“I hated to leave him again, especially after I promised him I wouldn’t,” Jordan confessed and rubbed him behind the ears before standing up to look at Kerri. “How about you? How’ve you been? Mom said you weren’t feeling well.”
Shoot. Now her sister was studying her carefully.
“Yeah.” Kerri shrugged. “I had some kind of bug, but I’m on the mend.”
Cole stepped next to Jordan, dropping an arm around her sister’s shoulder while looking at Kerri. “Must be something going around. Seems Connor’s been out of sorts this week, too.”
“Could be.” Hoping her expression appeared neutral, Kerri turned and headed for the drawing room where she heard voices.
After saying hello to the families, she avoided eye contact with Connor and thanked her father when he handed her a glass of wine.
She was ready for the whole darn bottle.
Dang, the cowboy looked good enough to snuggle up to in his red flannel shirt and jeans. Granted, she didn’t allow her gaze to move passed his neck, but her body wasn’t complaining. In fact, it was straining against her sweater, already responding to his nearness.
Stupid body. Yeah, she was going to require more than one glass of wine in order to get through this visit. Emma, thank the Lord, came in a few minutes later and asked to speak with her in the kitchen.
“Sorry to pull you away,” Emma said, looking a little nervous as she twisted her apron. “I wanted to tell you…well…the community fair is coming soon, and I hope you don’t mind, but I signed you up for a few things.”
Kerri’s heart stopped. “What sort of things?”
“Just the Chili Cook-off and the Lunch Basket Raffle.”
Now her stomach rolled. “Oh, Emma I wish you hadn’t.”
“Why?” The cook frowned. “This is a good opportunity for you to show off your cooking skills and advertise your restaurant. It’ll be opening up soon afterwards, right?”
“Yes.” Kerri sighed. “It would be good advertising, I’m just not sure about the raffle. Doesn’t that mean I will have to share lunch with whoever bids the highest for my basket?”
Emma smiled broadly. “Yes. Won’t that be fun? All those young, handsome men vying for your goods.”
Kerri groaned. “That’s what I’m worried about.”
“But why, for goodness sakes?” Now her mentor was frowning. “Just think about all the good that money will do. You know each year a charity is chosen to receive half of the fair’s proceeds along with all the money from the raffle.”
Actually, Kerri had forgotten about that, but she nodded and continued to listen.
“This year, all the proceeds will go toward building a gymnasium and indoor swimming facilities for the local physical rehabilitation center.” Emma’s eyes misted over. “Some of the children there will finally be able to go swimming for the first time in their life. And they’re going to be adding some veteran’s programs in the fall.”
Ashamed, Kerri’s stomach soured at her selfishness. Her discomfort at having to share a lunch with one of the local males was nothing compared to what the veterans or those children had to go through on a daily basis.
“You’re right, and that’s a great charity this year. When is the fair?”
“It’s the first week of April. Thursday thru Sunday.” Emma’s voice was filled with pride as she’d been on the committee for decades now.
“Okay.” She smiled. “Then that gives me a month to come up with a killer lunch.”
“Oh child, I suspect the men will be bidding on your basket to spend time with you, not so much to eat your lunch, no matter how delicious it is.” Emma’s eyes twinkled.
Kerri’s stomach turned. That was exactly why she didn’t want to do it. She was so unsure of herself, and even more so since her disastrous encounter with Connor. The cowboy’s reaction to her kisses once he’d gotten her on the couch confirmed what she’d suspected. She didn’t live up to expectations. Her lack of sensuality left little to be desired. Literally. First, with her ex-husband, and now, with Connor. She’d been looking for validation, and boy, that was it.
Cripes. She wished with all her heart she could fly back to California and leave that cowboy and his words behind.
“I’d better get back,” she said, and left Emma and headed to the dining room where everyone had settled.
Kerri took her usual seat. Unfortunately, it happened to be right across from Connor. Another sip of wine was in order. Maybe two.
Content to let the newlyweds relate a few details of their trip, Kerri discovered they’d also stopped off in L.A. afterward so Jordan could pack up her belongings.
