by W Winters
It’s torturously sweet and slow. My pleasure builds, taking its time and feeling like the highest of highs before crashing down. I can’t kiss him when I do. Tears leak from my eyes while the convulsion of the strongest orgasm I’ve ever had paralyzes my body and I bite down on his shoulder to keep from screaming out.
Seth
* * *
The knock at the door is followed by it opening, only a couple of inches. Laura is sound asleep on my shoulder and even though my arm is fucking numb, I haven’t moved.
Carefully, I maneuver my way out from under her, hating that I have to leave her at all. I’m afraid if I leave, she’ll remember why she left. Not that she can go anywhere in here, but she could realize she doesn’t want me. I can’t let that happen. All of this is too good to be true and I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Staring down at her, I make sure she’s asleep. Her readjusting and inhaling deeply is followed by the smallest of hums and not a stir afterward.
On the short walk to the door I shake out my arm, trying to bring it back to life. I’m tired as all hell. My eyes feel it, my body feels it, and all I want is to fall asleep with Laura in my own bed.
When I pull open the door wider, I catch sight of Walters first and I’m concerned by the expression he gives me until he nods his head behind him, at fucking Cody Walsh.
My gaze moves back to Walters. Walsh isn’t on our payroll and whatever truce that was between us is long gone as far I’m concerned. My jaw hardens, and I play out every way this can go in my mind.
Before I can say a word, Walsh speaks up. “We’re letting you both go.”
His eyes don’t look past me but even still, I shut the door to hide the sight of Laura sleeping from him and speak quietly. “Is that right?”
“The DA came to the decision. We don’t have enough to charge either of you.”
“And the cases?” I ask Walsh but look back at Walters, nodding and dismissing him.
“Yours is closed. Hers is still open.”
I don’t respond, pissed off and knowing that I need the Cross brothers to cover my ass in that case. I hate them for leaving her in that cell. It needs to go away in an instant, though, and they have far more pull than I do. I haven’t forgotten that I promised her I’d leave, and I will. The second she says the word, we’ll go wherever she wants. I don’t know what that means for me and Jase. I know I’ll lose her again if I don’t, though. I’m willing to do anything. Anything and everything.
Walsh speaks when I don’t say anything. “Passing out at the wheel is your defense, in case you didn’t know.” The humor isn’t lost on me, but I don’t show a hint of it to him.
I can’t stand the sight of Walsh after he kept me in that room for as long as he did. I could have been with Laura sooner; I could have stopped the bullshit that was going on behind the scenes in her cell if he hadn’t kept me in that damn interrogation room.
As far as I’m concerned, Walsh can go fuck himself.
“And self-defense against a dirty cop is hers.”
I know the lawyer will tell me what he’s talking about, but lawyers only know so much. “Care to elaborate?” I ask, needing to know the intel on the cop involved in her case.
“He had no reason to be there, or to be with the other men. He was undercover, but not on a case that involved them.”
I nod, peeking back at Laura for only a moment and ensuring she’s still passed out.
“Thank you.” He earns a single point of gratitude for giving me that information. He can still go fuck himself, though.
“I wasn’t going to let her go down for your mistake.” Walsh’s voice is harsh and my grip on the doorframe turns white knuckled. “I didn’t know how close you two were until last week. I looked up everything between you two, and I think I have a good idea of what went down.”
The guilt is there and I know he’s right, but I don’t like him. I’ll never like him.
He must know exactly what I’m thinking from my glare because he tells me, “We don’t have to be on the same side, but you don’t know the shit I had to pull to get you both out of here.”
Jase said it could take days to get to the judge and this is faster than I thought it’d be, but I doubt Walsh’s honesty.
“That judge would have never turned. Judge Lainson wants the Cross brothers and he knows you and her are a way to get in.”
“So you convinced him that the cases were too weak to hold up in court?” I ask, still not believing what he’s telling me. He could simply be taking the credit.
“No, I didn’t. I had the DA get involved and told him about an incident with Lainson. All of his cases have been handed over.”
“An incident?”
“It doesn’t involve you. What matters is that your case was given to a different judge because of it. A judge who happens to be on your payroll.”
I’m silent, searching his gaze for honesty and that’s exactly what I find.
Walsh looks over his shoulder, down the deserted hall and a look of shame is barely registered on his face. “I did what I had to do. You don’t have to like me; I don’t have to like you either. But I’m very aware that you and the brothers are the fastest way for me to get what I want.” He looks past me, not able to see much at all in the room and then meets my gaze. “Get her, and get out. I’ll get Walters for you since you seem to have a preference.”
He doesn’t fail to remind me, “Remember this, King. You owe me.”
I only nod in agreement. That I do. For the first time since I met this asshole, I’m grateful for him.
“As a show of good faith,” he says and looks as if he’s debating something but decides to say it, “the evidence I have on you and Jase, it’s in the mail.”
“You have backups.” It’s not a question. Any smart man would.
“Had,” he corrects. “I don’t think you realize what he did to me. All I want is Marcus. None of this matters and I’m willing to risk a lot to ensure Marcus and I meet sooner, rather than later.”
