Cookie and the Most Annoying Girl in the World
Page 2
Selina assures me that Suzie will get a very small portion of chips today and I giggle as I head over to Keziah and Axel, who are already sitting down at a table, munching on their lunch and chatting away.
Turns out Axel hasn’t even been invited to Suzie’s party. She can be SO mean sometimes. She’s invited every other person in the class. She’d claim it was an oversight if anyone pulled her up on it, but I know that she didn’t invite Axel ‘I always look at the floor’ Kahn on purpose because he’s not very popular. Axel doesn’t seem to mind in the slightest, though.
Well, Axel is welcome at my party, so that’s four definites – including me.
After we finish our food, we go around telling everyone about the party. We even get some good eco-conscious party suggestions …
I’m loving everyone’s input. If people feel they’ve helped to contribute, they’ll definitely want to come. Maybe I’ll even get the same number of guests as Suzie.
By the end of lunchtime, I’m starting to think I might even beat her. I tell Tayo Akinola he can DJ and he says, of his own accord, that he can try and pick music that’s environmentally friendly!!! I have no idea what he means by that (maybe music about nature and animals?!) but I go along with it anyhow as it seems to make him happy!
I’m SO excited about the whole thing. When I get home, I run up to Roubi’s room and ask her to help me design an invite. I’m thinking that I could maybe even write on it that for every acceptance I get, a donation will go to Friends of the Earth or some other environmental charity. But maybe that would be weird – like I was trying to guilt-trip people into coming.
Where would I hold it? I haven’t even thought about a venue yet. In the local park? Or better still, the community nature reserve? But it might be too cold or too rainy. The back garden would probably be best. Still close to nature but we could always go inside if we needed to. I run downstairs to check with Mum, who’s busily scrawling something on the kitchen calendar. She’s not really listening to me and is just pretending to, the way mums sometimes do …
Me: ‘So I think I’ll have my party here.’
Mum: ‘Oh, OK.’
Me: ‘For my birthday.’
Mum: ‘Oh, OK.’
Me: ‘Great. Saturday.’
Mum: ‘OK.’
Me: ‘That’s the Saturday after next.’
Mum: ‘OK.’
Me: ‘Saturday the 16th.’
Mum: ‘Huh? Saturday the 16th? Oh … no, that’s not OK. Sorry! We’re going to Uncle Mehdi’s that day. They’re having a big celebration at their house and your cousin’s cousin’s brother-in-law’s cousin’s cousin and their family are visiting from Canada so we have to go.’
Me: ‘Ugh! But that’s my birthday! Don’t you even know when your own daughter’s birthday is?!
Mum: ‘Sorry, Roubi, I’m thinking about something else right now!’
Me: ‘Urghhhhh! I’m Cookie!!! Don’t you even know who your own daughter is?!’
Mum: ‘That’s nice.’
No. Way. So unfair. No birthday party for me on my tenth birthday. The big 1-0! A decade old! A tenth of a century! Double figures! Typical. Everyone will go and have fun at Suzie’s now and, worse still, I’ll be stuck at Uncle Mehdi’s. Great. Just great. Worst birthday ever.
CHAPTER 3
The Best Birthday Ever!
There are 364 other days in the year on which Uncle Mehdi could have had his party. But oh no, he has to go and choose the one day that is MY BIRTHDAY. Keziah suggests I have my party on the Sunday instead but I’ve gone right off the idea now. Besides, I don’t want Suzie to think I’ve changed the date because I’m worried about the competition.
I also don’t want people going to both parties and comparing mine to hers. That would be way too stressful. Anyhow, big parties aren’t really my thing, which is why I never have them …
The pressure is just too much. I like going to other people’s parties but holding my own … no thanks! I’ll go to the cinema with Keziah and Jake on the Sunday instead. We could even get pizza afterwards. Much less stressful. Why didn’t I think of that before?
‘Pizza and cinema sounds good,’ says Jake.
‘And if you change your mind we can still invite the rest of the class,’ laughs Keziah.
‘What d’you want as a present?’ asks Jake.
