by Bry Ann
Shattered
Bry Ann
Copyright © 2018 by Bry Ann
All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
Contents
Music For Shattered
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Pre-Order Accepted & Rebuilt:
AUTHOR NOTE
Books By Bry Ann:
Thank You
There’s so much I want to say here, but it will have wait until the end of the book. I’ll say what I can.
To the Pamela’s of the world.
To the people the world forgot.
To people who’d do anything for love.
There are people out there fighting for you.
Music For Shattered
“You Haven’t Seen the Last of Me”- Cher
“Bound to You”- Christina Aguilera
Prologue
Sage
“Sage! Sage!” she laughed. “Wait up!”
My best friend’s hair seemed to glow under the sun as we hiked up the hill by our house.
When we got to the top, we each took a seat, wrapping our lanky arms around our legs.
“So how are you, Sage? I’ve missed you.”
“Things still suck at home, but it doesn’t matter.” I grin over at her, cheeks reddening. “I think I met someone.”
“Wait, what?!” Amy gasps. “Who? Tell me everything!”
“I don’t want to talk about it. It may jinx it or something. I think he really loves me. He… he brought me a necklace.”
I dig into my shirt to find the shimmery gold chain, tugging it out so it lays flat on top of my green V-neck.
“Sage! That’s beautiful!”
She grabs the chain immediately, and starts to fiddle with it.
“Is that a diamond?!”
“Yes,” I giggle. “Can you believe he’d buy this for me?”
She frowns. “Sage, how old is this guy?”
I immediately frown and yank the chain away, twisting to my side.
“None of your business!”
Her teeth slide over her lower lip. A telltale sign something is making her uncomfortable.
“Sage, hun, be careful, okay? You’re fourteen. If he’s over, like, sixteen, it’s a little sketchy.”
I jump to my feet. “Of course! Cause I’m not lovable to anyone cool! Just ‘cause my parents don’t love me, Amy, doesn’t mean a cool college guy can’t.”
Amy stands, matching me. “We are at-risk-youth, missy. Statistics say children who don’t get enough love at home are more at risk for… well, I don’t really know what, but they say bad things happen to kids like us.”
Amy’s a research nerd, determined to better her circumstances. I’m just trying to make do with what I have. I’m not abused or hurt, like her. My parents just don’t love me. That’s all.
I roll my eyes. “Well, I’ll take my chances. Sty loves me and none of your books or psych websites are going to scare me out of accepting it, Amy. I deserve to be loved!”
“Yes…” Amy mumbles, chewing more frantically on her lower lip.
I storm off, unfortunately not letting her concerned gaze sink into my memory.
I should have known.
I should have.
I’m a smart girl. I’m not supposed to be a statistic.
Unfortunately, this mistake would leave me shattered.
Chapter One
Two Years Later
Empty. That’s all I feel right now. Empty and used.
I turn to my side and curl up in a ball on top of the dingy sheets at Sty’s apartment. The sound of him buckling his pants makes me want to vomit, but all that comes out is a new wave of silent tears.
“Baaaabe,” he drawls. “You need to stop crying.”
He tries to sound casual, but there’s a sternness to his voice that has me stiffening and forcing my tears back.
That hurt.
No one tells you how badly losing your virginity hurts. Especially when you’re not sure you want to give it going in. How could I say no, though? He lets me stay with him when my parents’ neglect becomes too much. He feeds me, houses and loves me when I need tenderness, buys me nice things. So he wanted sex? My virginity. It’s a big deal, but compared to all he’s done for me, I mean, I couldn’t say no, right?
But gosh, he wasn’t gentle like he usually is. He wasn’t gentle like I hoped. There was no pleasure like every girl dreams when they envision losing their virginity to someone they love. And I love Sty, I do. But he hurt me. He didn’t pleasure me. He used my body and then was done, and that was it. Now my virginity’s gone and I’m just here, mindlessly pushing myself off the bed, tears stained to my cheeks.
“Come here, baby.”
I waddle over to Sty’s arms, desperate for his love, his attention, knowing when I get home, I’ll have to pretend everything’s fine. Or maybe not. They won’t care. They never care. I do everything I can to get their attention, always subtle because I don’t want them mad, but no matter what I do, the most I get is a blank stare. So, I guess it doesn’t matter if I come home crying or not. They won’t ask.
Sty’s arms wrap around me, his dark skin wrinkled and scarred from his prior lifestyle. I don’t know what it was, but that’s what he said when I asked about the scarred knuckles and bits of marred skin.
“You need to calm down. You love me, right?”
“Yes,” I whimper, holding him tighter, trying to swallow how completely disgusting I feel right now.
