by Andrea Ring
“Thanks,” she says, swiping her eyes. “Think I can get a hug?”
I hug her. She hugs me back. It doesn’t feel like Mom, but it feels good.
“Is Tessa coming over?” I ask when we pull apart.
She nods. “She’s talking to her dad. She’ll be over when she’s done.”
“Okay. Dad’s in his room—”
Dad comes out then, into the kitchen. He automatically moves to Erica but catches himself. He stops beside her, and I notice his arms tremble, probably from the effort of not touching her.
“I thought I’d take Erica out to dinner,” he says. “That okay with you?”
“Sure,” I say. “Have fun.”
They both smile awkwardly at me and leave.
Wow. So that’s how it’s gonna be. Kinda weird, but I suppose I have to get used to it.
I pour myself a stadium cup half full of orange juice, and Tessa walks in as I’m closing the fridge.
“Hey.” I wrap my arms around her, and she buries her head in my chest. “You okay?”
She lifts her head, and her eyes are swollen and red. “Been better.”
“You need some orange juice?”
She smiles and takes the cup from my hand. “Orange juice won’t get it done.”
She rummages in the cabinets until she finds a bottle of vodka. She pours a few fingers into the juice and takes a long sip.
“Ahhh. Better.”
I raise an eyebrow at her. “Seriously? You’re gonna get drunk?”
“Why not? Seems fitting.” She takes another gulp, grimacing.
“You been holding out on me, or is this your first sip of vodka?”
“First and second and third,” she says, sipping again. “You want to try it?”
I take the doctored juice and sip. It’s disgusting.
“Yikes,” I say. “People actually drink this voluntarily?” I sip again, just to make sure I didn’t miss anything.
Tessa swipes the cup from my hand. “It gets better the more you drink. I don’t think the point is the taste—the point is to get drunk.”
“You want to get drunk?” I ask her.
She finishes the cup of juice and goes back to the fridge to pour more. This time, she fills the huge cup with half juice, half vodka, emptying the vodka bottle.
“I think I don’t want to feel anything right now except you.”
I move to her and push a stray lock of hair behind her ear. “You want to feel me, huh?”
“Yes.”
We take the cup and walk hand in hand to my bedroom. I shut and lock the door.
Tessa plugs her phone into my radio and puts on some music. I sit on the bed while she moves to the rhythm, sipping her medicine.
“You want to talk about it?” I ask.
She shimmies over to me and waves the cup in my face. I take it and sip.
“Nope.” She sways a bit, and I don’t know if it’s the alcohol or the music.
“You feeling drunk yet?”
“Mmmm.” She closes her eyes, her hips moving back and forth. “A little. Like everything’s swaying with me.”
I take a bigger swallow of juice—Tessa’s right. It’s starting to taste pretty good.
I stand up and hand her the cup. I mold my body to hers, and we move to the music, our bodies pressed together, the juice passing back and forth until we finish it.
“You want more?” I ask her.
“No. My lips are numb.”
I press my lips together. She’s right again—I can’t feel them.
I press my lips to Tessa’s. She melts into me.
We dance and kiss and think of nothing at all. My hands move from her back to her stomach, and then up under her shirt, as though they have a mind of their own. Before I realize it, Tessa pulls her shirt over her head and throws it to the floor. I unhook her bra, our mouths still entwined, and she drops her arms to her sides and the bra slides to the floor.
Okay, I’ve touched her breasts countless times—it’s like my hand is a compass needle and her breasts are due north. But I’ve never actually seen them, never seen any female breasts in the flesh. I stare, and Tessa stares at me staring at her.
She raises her arms above her head. “You like?”
I nod. I think.
She grabs my hands and presses them to her breasts. I squeeze lightly, testing their texture and weight. They are amazing—there’s nothing on my body that feels remotely like them. Tessa sighs, and I squeeze a little tighter, running my thumb over the nipples.
I’ve never done this, but I’ve thought about it: I drop my head and lick the swollen flesh. Tessa gasps. I take my time, savoring the soft feel of her.
As I lick, Tessa’s hands wander. She tugs on the hem of my shirt, and I pull back to tug it over my head. I press my chest to hers, and Tessa’s hands go for the fly of my jeans.
We’re not thinking—we’re feeling—so I stand up straight and smile down at her. She drops to her knees and undoes the button and zipper carefully.
I feel her nerves, or maybe they’re my own. We’ve never taken things this far.
Tessa pushes my jeans down over my hips, and I step out of them. She stands and strips off her jeans.
We’re both in our underwear.
I want to touch her, but I want to look first. Tessa seems to know this. She stands up straight in nothing but a pink thong, and she strikes a pose for me. I laugh.
She turns to give me her profile. The view is just as awe-inspiring.
And then she faces away from me. I get my first glimpse of her butt cheeks, in all their swim-toned glory.
“God, you’re beautiful,” I say.
She bends at the waist and gives me a sultry look over her shoulder. I shudder.
She turns back around and puts a hand on my groin. “I want to see you, too.”
“You’re looking at me,” I say with a grin.
She grins back. “Off.”
“You first.”
“Same time.”