‘You guys don’t need to get me anything – your friendship is enough!’ I say, giving Keziah a massive bear hug.
‘Awww, shucks!’ she says, planting a huge kiss on my cheek.
‘But what are you getting from your parents?’ Jake asks.
‘I’ve been dropping loads of hints that I want a bike,’ I reply, ‘but I’m not sure that I’ve made it clear enough.’
‘I bet they’ve got you one,’ says Jake. ‘They totally picked up on you wanting a pet when they got you your fish.’
Suzie’s been telling everyone that she’s getting Aliana Tiny tickets from her parents. Most of our class are into Aliana, especially Jake. She should be so lucky though. Apparently those tickets are now selling for £300 each on the Internet.
Unless, of course, her parents got them the minute they went on sale, which, thinking about it, they probably would have done. Knowing Suzie, they’re most likely VIP tickets. Her parents have connections. They always seem to know someone who knows someone who can pull strings for just about anything.
Not only is Suzie going to have an amazing party with the whole class (well, minus Keziah, Jake and Axel), but she’s probably going to be in a private box at Wembley with cushioned seats and pot plants.
Anyway, what am I so bothered about? I don’t even like Aliana Tiny. Although her songs are really catchy, the lyrics are soooo rubbish.
They don’t even make sense … Am who you be?!! What does that even mean?!!!
I don’t ask for much in life. I wouldn’t be fussed about having a box at an Aliana Tiny gig. I’m not even having a party. But pleeeeaaassseee can I get a bicycle?!!!
The morning of my birthday, I’m up and out of bed by 6.30 a.m. I glance in the mirror and actually think I look a bit older and more mature. I’m not sure why but I reckon my face has lost a bit of puppy fat in the night or something.
Everyone else is still asleep. I go downstairs and there on the kitchen table is an envelope with my name on it. No bike in view anywhere, but then again, it’s not an easy present to wrap so maybe it’s in the shed or something. I open my birthday card. On the front, there’s a picture of a bike and underneath it says ‘Have a wheelie good birthday’. Well, I would if I had a bike …
Inside is a gift voucher for twenty-five pounds towards a bike from Mike’s Bikes (our local bike shop) and a complimentary bell of my choosing, costing four pounds or under. Can you even get a bell for four pounds or under?!
Roubi comes downstairs and gives me a present from her and Nahid (my other sister who’s at uni). It’s an Aliana Tiny piggy bank so I can start saving up for the bike! Thanks, guys!
Great. No bike. No party. Uncle Mehdi’s instead. Worst birthday ever.
Uncle Mehdi is my dad’s cousin. He has two daughters – Amaya who is eighteen months and Aaliyah who is three years old – and they are both utterly adorable. They look up to me like the older sister they never had. Although I guess one of them does have an older sister. Not one as cool as me though …
Today, as per usual, Aaliyah follows me about everywhere and Amaya just loves being cuddled by me. I spend most of my time at my uncle’s playing with them so I don’t have to speak to anyone else, as I’m not in the mood for chit-chat. My uncle’s favourite topics of conversation are the weather (whether it’s good or bad), the traffic (whether it’s good or bad) and the government (whether they’re good or bad). BORING!
Meanwhile, all my other relatives keep going on about how much I’ve grown. Why do adults continually find this so fascinating? Yep!! Well done!! I’ve grown! Of course I have! I’m a child – it’s what children do! We grow!! You haven’t seen me
in ages! It’d be a bit weird if I hadn’t grown, wouldn’t it?! It’s how the human body works! We ingest food and we grow!!! You grew too. That’s why you’re a grown-up … you grew up. The clue is in the title. GROWN. UP. Imagine if I was still the same size as five years ago?
After we’ve eaten, Amaya and Aaliyah are whisked away to bed. I wander into my uncle’s study and log on to the computer. Suzie’s party would be finishing round about now. I pull up her Instagram feed to see if she’s posted anything. Eww! It seems this was the event of the century. She’s practically live-streaming the whole party. How can she be entertaining anyone if she’s been posting pictures every five seconds?!!
Nothing about this party says ‘Save the Planet’. There’s enough plastic there to rival a Barbie factory.
