‘I don’t.’ Her voice was firm, her gaze steady as she opened her eyes and looked at him. She didn’t want there to be any mistake about what she was saying, didn’t intend for there to be room for recriminations later. Daniel wanted to make love to her and it was what she wanted too. Maybe there would be regrets at some point—who knew? But at this moment it was what she wanted. Needed. Desperately.
He closed his eyes, almost as though the moment was too intense to bear, and maybe it was. This was a big step for both of them and it would be foolish to pretend that it didn’t mean anything. When he held out his hand, she took it and let him lead her to the bed. Kissing her softly on the mouth, he eased her down onto the quilt then straightened. Stripping off his sweater and jeans, he tossed them onto the floor and lay down beside her, drawing her into his arms so that she could feel the heat of his skin seeping into her flesh. His body was hard and firm, its shape and feel so new and so different; there was so much to discover.
Ellie let her fingertips graze over the well-developed pectoral muscles, feeling the crispness of hair and the smoothness of the skin beneath. Daniel’s shoulders were broad and her fingers skated along his collar bones until they reached the tips then retraced their route, coming to rest above his heart. She could feel its beat beneath her palm, feel the blood surging, the power of his life-force, and realised that she had never felt this close to anyone before. Right here, at this moment, she could feel his heart pounding, and it was pounding for her.
Her hands moved on, grazing lightly over his rib cage, the firm flat muscles in his abdomen until she came to his hips. He was fully aroused and she took him into her hands, feeling the power, the proof of his need for her. She had never taken the lead when making love before and yet she didn’t hesitate as she stroked and caressed him. This was different from anything she had experienced before. This was Daniel.
‘Eleanor!’ His voice rasped harshly as he cried out her name. Rolling her over onto her back, he kissed her with a passion that made her head swirl. Drawing back, he stared into her eyes and she could feel him trembling with the force of his feelings. ‘I don’t have anything,’ he murmured. ‘Nothing to keep you safe...’
‘It’s all right,’ she said softly, moved almost beyond bearing that he should worry about protecting her at such a moment. ‘I’m still on the Pill.’
He didn’t say anything, simply kissed her with great tenderness as he entered her. Eleanor felt her body open to allow him in, felt it close around him and hold him there. There was no fumbling, no wondering what to do. It was instinctive, as though they had had been created for this very purpose. They climaxed together, shivering, shuddering, and utterly sated as they slid back down to earth. Daniel cupped her cheek in his hand and she could see the wonder in his eyes.
‘I never thought...’ he began then broke off as though he found it impossible to describe his feelings.
‘No,’ she agreed, her voice trembling from the aftermath of what had happened. ‘Neither did I.’
He didn’t say a word as he drew her to him and Ellie felt tears come to her eyes. He understood how she felt, how shocked she was, how moved, because he felt the same way. When he started to caress her again, she immersed herself in the magic they were creating. This time their lovemaking was slow and tender but just as intense. She had never experienced this kind of closeness and rapport. It was a world away from mere desire and touched on realms that scared her. She didn’t want to fall in love with Daniel—she wouldn’t take that risk. She couldn’t bear to have her heart broken again, especially when she knew that it would be so much worse this time.
Ellie bit her lip as euphoria faded and was replaced by fear. If she allowed herself to love Daniel then there would be no holding back, no reservations, no safeguards. She would have to give him her heart and every tiny bit of her being. She would have nothing left if he rejected her.
CHAPTER TWELVE
DANIEL COULD FEEL the shock waves reverberating throughout his entire body. It felt as though he had undergone some kind of traumatic evolution, everything he knew and understood ripped apart and put back together in a different order. Making love to Eleanor had changed him from the man he had been. It was no wonder that he felt so disorientated.
When Eleanor pulled away, he let her go. He needed to get his thoughts together and he couldn’t do that while he held her. He rolled to his feet, feeling sick as he wondered where they went from here. Maybe they had gone into this with their eyes open, but how must she be feeling? he thought as he dragged on his jeans. She was still struggling to come to terms with what had happened with her ex and now to be faced with this!
