s why I wanted to make sure you really wanted to come here.”
“I don’t mind,” Lady Hedwrett said. “I’m not married to any of the gentlemen in this room. When I leave, I get to go to the peace of my own townhouse.”
Stephen looked as if he was ready to respond, but thankfully, the butler came in to announce that dinner was ready.
Relieved, Tad stood up from the settee and offered his arm to Loretta. He didn’t know if Stephen was annoying because he honestly had contempt for everyone else or because he was looking for attention.
Either way, he was glad he wouldn’t be bringing the gentleman home with him after the wedding. It was enough that he had to bear with him this evening. Loretta had no idea how glad he was that she was nothing like her younger brother. With a smile at her, he led her out of the room.
Chapter Twelve
Up to now, the marriage had only been something Loretta had been telling others about. But being escorted to dinner by Tad and sharing a meal with him made it seem real. She didn’t know if the realization was making her excited or nervous. Maybe it was a little of both. At long last, she had the assurance that she wouldn’t end up an old spinster living with her brothers for the rest of her life. That, in itself, was a much welcome relief.
To be a widow was one thing. No one pitied them. But people did pity ladies who’d never had a husband. People always wondered what was wrong with them. It was bad enough people knew of her failed engagement to Anthony, especially since Damara was a much nicer lady than she was. Now, at least, they would think she’d been secretly in love with Tad the entire time. How she owed him for coming up with that lie!
During the meal, these thoughts went through her mind while the gentlemen talked. It seemed the topic of interest revolved mostly around the upcoming balls and which ones were worth going to. Their reason for going had more to do with establishing business contacts, not to impress any notable members of society, and for that reason, she only half listened.
She couldn’t help but notice, however, that Lady Hedwrett also chimed in, listing the balls she was interested in going to. Lady Hedwrett seemed to know as much about the people in London as Lady Eloise did, though Loretta noted she was willing to attend balls hosted by those not highly esteemed by the Ton. Lady Eloise, for instance, would never attend one of Lord Edon’s balls, even if he was known for his fine taste in music.
At one point during the meal, Loretta caught Tad watching her. He offered her a smile, and she smiled in return. Then, he turned his attention back to the dish in front of him, and though she tried to do the same, she found it difficult to get rid of the funny sensation in the pit of her stomach. She thought about looking back at him to see if she could make sense out of the strange sensation, but she didn’t dare. She couldn’t explain why she didn’t dare. She just knew she didn’t.
When the meal was over, Tad gave her a kiss on the cheek. Stephen, who happened to be looking their way at the moment, widened his eyes in surprise. Tad had given her the kiss for Stephen’s benefit. She whispered her thanks to Tad and then joined the ladies in going to the drawing room.
On her way there, Celia fell into step beside her and whispered, “Tad does a marvelous job of playing the part of the devoted betrothed. He was smiling at you all through dinner, and then he kissed you in front of everyone.”
“He did that because Stephen’s been difficult this evening,” Loretta said.
“When is Stephen not difficult?” Celia turned to Lady Hedwrett, who was a few steps behind them. “Candace, you have impeccable manners.”
Candace returned Celia’s smile. “Thank you. I grew up with a father who demanded I always conduct myself as if I was sitting with a king or queen.”
“His demands paid off,” Celia replied.
>
The three entered the room. Loretta and Celia sat on the settee while Candace sat in the chair across from them.
“If you wouldn’t go to balls hosted by gentlemen like Lord Edon or Lord Dodsworth,” Celia began, “you would be an excellent candidate to join Ladies of Grace. Loretta and I are both in it. Lady Eloise formed the elite group. Have you heard of it?”
“I have,” Candace replied.
The butler brought in a tray with tea, and set it on the table between them. After he left, Loretta decided to shut the doors so they could have their privacy. When she returned to the settee, Celia handed her one of the cups.
“I think you would be a good addition to the group,” Celia told Candace. “Between the way you conducted yourself at my brother’s dinner party and here this evening, I believe Lady Eloise would gladly welcome you.”
Candace took a sip of her tea then answered, “I appreciate the praise, but I’ve lived under the thumb of two gentlemen. One was my father. The other was my husband. I hadn’t known freedom of any sort until I became a widow. Once my mourning period was over, I vowed that I would never be at the whims of another person. I’m well aware of the strict requirements Ladies of Grace employ, and I have no desire to watch every little thing I say or do. I hope you understand.”
“Lady Eloise is very particular about how we do things,” Loretta said. “We can’t even wear the same gown twice unless we modify it so that it doesn’t look like it’s the same one.”
“Which wouldn’t be a problem given your wealth,” Celia told Candace. “Lord Hedwrett was one of the wealthier gentlemen in London.”
“Yes, but there’s more to life than what one wears,” Candace replied. “I like being able to go to any ball or dinner party I want. I’m my own person as a widow. For the first time in my life, I’m free to be who I really am.”
“Does that mean you have no intention of taking another husband?” Loretta asked.
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