"Actually, it was. I asked him what he thought about oral sex once and he thought it was disgusting." I looked up at him, because I didn't realize I had lowered my head and it seems as if he's looking at me with pity. Great! Now he's feeling sorry for me. I suddenly feel like a 16 year old girl just learning about sex.
"Liv, I'm sorry, but that's just so wrong and unfair to you. So, here's what I'm going to do." He pulls the blankets back and rises up and starts heading down between my legs with his head.
"Cash! What are you doing? Please get up."
"Nope! I'm going to show you what you've been missing, so that anytime my head even gets near this direction, you're going to immediately spread your legs. Just lay back and relax, Liv. You're going to love it!"
After he said that, he winked and grinned at me and immediately started showing me what all I've missed out on. I try to protest, but it feels so good that I give in to the master, because he is definitely the master at awakening my sexual needs and desires.
****************
“Oh my God, Cash! Please stop! I can’t handle anymore.”
He chuckles with his deep husky breath, and pulls the blankets back over us and pulls me into his arms, while I try to catch my breath after I don't know how many orgasms.
"If I have this right. You're really enjoying what I was doing, but you're asking me to stop? Haha. I'm sorry, Liv. Am I too much for you?" He's still laughing, which has me giggling at him. Too much? Maybe!
"Oh, Mr. Funny Guy. I doubt I'll be able to walk for a week after that! Have I built up any comp time yet, so that I can get some rest?"
He laughs again, but I'm not sure if I'm joking or not. He definitely has stamina. Maybe I should start working out to keep up with his sexual appetite! I must say, though, I've never felt better and I can't quit grinning.
"Hahahaha. That's hilarious! I thought you quit looking at me as your boss? If you need a couple of days off, I'm sure I can work something out." He still won't quit laughing, but I don't care. I love his laugh and I'm sure he knows that I was joking about needing days off anyway.
"I was just joking, but you know that this..." I point at him and then me. "This thing that we started can't happen while the kids are here. I think it'll confuse them." He rises up out of bed.
"Excuse me? Why not?" I can tell that he's mad, because he seems very offended.
"Well, they are getting used to having you back in their lives and I'm just their nanny. I think it would be confusing to them, if they think there's more going on than just a boss and employee relationship, don't you?" He sighs and seems to have calmed down some, but he still seems upset.
"I do understand, but I thought that this was a little more than just, well, just sex. And I definitely don't want you to feel that you don't mean anything to me, because that would be far from the truth. Did you not read all of the cards that I sent with the flowers?" The cards. I had completely forgotten about the cards. After reading the three that I read, I never finished reading the rest of them. What is in the rest of the cards?
"I only read three cards." He rolls his eyes and gets flustered.
"Three? Are you kidding me? I poured my heart out into those cards and you only read three? So why are we here right now? In my bed?"
I have a sudden urge to run home and read the rest of the cards. He poured his heart into the cards? He did mention for me to please quit running and that he was through running too. What else did he say?
"I.... Well... I just... I did talk to Claudia about you and I explained to her about how I was feeling, and she pretty much told me that I was acting like a school girl about having sex with you, because the only one I've ever made love to was Derek. I lost my virginity on our wedding night after four years of dating and you and I have only known each other a few weeks."
"And what did she say? I want to know what changed. Because when I left that morning, I felt like my heart had ripped in two all over again, and I prayed that you would read all of the cards after I left and that they would change your mind after you read them, but then the kids were sick all week and then you got sick. What changed to get us HERE?"
He's really upset, because he jumped out of bed, which has me get out as well and we are standing a couple of feet from each other. I do not understand his reaction at all. Does he just want to flaunt what we’ve done in front of the kids and confuse them into looking at me as their new mother? What happens if we get into a fight or something and he decides to fire me? I can't confuse the kids like that! I can tell that he's waiting for a response, so I guess I better answer him before he flips out.
