Fleeing Alpha Centauri, the remains of the frontline allied defence forces made their way to Sol, arriving barely ninety minutes later, to join the naval fleet holding position around Earth and preparing to make a last stand against the Senate’s Mistake.
*
Estelle looked at herself in the mirror, at the face that had changed so much over the past seven years. There were wrinkles, huge bags under her eyes, and many blotches all over her skin from where the worry and the stress had left permanent marks.
But that wasn’t the worst of it. That remained hidden beneath the headscarf she wore, where no one could see it. She reached up and slowly unpinned it, unwinding it and putting it down on her bed, avoiding looking in the mirror until she was ready. She raised her eyes at last, staring down her reflection.
Her once jet-black hair had turned completely white over the course of the past eighteen months. Barely a single dark strand remained, the grey having crept in gradually, almost completely undetectable at first. She, herself, had only noticed it in the last few months, though others seemed to have picked up on it sooner. They would stare at her as she walked past them, as well as in the messdeck as she ate. She wondered at first if it was something else, if perhaps they were looking to her for leadership, for hope. Then Kelly had asked whether her mother or father had turned grey early in life. They hadn’t.
In the weeks that followed, as the war had intensified, going from bad to worse, and it had become increasingly clear that their backs were against a wall, Estelle had seen her natural colour fade fast, to be replaced by the ageing greys. The medical teams had explained to her that it was directly linked to her stress level. The effects were irreversible.
She ran her hands gently through the mass of grey and white strands, sure that they were tender and brittle, threatening to come loose and breaking off at the merest brush with her fingers. Fearing great clumps coming away in her hands, she stopped. A single thread drifted gently down to the floor as she did so. She ignored it. She had cut her hair shorter, so that she could wear a cap in the shower and a headscarf around the ship, without needing to go through the trouble of always tying her hair up. It was odd that, in the midst of war, people still noticed. And she still cared. It wasn’t just vanity – it felt like physical evidence she couldn’t cope, that she wasn’t up to it.
How had it come to this? The world she had known had been completely destroyed, torn apart by an unstoppable force that couldn’t be reasoned with. Hadn’t she joined the navy to prevent such things from happening? There were other reasons, yes. She had joined to make a name for herself, to prove that a person could rise above the life they had been born into; that being a waitress or an office temp were only passing jobs, stepping stones to help her overcome the hand she had been dealt; to prove that Estelle de Winter, once a poor girl from Tilli living a life close to the poverty line, could aspire to and achieve great things, and become a role model for others.
She had done great things with her life, though often not as quickly as she had wanted to. Graduating flight school as one of the best in class, making officer and finding the promotions there for the taking, soon leading a squadron, always the wing commander. Then had come the ATAF program, and it had all gone downhill. The signs of the terrible prospects had been there, hiding yet in plain sight. A civil war, a powerful new starfighter, the unexplainable hijacking of a monstrous battleship. It was all so obvious; even Dodds had noticed. But she hadn’t, and in the years that had followed the strong, ambitious woman that had been Estelle de Winter had started to lose her way.
Where had that woman gone? she wondered. The one who had stood up and demanded more, the one who had seen her salary eclipse the combined incomes of her family and more, in only a few years. That woman seemed to have disappeared, retreating when she discovered that she was out of her depth, had bitten off more than she could chew, and had been defeated and overcome by the trials laid before her. The next challenge had presented itself, asking her to do the impossible and save the human race from total annihilation. But she had failed the task, and now her permanent white hair and heart palpitations must serve as the rewards she would carry with her for the remainder of her possibly short life.
Was this her best? Had she hit her limit? Standing before the small mirror in the tiny stateroom that she shared with Kelly, surrounded by the few personal possessions she still clung to, she was certain it was. She put her hand over her heart. The beat was strong and steady, but faster than she knew it should be. The drugs and cigarettes didn’t work any more, and now neither did the embrace and company of Marcus Willis.
She had turned to him around the same time that her hair had started to grey, finding his looks and somewhat boyish mannerisms an ideal replacement for Dodds. A pilot, too, she didn’t always command the wing he flew with, but always appreciated the comfort of his presence whenever she did.
But no. Something had changed recently, something that had made her start to move away from him. Whether it was because they seemed to be drawing closer to the end or because it had taken her this long to realise it, there was only one person she needed in her life now – Simon Dodds.
Marcus was someone who had been there when she needed him. She knew she should be grateful. At least she had him, others had no one. She was still alive, too. But what kind of life was this? It was more like waiting to die. No, she still had her family. They were now permanent guests of the Dodds’ Orchard on Earth, working to both keep the farm running and keep it safe. People had gone crazy in the last few months, she’d heard. More reason to return to Dodds and rediscover that element that always drew her to him. Bumpy though their relationship had been, she had always found a lot of stability there.
She heard someone at the door, wanting to come in. She had locked it behind herself when she had returned. There was a jingle and then a voice from the intercom.
“Estelle?”
“Yes,” Estelle answered.
“It’s Kelly.”
Estelle let her in, using the control on the inside of the quarters to open the door only wide enough for the small woman to squeeze in through the gap. “Are you okay?” Kelly asked.