Our hands go to the waistbands of our underwear at the same time. We lock gazes, and both of us get naked.
I want to look, but I sense that Tessa’s bravado has given out.
I pull her into a hug, squeezing tight.
Tessa sobs into my chest.
We climb into my bed and settle under the covers wrapped around each other.
“We’re drunk,” I say, stating the obvious.
“I’m sorry,” Tessa says through her tears.
“What are you apologizing for?”
“I don’t want…I want our first time to be better than this.”
“Well, I don’t think it gets much better, but I wouldn’t have sex with you like this. Not our first time. I hope you know that.”
Tessa nods against my shoulder. “I know, and I’m sorry I pushed it.”
“I’m irresistible,” I say. “Understandable.”
“I think I’m gonna puke.”
We both rush to my bathroom. I hold Tessa’s hair back while she throws up in the toilet. When she’s calm, I get my robe and put it over her shoulders.
“It’s okay,” she says, rinsing her mouth out in the sink. “I don’t need the robe. Unless you need me to cover up.” She glances at my groin, where I’m pretty much standing at attention.
“It has a mind of its own,” I say. “Ignore it. I’m fine.”
She giggles, and we go back to bed. In five minutes, we’re both snoring.
Chapter Fifteen
The saving grace for Tessa was that she threw up a lot of the alcohol in her system. She wakes up rested and energized, ready for school. I’m completely dumbfounded that we woke up together, in my bed—Dad and Erica must have checked on us at some point. Tessa goes to dress, and I groan as I head for a shower.
My head pounds, my tongue is dry, and my eyes feel like they’re packed in cotton balls. Dear God, why do people get drunk?
I stand in the shower, feeling inside, trying to decide how to remedy the si
tuation. There’s still some alcohol in my system, which I can just sweat out. The real problem is dehydration, and I can’t fix that without downing a gallon of water. But I shut off the nerves in my head to at least eliminate the headache.
And then it occurs to me—how would I have functioned last night, if I’d tried to use my abilities? Could I have used them?
Hmmm. That’s something to think about.
I come out of the shower feeling human, and I see that Tessa is gone. Which is good, since school starts in an hour.
I go out to the kitchen, and there is Tessa. And my dad. And Erica.
“Have a seat,” Dad says.
I gulp, and sit beside Tessa, who reeks of alcohol and sweat. I feel sorry for her.
“Thomas, how could you do this? What disturbs me is not that you two drank, not that you had sex, but that you did those things together, probably without thinking. Did you use a condom?”
“We didn’t have sex,” Tessa says before I can even process. “You might not believe that, but we didn’t. And I’m the one who poured the vodka.”
“Tessa!” Erica says, and it’s more of a pained statement than a scolding.
“We both did it,” I say. “We didn’t plan it, but it happened. I’m sorry.”
Erica sighs. “We just…we want you to be safe. You’ve been together for so many years, it’s not like we don’t know you have sex.”
Tessa and I exchange a glance. I speak. “I guess you don’t believe us, but it’s the truth. We haven’t had sex.”
Erica and Dad exchange a look. “You haven’t?” he says.
“I want to,” Tessa says, “but Thomas wants to wait. He wants us to be married. Last night was the farthest I’ve been able to push him.”
Dad looks at me like I’m an alien. Erica laughs.
I frown, trying not to be defensive. “It’s a sacred thing, okay? I’m not gonna just do my future wife because I’m horny.”
Dad shakes his head. Erica hides a smile behind her hand. Tessa pats my arm.
I sigh. “Well, is this conversation over?”
Erica glances at her watch. “We’ll talk more after school. You two should get going. Tessa still needs a shower.”
“Drive me home?” Tessa asks.
“Only if you roll down the window.”
***
I drop Tessa off and tell her I’ll be back in thirty minutes to pick her up for school. We usually walk, but we’re a little crunched for time.
I head straight for the kitchen and force myself to drink that bucket of water. When my stomach’s full, I push the water throughout my system, where it needs to go, and drink some more. In less than five minutes, I’m a new man with a full bladder.
I go down the hall to the bathroom, and I can hear Dad and Erica talking in his bedroom. I wonder if she spent the night, too.
“Probably,” Erica says. “We’ve already had the confrontation, so I don’t think it will be too bad. We have the money—he can go to a hotel for all I care.”
“Is he angry with you for telling Tessa?”
“I gave him three weeks to talk to her. He had more than enough time for this to go down a different way.”
“I’m sorry,” Dad says. “I should have known Thomas would figure it out.”
“You’ve wanted to tell him for a long time, and it’s my fault you had to keep it a secret. I know how much you want to share with him. It’s me who should be apologizing.”
Wait. Dad actually wanted to tell me?
“You have nothing to apologize for. Thomas will understand.”
“I hope so,” she says. “God, Mike, how did you get so lucky?”
Dad laughs. “I did, didn’t I? I wish I could say some of it was me, but it was all Trish and my mom. It’s so obvious, the way he was raised. The nature part is all me. But the nurture? Trish and Mom. It seems I had no effect whatsoever.”
“How can you say that? It’s just been you for the last ten years.”