"First off... Claudia said that whatever my issue is with premarital sex, I need to get over it and just enjoy myself with you and that I'm lonely, you're lonely... Just.... Well... Get over myself and have some fun."
"Really? I thought this meant more to you. So, this was casual sex to you? I thought Claudia knew me better than that. Ok, I agree with the “you're lonely, I'm lonely” bullshit, but what we did tonight is way more than just casual sex to me, Olivia!"
"Why do you do that? I know when you're mad at me by how you say my name, MR. KINGSTON! You're the only person that I've EVER allowed to call me LIV! I've always hated it until I heard the way YOU said it. I wouldn't say what we did was just casual sex either, but I'm sure you've had a lot of it!! You did have a lot of condoms in your nightstand! After you helped me with the kids this week? I was impressed, because Derek always ran away anytime the kids or I got sick and I took care of them AND MYSELF when we got sick, so yes, I'll admit that it made you more attractive to me that you didn't leave the kids and took care of me when I was sick!" He tries to interrupt me, but I won't let him.
"I'm not finished, Cash! You're pissed? Well, so am I and you're going to listen to what I have to say dammit! The day after I started here, you're kissing me in the limo and yes it was nice, but you were dealing with some stuff and then in the hallway when I was leaving, that was nice too and honestly? I wanted to jump your bones, but AS YOU ARE AWARE OF NOW, I'm quite sexually immature for a 32 year old woman! After your little tour today, I saw a different side to you and as much as I hate to admit it, I had a great time with you, even though I've been fighting how I felt and one of the cards I did read said for me to quit running, because you're not running anymore and I kept realizing that that's what I was doing. I was running from how you made me feel and how I wanted to be around you all of the time. The other card you wrote said that you were a DUMB ASS! And I'm sorry, but after this conversation, THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE ACTING LIKE!
I'm screaming again. How can we go from having the best sex of my life, to this? How did this even get started? Oh, I did by telling him we shouldn't show any affection in front of the kids.
"Are you done? I don't even know what to address first, you've made me so mad! I guess I can start with the condoms! The condoms have been in the drawer since before Vanessa got pregnant with Eden, THANK YOU VERY MUCH! I haven't had sex with anyone since she died, because I felt that it would be a betrayal to her. But when I met you, that changed! When I said you were the first woman that caught my eye since she died, I WASN'T LYING, OLIVIA! And if you are thinking I'm some kind of horn dog, well think again! I only had sex with two women BEFORE I MET VANESSA! What? Did you think because I have a lot of money and I’m decent looking that I'm having sex with every woman that comes on to me? Because trust me, THERE ARE A LOT, but because I don't believe in CASUAL SEX EITHER, I DON'T!"
Wow! I am such an idiot. But wait a minute. He's using condoms that are six years old? That can't be good at all. Holy shit. I look at him and by his body language; he's absolutely fuming and is shaking.
"Cash... I..."
"Oh no you don't! I waited for you to finish and you're going to wait for me to finish! If you would have read all of the cards, then you would have read that I was falling in love with you and that I wanted a relationship with you. It might seem soon to you, but I know how I feel. Yes, I've been grieving
for years over Vanessa, but I know love when I feel it. It was love at first sight for me with Vanessa and I felt exactly the same way the night I met you! Maybe she had a handle in us meeting, I don't know. It's kind of coincidental that you were with one of her best friends. If I was the sex addict that you seemed to think I was, I would have fired you when you turned me down on not spending the weekend with me, and I certainly wouldn't have sent you the flowers AND CARDS THAT YOU DIDN'T SEEM TO THINK WERE THAT IMPORTANT TO READ! And I'm sorry, but I AM SO DAMN SICK OF YOU COMPARING ME TO YOUR PRECIOUS DEAR DEREK! If you ask me he was AN ASSHOLE AND DIDN'T DESERVE YOU! There, I said it!"
That was when I slapped him. Hard. Right across his left cheek. I can't tell if I've left a mark or not, because I honestly can't see through the tears. How dare he say that about Derek. He's dead. You never speak ill of the dead. Never!