Guilt rushed through him as he picked up his sweater, guilt about how Eleanor was feeling as well as guilt about what he himself had done. He hadn’t thought about Camille—she hadn’t entered his mind once. However, there was no point pretending that he wasn’t going to feel guilty about betraying her memory when he knew that he would.
‘I’ll make us a drink,’ he said roughly, avoiding looking at Eleanor. Maybe she had been a willing participant but she hadn’t thought through what they were doing any more than he had done.
Daniel took a deep breath and tried to damp down a surge of remorse. Blaming desire for his actions wasn’t acceptable. He should have thought about what he was doing and not allowed himself to be influenced by his needs. The funny thing was that he had never been led by his emotions before, but it was different with Eleanor; he felt more and thought less.
‘The bathroom’s through there if you want a shower,’ he said, trying not to dwell on that thought. ‘I’ll make us some coffee.’
‘Thank you.’
Her voice was low, the uncertainties it held tugging at his heartstrings, but he forced himself to ignore them. After all, people slept together all the time and it didn’t have to make a huge impact on their lives, did it? However, in his heart, he knew that dismissing what they had done wasn’t going to be easy. Like it or not, it was going to have an effect.
His heart was heavy as he made his way downstairs and switched on the kettle. It was pitch-dark outside and all he could see through the kitchen window was his own reflection staring back at him. It was like looking at the face of a stranger. This morning he had known exactly who he was: Daniel Saunders, widower, father, doctor, a man who lived his life the best way he could. Now it felt as though he was someone completely different and he hadn’t a clue who he was any more. It was as though all the certainties that had shaped his life had melted away and there was no framework any more. He could be whoever he wanted but the hard part was deciding who that was.
‘I think I should go.’
Daniel swung round when Eleanor spoke. She was fully dressed and he experienced a rush of regret that he could no longer enjoy looking at her beautiful body but he squashed it. He needed to sort out his head and thoughts like that wouldn’t help him do that. ‘Are you sure you won’t stay and have a cup of coffee?’ he said politely.
‘Thank you, but no.’ She stood up straighter and he could tell that she was steeling herself to continue. ‘About tonight, Daniel, I think it’s best if we forget what happened.’
‘Do you think that’s possible?’ he asked wryly, and she flushed.
‘It won’t be easy, but it’s the sensible thing to do, unless, of course, you’d prefer me to leave the surgery.’
‘No. That’s the last thing I want,’ he said quickly, his heart sinking at the thought. He took a deep breath, struggling to retain his composure. ‘We’re both adults, Eleanor, and we both understand that these things happen. Put it down to an emotional overload after what happened today, but there’s no point us making a song and dance about it. Bluntly, I’d find it very difficult to replace you at this time of the year so I’d appreciate it if you would stay on.’
‘I would prefer not to have to find another position right now too so it’
s fine with me.’ She gave him a quick smile although Daniel was very aware how empty it was. ‘I’ll be happy to stay. Thank you.’
She didn’t say anything else. Daniel followed her into the hall, aware that he had handled things badly. He didn’t want her to think he was dismissing what had happened between them as meaningless but what else could he have done? The fact was that Eleanor had made it clear that she wouldn’t welcome it if he told her just how much tonight had meant to him.
She fetched her coat from the sitting room and went to the door. ‘I hope Nathan makes a speedy recovery,’ she said, glancing back. ‘If you need anything—’
‘Thank you but you did more than enough today,’ he interjected swiftly.
‘I was glad to help.’
Her eyes met his for a moment before she turned round and opened the front door but it was long enough. Daniel’s hands clenched when he saw the pain they held. That she regretted what had happened tonight was obvious. He longed to say something to make it easier for her but the words wouldn’t come. He couldn’t make any declarations or promises, could he? Maybe the boundaries within which he lived his life had altered, but some things were exactly the same. He was still Nathan’s father and now, more than ever, he needed to put him first.
