by Max Lockwood
“I call bullshit on the new start thing.” She laughed. “Give me a call when that day comes. Until then, I’ll be hanging out here, drinking myself to sleep.”
Matthew sighed. “Your brother is worried about you. To be honest, I’m a little worried about you too. This isn’t healthy.”
“I don’t really care.” She giggled, leaning against the window. “Why don’t you run down there and tell Carl how naughty I’ve been?”
“Maybe I should,” Matthew replied. “Give me the bottle. If you drink the rest, you’re going to be sick. If you die, your brother will murder me. Now, let me have the rest. Don’t I deserve a drink too?”
Pip was hesitant, but she eventually handed over the rest of the bottle. Matthew took a long swig, then he screwed the cap back on. He instantly regretted it the moment his throat and stomach began to burn, but it did take the edge off.
“I’m going to let you stay here for a little while if you promise to behave yourself,” Matthew said. “I’m doing this so you have the chance to sober up a little before you face your brother and your friends. I think there are better ways for you to deal with your problems than alcohol, but what do I know? Promise me you won’t choke on your vomit or pass out and hit your head on something.”
She gave him a tight smile, almost a grimace. “You’re adorable,” she said. “You act like I’ve never been here before.”
Matthew got to his feet, his brain feeling a little lighter than it had when he got to the ninth floor. However, his buzz was tainted by the weight of learning Pip’s secret.
“What should I tell your brother if he asks what you’re doing?” he shouted before entering the stairwell.
“Well, you can tell him something risqué enough that he’ll never ask you again.”
Matthew blinked. “Come on. You’re asking for me to get punched in the face.”
“Fine. Tell him that I got bored of walking around and fell asleep. He thinks I’m a lazy bum, so that will fit the narrative.”
“Whatever,” Matthew replied, ready to relay the lie to Pip’s protective brother.
If he had a sister like Pip, Matthew was sure that he would have set her straight a long time ago. But he didn’t have any family. He wished Pip knew how lucky she was to have someone who loved her as much as Carl loved her. Matthew had no one besides a bunch of strangers who just so happened to live under the same roof without killing each other yet. But if that wasn’t family, Matthew didn’t know what was.
21
On his way back down to the conference room, Matthew wedged the vodka bottle in the railing. It was possible that Pip would spot it and carry on with her boozing, but Matthew didn’t care. While her behavior was reckless, he didn’t feel comfortable telling her what to do. He would give the best advice he could offer, but he couldn’t forbid the girl from seeking out her vices as long as it didn’t directly involve anyone else.
While being evaluated at the VA upon his return to the United States, Matthew was lectured on all the different ways war veterans handled their stress. Drugs and alcohol were always at the top of the list. Matthew had even met some who couldn’t go a day without a substance in their body. Luckily, he wasn’t really into the hard stuff before he’d entered the military, and he didn’t have the community to introduce him to those kinds of things.
Once, during his first deployment, he tried chewing tobacco after another soldier extolled the virtues of the dried plant. Wanting to fit in, he stuffed a tiny pouch under his bottom lip and tried not to vomit. Brown juice dribbled from his lips, making it almost impossible not to retch. When he managed to play along until he could rinse the rest of the tobacco out of his mouth, he decided that particular habit wasn’t for him. He sucked down caffeine supplements and even smoked a few cigarettes during mentally strenuous jobs, but at the end of the day, he was the kind of guy who would rather cook an elaborate meal to quiet his mind.
That didn’t mean that the thought of a bottle of whisky at the end of a hard day wasn’t always at the back of his mind. Matthew understood how good it felt to have a few drinks under his belt. At times, it helped him forget he was ever worried about something and made it easier to be social. But he was aware that it could turn into a problem too easily, so he saved his drinks for dinner with his wife.
Matthew understood why Pip was so keen to hide the liquor from the others, but he still didn’t think it was right. The building was secure, but that didn’t mean they were completely out of the woods. While Pip was good with an axe, she would be useless if she couldn’t even stand without tipping over.
When he returned to the conference room, he tried to casually take his place at the table as if everything was fine. Carl immediately locked eyes with him, causing Matthew to blank on the rehearsed speech he was going to give the group upon his return.
“What did she say?” Carl asked, his voice deep and intense.
Matthew blinked. “Uh, she was just on one of the upper floors, walking around like she said she would. I think she’s a little upset, but she said she was fine. I don’t think she’s in any danger. Maybe we should give her a little time to reflect upon her feelings.”
Carl squinted his eyes at Matthew, as if he were staring into his soul. Matthew had never been good at lying. Even though he was only concealing a small part of the truth, he felt transparent.
“Will you come with me?” Carl sighed. “I have some follow-up questions that I want to ask in private. I don’t want Pip’s private life to be up for discussion in a group setting.”
“Sure,” Matthew said. As he got up, the others listed off the things they were going to do before standing up from the table and scattering. Sally and Ellie were going to have a Bible study while Sally nursed her baby, Jennifer was checking out Genevieve’s leg while Lucas translated, and Sergio was going to double-check the doors and windows.