“And look at him. Sixteen, in a committed relationship with the girl he’s been planning to marry since the first grade, and he doesn’t make a move on her? That’s the exact opposite of his nature and the opposite of me.”
“You’re exactly wrong,” she says, and I have to smile at Erica taking him head on. “You haven’t dated in five years. Even before that, you didn’t bring dates around Thomas. You respected me and our relationship, however screwed up it’s been. Talk about the opposite of nature—you didn’t once try to kiss me in all that time. But I know you thought about it.”
“And thought about it, and dreamt about it, and fantasized about it.”
Erica laughs. “See? You taught him self-control. Nobody’s born with that.”
“Screw self-control,” Dad says, and then they go silent. Sort of.
I start to back away when Erica laughs again. “Ooooh, I have to go.”
“Dinner tonight?”
“Definitely. I’ll meet you here after I close up the gallery. What time will you be home?”
“I only have a half day in San Diego, then I’m going to see my mom. How about six?”
“How’s your mom doing?”
“Worse. You’ll see her on Monday. That’s when they’re painting her apartment.”
“You think Thomas will do it?”
What?!
“I don’t know. We’ll give him the opportunity, but I honestly don’t know. I can’t seem to get him to break away from authority.”
What the hell are they talking about???
“I don’t like the way you’re going about this,” she says. “I know why you’re doing it, but is it really necessary?”
“He has to think for himself. No God, no higher power, no father, no one telling him what’s right except his own heart. He has to learn that, or his confidence will be shattered. If he ever wants to use his abilities to their fullest, he has to break out of his pattern of listening to authority.”
“He’s been following his heart by refusing to sleep with Tessa.”
“But again, that comes from his religious beliefs. God is the authority.”
“But Mike, with that logic, he can’t follow any rule at all. That’s ridiculous. If he’s thought about a rule and decided to follow it, how can you say it’s not a part of his inner belief system? I think you’re being too hard on him.”
“That’s my job,” Dad says.
“I think you just have a problem with the fact that he’s bowing to religion. But look at the alternative. Would he be better off, more moral, if he rejected Christianity? He’s trying to do the right things.”
Silence.
And Erica continues. “I think you want him to break away from you. I think you’re questioning yourself and whether you’ve made the right decisions with him, and if he’d just stop listening to you, you’d be off the hook.”
Dad sighs loudly. “When did you become a mind reader?”
“When you healed me.” Huh?!
They both laugh.
“Okay. We’ll talk to the kids when we get home and then you and I can grab a bite and you can give me more of your insightful insight.”
Erica laughs. “You’re not worried about leaving them alone after last night?”
Dad chuckles. “I’ve never been less worried.”
I scowl at that and slink back to the kitchen. I grab my keys and backpack, and head out to pick up Tessa.
***
“Do you think I was born this way?”
“What way?” she asks.
“Wanting to wait to have sex until we’re married.”
Tessa gives me a look. “Nobody’s born that way. It’s your ten years of religious training with Dr. Rumson.”
I frown. “I’ve never talked to him about sex before.”
“But you’re always weighing your actions against what you think God would want you to do. Would God want you to have sex outside of marriage? No.”
“How do you know I do that?”
She sh
rugs. “I just do.”
I sigh. Sometimes it sucks being so easy to read.
“It’s not the potential sin that bothers me,” I say.
“It’s not?”
I shake my head. “And it’s not God that I hear in my head when I’m trying to make a decision. It’s you.”
“Me?”
“You. You’re the best person I know. I want to do what you think is right, and what’s right for you.”
Tessa laughs. “Then you have my permission to sleep with me.”
I smile as we pull into the school parking lot. “But think about it. There’s no upside for you. You could get pregnant. You could be branded a slut. I could take the milk and kick the cow to the curb.”
“Are you calling me a cow?”
“If I were the kind of guy who’d wrestle you into the back seat and take your virginity, I might be.”
Tessa sighs as I turn off the ignition. “I appreciate that you’re looking out for me, Thomas, and maybe that’s something I take for granted with you, but honestly, none of that applies and you know it. Okay, I could get pregnant, but we can prevent that. Hell, you can probably keep your sperm from swimming.” She turns and looks me in the eye. “I love you. Completely and totally and with every breath I take. I’m ready. If you’re ready, too, there’s no reason to wait.”
I squeeze her hand and smile. We walk into school.
I think about what she said.
For Tessa, there is no downside. Great. What about for me?
Okay, I do feel a little icky about the potential sin, but only a little. Not enough to keep me from making love to Tessa. I know we’re going to be together forever.
For me, sex is the final frontier, the only physical thing I haven’t experienced. I guess I’ve never been shot before, never jumped out of an airplane, but I’ve felt similar sensations. I fell thirty feet onto asphalt and felt bones break and my brain rattle in my skull. I felt my spinal cord snap. I’ve felt the sharp needling pain of bare nerves, growing and exposed.
I’ve never felt anything close to actual intercourse with a woman. And while I definitely want to feel it, I don’t know how I’ll react. I don’t really even know what to do. It’s a total unknown.
I’m used to knowing what to do, how to perform. I’m used to being the best. What if I disappoint her?