There’s a huge plastic banner hung from the ceiling across the wall and balloons everywhere. Suzie and everyone else are guzzling from plastic cups and plastic bottles with plastic straws and eating off plastic plates. I can even see plastic goody bags lined up on the table in the background of one photo. Huh?! There’s a goody bag with my name on it! Awww! That’s nice! Perhaps she’ll save it for me. Poor Suzie! Maybe I’ve been a bit hard on her. At least she’s trying to grasp the concept of saving the planet.
I smile to myself as I scroll through more photos, then do a double-take as I look at one … hang on … it can’t be! I feel sick and betrayed. No! It can’t be! Can it? It is. There in the corner of one of the pictures are Jake and Keziah!!!!
How could they go to Suzie’s party without me? They promised they wouldn’t! TRAITORS!!!! I feel sick.
‘Knock, knock, knock! Where is she?’ comes Uncle Mehdi’s voice at that same moment. ‘Little Miss Birthday Girl! I’ve hardly seen you today!’
That’s because I’ve been avoiding everyone, I think, as he enters the study. Please not now! I’ve just been dealt a terrible blow.
‘Did you guys get here OK? Traffic so bad, and weather so awful. I blame the government! Wow, Cookie! You’ve grown.’
Before I can reply ‘Really? How strange,’ he introduces me to my cousin’s cousin’s brother-in-law’s cousin’s cousin, Zahid.
‘Hi Cookie, nice to meet you,’ says Zahid. ‘Happy birthday! These are for you – I got them through my work!’
‘Amaya and Aaliyah are too young for them, even though she’s their favourite,’ says Uncle Mehdi.
I have no idea what on earth they’re talking about, but then I open the envelope …
No way!
Noooooo waaaaaay!
NOOOOOOOO WAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYY!!!!
TWO TICKETS TO THE ALIANA TINY GIG! UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!!!
‘Thanks so much! I love Aliana Tiny!’ I declare. ‘She’s my favourite!’
And all of a sudden, she was! I start singing, ‘Be who you am, am who you be, say what you like, you’ll never be me!’ surprising even myself.
Wait till everyone finds out I have two tickets to the Aliana Tiny concert! I’ll be the envy of the school. Maybe not such a bad birthday after all!
CHAPTER 4
Traitors!
The next morning, I realise that Suzie Ashby can’t have got Aliana Tiny tickets for her birthday because if she had done, she would definitely have posted about it on Instagram. She’s put pictures of all her other hundreds of presents up there. I’m still annoyed at the fact that she stole my ‘Save the Planet’ party idea and that she didn’t invite poor Axel to it. I decide to email her right away to give her a taste of her own medicine.
I get Mum to log me on to the school network.
To: Suzie Ashby
From: Cookie Haque
Time: 09.27
Hey babes [Suzie], or should I say birthday buddy! [Sucking up to Suzie while also reminding her we are the same star sign]. Just wanted to say sooooooooo [so] totes [totally] annoying that I had to miss out on your soirée [party]. As you know, I had to meet my cuz [cousin] who jet-setted [flew] in for my birthday [well, four days that happened to include my birthday] so I totes [totally] even had to ditch [cancel] my own do [party]. Bummer [so annoying]. What I couldn’t tell you before [cos I didn’t know] as it was top secret [like I said, I didn’t know] was that my cuz [well, my cousin’s cousin’s brother-in-law’s cousin’s cousin to be precise] knows Aliana [works for the same firm of accountants that do her accounts]. He’s Canadian like her [he’s Canadian like her]. So as you have tickets [I know you don’t] and I have tickets [I do, hah hah], maybe we should all go together??!!
Laters [that’s it for now]
Cookie XXXXXXXX [lots of kisses to curry favour]
It’s not long before I get a reply …
To: Cookie Haque
From: Suzie Ashby
Time: 09.43
Angel pie [me],
Really missed you yesterday [don’t really care you weren’t there but I know you have Aliana tickets ]. Wasn’t the same without you [like I said, don’t really care you weren’t there but I know you have Aliana tickets ]. Total mix up with my birthday list means I didn’t get any Altix [Aliana tickets?!!!] after all [my parents couldn’t get hold of any despite pulling all possible strings ]. Totes amazing you’re going [totally jealous and annoyed you’re going and I’m not ]. If you need anyone to go with, I’d be more than happy to … [YOU MUST TAKE ME WITH YOU!!! ]
Huge love [not really huge love but please take me with you!!!]
