CHAPTER 25
———
As it so often happens, life in the next few weeks didn’t go as perfectly as planned. At first, things went well enough. Darren had finished PT and started working out with the high school football team. On my end, business was going well at the shop; we were so busy we’d even had to hire another girl to start working the counter during the weekends. Things were going well enough that I started thinking about a real future between myself and Darren. Marriage, honeymoon, kids, house with the white picket fence… in short, everything. That’s when trouble hit.
It started one night when I came home late from work. It was late January and Darren was at the high school, guiding his athletes through their off-season training regimen. It had been an exhausting day at work. In truth, all I wanted was to come home and fall into bed, with Darren there to cradle me in his arms.
I walked into the kitchen and immediately popped open a bottle of cabernet sauvignon. Pouring myself a glass, I dropped down on the couch and turned on the television, almost ready to fall asleep right then and there. Then thought dawned on me that I’d need to cook dinner for Darren and myself, but I was so exhausted. Maybe ordering in was the best thing to do tonight.
I walked back into the kitchen to shuffle through the drawer where I kept all the take-out menus. What did I want tonight? Pizza, Chinese, what else was there? A red blinking light caught my eye. Messages on my answering machine. I rarely thought to check it because most people knew that to reach me they would have a better chance calling my cell or the sandwich shop. Probably just a telemarketer I thought, but I was bored and decided to give the message a listen.
You have one new message. Beeeeep.
“Hi, I’m trying to reach Darren Henderson. Hi Darren, it’s Jessica Phillips, I wanted to get in touch since I heard you were back from active duty. I figured we could grab dinner and catch up. Let me know when you’re available, my number is…”
I immediately turned off the answering machine. What the hell? This was the last thing I needed after a day like this. Then, against my better judgment, I listened to the message again.
Dammit, I thought. What the hell am I supposed to do? Momentarily, I thought about deleting it. What harm would it do? I didn’t want her interfering with me and Darren. From a personal standpoint, this made the most sense. But what if she was persistent? If she kept trying and trying, Darren would eventually find out I’d tried to hide it from him, and then how would I look?
Maybe she really did just want to catch up. Maybe she didn’t have any romantic ambitions and I didn’t have anything to worry about. But I was skeptical of that idea. I wasn’t exactly friends with Jessica, but I thought I knew her pretty well. She was interested in Darren because he was finally back in town. Who wouldn’t be? I thought.
I wrestled with the different possibilities for awhile, pouring myself another glass of wine and going back to the living room. I watched reality shows for the next hour while I waited for Darren to get home, but I wasn’t really paying attention. My mind was reeling, wondering what impact this damn message would have on my newly perfect life.
CHAPTER 26
———
When Darren finally got back I had fallen asleep, partially from exhaustion, partially from the wine. It was the sound of his truck pulling in that startled me from my slumber. Now that Darren’s arm had healed he could drive again. He’d used his savings to purchase a sparkling new Ford F-250. Damn, he loved that thing. I was awake when I heard his key turning in the door.
I got up to greet him, giving him a soft kiss on the lips.
“Someone’s been partying,” he said jokingly. “Long day at the shop?”
“Oh, you wouldn’t even believe it. One of the girls put in a huge order incorrectly and we ended up having to comp an entire lunch for some corporate conference. Honestly, I don’t even want to talk about it. We stayed open late to make up the difference.”
“I’m sorry, babe.”
“It’s alright. These things happen.”
I stood there awkwardly before him, hands in my pockets and feeling groggy after just waking up.
“Any dinner left?”
“Aww, damn. I was going to order in, but I just ended up falling asleep. Let me make you something.”
“No, no. I got it.”
“What?”
“I’m gonna make dinner.”
“You?” I laughed. “You’re going to make dinner. You’ve got to be kidding me?”
“Trust me, babe,” said Darren with a wink. “I can cook.”
“Suuuuuure.”
Hell, I didn’t think he knew what he was doing, but I was so tired and hungry I’d probably eat anything. I went back out to the couch and laid down.
Twenty minutes later Darren came out with two plates of grilled cheese sandwiches.
“Well, well, well, look at you,” I said, taking a plate from him. Darren winked and sat down next to me on the couch.
Wow. Maybe it was because I was practically starving, or because I was so tired that I was nearly delusional, but this was one of the best meals I’d had in my life.
“Is there bacon in this?” I asked.
“Yes, bacon, cheddar and tomato.”
“I knew I loved you. This is absolutely amazing right now.”
“Anything for you, babe.”
After I finished the sandwich, I fell back into the couch completely satisfied and happy in this moment. I nestled into Darren’s shoulder, sleepy and contented, ready to fall asleep as Darren watched the college basketball game he’d just switched over to. Then I remembered the reason I’d drank so much wine tonight. Jessica’s call. I knew I had to tell him, but when? Couldn’t I just lay here, feeling contented and happy?
Sooner rather than later I figured. The more I put it off the worse it would get. So, I just blurted it out.