“Why do you want Marcus so much?” I have to ask. He’s gone out of his way to help me… all for Marcus?
His lips set in a straight line and he stares at me for a moment. “A while ago, he let things happen to a woman I cared about. He knew she was at risk, and he allowed them anyway.” The last bit morphs into a harshly spoken whisper. He nods, staring at the crack in the door rather than at me. “She forgave him because he saved her from the end. But he was never held accountable. He believes every action has a consequence. He needs to have his. She forgave him, but I didn’t.”
Laura
“You’re on the DA’s watch list. Stay here. Stay low. That’s my professional advice.” The lawyer is a no-nonsense man. In a sharp suit and with even sharper deep brown eyes, he’s laid out everything for Seth and me.
“I understand.” Seth’s response is professional even though he’s dressed in plaid flannel pants and a white t-shirt, both of which he slept in, and his lower right jaw is still bruised. The two of them are at complete odds in appearance, but one hundred percent in agreement on what happened.
I was meant to be leverage to get an in for the judge to take down the Cross brothers. They didn’t care about the cop. This wasn’t the first time the cop cut through red tape and was caught doing things he shouldn’t have been. They knew. They withheld information in order to charge me.
My mind has wandered most of the meeting. It’s late and I’m still tired. I don’t think I slept for very long in that room with Seth. I’ve never been one to be happily woken up from sleep but hearing Seth tell me softly that we could leave? My eyes jolted open at that and I got my ass moving, still half asleep, just to get out of there.
“Always a pleasure,” Seth says and the two men stand, the lawyer giving a polite laugh to the joke. They’re shaking hands by the time I stand up and I reach out my own. Mr. Grayson’s hair is swept back on the top and short on the sides. He has a look to him that’s nothing but clean c
ut. He even apologized to me when he used profanity.
I don’t know how he got involved with the Cross brothers and Seth, but I’m grateful for him and his insight. There’s no way the case will stay open. He’s sure of it.
Seth’s arm wraps around my lower back as he walks the lawyer to the door, smiling while the lawyer insists that I’ll be fine now that the investigation regarding the cop truly has no legs to stand on. It seems easy enough, case closed, but from the look in Seth’s eye, the way the smile on his face is only polite like the lawyer’s laugh, he’s hiding something. And the second the door closes, I turn in his embrace, take a step back and question him.
“Why is he saying it’s over and done, yet you’re acting like it’s not?”
Seth’s jaw is lined with a rough coat of stubble. It’s dark and combined with the bruise, his charming look is gone. He’s rough and deadly but even still, the smirk he gives me and the gentle peck he places on my lips make him nothing but the man I remember him to be.
I’m a hair’s breadth away from laying into him for not answering me, but he does. Honestly, and it makes a part of me wish he had lied. “Because it’s not over.”
“Legally—”
“Legally, we have nothing to worry about,” he agrees with me, cutting me off and using his other arm to pull me into him. As if this one will be more effective than the last. And truthfully, I don’t want to fight him. I don’t want to leave his hold so long as he’s giving me what I need. Right now, that’s information.
“The guy I killed wasn’t only a crooked cop. I think he–and the rest of them—worked for Marcus and I think whatever they started, isn’t over.”
“The mention of that name…” I trail off as chills flow from the base of my skull down my spine. The name elicits fear because it comes from years of whispers and authority.
“He’s only a man.”
“Why though? Why would Marcus want anything to do with me?” It doesn’t take more than a second of staring up at Seth to know that he’s the reason why. I am only a pawn. “What did you do?”
“I’m not sure it’s him. When I know, I’ll tell you.”
It’s silent as we move out of the foyer but then I remember something.
“Delilah wrote a lot of things in her books; some were about cops. She was a lawyer, you know. She knew things.” I wish I were rested and had a better memory. I can’t for the life of me recall a single name or anything specific about the men Marcus ‘worked with.’ “Maybe something useful is in her notebooks.”
“Declan’s looking,” is all Seth responds but it’s enough to ease my worry… some.
“You really think it was Marcus?” I question him. There was never a time in my life where I thought, I’m going to be on the end of that man’s wrath. I never even wanted to see him. I wanted to pretend he was only a myth. Seth is right though; Marcus is only a man.
He’s one I’m terrified of, though. And now he has men working for him. Which is the first I’ve ever heard of this.
“I don’t know,” Seth answers me grimly, taking his time to sit on the couch and instead of retaking my seat on the chair where I was during the briefing, I settle down next to him. I can’t explain it, but right now I have to be touching Seth.
It feels too lonely, too cold when he’s not right there. Not only that, but I’m still scared. I know I don’t have to be. I’m safe here, but it’s easier to not be scared when someone’s holding your hand.
Just as Seth is holding mine now. He lifts my hand in his and stares at it when he talks. “I’m going to lay low but do some digging. I want you to stay here.”
“I have work.”
“I know, and you’ll be safe there. Jase is sending some guys to watch the place.”
I peek up past the living room windows and note the lights from a quarter mile outside on the edge of Seth’s property. “Like he has guys watching out there.”
