“Long enough to know that you aren’t resting like you should be. And we know you didn’t come home the other night, like Jimmy told Nanette you would.”
It was pretty clear to me that Carey hadn’t bothered to enlist her husband’s help in making Whoopie pies, as I’d suggested. That girl was wound tighter than a top, as she now stood in front of the newly built fireplace wagging her finger at me.
“Are you crazy? What’s this really about? I’m a grown woman. I can come home late if I want to.” I didn’t think now was a good time to tease her with the joke I’d thought of about sleeping with Jimmy.
“It’s not my mental state that’s in question,” Carey said.
“Are you calling me crazy?”
“I didn’t actually say crazy.”
“You didn’t have to!”
Carey arched her eyebrows and shot a look toward Nanette, who cast reluctant eyes at Rory, who shot a disheartening glance at River, who sadly looked at me. But nobody else was brave enough to say anything yet. After several beats of my angry heart, Carey, naturally, was the one to unleash their terrible idea into the room and it rose up before me like the Howler Momma thought she’d exercised from our woods.
“What’s this about?” A sense of foreboding encircled me like a spell.
“Joy?” She said it like a question, her voice soft and sickly reassuring. “We all,” she nervously motioned towards the others, and I knew I was outnumbered this time. “We four agree that it would help if you saw a psychologist.”
“How ridiculous. I’m not doing that. You go do that.”
“What?”
“You think I need to go see a psychologist, because I stayed out all night? What’s wrong with you?”
“Well,” Carey said. “It’s not just about that night. You have to admit. It’s out of character for you. Just like lots of things, like your stories about your coma, and—and—”
“Like dying and coming back to life? And what, hearing what people say?”
“Yes.”
“Hearing people say things like, you all saying you should unplug me in the hospital, if I didn’t get better? And planning my funeral?”
Carey walked slowly to the table. Sat. The looks on the others’ faces were priceless.
“How did you know about that?” She looked around the room. “Who told her?”
“Nobody told me, Carey. I heard you say it.”
“But that was in the hospital, when you were—”
I didn’t say anything, just stared at her as the truth registered.
“Oh gosh,” River said. “We were never going to do that Joy.” Everyone joined River’s protests, except Carey, who sat completely still.
For a second or two, I thought I’d reached her, but when she stood up to her full five-foot-two inches, five-foot-six when you had the height of her Aqua Net hair, I knew the moment had passed and she was back to being the self-righteous bossy Carey.
“But you tried to kill yourself, Joy. Don’t you think at least talking to a psychologist would help?”
“Carey,” I said. “Have I made any comments since I woke up about ending my life?”
“No, but that doesn’t mean you haven’t thought of it.”
“What is wrong with you? Have you been watching The Donahue Show again?”
She didn’t say anything. My brothers and sisters stared at her.
“Oh my God. You have. What was it, an episode on depression or suicide? Both?”
Carey shook her head. “It just sounded like your situation.”
“Right,” River said. “Because everything about Joy’s situation is so common.”
I laughed. Couldn’t help it. “Well, this is ridiculous.” I plopped down in a chair. “And I’ll have all of you know once and for all that I didn’t try to kill myself.”
Blank stares. They still thought that part was true.
“Listen, y’all. I think it’s time everyone stopped judging. You know I’m not crazy any more than you’re crazy.”
“I never said crazy, Joy.” Carey stared at the table. “I wasn’t suggesting the looney bin, only a psychologist.”
“Well, I’m not talking to one. I don’t need it. I think this tornado and the chimney, the charms being dislodged, has all made us a little batty.”
“I agree.” Nanette.
“And what we need is cake,” I said. I walked to the fridge and took out a five layer, three-berry cake with cream cheese frosting that I have to admit looked just like a cloud on top.
“Cake can’t solve everything,” Carey said.
“Why not?” My brothers echoed me.
Carey didn’t answer, just plunged a fork in her cake without saying anything.
“What about Momma? Should she have seen a psychologist?”