Matthew followed Carl into a separate office, leaving the door open. Carl sat down on a couch and Matthew sat in the desk chair opposite him. Carl twiddled his fingers nervously before finally opening his mouth to speak.
“Look, I knew you were lying the second you walked in the door. I don’t hold it against you either. I know that Pip’s a difficult, and oftentimes manipulative, person. But now that we’ve cleared the air, I want you to tell me everything. You were gone for too long not to have any information.”
Matthew sighed. He hated being caught in a lie. Not only was he embarrassed for getting caught, but also, he would surely lose Carl’s trust.
“I’m sorry,” he replied. “I didn’t know what to do. She wasn’t in serious danger, so I wanted to give her the opportunity to calm down and do the right thing. I didn’t want to cause a rift where there didn’t need to be one. It just felt like it wasn’t my business to intervene.”
“Hey, I get it,” Carl said, holding up his hands. “Honestly, I probably put you in an awkward situation by asking you to go up there. I was worried.”
Matthew nodded. “I think that’s well within your right.”
Carl bowed his head into his hands and rubbed his face with his palms. “Tell me what happened.”
Matthew recalled the story from the moment he saw Pip from across the hall to the moment he returned to the group. He gave every detail he could remember, including the quantity of booze she drank and every snide comment she threw at him. When he was finished, he sat back in his chair, feeling like a snitch. When she found out that he’d spilled the beans—and she would—she would be furious. This was the kind of conflict that Matthew never wanted to be involved in. He wished he had never agreed to the simple task of checking on the girl. If he’d known what he was getting himself into, he would have nominated someone else for the job.
“That’s what I was afraid of,” Carl said wearily. “Thanks for telling me the truth. I know that it couldn’t have been easy to cross Pip like that.”
“She’s a bit imposing, isn’t she?” Matthew said.
“She is,” Carl admitted. “She
’s had a rough life. I guess we’ve shared a lot of the same hardships, but I’ve never considered myself to have a hard life. I’ve never really understood why. I guess I was always better equipped to handle these things.”
“Maybe it’s because she’s younger,” Matthew suggested.
“I think that’s part of it. Our parents died in a car accident when she was still pretty young. I was nearly finished with high school, so I was more or less an adult. Our grandparents acted as our guardians and handled all the bills and paperwork that go along with adulthood. Because Pip was in the accident with them, she was naturally coddled. But once she grew up, she didn’t know what to do with herself.”
“I had no idea,” Matthew said, feeling mortified.
“It’s not something we like to talk about,” he said flatly. “Unfortunately, our grandparents were older and couldn’t take care of us forever. Once Pip was of age, they moved from our family home to the nursing home. Pip stayed in our old house for a while until she couldn’t afford to keep the lights on and pay the taxes. We sold it and I let her have over half of their estate. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to keep us comfortable for a while.”
Matthew shook his head in pity. He had pegged Pip as a spoiled college kid who didn’t understand real pain. Now, he felt horrible for ever thinking she was handling her problems immaturely.
“I tried my best with her. I was still pretty young myself, and I had no idea what I was doing. I knew that I was going to join the army like the bulk of my family. Each generation above me had at least three people in the military. My parents couldn’t wait until I could enlist and join the family business. Pip had always been a rebel, so they didn’t really count on her to take part in the tradition. I knew that if I wanted to respect my late parents’ wishes, I would enlist when the time was right. Because Pip was still trying to find herself, I enrolled in college and joined the ROTC program. I was deployed immediately after graduation and had to leave Pip behind.”
“They couldn’t have granted you some sort of leave to take care of her?” Matthew asked.
“I’m sure I could have worked something out,” Carl said sheepishly, “but I thought that my absence might be good for her. I thought that if I weren’t constantly nagging her to do things, she would be responsible. That didn’t really happen. I had to float her a bunch of my money so she could survive. She never went to college and she quit or was fired from a new job every month or so. Besides rent, she spends the rest of our money on partying. She goes to bars or invites people over to drink more often than not. I had to start lying to her about my financial situation so she wouldn’t keep asking me for cash.”
Matthew raised his eyebrows. For the first time ever, it made him thankful that he didn’t have siblings. Pip sounded like a nightmare to deal with, especially when Carl seemed so normal and level-headed.
“That’s got to put a lot of strain on a relationship,” Matthew noted.
“You’re telling me,” Carl scoffed. “I love my sister more than anything. She’s my whole life. But, I just don’t know how to get through to her. I was even thinking about sending her to rehab, but she had been doing well at her current job and I didn’t want to mess that up for her. But at the same time, I didn’t want to push her to do anything, because she wasn’t happy with me for leaving her all alone. I still feel guilty about that.”
“But you had to do what was best for you,” Matthew interrupted.
“I know.” He sighed. He sat still for a moment, fiddling with the stitching on the couch. Then, he chuckled to himself.
“What?” Matthew asked, curious as to what he could possibly find funny.
“Nothing. I was just thinking about how everything had gotten so messed up in our lives. I went through some stuff during my deployment. Sergio and I had a good friend who was killed in action. To help him get over her, I thought it would be good to have Pip write to him. I was so proud of myself because I thought they were becoming friends and they were helping each other with their issues. Come to find out, all of this talking has led to feelings for each other. They were crushing on each other before we even made it home. Now, I worry they’re canoodling when I’m not around. Sergio swears that they’re not like that, but I don’t believe it. I suppose that was my fault, though. I’m the one who set them up together.”