“You got a call from Jessica today,” I said, trying to sound as if I didn’t care, as if this call was just in the normal realm of daily occurrences, something totally fine and predictable.
Darren froze.
“What?”
“Jessica. I guess she found out you were staying here?” I said hesitantly. “She called and asked if you wanted to go to dinner. To catch up or something.”
“Oh,” said Darren. Then suddenly he got quiet, turning pensive as he thought about this prospect.
“Are you going to call her back?” I asked, trying my best to seem as if I didn’t care.
It was a few seconds before Darren answered.
“I don’t know,” he said. “I really don’t know.”
I had no idea what to say in this moment. I wanted to tell Darren to forget about her, that he had me now and there was no reason to ever talk to her again. But I didn’t want to seem controlling. And I knew to some extent that if he still had feelings for her it would come out one way or another. Maybe he had to go see her, to get some sort of closure. But I knew there was a risk in this, a risk that their affection would be rekindled and that Darren would fall back under her spell just like he had in college. Jessica was the skinny, pretty girl. The natural choice. I didn’t want to seem like some controlling, jealous girlfriend, but I also didn’t want to lose Darren.
“Well, if you want to go see her, it’s fine with me,” I said.
“Really?” asked Darren.
“Yes, really. I understand you two had a past together. You probably have things you need to say.”
“Yeah…” said Darren, trailing off. “So, you’re actually ok with this?”
“Of course, no prob,” I said. I was trying to make myself seem nonchalant, as if I didn’t care at all. But I did. I cared so much. I was afraid of losing Darren, but I didn’t want to hold him back. I wanted him to choose me for me. I knew I was taking a risk, but it was a risk I had to take. It was the only way I could know for sure he really wanted me.
Long story short, Darren called Jessica. I could hear them talking on the phone from the
other room, as I tried my best to focus on TV and ignore their conversation. But how could I ignore it? They were making plans for dinner, and whatever they talked about at dinner threatened to ruin all the plans I’d subconsciously been building for a future with Darren’s. But maybe I was to blame, maybe I wasn’t warranted in thinking of this relationship as long term. Dammit, I thought. Why now? Why did she have to come back into his life just when things were finally getting off the ground in our relationship together?
They made plans to go out the following Friday night to a local steakhouse. Since it was Friday, I’d be working late at the shop anyways. There was no conflict; I wouldn’t be home waiting for him, waiting to hear how the dinner had gone. I’d be busy, I’d be pre-occupied. Sure, I’d be thinking about what was happening between them, but at the very least I’d be somewhat distracted by my work. Dammit, I hated this. Why couldn’t I just tell him how I felt? Why couldn’t I just tell Darren I didn’t want him to see Jessica?
So that Friday morning I went to the shop, feeling depressed and hopeless, worrying about what might happen between Darren and Jessica later that night, hoping that the dinner was just a formality, a way for Darren to get closure and finally leave Jessica in the past where she belonged.
CHAPTER 27
———
January 25, 2014
Dear Paul,
I’m only writing you to find out when you might be coming home. I’m going to marry her. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but it’s true. For the longest time, I never thought I’d find anyone I wanted to marry; I never thought I’d find anyone I cared about this much. But it’s finally happening.
I’m going to do it later tonight. I’d ask you to wish me luck, but by the time you received this letter she’ll already have given her answer. I can’t tell you how happy I am. I’m absolutely through the roof. She’s the one. You best make it back here for the wedding, brother.
Semper Fi,
Sgt. Darren Henderson
CHAPTER 28
———
When I came home that night I was feeling damn near hopeless. It had been a horrendous day at the shop. We’d done a lot of business, but there had been a number of problems here and there. And of course I was the only one who could sort them out.
To top it off, I hadn’t received a single text from Darren. The entire night I’d expected to at least hear something from him, some sign, some indication that he had closed things off with Jessica for good. I kept checking my phone, thinking I’d felt it vibrate in my pocket. But there was nothing. Darren hadn’t said one word since we’d talked over breakfast this morning.
I pulled my car into my parking space and walked the weary steps up to my apartment. Should I text him? I wanted to, but I also didn’t want to come off as needy. Why the hell hadn’t he said anything all day? It was so unlike him to do that. Didn’t he know how much I had riding on this dinner? Did he have any idea how much I’d wanted him to just tell Jessica “no”, to tell her that he was done with her and didn’t ever want to see her again?
I placed my key into the keyhole and unlocked my apartment, wearily pushing the door open into the darkened hallway. I could see that the light was on in the kitchen and I kicked myself for not turning it off when I’d left that morning.
I walked into the kitchen and tossed my purse on the counter, only to find Darren hovering over the stove.
“Lauren,” he said with a rich smile. “You’re finally back.”
He came over to greet me, giving me a deep, passionate kiss. But I was reluctant, confused by the scene I saw before me.
“What is this?” I asked.
“Dinner. I made you dinner, babe.”
I was shocked. Well, more confused than shocked. What did this mean? What had happened to his date with Jessica?
“I thought you were going to dinner with Jessica tonight.”