“Of course not.” Rory.
“Well, maybe.” River.
“That’s not nice!” Nanette.
“Momma making calming teas and chocolates isn’t the same as throwing yourself off the roof.” Carey looked tired and unsure of herself.
“So you are saying I’m nuts?”
“Not exactly nuts, but not normal, not lately.”
“Carey, honey.” I struggled to be calm. “What makes me abnormal? That I believe in miracles? That my heart stopped and started again? That something happened back in that coma that I can’t explain?” I paused, thinking about the miracles I had seen lately. “Or that the chimney took what I was looking for and made it disappear?”
Oh my word. It’s gone.
I smiled, in spite of the anger that’d been rising in my chest just moments ago.
The tornado saved me.
“Joy,” Nanette said. “Are you ok?”
Miracles.
I looked up, still smiling.
“Miracles,” I said.
River shrugged. “What are you talking about now, Joy?”
“All of it. Miracles. Isn’t that what our family has always believed in? Well, I don’t need to see a psychologist just because I believe in miracles.”
River stood up and announced he was going to the shop. “I have work to do.” Rory followed.
Nanette stood to go next. “Come on, Carey. We have to open the beauty shop.” To my surprise, Carey followed Nanette, then paused.
“The mayor said you were coming home after we couldn’t find you. Where did you go anyway?”
My straws were all gone.
“Not that it’s any of your business, but, I was sleeping with Jimmy Cornsilk all night . . . in the church balcony.” It gave me a huge amount of satisfaction to get her goat, and technically I wasn’t lying.
“You slept with someone?” Nanette sounded interested.
“With Jimmy?” Carey made it sound like I’d danced with the devil.
“Yes,” I said. “Imagine that. Me! Having a life, Carey.”
Nanette grabbed my arm. “Is he a good kisser?
“Nanette!” Now, Carey wagged her finger at Nanette.
“Yes, he’s a great kisser.”
“So what about Doc? You’re seeing them both?”
The question caught me unawares. I wasn’t sure, but she took my silence as a yes.
“That makes you a slut.”
The insult slapped me stupid, so I slapped her back, but for real, just like we were on a soap opera, and I didn’t feel bad about it. She rubbed her cheek, but to her credit didn’t retaliate. She just looked sad, which took all the glory out of it for me. How does she do that?
The screen door slapped shut and we all looked to see who it was.
“That will be enough of this.” The words echoed through the house like the voice of God, and I guess they sort of were. It was Reverend Wilson. “Now, Joy. We have a meeting. Can I give you a ride?”
I didn’t know what meeting he was talking about, but I wasn’t about to say no.
“What do you think your Momma would’ve thought about this, girls?”
Carey shrugged, tears pooling in her eyes. One thing I knew
for sure was that Reverend Wilson’s opinion mattered as much to Carey as God’s.
“I’m sorry.” She bowed her head. “I was just trying to help.”
“Reverend, what meeting do we have?”
“No meeting,” He said, his head bobbing along with the car as we bounced down the gravel road a little faster than I would expect for a preacher. “I just stopped by for some more cake, and it sounded like you needed an escape.”
“Thank you. It got a little out of hand.”
“Joy?”
“Yes?”
“Did you and Jim really, um, spend the evening in the balcony?” I felt my face turn red as a beet, but I couldn’t lie.
“Yes,” I said. “But it wasn’t like that. I just wanted Carey to know I don’t have to follow her rules.”
Am I really talking about this with a preacher? Oh my word.
“We kissed, but we didn’t . . . well, we wouldn’t have . . . not there. I’m so sorry if it sounded like that’s what happened.” I wished I’d never said it out loud now. “Please don’t fire him. He’s a good man. It’s complicated, but . . .”
“Why would I fire him?”
I shrugged. How humiliating.
“I’m not going to fire that boy.”
I looked over to see him smiling. Smiling! Can you imagine a reverend smiling when he found out two people spent the evening together in the church?