* * *
Ellie was dreading seeing Daniel when she went into work on Monday morning but, in the event, he wasn’t there. It appeared that Nathan had been kept in hospital and Daniel had taken the day off to be with him. Marie sounded concerned as she relayed the news to her.
‘Apparently, Nathan started complaining of a headache then lost consciousness. They did another scan and discovered a bleed on his brain and decided to operate. They phoned Daniel and he went rushing back to the hospital in the early hours of Sunday morning.’
‘Good heavens!’ Ellie exclaimed. ‘Nathan seemed fine when I saw him. There was no indication that something like that would happen.’
‘You were at the hospital!’ Marie exclaimed in surprise.
‘Yes.’ Ellie could feel herself blushing as she recalled what had happened on Saturday night. She had spent the rest of the weekend vacillating between trying to forget it and remembering every single glorious second. She had never imagined that she and Daniel would end up in bed together. That had been a big enough shock; however, the fact that their lovemaking had been so wonderful made it even more alarming. She knew that she couldn’t simply ignore what had happened. She was going to have to live with the memory... If she could.
‘I...erm...I ran into Daniel at the market,’ she said, opting for part of the truth. ‘We got a bit carried away and ended up buying so much food that he invited me back to his for lunch so it wouldn’t get wasted. I was there when the hospital phoned to say Nathan was in A and E and I drove Daniel over there.’
‘I see.’ Marie was obviously agog to hear more and Ellie swiftly moved on.
‘As I said, Nathan seemed fine when we left so it’s a shock to hear what’s happened. But there again head injuries are notoriously difficult to spot.’
‘I suppose so. What time did you and Daniel get back to Beesdale?’ Marie asked, not to be deterred.
‘Oh, not too late. Anyway, how is Nathan doing?’ Ellie said quickly.
‘All right, apparently. Daniel phoned me just after seven this morning to tell me what had happened and that he wouldn’t be at work,’ Marie explained, successfully distracted. ‘He’d already phoned Sandra and asked her to cover for him so she should be here shortly.’ Marie grimaced. ‘No doubt Bernard will have a face on him because he’ll be on his own, but tough. It’s about time he actually did some work!’
Ellie laughed as Marie rolled her eyes. Fortunately, their first patient arrived just then so she was able to make her escape. However, as she went into her room, she made herself take a deep breath. It was time to put what had happened out of her mind and focus on work, although she knew it would be only a temporary reprieve. It would be a long time before she forgot about making love with Daniel.
* * *
Daniel could feel tiredness dragging at him. He hadn’t slept since he had arrived at the hospital in the early hours of Sunday morning. Even though he had been assured that the operation had been a complete success, he had stayed awake, watching over his son. Nathan had been moved to the Critical Care unit, an indication that his status had changed for the worse. Although Daniel knew that he was receiving the best possible care, he wouldn’t relax until Nathan regained consciousness. He had been heavily sedated to give his brain a chance to heal and it could take some time before that happened. Meanwhile, Daniel intended to stay at his bedside. Sandra would cover for him and Eleanor would be there as well.
His heart jolted at the thought of what had gone on in the past forty-eight hours. First Nathan’s accident and then him and Eleanor making love. Maybe the first event had been the catalyst for the second but deep down he knew it would have happened at some point. Ever since they had met, he had felt drawn to Eleanor. He’d only ever felt this way once before, when he had met Camille, but even then it had been different. He and Camille had been so young when they had met and fallen in love. They’d had their whole lives ahead of them and being in love had been wild and exciting. With Eleanor, however, the feeling was different, quieter, deeper, more intense in a way. Was he falling in love with her? He didn’t know. All he knew was that he wanted to be with her and not just in bed either.