"You went too far, Cash! How dare you speak about Derek like that! That's not fair! How would you feel if I said something bad about Vanessa?"
"Are you kidding? She was perfect! She didn't have a mean bone in her body!"
"Yeah, I know she was. So why are you wasting your time with me?" That was when I walked out.
"Where are you going? Are you seriously running away AGAIN? I'm not wasting my time on you. Didn't you hear what I said? What I wrote in the cards?"
"Yep! Heard you loud and clear. Am I running? You're damn right I am! I'm going home, I'll be back tomorrow for my SHIFT!"
I run upstairs to get dressed and get my keys and my purse. I look over at the clock and realize it's four in the morning, but I don't care. He crossed the line and went too far with that comment about Derek. I bet Claudia will change her tune about wonderful Cash Kingston now.
"So, you realize what time it is right? You're going to drive an hour home and be back here by 5 tomorrow? You’re not going to be able to get any sleep, Liv. If you're that mad, then just sleep in here and I'll sleep in my room."
"Oh, so now I'm Liv again? I'm beyond MAD, CASH! You could have said anything to me but that! He's dead! He was my husband! The father of my 3 babies and they're all gone! I would still be married to him right now, if the accident hadn't happened and I would be fine! I was content, I didn't ask for much. Was I a hundred percent happy? No, I know our sex life lacked some things, but I respected him, like a wife should respect her husband. He didn't beat me or slap me around or cheat on me, like some husbands do. How dare you say that to me?" I'm so mad my vision is blurred from my tears and I'm shaking as well.
"You're right. You're right. I shouldn't have said that and I'm sorry. It's not fair of me to have said that, especially since he's not here to defend himself. Please don't leave, though. I won't be able to sleep, because I'll be so worried about you. I don't know why I got so mad, Liv. It just hit me wrong, when you mentioned hiding our relationship from the kids, as if this weekend didn't mean anything to you. And you're right, we probably should keep this between us, until we realize what this is.” Suddenly I feel so tired and the thought of the hour long drive doesn't sound like such a good idea anymore.
"Okay. I'll stay, but I'm sleeping in here. You can sleep in here too, if you want. I don't care, but I'm going to sleep."
I pull my covers back and crawl into my warm comfortable bed and he crawls in behind me and immediately puts his arms around me. I let him, because I honestly don't have the energy to fight anymore. He leans over and kisses me on the cheek.
"Honey, I'm so sorry I said that. Please forgive me. I didn't mean to hurt you like that and it'll never happen again. You're right! I am a complete dumb ass!"
I pretend to be asleep and don't reply. I'm having a hard time staying mad at him, because I'm realizing that what he said wasn't far from the truth and I think that's why I reacted the way I did. I'm also mad at myself for not reading all of the cards Cash had sent me.
I need to read all of the cards he sent with the flowers. That was the main reason that I wanted to go home. I may have to invite Claudia over for dinner and have her bring them all to me. Of course, she'd have to sneak them in. I'll have to give her a call when I wake up and have her do just that.
I will have to admit. Lying in his arms feels so right. I feel like this is where I belong. I know that I have been falling for him, but honestly before tonight, I didn't think he was falling for me as well. I had prejudged him completely. All that I saw when I looked at him was a very attractive wealthy man and couldn't fathom him having any interest in me but sexual. Oh well, I have to go to sleep. Way too much for one day to think about.
******************
I wake up before Cash does and I look to see what time it is and it's eleven in the morning. I watch him sleep and he seems so peaceful and I've noticed that he's not crazy about covers, because he always manages to kick them off while he's sleeping.
He has one leg draped around both of mine and he's on his side with his hands under his cheek, and all I want to do is reach over and touch him. I slowly scoot over, so that I don't wake him up, and I'm directly in front of him. I reach forward and run my hand across his face to push his bangs back, so that I can see more of his face.