“In fact, I’m going to give Jimmy a pat on the back, and say, ‘It’s about time.’”
Chapter Twenty-one
‡
After the psychologist discussion I started taking more of my life into my own hands, instead of being at the mercy of the meddling ones of my sisters and brothers. Some might say that a small-town, old maid like me would be lucky to have one option after so many years of being by myself, but it turned out, I had a choice. Not long after, I sat at my kitchen table with Doc. He’d stopped by early in the evening just to check on me. He did that a lot, and I honestly looked forward to his visits.
We’d talked for hours as usual, and now it was midnight. We were talking about The Tulip House for Girls and about how my grumpy friend Thelma sat in her wheel chair and slowly talked the mayor into giving one hundred dollars of his own money.
“Lots of folks are stepping into help,” I said. “The mayor has been especially helpful.” Since the night we spent in the church, Jimmy hadn’t said another word about the kiss. It hurt me a little, but I tried to believe it was for the best. Maybe he really had been asleep and couldn’t remember it, but obviously, Jimmy didn’t want to face that past with me, and he certainly didn’t want a future with me as more than a friend.
“Like everyone else,” Doc said. “He probably cares about seeing you succeed. Cornsilk’s been talking about The Tulip House for Girls to everyone, urging people to give their own money to help you out.”
That he would enlist others to support Tulip House was a surprise. My heart warmed to think he cared that much, at least for the cause.
“In fact, Cornsilk talks about you a lot around town.” I saw the question in Doc’s eyes, but refused to answer.
News to me.
“Is that so?”
“It’s so,” Doc said. “In fact, he was just bragging at coffee this morning about your lasagna. Said you served it at one of your fundraisers a few days ago. I’m sorry I wasn’t there to help you this time, Joy.”
“It’s okay.” I thought it was sweet for him to think he needed to be at something so common as a lasagna supper, just to be supportive. “You were busy saving lives, no doubt.” I reached out and squeezed his arm. “Much to Carey’s and Thelma’s surprise, we made three hundred dollars. You did miss some darn good lasagna.”
“So, Cornsilk also mentioned you two went to school together.” Now that comment was out of the ordinary. Why were we still talking about Jimmy? I studied his face. He didn’t seem to be prying, just making conversation, but I wondered.
“The mayor was older than me, but yes, we were friends once upon a time.”
Once upon a fairytale. One with a very sad ending.
Since the fairytale kiss in the church balcony, I’d seen a lot more of Jimmy, but he was careful to keep his distance. He probably couldn’t remember the kiss, and if he did, he might’ve decided it was a mistake. For all I know, I’m a bad kisser. It’s not like I have anything to compare it to, after all. I looked at Doc, wondering what it would be like to kiss him.
“Pretty good friends, according to him,” Doc said. I blushed at the thought of explaining just how close. “Were you two an item?”
I blinked. I’d had this crush on Doc ever since he’d first peeked into my eyes during my coma. I’d enjoyed Ruthie’s romantic ideas about his “liking” me, but since he’d never made any kind of move on me, I’d come to the realization that Doc and I were only friends, and it was okay with me, because not only was he a little young as far as our age difference, but I could use a friend like Doc more than I needed a boyfriend. I had already decided that if he wanted to be friends, then I’d take it, but seeing the worried look in his eyes as he plied me with questions about Jimmy, I wondered if I was wrong.
Could Doc like me?
“We were friends a long time ago,” I said. “He’s a widow now, with grown kids. You know how it is. You can be friends with boys in school, but when they grow up, you change to being friends with their wives, or not at all. His wife and I were never close.” I would have never been close with the woman who got pregnant with my boyfriend’s baby.
He chuckled. “I have to admit that, God rest her soul, I was never crazy about Fern either. I knew her when we were kids.”
“You knew Fern?”
“Her and Cornsilk both.” Well, that was a surprise.
“Cornsilk’s mom and my parents were friends. My mom was always trying to help her since Cornsilk’s dad was a first class jerk before he left, but I guess you knew that part, since you were friends. You knew about his dad’s disappearance.”