Homesickness for the coast hit Kerri full force, tightening a band across her chest. She’d been happier there.
No, not true, but that’s her story, and she was sticking to it.
Another sip and she managed to ask the right questions at the right time. But Kerri’s nerves began to increase with the pointed glances her sister kept throwing her way.
Since she and Connor were noticeably quiet tonight, Kerri guessed they looked suspicious. Probably...hello…because they were. She bravely stole a few glances at him, but was relieved he had his gaze on his food and not her.
God, she really couldn’t bear it if he looked at her with disinterest in front of everyone.
Kerri was not surprised when, an hour later, her sister asked her to join her upstairs. Yeah, busted. At least her sister had the decency to grill her in private.
Once Jordan shut the door behind them, she motioned for Kerri to sit on the loveseat near the lit fireplace, which cast a soft glow about the bedroom.
Jordan sat down next to her and placed her hand on Kerri’s knee. “All right, we’re alone. Spill it. What’s going on, Kerri?”
Raising her brows she managed to ask calmly, “What do you mean?”
“I mean, you and Connor barely ate a thing, barely said a word and didn’t once look at each other,” Jordan replied firmly. “Now, please tell me what is going on. Did something happen between the two of you?”
Kerri snorted. Yeah, nothing.
Her sister’s sigh mingled with the crackling from the fireplace. Jordan gave her knee a squeeze. “Kerri, tell me what happened. You can’t keep it bottled up.”
Yes, she could. In fact, she was real good at it.
“Kerri, come on.”
She shook her head. “No, Jordan. I have to keep it in, otherwise, I’ll fall apart.”
Jordan’s frown deepened. “What in the world did Connor do to you?”
“Nothing.” That was all she could manage and could see it only worried Jordan all the more.
“Maybe I’d better go have a few words with my handsome but clueless brother-in-law.” Jordan stood and turned to the door.
“No!” Kerri jumped to her feet and placed a hand on her sister’s arm. “Please, Jordan, don’t.”
Her sister turned and looked her straight in the eye. “Kerri, honey, something is terribly wrong, and if you can’t tell me then I am going to ask Connor. I can see you’re in pain, and you know I won’t stand by and watch you suffer.”
“It...It isn’t Connor’s fault,” Kerri stammered.
“What?”
“I said it isn’t really his fault.”
Jordan took her hand and led them back to the loveseat. “Okay, I think you’d better start at the beginning.”
Kerri looked at her sister’s concerned face and a tear trickled down her cheek. “Jordan, I can’t.” She closed her eyes, pushing out a multitude of tears in the process.
Jordan squeezed her hand. “Kerri, you’re scaring me. What could be so bad?”
She opened her eyes and shook her head. God, she just couldn’t voice it.
With a sigh, her sister wiped Kerri’s cheek. “I also brought you up here to tell you that Lance wants to talk to you.”
Kerri’s stomach lurched.
That was the last thing she needed. Hysterical laughter bubbled in her throat, work
ing its way out, startling Jordan who looked at her like she’d grown two heads. No. just two un-admirers.
“Well, that’s just great. I can make it a convention then.” Kerri laughed some more. “We can hold a contest to see who could humiliate me the most.”
Jordan’s frown scrunched her whole face. “What are you talking about? Both Lance and Connor did something to humiliate you?”
Hearing her sister say it out loud sobered Kerri, sucking the smile from her face faster than steam through an overhead fan. “Something like that.”
“Kerri.” Her sister’s voice was soft. “Lots of women are cheated on.”
She couldn’t help the snort that escaped.
“I always thought there was something more to your divorce than you told me. I’m right aren’t I?”
Jordan tried to look in her eyes, but Kerri shot to her feet and walked over to the fireplace, staring at the blaze. Her sister was in bulldog mode now. Her teeth were sunk in with no easing in sight.
Sure enough, Jordan followed her, then laid a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “Kerri, it’s okay,” she encouraged softly. “Whatever it is, it will be okay. You need to get it out.”