I slowly caress his full bottom lip with my index finger and it is so soft to the touch. He moves a little at that, so I move my hand away. After I know that he's gone back to sleep, I start touching his chest and running circles around one of his nipples. I am completely getting turned on just by looking at him and touching him, because he has such a beautiful body and I know I've said it before, but his body is definitely Greek God material.
I can't help myself anymore, so I scoot even closer to him and start giving him soft kisses and start running my hands up and down his hard muscled chest and stomach. This wakes him up. He pulls me on top of him, pulls me down, and kisses me so hard I lose my breath.
"Now that's how I prefer to wake up in the morning. Good morning, Liv. I gather you slept well?"
I nodded at him and felt a bulge between my legs, which got me turned on even more. I did something I've never done before and raised up, pulled my panties off, pulled his boxers off, and sat back down to put him inside me and just sat there enjoying the fullness inside me. He immediately pulls my tank top off and puts his mouth on one of my breast. He looks up at me, daring me with his eyes to continue with what I had started up.
I start moving up and down, while he grabs my face and pulls me down and kisses me, while holding onto my hips to make me move faster. He flips me over on the bed, so that he's on top and in charge and pulls my legs over his shoulders, which at this vantage point I'm taking all of him in and in just a few pumps, I'm coming and screaming his name, as he starts doing the same.
He falls on top of me trying to catch his breath, while I do the same. I pull his face close to mine and kiss him lightly all over, starting with each eye and each cheek and lastly on his lips.
I freeze. I realize that we didn't use any protection at all. It was so spur of the moment. He noticed the panicked look on my face and cocked his head with a questioning look on his face.
"I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking. I just woke up and looked over at you and got so turned on, I couldn't stop myself and wasn't thinking!" How could I be so careless?
"Oh, Liv! It was great, I don't know about you, but I've always loved morning sex. Why are you tripping?"
"Because, Cash! I didn't even think to use a condom! I know you've been taking care of that, but I didn't even think about it! I'm so sorry." Now we both have a panicked look on our faces.
"Uh, Baby? I know we haven't discussed this, but I don't want any more kids. EVER! After what happened to Vanessa? Absolutely not!"
I'm a little upset about this, because honestly, being around the kids has reminded me of how I've missed being a mother. It's not that I don't love the children as if they were my own, and it’s not that I want to replace the three that I had lost, but I've been thinking about what Claud said about how young I am and how I could start another family one day. The feelings that I've been fe
eling towards Cash has had me wondering if it would be with him. I guess that's a big no.
"I understand how you feel, I really do, but I had easy pregnancies and deliveries with all three of my kids, so everything would be fine. Honestly, your six year old condoms probably weren't that safe to use in the first place. If it happens, it happens, but we need to be more careful from now on."
"If it happens, it happens? I don't think so. If you got pregnant over our stupidity, you will be getting rid of it! I'm
not losing another woman that I love to childbirth! I don't care how easy your deliveries were! It's not happening! Okay?" He jumps up out of bed and he's literally shaking he's so upset but I've got to calm him down.
"Get rid of it? I don't think so! I would never have an abortion! But don't worry, Cash. It took me over a year to get pregnant with Jordan and we were trying for another one a few months before Derek died, but I had been on birth control for 5 years, so it was going to take a while. Wait! Did you just say that you loved me?"
"Do you not remember our conversation last night? Of course I love you! I'm sorry Liv, but Gideon and Eden are going to have to be enough for you. You love them, don't you? Enough to be their mother?"
"Of course I do! I can't believe you just asked me that! But if I'm pregnant, which I doubt I am. But IF I am, then I don’t give a shit how you feel about it, because I will be having it!"
"So that's it, huh? I wouldn't be able to talk you out of it?"
He looks at me with absolute horror on his face and I want to hug him, because I understand where he's coming from, but I can't back down on this.
"Absolutely not!" I'm standing in front of him, just inches away and we are staring at each other. He looks away from me first.
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