“I did,” I said, hoping he didn’t notice the shudder that moved through my body at the mention of Jimmy’s dad.
“Fern was way ahead of me in school, but I remember that she dropped out when she was in 11th grade,” he explained. “Because she was—”
“Pregnant.”
Doc’s eyes formed that question again, and then a realization. “And then she married Cornsilk.”
“Yep.” I scooted away from Doc.
“The whole thing about his marrying Fern never made sense to me,” Doc said. I wanted him to stop talking, but I also wanted to hear about it from his perspective. “Cornsilk had always had this secret girlfriend that he wouldn’t tell any of us about. Said she was younger than him and he was just waiting for her to get out of high school, so they could get married.”
I found a spot on the table to stare at, hoping the sound of my heart beating wasn’t as loud in the kitchen as it was in my ears. I never knew Jimmy told anyone about a mystery girlfriend. Was that me?
“Maybe Fern was the mystery girl.”
“No,” Doc said. “The mystery girl was a pale princess. ‘Sweet as honey and more beautiful than roses.’ We made fun of him for it, of course, but I think we all secretly wanted this mystery girl for ourselves.”
It was me.
That did it. My heart burst open. I looked at Doc. He’d noticed, and I saw the full realization of the situation spread across his face.
“You’re her, aren’t you?” I turned my chin away, so that Doc couldn’t see, but he’s no dummy. He placed his hand over mine, but I pulled it away, stood to refill the coffee, my eyes misting over at the revelation of all I’d really lost back then. Doc would never understand that it was more than losing a boyfriend. I lost everything. And in some ways, so had Jimmy.
“Why didn’t you tell me you used to date the mayor, Joy?”
I composed myself and stirred a spoon of sugar into my coffee before looking at Doc.
“He never tol
d me Fern was pregnant,” I said. “I found out when Reverend Wilson announced it at church.”
“What an idiot,” Doc said. “How could anyone do something like that . . . to you?”
I didn’t correct him, didn’t defend Jimmy. I remembered how days and days would pass before I would hear from him, and eventually, I stopped hearing from him at all.
“From what I remember,” Doc said, “Cornsilk was wild and Fern was looking to be wild, too. That’s when she got pregnant with Jimmy’s baby and well, you know the rest.”
“They had two more kids and were married for over twenty-five years,” I said.
Doc reached across the table and took my hand.
“Wow. I never guessed you were the one he was so in love with, the pale princess.” He smiled. “I always wondered why, if she were so great, he would get together with Fern. Now, I really think he was stupid.”
I made my face go blank. “It was a long time ago.”
“But he visits you. I guess you’ve made up and are friends now, right?” He looked hopeful and I knew that he didn’t just want to be my friend. If I’d known that fact a couple of hours sooner, I might have donned Momma’s old wedding dress and rode away with him on his motorcycle. Now sad memories of Jimmy clouded my mind. Darn it, fate.
“Yes. We’re friends now.” I feigned a yawn. “It’s almost 1:00 am.”
“I should go.”
I grasped his hand. “Thanks.”
Doc’s amber eyes captured mine. Everything he’d told me about Jimmy made my heart ache. His fingers were warm around my own, safe.
“Joy,” he whispered. “I would never hurt you that way.”
For a minute I thought of Jimmy’s kiss in the church balcony, but listening to Doc talk about Jimmy and Fern, I knew I was stupid to have ever put too much meaning on that one kiss. He’d given her his last name, a house, and children. He’d led a whole entire life without me. How stupid, and wrong, was I to hang on to him?
Doc ran his thumb across the top of my hand, sending pulses through my lonely, aching body.
You’ve been such an idiot, Joy.
“Do you still want me to leave, Joy?”
“No,” I breathed, nervous about his touch, knowing it was my grief that made me cling to his hands, but not wanting to let go either. I could use a friend.
Waking Up Joy Page 14