Thoughts tumbled around his head. They were intermingled with so many emotions, guilt being the main one. How could he fall in love with Eleanor when it would mean him letting go of Camille? He had sworn to love Camille until his dying day and he would have done so too if he’d had the chance. But would it be right to allow himself to love someone else? Or would it be a rejection of everything he and Camille had had together?
Then there was Nathan; how would he feel about his father loving another woman? The last thing Daniel wanted was to upset Nathan, especially now when his son had this to contend with. He had already let Nathan down by leaving him in the hospital on his own. Oh, maybe he couldn’t have done anything to prevent what had happened but he should have been here, taking care of him, rather than satisfying his own needs. It was something he had no intention of doing again.
He took a deep breath. He and Eleanor could never have a relationship, no matter how much he might want to.
* * *
Ellie was kept extremely busy all morning long. The plus side was that she had no time to brood about what had happened. She had just ushered out her final patient when Marie buzzed to tell her that there was a Dr Margaret Hamilton on the phone, wanting to speak to Daniel, but would she take the call seeing as he wasn’t there.
‘Of course,’ Ellie agreed immediately. She listened carefully as Dr Hamilton introduced herself. It appeared she was a psychotherapist and worked with both private patients as well as those referred to her through NHS channels.
‘I am extremely concerned about a patient who is on your list. Her name is Madeleine Walsh—I don’t know if you’ve been involved in her care, Dr Munroe?’
‘In an indirect way, yes, I have, although she is Dr Saunders’ patient.’ Ellie quickly explained about Nigel Walsh’s visit and heard the other woman sigh.
‘Oh, there’s no doubt that she’s self-harming, or that it’s spiralling out of control. I’ve only seen her the once but it was obvious that she urgently needs counselling. The problem is that she’s failed to attend the last two appointments I set up for her.’ Margaret Hamilton sounded worried. ‘Letters and phone calls have been ignored too, which is why I was hoping that Dr Saunders could have a word with her. Madeleine knows him and he might just be able to make her see how important it is that she gets the help she needs.’
‘I’m sure he would be happy to speak to her,’ Ellie said slowly, hoping that she wasn’t making too many assumptions. Daniel ha
d had his doubts about the situation but now that Dr Hamilton was involved, surely it would allay his concerns? She hurried on. ‘However, his son is in hospital at the moment, which is why he isn’t in today, and I’m not sure when he will be back. I could have a word with Mrs Walsh if you think it would help, although, as I said, I don’t know her personally. I’d hate to do more harm than good by jumping in,’ she added.
‘Hm. That’s a valid point. People who self-harm are reluctant to admit to what they do at the best of times. Madeleine could respond adversely if you confront her and that’s something I want to avoid.’ Dr Hamilton paused, obviously weighing up their options. ‘I think it would be best to wait until Dr Saunders returns.’
Ellie hung up after they had said goodbye. Although she wasn’t happy about the delay, the last thing she wanted was to create more problems for the patient. She brought up Madeleine Walsh’s file and made a note on it to the effect that Dr Hamilton had expressed concern then emailed a copy to Daniel so that he would see it when he returned. When that would be was open to question. It all depended on Nathan and how swiftly he recovered. Or didn’t.
Ellie’s heart contracted. Now that she had met Nathan she felt personally involved. He was Daniel’s son, after all, and she couldn’t bear to think that he might not recover from his injuries. Tears suddenly welled to her eyes. She couldn’t bear to imagine how Daniel would cope if anything happened to the boy.
* * *
Nathan finally regained consciousness at lunchtime the following day. Daniel had been warned that he might have difficulty remembering what had happened and not expect too much. This type of head injury often resulted in memory loss and no one could predict if Nathan would be affected by it. Nathan’s initial response seemed to confirm his worst fears.
‘What’s going on, Dad? What am I doing here?’
‘You had a bit of a bump on Saturday when you were on that field trip,’ Daniel explained carefully. ‘You hit your head so they brought you to the hospital.’
The Boss Who Stole Her Heart Page 12