“Yeah, they’re on watch right now. Everything is safe and protected as long as you’re here, at the Cross estate or at work.” His steely blues hit me hard when he tells me, “If you go anywhere else, tell me. They’ll follow you and keep you safe. That way I can work, knowing you’re all right.” He’s looking at me with his brow raised as if I wouldn’t tell him.
“I don’t have a death wish,” I try to joke but the mention of death forces me to subconsciously raise my hand to my chest. It splays over my heart and I consider for only a half second telling Seth about my condition and then I do what I’ve been doing. I drop it and my hand, using my other to squeeze his hand tighter.
The plan right now regarding my systolic heart failure diagnosis: I’m going to call and make an appointment with the specialist and until that appointment, I’m going to take my medicine and pretend like pills will fix it. I would rather hide it until I know what my options are.
“Hey.” Seth’s firm voice brings me back to problem A, away from problem… where does my heart even fall on the list? “Promise me you’ll let me know where you are at every step and you’ll listen.”
A small submissive smile graces my lips, meant to appease him. “I promise, I’ll listen.”
With his hand still wrapped around mine, he taps my knuckles against his thigh rhythmically as he looks at me, searching for something. He doesn’t like whatever he sees, judging by his expression, which is raw and open. He’s undecided.
“What’s wrong?” I question.
“It’s just that I can see you taking off again, even though you’re sitting there telling me that you won’t. I know I want to prevent that and I know how, but you don’t like the idea of being punished,” he answers without hesitation. “See that?” He stops the rhythmic tapping and holds up our hands, still embraced but barely. “You tried to pull away at just the thought of it. And you did that yesterday too, when we were—”
“In jail,” I finish the statement bitterly. I’m pissed that he has the nerve to bring it up again, but I don’t want to fight. Swallowing, I press my fingers back between his and scoot closer to Seth. “I don’t like the way you say it.”
“Is that all? Because I don’t think that’s it. I don’t think you want me to be…”
My gaze moves from his to the hole that’s still in the wall. I was able to clean up the pieces of drywall before the lawyer came in, but the remaining evidence of the other night is still there. I don’t want it here. I don’t want anything to do with it.
When I move to stand, I have to rip my hand away from Seth’s. How dare he bring it up.
“You don’t get to punish me for leaving because you told me you killed my father.” I don’t even know how I’m able to say the words. The truth kills me, it chokes me, it smothers me. I don’t want it.
“That’s not—”
“It is!” I scream at him, shaking my head wildly. I can’t take it, and my heart races. I can’t go through with this conversation. I simply can’t control what it’s doing to me. “Please don’t do this. Don’t hurt me like that.”
“Is that what you think I want to do?” As he speaks, he raises his voice like I do. “I don’t want to hurt you!” He says it like I’ve spoken something offensive. As if I’m in the wrong. A moment passes with silence and the next time he speaks, his voice is calmer, lower. His hands are in the air like he’s approaching a wild animal. “It’s not about hurting you.”
“It’s not about the act of punishing me,” I say and it takes everything to get the words out. “It’s why!” Thump, thump, thump, the beating races through me, and I struggle to breathe.
Calming myself, I try. I try to appease him while protecting myself. “My father wasn’t a rat. You didn’t kill him. I don’t want to believe it.”
“Laura, it’s about you leaving—”
“Stop it. Both times. Both times I left…” My strength weakens and my pulse is hard in my veins. I’m hot all over. “Can’t you understand? I don’t want to remember why I left.”
I cut him off the moment he tries to spe
ak. “You can’t bring it up. It brings it all back and I can’t go back, Seth. I can’t live in the past, not when my present—” My throat tightens, silencing the rest of my thought.
“I’m not trying to hurt you,” he says. His tone is calming and I know he’s telling the truth. I know he is, but I can’t allow the mention of it. Everything tumbles downward after it. I can’t stop the falling of memories.
“I’ll make a truce,” I offer him, desperate to end this. “I never bring it up, and you don’t hold my sin over my head.”
“What’s that?” His question is softly spoken.
“I never left. I never left you. I had no choice. If you get to live with a lie, so do I.”
Only feet apart, we couldn’t be further away from one another. Both of us struggling, but we can live this way. I know we can. We can pretend and be happy. That’s all I want right now, for a little while. All I have is a little while anyway.
“Can’t we just pretend? Please,” I beg him. “I don’t want to remember why I left. You say you’re going to punish me for it, but saying that only brings it all back up. I don’t want that. I don’t want to remember. Can’t we just pretend?”
“We can’t pretend that you don’t leave when things get bad.”
My voice raises and I slam my hand against his chest, trying to shove him away as my cadence cracks. “And you can’t pretend that things aren’t fucking horrific.”
I can pretend all I want but we are so badly broken, and the realization weakens my knees. I’d fall if Seth wasn’t still holding me.
“Please don’t do this,” I beg him again as he pulls me into his chest. “Please, I don’t want to cry anymore.”
Seth’s hand on my shoulder, his forearm against my back, steadies me. He rocks me softly and it’s completely at odds with everything else. We are so broken, but this is all I have and all I want. I’ve lived my life without Seth in it. I can’t do that anymore despite everything I now know.