“If you love me, you’d be happy about what we just shared.”
“I do, I do. I am! Sty, please, I’m sorry!”
He pulls me back by my shoulders, eyes dark and displeased, sending jolts of desperation and fear deep into my gut. He can’t leave me. I love him. I need him. I’ve come to rely on him for love and affection. I just didn’t know how little I’d like affection of the physical sort. Something must be wrong with me.
“I’ll let this go.”
He runs his fingers through my uniquely colored black-green hair, practically making me purr at the tenderness.
“But next time, show me you love me or I’ll start to question it. Understood?”
“I will!” I plead, ignoring the fluids stuck to my thighs, the nausea and shame swirling in my gut. “I promise! Next time, I’ll be better.”
He releases my hair and gives my cheek one affectionless pat, before heading for the door.
“Good girl, Sage, babe.” He opens the door. He’s never not driven me home. My heart sinks. Drops right out from under me.
“Now go home. We’ll meet up tomorrow at the cafe. ‘Til then.”
I’m no longer welcome. That hurts. It hurts!
“I’m sorry,
Sty,” I sob as I leave.
His look tells me it all. Do better next time.
No matter how bad and shameful I feel right now, I will do better. Cause he loves me. I have to be better and give him what he wants, like he gives me what I want. It’s only fair. It’s only right. That’s what people in love do.
I walk inside my house, huddled in my big black sweatshirt, trying to hide the evidence of my tears, reddened skin, and welling shame that I’m sure is pouring off me. We are all about appearances in the Briar-Rose household.
“Smile, Sage,” Dad hissed at a business dinner we were all forced to attend on a birthday no remembered or cared about.
“Sage, don’t make a scene!” Mom snapped when I refused to wear my pajamas in front of an uncle that had touched me one too many times. Made one too many ignored, inappropriate advances.
Smile.
Smile.
Smile.
But forget love, right? Forget that. I’m a doll. I’m their doll.
“Sage!” Dad’s cold tone rings out in the darkened kitchen. I leap back as he flips the light on. He assesses me once with no warmth.
“You walked home? What did I say about that? What if someone sees you?”
I squeeze my coat in tighter. He can’t know what I did. His eyes home in on my tears, but of course, he doesn’t care about their origin.
“I’m sorry. I-I... my ride bailed.”
“Then you call one of ours,” he responds immediately.
Fuck you, Dad. “I’m sorry. Can I go?”
“Don’t do it again. Yes, and get yourself cleaned up. Jesus. You look like a whore.”
Those words land way too hard after what just happened. I sprint from the room, through the darkened halls, past the staff eyeing my disoriented state, to my room. I quietly shut the door, as expected, but as my own silent rebellion, I kick it once for good measure.
“Sage, miss,” a voice calls outside my door.
“Go away, Jerald.”
“I have your Kindle,” he whispers through the door.
I scream and run for the door, throwing it open. Jerald doesn’t judge me for my attire. He doesn’t judge the scratches on my skin or the tears on my cheeks. Jerald’s the best.
He hands me the small black device that means everything to me. It was taken after I failed to properly greet some asshole I’d previously witnessed cheating on his wife. I didn’t give him a piece of my mind like I wanted to, I simply didn’t ask how he was.
That small infraction. No Kindle. No sanity.
Once the device is in my hands, Jerald’s aging, wise eyes study me.
“You okay, miss?”
I look over my shoulder. When I find the hall empty, I quietly shut the door again. As soon as it’s closed, I jump into Jerald’s arms and start sobbing on his shoulder. I don’t say anything, I just cry. Simply because I know he won’t push me away, but that’s all there is. He doesn’t wrap an arm around me. He doesn’t offer me words of comfort. He simply stands there because it’s his job to do that. Amy and I have long since lost contact. Sty doesn’t like her. He doesn’t think she’s good for me, and that thought from the man I love slowly tore us apart. It’s okay. She’s in the honors club, getting scholarships already, doing her thing. I don’t need scholarships. My whole financial life is in the bag.
Too bad I hate it all.
When my tears start to slow, Jerald lightly pushes me back, tapping my Kindle.
“Hide it.”
“I will, promise.”
I cross my hands over my heart, sniffling in a show of good faith.
“Good night, Miss Sage.”
“Good night, Jerald.”
I’d give anything for someone to give me a good night kiss. To hug me. To tell me they love me before I go to sleep.
It’s then that I wipe my tears.
I do want to be touched. I want to be loved. Sty loves me and I love him. I disappointed him tonight, but I can do better. He asks for one thing from me, and as bad as I feel right now, that wasn’t nearly as bad as all the lonely nights I’ve spent in this house.