“Oh,” Matthew said. “Maybe he’ll be good for her. He seems responsible.”
“Compared to Pip, definitely. I just don’t think he’s particularly emotionally stable himself. He’s also one to run from his problems. I guess I’ve never had a choice but to just deal with them. I had to support Pip when our parents died and I had to support Sergio when our friend, Reagan, died.”
“And there was no one there to support you?” Matthew asked. He had seen this scenario play out a bunch of times.
“It’s not really like that,” Carl said, shaking his head. “I’ve been able to handle tragedy pretty well. I do a lot of caretaking, but there are others out there to support me. My extended family and friends did the most they could do with the resources they had when my parents were killed. The army also helped us get the resources we needed after Reagan was killed. I talked to a therapist a couple of times and it seemed to help. I don’t know why, but I’m just naturally equipped to handle these things. Others aren’t.”
“Like Pip?”
“Exactly,” Carl replied. “No one really took the time to address the problems that stemmed from the accident in the first place. People had good intentions, but that mostly came in the form of giving her things in hopes that it would make her feel better. Cupcakes and movies and magazines distracted her for a little while, but it didn’t keep her from having nightmares. Every time she got into a car for at least a year, she felt like she was going to die. She didn’t really talk about it because no one felt comfortable dealing with it. When she got to high school and was introduced to alcohol, she started going to parties because she finally felt normal when she had a few drinks.”
“That’s awful,” Matthew said.
“I know. Even if my grandparents tried to ground her after catching wind that she was out drinking, she’d sneak it into her room and get plastered after they fell asleep. She’d even climb out the window to go to parties. By the time she graduated and moved out, there was nothing anyone could do for her. However, I do give Jennifer a lot of credit for watching out for Pip. She still drinks, but she’s not nearly as self-destructive as she once was. If she acts out, at least Jennifer is there to keep an eye on her. Jennifer even helped Pip get her waitressing job and stays on her ass to make sure she shows up for all of her shifts. I can’t thank her enough.”
Carl smiled at his hands. Matthew got the idea that his feelings for Jennifer didn’t stop at gratitude.
“But now, with all the added stress of a zombie apocalypse, I knew it was only a matter of time before Pip cracked. I don’t think she’s been completely sober for more than a few weeks since she started drinking. I’m sure she’s been stealing sips here and there, but when she was super-secretive and protective over the haul, I knew that she had something in her bag a little more powerful than sugary snacks. I know it helps her relax, but it’s not healthy. That’s part of the reason I had Lucas tell you to hide the narcotics. As far as I know, Pip’s only dabbled in drugs, but I really couldn’t handle anything more serious than binge drinking. I hate to think of it in these terms, but she would become a huge liability to us all.”
Matthew nodded. “That’s what I tried to tell her. I know it’s not my place, but I told her how dangerous it could be to be that wasted when there are zombies everywhere.”
“No, you’re right about that. I’m sure she ignored you, right?”
“It seemed that way.”
“I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to get through to her.”
“Why don’t you tell her that you’re worried about her? Maybe you can give her a little tough love. Set her straight, you know?”
/> “Not Pip.” He smiled. “She’s a fighter and stubborn as hell. I’m not sure if she’ll listen to anything I have to say. Maybe she’d listen to Sergio, though.”
“It’s probably worth a shot,” Matthew said. “She’s on the ninth floor. I assume she’ll be up there for a while. I took the bottle, but it’s going to take a while for her to sober up.”
“I’ll think about it,” he said, standing up from his chair. “Thanks again for checking up on her. I’ll go have a word with Sergio and then I’ll head to the couches and go to bed. It’s been a long day and I’m ready to sleep.”
“No problem,” Matthew said. “Goodnight.”
Matthew stayed in the chair and waited a few minutes before exiting the small office. It was mildly amusing that he was suddenly the one to go to for advice, a role he had never taken on in his life. He wondered if these skills were inside him all along or if the need for peacemakers in their little society was so necessary that he just so happened to fit the bill. Either way, he felt like he was a different person than he was when the epidemic began.
22
After an awkward evening, Matthew was all too eager to go to bed. When he returned to the lounge, he realized that everyone was spread out all over the place. Pip hadn’t returned from the ninth floor yet, and Matthew didn’t expect her to until morning. Carl and Sergio ended up walking around the bottom floor for a while before crashing in the ground-floor break room. Sally found a couch on the fourth floor to take refuge so her crying baby wouldn’t disturb the others. Matthew found a spot on the couch and drifted off in a few minutes.
His sleep was filled with bad dreams, but he managed to sleep through them without being startled awake. While disturbing, they were nothing out of the ordinary. He dreamed that he was floating a few stories above the street in an invisible bubble. Underneath, a whole pack of zombies groaned and screeched as he watched from his vantage point in the sky. It was unnerving to watch, but not necessarily scary. After all, he was safe.