“I did. I’m back.”
CHAPTER 29
———
~ Darren ~
Lauren was working late tonight. I knew I’d be able to get back in time to carry out my plan. She’d be at work for the next few hours, and in all honesty, this dinner with Jessica should be quick. I mean, if I’m telling the truth here, I never planned on having dinner with her anyway.
I sat down at the table and ordered a Coors Light. Funny, right? I guess that was my idea of a joke. Here I was in this fancy steakhouse that didn’t even serve beer, and I ordered a Coors Light. The waiter did his best to hide his appalled expression, but I guess he just didn’t get me joke.
“I guess I’ll have a glass of scotch,” I said. “Johnnie Walker Black, two fingers neat.”
I sat back at the table and waited for my drink, and also for Jessica. I’d make this short and sweet. There was very little I had to say to this girl. I just needed five minutes to make it clear that anything that had ever happened between us was long in the past. The waiter brought my glass of scotch. I took a deep sip, enjoying the rich, smoky bite. And then I waited.
I was halfway through my drink when Jessica finally showed up, wearing a skimpy dress, doing everything she could to gain my attention. Now that I was finally back, she wanted to express her interest.
“Darren,” she said sexily. “Long time no see.”
She reached out and touched my arm, but I didn’t let her phase me. I took another deep sip of my drink and didn’t say a word.
“So how long are you back?” she asked, breaking the silence.
“I’m out. I’m done. Going to start civilian life. Maybe FBI,” I said, keeping my tone polite, but my words short and reserved.
“Well, that sounds fitting,” she said, giving me a broad smile, doing all she could to get some sort of affectionate response out of me.
“Yes, I think so.”
I didn’t smile. I was giving her nothing.
The waiter came by and I waited as Jessica ordered a glass of wine. She’d definitely need it for what I had to say next. In the meantime, I’d just make casual conversation.
When she finally had a glass in front of her, she turned to me, reaching out to touch my hand.
“Darren, I think it’s time we talked about us,” she said, smiling warmly, but with a touch of seriousness.
“How are we going to do that?” I asked.
“What? What are you talking about?”
“There is no us. I said. There’s a me, and a you, but there’s no us,” I said.
“Oh, Darren. How about we let bygones be bygones? All that messy business is in the past. That guy didn’t mean anything. You’re really not going to let that get in the way of what we had, right?”
She was smiling brightly again, doing her best to use her charm to her advantage. But tonight I wasn’t in the least bit receptive.
“Jessica, I’m going to be upfront with you. I literally want nothing to do with you. Honestly, I was astonished you’d be bold enough to leave a message at Lauren’s phone number. I was pissed off when she told me. The fact that you’d try to ruin what she and I have going, it makes me angrier than I can tell you.”
“Darren, you can’t be serious. Listen, you were away. I needed someone. It was nothing beyond that. Now that you’re finally home I don’t see why you’d turn your back on this relationship. You can’t deny what we had.”
“I can’t? I’ll be honest. Even before you broke up with me, I wasn’t sure about things. In fact, I’d already made up my mind to end it when I came home. But I’m a man, I wanted to do it in person, not through a letter. I wanted to tell you to your face, because I thought you deserved that much. Instead, I get a letter telling me you were leaving me. A letter telling me you were leaving me while I was at war. That’s reprehensible. And even though that hurt me, I thought that at the very least it was over and that I could move on without any complications. And now you come back? Get out of here. You aren’t worth another second of my time.”
I downed the rest of my scotch and got up, pulling a hundred dollar bi
ll out of my wallet and tossing it on the table.
“Here. Have dinner on me. Call a friend, I don’t care. Just don’t ever contact me again.”
Then I turned my back on her, walking out of her life forever. I finally had closure. That part of my life was over. Now I could truly begin my life with Lauren without any reservations, without any second guessing. As I turned the ignition in my truck I laughed, realizing how lucky I was. I sat there for a moment, listening to the hum of the engine. I was home; finally I was home. And I realized now that home was inseparable from a life with Lauren.
CHAPTER 30
———
“Darren, I don’t understand,” I said softly, slightly confused.
“It’s over. I told her it’s over.”
“Is it?” I asked, hopeful, but skeptical at the same time.
“Yes. No question.”
Darren wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into his chest. Then he lifted my face to his and gave me a long wet kiss. Then I suddenly I heard a loud beeping noise. The fire alarm was going off.
“Fuck!” yelled Darren, letting me go as he hustled back to the stove.
Smoke was rising from the stove top. Darren grabbed the pan and moved it onto an unused burner.
“You’re cooking?” I asked incredulously.
“Yes, trying to at least.”
“Huh, I thought you only made grilled cheese,” I said, giving him a playful nudge. “Are those steaks?”
“Yes. I had this whole big thing planned out.”
“So, I guess we’re having them well-done then,” I laughed.
“Ah, yes. Dammit. My apologies.”
“It’s fine, I said. Here, let me make a béarnaise sauce real quick.”
Waiting for Her Soldier Page 8