Be strong, Estelle told herself. You’ve always been strong in front of Kelly and everyone else. You’ve never betrayed your true feelings to anyone, not even Dodds. Don’t let her know what you’re really thinking. Estelle stood there for a moment, before she felt her shoulders begin to shake. It was no use. “No …” she said. “No, I’m not.” She felt the tears coming fresh again and was unable to hold them back this time.
Kelly came forward and embraced her, hugging her tight. That only made things worse. “What’s wrong?” she asked.
“I can’t do this any more, Kelly,” Estelle said.
“Do what?”
“Everything! The fighting, the losing, the wondering if friends are dead. The total uncertainty …” She broke their embrace, wiping away her tears and working on getting her breathing back under control. “I’ve tried to be strong for everyone, telling Dodds, Enrique and Chaz that we need to keep going, need to find a way to beat the enemy, almost giving Aiden and Sima orders when I felt they might be flagging.” She shook her head. “But I can’t do it any more. It’s over. We’ve lost, Kelly.”
“We haven’t lost, Estelle—” Kelly started.
“Kelly, we’ve just suffered one of our greatest defeats in recent months,” Estelle cut in. “We’re left with only Sol to defend, and we probably didn’t even meet their entire fleet at Alpha Centauri. There’s a good chance we only met half of it.”
“Be strong, Estelle, this isn’t you.”
“This has always been me!” Estelle cried, unable to help herself. She then saw tears beginning to slide down Kelly’s face, and realised that she was now spreading her pain and depression onto the closest friend she’d ever had. That wasn’t fair. “I’m sorry, Kelly,” she said. She embraced Kelly once more, but felt the woman trembling with her sobs.
&nb
sp; “Oh, come on, girls,” a voice came from the doorway. “I was doing okay until I came down here.”
Estelle looked up as Kelly broke their embrace, seeing that Aiden Meyers had appeared in the small quarters the two women shared. She mustn’t have sealed the door after Kelly had entered. Meyers now did so, turning to the control panel and engaging the lock.
“Commodore,” Estelle said, letting Kelly go and attempting to present a suitable standard of correctness. Meyers waved it away and wiped at his eyes where there was noticeable wetness. Apparently, he too had been weeping. Or maybe only when he had seen the two pilots freely letting their emotions out.
“What can I do for you, Commodore?” Estelle said. “Is everything okay?”
“I just came here to see how you were doing,” Meyers said. “I wanted to make sure that you both made it back to the ship in one piece.”
“We did. Everything is okay.” Estelle became aware that Meyers was staring at her hair. She couldn’t be sure of whether he had ever seen the mass of greys before. If it was causing him any shock, then he was hiding it well. Still, realising Estelle de Winter, a woman that had always been prepared to fight to the bitter end, was finally giving in may well have contributed to his bottled-up misery. They had all been so sure and confident of their chances of victory before that last encounter.
“Are you okay, Captain?” Kelly said.
“If I’m being entirely honest, no,” Meyers said, after a moment. “As a part of senior command, as a high ranking officer and starship captain, I’m suppose to always present a serious and proper manner, never letting my emotions get in the way or show.” He shrugged and sniffed a little. “But I’m only human.”
“It’s okay, sir,” Kelly said. “We understand.”
“Did Mandeep make it?” Estelle said.
Meyers nodded. “Yes, but we lost a lot of ships, some just before they made it into jump. And sadly, one of those was the Vortex of Justice.”
Estelle felt her shoulders sag. The Vortex of Justice was their last remaining Drake-class dreadnought. After the loss of Cratos, the Vortex of Justice was all that had been left. In large scale encounters – the sort of battles the allied forces almost always fought against the Pandoran fleet – frigates, battleships and carriers could only push forward so far. Dreadnoughts went further, like a snowplough creating a path for others to follow. It was the Vortex Estelle had seen facing off against Dragon, as the colossal battleship had approached Sky. Even with all its power and defence, the dreadnought had never stood a chance, not against Dragon. Now the allied forces had no muscle ships remaining.
“In total, we definitely lost sixteen,” Meyers went on. “Nine more are unaccounted for, and twenty-three made it into jump. Of the surviving, we think that two may no longer be combat worthy. Total starfighter and personnel losses are still being worked out.”
Neither Estelle or Kelly said anything. There really wasn’t much that could be said. It was the same story as always.
Estelle’s eyes fell upon her Kyllini, that lay on the top bunk. The little light that would notify her of incoming messages remained dull. “Have you heard from Griffin at all?” Estelle said, looking back at Meyers.
“No,” Meyers said. “We’ll be arriving at Sol in around thirty minutes, so we’ll know more then.” Estelle noticed that he was looking at her hair again. Kelly seemed to notice, too.
“Oh,” Kelly suddenly said to Estelle. “I managed to get you something.” She rummaged around under her bed, pulling aside a clutter of clothes and other random items that lived there, before presenting Estelle with a small box. “Hair dye,” she said, as Estelle took it from her. “I’m afraid I couldn’t get anything closer to your natural colour.”