She knew this to be true. She really did. And cripes, she was so darn sick of carrying the secret around. So sick in fact, Kerri found she suddenly needed to tell it and get it off her chest.
So, with her eyes trained on the orange tipped flames, Kerri did just that. “You were right about Lance and me. I told you the truth about finding him in bed with someone else that day, but what I didn’t tell you was with whom.” Kerri paused for a breath, and Jordan remained silent, just squeezing her shoulder to give her the courage to go on. “I found him in bed with Ian, the man that managed the restaurant we both worked at.”
The shock and humiliation came back full force. She drew in a shaky breath, then continued in a wobbly voice, “And do you want to know what the worst part was? I needed my best friend, but couldn’t go to him, because Lance was my best friend. God, Jordan, I never felt so alone or desolate before.”
Once she finally said it, Kerri felt sad, but also a little relieved, like a weight lifted off her shoulders. Jordan turned her around, and Kerri noted tears in her sister’s eyes.
“Oh, Kerry, why didn’t you tell me this sooner?”
“You’d just lost Eric a few months earlier,” she replied. “You barely knew what month it was, and I didn’t want to burden you with that kind of nonsense. God, what you were going through was so much worse than what I was.”
Jordan inhaled and squeezed Kerri’s shoulders at the same time. “Don’t you ever think that, Kerri. Do you hear me? Your feelings and problems are just as important as mine.” Her sister pulled her in for a tight hug. “God, I am so sorry I wasn’t there for you. I let you down.”
Kerri squeezed her sister back. “You could never do that.”
“Well, I sure screwed up big time then.” Jordan drew back, but didn’t release her. “My gut told me there was more to your divorce back then, but I didn’t push, and now I find out you’ve been going through this all by yourself for over two years now.” Her sister took an unsteady breath. “I’m so, so sorry I let you down.”
“Stop saying that. It was my choice, and I can be just as stubborn as you.”
They both smiled at that. And why not? It was a known fact.
Jordan put both hands firmly on Kerri’s shoulders and stared intently. “I don’t want you to think, even for one minute that you were the reason that Lance is gay.”
It felt as if someone had shoved a fist into her gut and twisted. Her face must’ve given her away because Jordan’s pressure increased on her shoulders.
“I mean it, Kerri. It had nothing to do with you.”
“How can I think that, Jordan?” She snorted. “The man wasn’t gay before we got married. I must’ve been so undesirable, so horrible in bed that he went looking elsewhere.” She pushed out of her sisters’ grasp and flopped back down onto the loveseat. Finally, she’d revealed her dark secret—spoke the words aloud at last.
“If that were true, wouldn’t he have just found a stripper or something? I mean, why would he look for a man?” Jordan asked as she sat down next to her.
“Because I was a lousy lover,” she repeated.
“No honey, that’s not true.” Jordan smiled and put her arm around her. “Don’t you see, if it were, he would’ve found another woman. Not a man. Lance obviously had some of his own issues to deal with.”
Kerri blinked. Jordan’s words made some sense, but after believing herself to be the problem for so long, it was hard to think otherwise.
“You need to talk to Lance.”
Kerri stiffened. “No way. I-I couldn’t.”
Wouldn’t that be a fun conversation?
Hi, Lance. So, um, is it true I was such a horrible lover I turned you off women?
Yes, Kerri. Yes, it’s true. You should seek some professional help.
Kerri shuddered. Talk to Lance? No thank you.
“It’s the only way you can move on, Kerri. Don’t you see that?” her sister implored.
Kerri sighed. Jordan made a lot of sense. Darn her. “I guess you’re right, but I’m not ready.”
“Well, I hope you are by Sunday, because he is coming in then,” Jordan informed quietly.
Kerri’s heart rolled in her chest. “What?”
“He’s coming to see you on Sunday. Cole and I ran into him in L.A., and he said he’s been trying to contact you and offered to drive the moving van that has my things. He’s on his way now,” Jordan told her gently. “I knew you two had some unfinished business so I agreed. And after what you just told me, I am so glad I did.”