I can do better.
For love.
Chapter Two
Three Months Later
“Sage baby, come here.”
I quickly throw my shirt over my head and run into the other room.
“Yes?” I whisper, head ducked. Our love is still strong, but since sex, I admit I am a little more intimidated by Sty and the physical power he has over me. Not only does he have my heart, but he can easily control my body as well. I didn’t realize how powerful he was until sex. He can hold me down easily. Wrap his fingers around my throat, easily stopping all movement and protest. But other than sex, our relationship is strong. He spoils me rotten. Not in stupid material things, although yeah, he buys me very nice things. But what I’m referring to is how generous he is with his words and gentle caresses.
“I love you, Sage.”
“I love you, Sty.”
His fingers gently graze my arm before he wraps me in a hug. That’s a regular thing here. Gentle, tender love.
I snap back to the present.
“I want you to move in with me, baby. I miss you when you’re gone. I don’t see you enough.”
My eyes widen. “Wh-wh-what? Move in? What about my parents?”
He moves in close to me, making my heart twist with anticipation. His hands gently come to my sides.
“Babe, they don’t love you like I do.”
I flatten my palm on his slightly protruding stomach. “I know that, Sty,” I whisper.
“Then leave. Come here.” He squeezes me tighter in a subtle show of possession.
“I can’t. I really wish I could, but I’m only sixteen.”
“Almost seventeen.”
“Sty… please don’t make this harder than it already is for me.”
He steps back, eyes suddenly cold. “Don’t you love me?”
“Yes! More than anything, but—”
“But what?”
My world spins. How do I make him happy whilst getting him to see reason? Yes, I’m almost seventeen, but right now I’m sixteen. A minor. My parents don’t love me, but I am their prized china doll. They’ll notice if I just go missing. I almost laugh out loud. It’s so ridiculous. I can’t just not show up ever again. I have to admit, the subtle, vengeful side of me thinks that sounds brilliant.
“But Sty, come on! You can’t be serious here. My parents suck, but I can’t just never come back!”
His jaw ticks furiously. He’s pissed. “I didn’t say to do that! Just fucking tell them you’re coming to live with me.”
I pull away slightly. Something in my gut is twisting uncomfortably. “Sty, I can’t. When I’m eighteen, we can talk about this aga—”
Snap! The sound of a palm connecting with my face as my neck swings to the side echoes in the room, rendering me momentarily speechless.
Tears sting my eyes immediately.
“Sty…” I whimper, cupping my tender cheek, “did you just hi… hit me?”
I can almost see the desire he has to roll his eyes, but he doesn’t. He steps forward. I immediately step back.
“Come on, Sage baby, that was an accident. Don’t be like that.”
He grips my arms faster than I can back away and pulls me in close to him. My heart pounds with equal parts love and fear.
“It was an accident, Sage. Don’t be a bitch.”
“I’m not. You slapped me.”
“Spoiled fucking woman,” he mutters as he pulls away from me with darkening eyes. He rounds on me again when he gets to the other side of the room. “Fine. Go home, then, if you don’t want to be here. But come back tomorrow. I have a favor to ask of you.”
With tears dangling on my eyelashes and my arms by my sides, I trudge to the front door.
“Sty?” I whisper when I reach the doorway.
“What, Sage?”
“Are we okay?” Please, please, please.
“I don’t know,” he says honestly. “We’ll see.”
“I’ll make it right.”
“You gonna talk to your parents?” He raises his eyebrows pointedly.
“Sty, I can’t do that,” I whisper.
“Then go home. See you tomorrow.”
I walk out, arms wrapped around my waist.
I’ll come back tomorrow, but why do I get the distinct feeling that I’m meant to live without love?
Forever alone with all the money I could imagine, yet completely unloved.
“Where were you last night, Sage?” Mom asks coolly, sipping her diet matcha maca green tea vegan paleo something or other.
“Out.” I don’t even look at her.
“Care to share where? Am I going to hear about it tomorrow at morning brunch?”
Slurrpppp. I’m gonna shove that damn drink in her face.
“No, Mother.” I stand abruptly, slamming my cup of plain old coffee on the table. “You won’t. I meet my boyfriend behind closed doors!”
With that innuendo, I storm out of the room up to my own, slamming the door behind me. Ahhh! I’m gonna lose my mind. I grab my pillow and throw it across the room. It smashes against the wall when Lucinda walks in, fidgeting anxiously.
“Uhhh, miss?”
“What do you want, Lucinda?” I sigh, feeling the rage boiling inside me, but unable to express it.