Suzie XXXXX [lots of kisses to curry favour]
P.S. I’ve saved your party bag for you [bribery to curry even more favour]
OMG!! The power of Aliana tickets. I feel a bit bad, but then again Suzie’s done so much mean stuff over the years – this seems minor in comparison. I play hard to get and wait an hour before sending a reply.
To: Suzie Ashby
From: Cookie Haque
Time: 10.43
Babycakes [Suzie],
Not sure who I’m taking yet but will defs bear you in mind. [Not sure who I’m taking yet and will definitely make the most of this opportunity for you to beg me for it ].
See ya tomoz [see you tomorrow ]
Cookie xxx [small kisses to treat you mean and keep you keen]
Suzie replies instantly …
To: Cookie Haque
From: Suzie Ashby
Time: 10.44
OK gorgeous [ OK]
Love ya Xxx. [Don’t really but I WANT
THOSE TICKETS!!]
Suzie is ALL OVER ME. This is great! I decide to send out another email to the whole class to spread the word that I have Aliana tickets!
To: Undisclosed recipients [Everyone in Sparrowhawk class]
From: Cookie Haque
Time: 11.09
Hey y’all,
Hope you’re having an AMAZING weekend. Just wondering whether anyone else is going to the Aliana ‘Be Who You Am’ exclusive UK gig? Thought it might be fun to go as a group if so …
Let me know
Love Cookie Xxxxx
I know that no one else is going to the gig but this is good PR for me. The ‘Be Who You Am Tour’ is Aliana’s first long-awaited global tour and has been in the news for ages and now I’m a part of its UK leg!!
I get an instant reply! I knew this would get everyone excited. I click it open …
To: Cookie Haque
From: Manjula Mannan [Mrs Mannan]
Time: 11.11
Sorry, Cookie, I am busy that day. [Sorry but I don’t want to go out with a bunch of kids to an Aliana Tiny gig on my day off. The lyrics are catchy though!]
Best regards, [Go away now!]
Mrs Mannan [Manjula apparently?! It’s funny that teachers have first names]
Oops! I forgot to delete Mrs Mannan from the class list. Thank goodness she’s busy! Phew!
Luckily she’s not the only person who replies. Loads of the class get in touch to find out more or to say how lucky I am. Even Axel emails back …
To: Cookie Haque
From: Axel Kahn
Time: 11.29
&nbs
p; Hi … Are you serious?
Axel
I love Axel’s weirdness. I giggle to myself but then an email from Keziah pops up and I remember we’re supposed to be going to the cinema today with Jake. No thanks! Traitors!
To: Cookie Haque
From: Keziah King
Time: 11.31
Hey Cook …
Aliana?!! Ha, ha! No way!!
Call you after lunch to find out more!!!
KK Xxxx
P.S. Shall I bike to yours before the cinema? Could come at around 2.30/3?
KK is my affectionate nickname for Keziah that I used a lot in the early days. I haven’t called her KK at all this term. Maybe she’s feeling guilty about going to Suzie’s yesterday?
I quickly type out a reply …
To: Keziah King
From: Cookie Haque
Time: 11.34
I’m busy today now so let Jake know that I’m cancelling the cinema trip. Feel free to go without me as you seem to be quite good at that!
Best regards, [go away now]
Cookie [no kisses to show that I’m angry]
Keziah tries to call me but I make Roubi say that I’ve gone out. Ha! Who’s laughing now, I think, looking at my gold embossed Aliana tickets.
It’s really rainy on Monday morning and as we all queue outside school eager to get into the dry, I can tell that word has got around about my birthday gift. It feels like everyone is looking at me knowingly. Random students say hi and everyone’s being extra nice to me.