Estelle turned the box over, seeing it detailing the colour as ‘Raven Black’. She had once worn something similar as a teenager. It was far darker than her natural colour, and would actually be quite noticeable to those who knew her well. Still, she was grateful that Kelly had found it for her. “Thank you,” she said. “Where did you find it?”
“It was in Miscellaneous Consumables,” Kelly said, almost a little apologetically.
Miscellaneous Consumables, a store of items made up of the belongings of former serving crew, who had lost their lives. A lot of things were starting to find their way there now, and there were fewer and fewer crew to pick through the offerings. The hair dye she held would’ve once belonged to someone who had died in the line of duty.
“I hope that’s okay,” Kelly added.
“It’s perfect,” Estelle said, suppressing a sigh. She sniffed back her remaining tears, then said, “I’m going to go and use this straight away.”
“You can have my private washroom,” Meyers said, starting for the door. “I need to return to the bridge and prepare for our arrival at Sol.”
Estelle thanked him, wrapped a towel around her head and followed him out.
*
Estelle returned to the quarters a little while later to find that Kelly wasn’t alone. Two men had joined her, and it was clear that Kelly was trying to defuse some sort of situation.
“What’s going on?” Estelle asked. One of the men turned around. “Marcus, what are you doing here? Who is that?” she added, pointing to the man Marcus looked to be gently restraining.
“He came by looking for you, saying he needed to thank you for helping him,” Kelly explained. “Marcus happened to come by at the same time.”
“Who are you?” Estelle demanded of the stranger.
“I just wanted to thank you for saving my life!” the man said. He didn’t appear dangerous, more relieved and insistent on showing Estelle his gratitude. Estelle wasn’t sure what he was talking about, but it seemed he meant more than her contributions to the fight they had attempted to put up.
“Explain yourself,” Estelle said, as Marcus gently, yet firmly, held the man in place.
“First Lieutenant Kurt Camden, UNF,” the man said, with an awkward salute. “I was part of the primary defence team of Amarok. My Firefly was damaged and I couldn’t eject. I was stranded and drifting. I then saw everyone starting to jump out of Alpha and thought I was done for. I was right next to one of the points, too, but was certain that I was going to be left behind. But then you grabbed me with your tow cable as you came past, and pulled me to safety. I just wanted to say thank you.”
Realisation dawned on Kelly’s face. “That wasn’t Captain de Winter,” she said. “That was me.”
Kurt looked around at her. “Thank you! Thank you!” With some gesturing, he encouraged her off the bed, where she had been sitting cross-legged, journal in hand, and gave her a hug. Marcus eyed the man closely, but it was clear that this was genuine gratitude and no nefarious intent was meant.
“I don’t care what anyone else says about you two,” Kurt said, still hugging Kelly tightly. “You’re alright in my book.”
Eh? Estelle thought. What does that mean?
“Okay, come on,” Marcus said, once he was sure that Kelly had had enough. “I’ll make sure that the lieutenant is correctly processed. Are you two okay?” The two women nodded that they were. “Okay. I’ll see you later.” He glanced over Estelle’s hair momentarily, before leaving with Kurt.
“I’m sorry,” Kelly said, returning to her bed and picking up her journal. “I snagged a Firefly that I saw drifting as we jumped out of Alpha, and brought it in with me. I didn’t check on the pilot, as I didn’t want them to make a fuss. I forgot how easily he might be able to find us.”
“Doesn’t matter,” Estelle waved away the apology and locked the door once more. “You were just saving whomever you could.”
“Looks good,” Kelly said, her eyes moving over Estelle’s new hair. “It looks great, in fact.”
“Thanks,” Estelle said. The results were better than she had expected, giving her the confidence to come back to her quarters without covering her head. She turned to the mirror, examining it once more in the light of the quarters, findin
g it satisfactory. She looked back to Kelly. “You’re still keeping your journal?”
“Of course,” Kelly said, far cheerier than she had been earlier. “These closing events are going to be the most important.”
“But … who’s going to read them?” Estelle asked. She couldn’t help but ask. The chore seemed so futile.
“We will, Estelle,” Kelly said, with total sincerity. “And so will our children. So will the survivors, and so will many generations to come. What I’m writing here will become an important piece of the history of the Pandoran War. That’s what I’m calling it, by the way,” she added, as Estelle frowned.
“You really believe that?”
“Yes,” Kelly said. “Yes, I do.”
Estelle found Kelly’s optimism remarkable. With the exception of her sobs earlier, Kelly had managed to remain assured throughout that they would emerge victorious over the Pandoran forces. How did she manage it, especially after all that she had suffered? Kelly had been her rock over these last few years, as well as that of a great number of others. She considered for a moment that Kelly was actually losing her mind and was now living in a dream world. She speculated about the contents of the journal. Did it really contain all that Kelly claimed? Or would a peek inside reveal nothing but the same sentence repeated over and over again …
“Oh, I never told you about the message I received from Enrique,” Kelly said, continuing to swish the stylus across the surface of the tablet. “He told me about something that they discovered in Kethlan.”
The Battle for the Solar System (Complete Trilogy) Page 106