Kerri sat there in stunned silence as the news sunk in. Her ex-husband was coming to Texas to talk to her. Her chest hurt. She was having trouble breathing. Talk to Lance? God, she didn’t think she could do it.
As if sensing this, Jordan took her hand and squeeze. “Kerri, you can do this. You are strong, and you need to hear him out if you are ever going to get on with your life.”
She closed her eyes, drew in a breath, then opened them. “I know you’re right. I really do, but what if he confirms what I’ve been thinking all along?”
There, she voiced her strongest fear.
“Honey, he is not going to do that. He wouldn’t drive through several states, hauling someone else’s junk just to put you down. Think about it. You know I’m right.”
Kerri managed to nod, though she was still a little unsure.
“Now,” Jordan said firmly as she squeezed her hand again. “What went on between you and Connor?”
Images of the sexy cowboy standing over her and scowling, invaded her thoughts. Closing her eyes, she willed them to go away. They didn’t.
“Kerri, what happened?”
“I…” Her voice was suddenly hoarse with emotion. She cleared her throat and proceeded to relate the events of her date with Duke, finishing up by briefly skimming over the part about the couch and Connor, and ended with his despairing remarks.
“Wow.” Jordan sat back, then smiled.
Smiled. Why was she smiling? I’m here dying inside and she’s smiling.
“You have that man hogtied.”
Now it was Kerri’s turn to look at Jordan as if she’d grown two heads. How could her sister have possibly come to that conclusion from what she just told her?
Kerri cocked her head and frowned. “Are we talking about Connor or Duke?”
“Connor you goof.” Jordan playfully punched her arm.
“Did you not hear what he said to me?”
Jordan nodded. “Yes, I heard everything you told me, but I don’t think you see the picture as clearly as I do.” Her sister smiled smugly. “Kerri, that man is so besotted with you, he’s not thinking straight.”
Oh, that’s different then. That clears everything up. Not.
Looking into Jordan’s smiling eyes Kerri sighed. “You’re going to have to te
ll me then, oh wise one, because I was there and that man was ranting and raving, slinging hateful words and…and…glaring at me like I was garbage.”
“Exactly.” Jordan slapped her leg. “Connor followed you because he was worried about what Duke might do to you. Then, after you made him sit outside while the two of you were inside, his jealousy ran rampant so that by the time Duke left, he was out of control.”
Kerri narrowed her eyes as she tried to believe those words. They just didn’t explain why he stopped and said those hateful things. It could only mean that she was right about being undesirable.
“No,” Jordan remarked as if she could read her mind. “He said what he did because he was angry with himself for being so attracted to you.”
Kerri laughed at that. “Yeah, right.”
“I am right,” Jordan said, cocky grin on her face. “He was trying to convince himself that he wasn’t interested, when in fact, he was way interested to the point of obsession.”
Now her sister had jumped into nutville, without a cape. Kerri stared at the woman sitting next to her because she made no sense.
“What did Connor do before he said those words to you? It’s very important, so think.”
Not knowing where Jordan was going with this, Kerri thought back to that horrible night. “He pulled away and looked around the room.”
“What did he see? What did the room look like?”
Kerri closed her eyes and tried to envision it as best she could. “I hadn’t cleaned up from Duke yet, so our popcorn and soda cans were on the coffee table. Pillows were on the floor and so was my…”
Her eyes flew open and she sat up straight.
“So was your what?” Jordan asked excitedly.
“My panty hose and shoes.”
Her sister’s eyes widened then narrowed.
“I took them off before walking Duke out to his car.”
Jordan dropped back against the loveseat and laughed hysterically for several seconds before she sat up and smiled. “Oh my God, I love it! You are one sneaky bitch. You made me proud.”
Kerri smiled back. “Well, he got me angry by staying out there. He should’ve gone home.”
“Do you see what happened to Connor now?” Jordan asked, and when Kerri shook her head, she continued, “He thought you’d just made love to Duke, and you were giving him the same treatment.”
Her Unbridled Cowboy (Harland County Series) Page 16
